| January 24, 2003 - The bum who pinched my bum |
| Dear Friends, on my way to work today I was trying to think of what I could write for your pleasure. My week has been pretty much one of going to hateful ol' work, stopping off at Ye Olde Watering Hole on the way home, and then hitting the sack. So rather than write about this less than fantabulous routine, I thought you might enjoy one of my tales of life in the Big City. When JOHNNYLEEN first moved from the Souf' to the Big City, he was thrilled with all that a metropolis has to offer. My motto at that time was spend, spend, spend and party, party, party, although I really didn't have a lot of moolah at the time because I was a starving student. Anyway, the Big City was just full of restaurants and museums and theaters and bars, blah, blah, blah. But for many months I was blissfully unaware of the darker side that my new-found Oz had; namely, the panhandlers. Now before you accuse JOHNNYLEEN of being insensitive, let me just say that I'm not a lout. However, after you hear my story you may understand why I'm a little careful around street people. It was a beautiful sunny day and two friends of mine had suggested that we go out for pizza at a pizza parlor that was highly recommended. Of course JOHNNYLEEN was all for that since he always found every excuse possible to avoid schoolwork. As we were traipsing happily down a busy street, a drunken bum suddenly lurched towards us and said to me, "You have the cutest little butt. I just wanna pinch it." And sure enough, he grabbed a big ol' chunk of fanny flesh. Now JOHNNYLEEN, being totally unaccustomed to being pinched by acquaintances much less by strangers, took off down the street like the proverbial bat out of hell. I dashed up to the pizza parlor only to discover that there was a line out the door. I yelled, "Please let me cut in line! A drunken bum is chasing me! Please, please, please!" And they all moved to let me in, just like the Red Sea parting for Moses. Now so many years have passed that I don't remember if he actually was chasing me or not. But after a few minutes my friends sauntered up, laughing their fool heads off at the whole thing. I was mighty ticked off, I can tell you, because I didn't see anything funny about the situation at all, plus the pinching actually hurt. However, now that I'm older and less idealistic, I do find it funny; otherwise I would never post the story for your amusement. If you've read my entries where I've talked about odd people I've encountered, then you can view this story as the very beginning of the attraction I seem to hold for them. Although in this instance I think it was my rear end that held the attraction rather than my scintillating personality. I'm actually beginning to be convinced that there's a conspiracy afoot for strange people to approach me. "Need a quarter? Let's ask JOHNNYLEEN!" "About to have a bowel movement? Let's announce it to JOHNNYLEEN!" "Wanna have sex in an alley? JOHNNYLEEN looks like he'll go along with it!" Lordie! Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |