Your mama's so fat, that when she was breast feeding you at Yellowstone National Park, people thought it was old faithful.
Your mama's so fat, that when she posed for Playboy, they gave her Playmate of the month. That way she got an eight page foldout, the only way they could fit her in the magazine.
Your mama's so fat, I can use her thong as a hammock when I go on a picnic.
Your mama's so fat, she gets horny while watching the Cooking Channel.
Your mama's so fat, she uses a hoola-hoop as an earing.
Your mama's so nasty, she put a scarecrow on her shoe to scare the birds away from her corns.
Your mama's so nasty, she has to take a bath in saltwater to keep the crabs alive.
Your mama's so stupid, that when she saw the "Under 18 not admitted sign" she ran and got 17 friends.
Your mama's so poor, that when she goes to a BBQ house she licks the BBQ-sauce off of other people's fingers.
Q: How is your mom like a gumball machine?
A: 25 cents a blow
Q: How is your mom like a hardware store?
A: ten cents a screw
Your mama's so hairy, that when she went to a hair salon she dropped her pants and told the stylist to startcutting.
Your mama's so nasty, her foot was on the cover of Wheaties saying, "The breakfast of champions," because cornflakes originate from the corns on her feet.