| July 29, 2004 - I watched porn and looked at nude statues |
| Dear Friends, I simply must tell you all about my Scandinavian porn and nude statue watching adventure. One morning in Copenhagen I had the TV on while I was shaving before going out. I don't remember what was on, because I just had it on for background noise. I didn't return to my room until after midnight and because I was a little drunk, I turned on the TV rather than trying to go to sleep right away. Imagine my surprise when I saw that a full-blown, hardcore porn movie was in process! Apparently it had to do with three porn actresses who have dinner together to discuss their latest films. For some reason they were talking in Swedish instead of Danish, but I couldn't understand everything they were saying. Anyway, after the first actress talked about her film, they showed it. Then they moved to the second actress, etc. etc. etc. In one scene one of the actresses had her legs bent back so far behind her head that her knees were touching the floor! She must have been double-jointed. There was some dialogue in these little "vignettes", but I couldn't hear it. Due to all the moaning and shrieks from faked orgasms, I had turned the TV way down low so as not to disturb the neighbors. Believe me, Dear Friends, I saw positions I wouldn't have thought possible outside of a circus freak show! So after 2 hours of watching all that, I finally turned off the TV and went to sleep. The next day, the hotel proprieter told me that Danish TV shows free porn movies after midnight every night. How progressive! Now my nude statue adventure was hardly as titillating, but still interesting. In Oslo I went to the Munch Museum to look at Edvard Munch's paintings. He was the one who painted that famous picture called "The Scream"; which, by the way, accurately captures the way I've been feeling lately. Another artist on exhibit was Gustav Vigeland, who was a member of a society called "The Young Bohemians", as was Munch. According to the one of the placards The Young Bohemians society consisted of a downward spiral of alcoholism, sexually transmitted diseases, and suicide. Several of Vigeland's sketches depicted men and women in various positions of intercourse accompanied by a note from Vigeland in which he said a man should grow in a woman "like a tree". Well, I discovered that right outside of Oslo is a huge park chock full of statues that Vigeland had made. These guys I met asked me if I would be interested in seeing it, so we all hopped on a tram together and went out there. It truly is amazing. There's a long causeway lined with nude statues of naked men and women, some standing alone, some intertwined with one another. Others are of nude men grappling with one another and of naked babies trying to wrestle a nude man to the ground. I must say Vigeland had a fascination for big breastesses and dingdingdongs. And there are others which are panels depicting various things, such as a horse kicking babies in all directions. And, of course, the most famous statue is The Angry Baby, which is about 2 feet tall and depicts a naked baby throwing a temper tantrum. One of my new-found Norwegian friends said that some conference recently wanted to use The Angry Baby on the cover of its pamphlet, but Oslo's Muslim community got upset and threw a protest. Why does that not surprise me? Perhaps they should just issue us all a list of what doesn't upset them; it would be much easier. So you cross over this causeway up a hill to a platform surrounded with, yes you guessed it, more naked statuary. And there in the middle of it is this rounded type of obelisk thing covered with more naked imagery. Now though it may seem like I'm making fun of it, I'm really not. The whole park was really quite impressive and if you're ever in Oslo, you should go see it. Now, Dear Friends, my visit to Oslo happened to coincide with Oslo's Gay Pride festivities. Every where I went I saw signs proclaiming the advent of a "Homo Circus", whatever that is. Unfortunately, I didn't bother trying to find out where it was, but I did see the Pride parade. I was in a bar when someone came rushing in yelling "The parade is coming! The parade is coming!" So I went outside to see what was going on. First a truck went by carrying about 8 real women, not drag queens, all shaking their bodacious ta-ta's to some heavy Eurotrash. Because of their exuberance I thought to myself, "Wow! I bet this parade is going to be fantastic!" Well, my dears, three floats and 15 minutes later, it was over. I turned to someone and said, "Is that it?" And he said, "Oslo is a very small city." Well, I never! Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |