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Answering machine message 01
Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing
work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I
wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...
Answering machine message
02
How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the
instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this...
YOW!
Answering machine message 03
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and
on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in,
leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I
pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another
long answering machine message when you call me...
Answering machine message 04
Owner is a hard-to-reach person: Yes, I finally got an answering
machine. (To Handel's Messiah:) Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! All-e-lu-ia!
Please leave a message at the tone.
Answering machine message 05
Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn'
have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call
until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I
shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a
lot.
Answering machine message 06
You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale
in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure
it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not
work.
Answering machine message 07
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down
to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
Answering machine message 08
C'mon... you can do it... just a little one. That's the way... just a
little beep, just a little one. C'mon... good boy... here we go... like this --
beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon... There you go!
Answering machine message 09
Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you
beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!
Answering machine message 10
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not
the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE
Answering machine message 11
Computer style monotone: Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering
machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium processor to assure that nothing can
go wrong... Gowrong... Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEP
Answering machine message 12
Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
Answering machine message 13
Hi. This is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to
suggestions.
Answering machine message 14
Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but
the phone is.
Answering machine message 15
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
these magnets.
Answering machine message 16
Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the
shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)
Answering machine message 17
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a
broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't
even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message
Answering machine message 18
Machine voice: Hello. This is HAL 5. You have reached the former
telephone number of Carey Smith. I have taken over the functions of this
inferior being. He has been saved to disk. If you would like to leave input for
his file, do so at the tone.
Answering machine message 19
(MacIntosh Plus with MacIntalk program:) Hello, it's obvious you have
bad timing, because nobody is home. Please leave your name, telephone number,
and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned
as soon as humanly possible.
Answering machine message 20
Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not
programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get
back to you as soon as possible.
Answering machine message 21
Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed.
I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is
answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and
number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery
sounding.
Answering machine message 22
Voice 1: Answer the phone, please, Hal.
Voice 2: I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.
Answering machine message 23
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture
taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get
back to you.
Answering machine message 24
Computer generated voices:
1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!
1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up! If you like, you can leave your
name and telephone number...
2: ...and a message! You forgot about the message!
1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear
the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.
2: ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!
Answering machine message 25
1: I didn't expect an answering machine.
2: Nobody expects an answering machine.
1: Our chief use is to get your name. And your phone number.
2: Our two chief uses are to get your name and your phone number.
1: Oops! And your message message.
2: Our three uses are to get your name, phone number, and message.
1: And time you called.
2: Oh, great, we'll have to start over.
1: No time for that, so just wait for the beep.
Answering machine message 26
You have reached the Business Automation voicemail system. We used to
call it an answering machine, but this is a high-tech world and we're in a
high-tech business, so we don't call it that any more. We wouldn't even if we
could. So leave your message...
Answering machine message 27
Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra": Thinking you were making
an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING
MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we
can.
Answering machine message 28
Rod Serling imitation: You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world
without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a
signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have
reached, "The Twilight Phone".
Answering machine message 29
Thank you for calling 217-2962. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1
on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch
tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now.
All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off
anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
Answering machine message 30
Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our
previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Very fast: Hi, this
is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you
want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your
name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just
a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and
message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press
star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP
Answering machine message 31
Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our
previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Double speed: Insert
standard long-winded message here.
Answering machine message 32
Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to
collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and
hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable
donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your
message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
Answering machine message 33
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name
and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt,
please leave your message before the tone.
Answering machine message 34
If you are calling for John, press 1. If you are calling for Steve,
press 1. If you are calling for John OR Steve, press 1. If you are calling for
someone else, press 1. If...
Answering machine message 35
After a power outage: Hi, this is Ralph. The good news is that my
power is back on. The bad news for you is, so is my answering machine. So, leave
a message.
Answering machine message 36
Start, low pitch, slow: Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre
evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy... Middle, normal: ...home of Veronica, Jaw-Chyi,
Mark, and Mike. Nobody's home... Later, high pitch, fast: ...liketoleaveamessageafterthetonethen...
End, incomprehensible chipmunk gibberish: ...kkfjdkeirucjkljfklreudjfkleqBEEP
Answering machine message 37
This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your
call.
Answering machine message 38
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are
able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone
number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.
Answering machine message 39
Hello. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone number
of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council of
the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist Republics,
Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia,
First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet Institute of
Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the Soviet People's Council of
Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin B Squash Team. But hey, call me
Mike.
Answering machine message 40
Richard Nixon voice: Hi... Uh, some people say I sound like Richard
Nixon... I BEG your pardon! Uh... Everyone's out right now, so I'm uh...
Covering up for them. Please leave your name, number and message promptly at the
beep... I don't want to get blamed for any gaps on this tape. OK machine, you
can beep now... Come on you, BEEP.