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Blonde in a boat.
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and
noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with
no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the
rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give
us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
Le Parfumerie y le
Blonde
One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle
of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come
to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come
to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
Blonde
Pooltable
A blonde is like a pooltable, put a dollar in and she'll rack your balls.
Brunette Meets
Genie
A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it
and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything
you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world
have two."
The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have
two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half
to death with it."
Blonde and
Dictionary
A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest
words they knew. The brunette's word was quizzical. The redhead's word was
photosynthesis. The blonde's word was dick.
Three Girls Go
Camping
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The
blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her
toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and
ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She
said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these
two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
Deer Tracks
Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of
tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
Blonde - Elmo
Factory
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the
newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the
manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The
blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the
money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory
floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs
to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing two
marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two
testicles!''
Blonde License
Why was the blonde mad when she got her drivers license back?
Because she got an ''F'' in Sex.
Blonde
Driving
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got
pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so
recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in
front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
Blonde...Foreplay
What do blondes do for foreplay ?
Remove their underwear.
Tank Girl
How do you stop a blonde tank?
Shoot the people pushing it!
Blonde and
the Bottle Cap
Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''
Death Row in
Women's Prison
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and
one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks
if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready!
Aim…"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any
last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the
executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner
shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
Blonde in Your
Fridge
Q: How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge?
A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.
Not Going To Try
This Again
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or
prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs
into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde
begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the
side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its
slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the
horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in
the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her
head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart
greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
Blonderrific Hair!
Why did the blonde run out of shampoo?
She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat
Blonde Puzzle
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in
only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
Blonde Half-Wit
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted
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