| December 10, 2005 - My ass is beaten over spinach |
| Dear Friends, have you ever had the shit beaten out of you? I don't mean as an adult, but as a child...where you were in real danger of having bones broken or even killed. Let me tell you the story of spinach. When JOHNNYLEEN was seven he lived near a little girl named Joan. One day JOHNNYLEEN said, "I want to go over to Joan's house." And JOHNNYLEEN's parents said, "OK, but don't eat anything over there 'cause it'll ruin your supper." So JOHNNYLEEN went over to Joan's house and played and played and played. Then Joan's mother came out and said, "JOHNNYLEEN, we're about to have supper. Don't you want to stay and eat with us?" And JOHNNYLEEN said, "Oh, no, Joan's Mother, I can't. My mom is making supper and I was told not to ruin my appetite." And Joan's mother said, "Oh, that's OK. But you have to try my spinach. You like spinach, don't you?" And JOHNNYLEEN answered truthfully that he did, indeed, like spinach. And Joan's mother said, "JOHNNYLEEN, I make the best spinach. I'm sure a little bit won't ruin your supper." And JOHNNYLEEN answered, "Oh, I can't. I was told not to eat anything over here. I'll get in trouble." "Oh, JOHNNYLEEN, I'm sure your parents won't mind. It's spinach." And JOHNNYLEEN, not wishing to be rude, said, "Well, OK." And Joan's mother gave him a bowl of delicious spinach. Well, dear Friends, JOHNNYLEEN went home and was promptly asked by his father, "Did you eat anything at Joan's house?" And JOHNNYLEEN, always believing his parents had some sort of crystal ball, said, "Yes, I had a bowl of spinach." "Weren't you told not to eat anything?" "I told Joan's mom I couldn't, but she kept saying I had to try it." Well, dear Friends, out came the belt and I was thrashed into a moaning heap on the floor. I was between a rock and a hard place, wasn't I? I could have either kept refusing Joan's mom's offer and be considered rude or I could get the shit beat out of me....how was a poor JOHNNYLEEN to win? You know, it just occurred to me as I'm writing this that maybe Joan's mother called my parents and explained to them that I had eaten spinach at her house and not to be mad at me. That then means I was in a kind of double jeopardy. By admitting the truth, I got a beating. If I had lied, my father could have said, "Joan's mom called and said you ate there" and I would still have got a beating. Now, mind you, this is conjecture; I don't know that Joan's mom called. All I know is that I got the hell beaten out of me for basically nothing. However, that's the story of JOHNNYLEEN's childhood. Nothing I could do pleased anyone. I promised one of my faithful readers the story of liver pudding that I mentioned in my last posting. I also plan to write about the game of Concentration where I ended up covered with bruises from a beating (at 5 years old, but I remember it well), and the bicycle lesson where the neighborhood children were so appalled at my father's treatment of me that they begged to take me off of his hands (between 6 and 7), and the swimming lessons where drowning was considered the best way to learn (age 7), and having the shit beat out of me while being accused of my mother's nervous breakdown (age 13), and having the crap beat out of me for not having my homework done and then being forced to sit with my back to the TV and do my homework while my favorite show was on (age 10). And lest I make my father out to be the sole villain, other relatives had choice things to say to me like "You don't have the sense God gave an idiot", and "You don't have the sense to come in out of the rain", and "To your mother you're a non-entity. Do you know what that means? It means you're not even a person to her", and, referring to a burn my sister received when she knocked a hot chicken pot pie in her own lap, "What the hell are you doing? Why are you putting that plate so close to the edge of the table? She's already burned herself once...so what's going on here? I bet she didn't burn herself at all. You probably pushed that chicken pot pie in her lap yourself. It wouldn't surprise me one bit." Let me say this quite simply, Dear Friends, JOHNNYLEEN forgives, but JOHNNYLEEN never forgets. Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |