| January 13, 2004 - My Fantabulous New Year |
| Dear Friends, can I just tell you that I had a fantabulous New Year in the Bustling Metropolis? Well, it was. As you recall, I went to visit my friend, Carla, who has a habit of attracting Slavic transsexuals. Anyway, I visited her and her sister, Moira, in the Bustling Metropolis and bustling it was. They gave a party with plenty of life-giving gin and champagne and everyone there was so friendly. We all also got a bit sloshed to the point that JOHNNYLEEN had a gin and tonic kicked all over him! "How," you may ask, "did that happen?" Well, I'll tell you. Carla had set her drink on the floor when one of the revellers came rushing in from the balcony and kicked the glass (accidentally) like trying for a field goal. The glass flew slightly up in the air while its contents went even higher and drenched JOHNNYLEEN's left arm and trouser leg. Luckily, I wasn't wearing my cotton candy pants or they would have melted on the spot and I would have been embarrassed! Well, no harm done, I just mopped myself up a bit, helped clean the floor a little, and returned to my own tasty libation which I guarded with my life lest anyone drop-kick it across the room. The next day I went for a smart little brunch at a nearby restaurant while waiting for Carla and Moira to recover. I was so hungry, I ate two entrees! Can you believe that? Of course, when you're full like that nothing will do but to have many mimosas and several beers. So by the time I went back to Carla and Moira's, I was a little tipsy-wa-dipsy. So as I headed back, I met them coming out of their apartment door and we went right back to the very restaurant I had just left and partook of more. Now, their apartment building is really, really weird in an Edvard Munch kind of way. On top of the building is a statue of Lenin and a clock whose numbers don't run in any particular order. So it runs like 4, 7, 8, 10, 1, 9, etc. So you can't tell the time by looking at it. The lobby and elevators are totally surreal. The lobby has an Aztec-looking archway with grillwork carved like salamanders, toads, and various other amphibians. In one elevator is a sheet of plexiglass behind which an artist has placed cutouts of fish. It looks pretty good, but on closer inspection you realize that some of the fish are wearing glasses or have human heads. The other elevator has plexiglass with cutouts of monstrous insects with human heads or hands. And on the ceiling of that elevator is a silver sheet made to look like a river with statues of hippotamuses glued upside down to it. Some of the hippopotamuses had broken off and had been taped back on with blue packing tape, so that kind of ruined the effect. Anyway, it was a hoot in a handbasket, as we say down Souf'. So I was very sad to leave and come back to the hummy-drum-drum of life in the Big City. I hate to say it, but while I was in the Bustling Metropolis, I felt way fantabulouser than I ever do in the Big City. So I may just have to visit the Bustling Metropolis more often that I do. You'll be glad to know that I haven't been to Ye Olde Watering Hole since January 3, so that helps mitigate the feeling of fantabulosity-loss. And suddenly I've become a big fan of "Spongebob Squarepants" and that helps, too. Yea, verily. Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |