Many many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.
***
Dear Abby,
I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburbs of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully off the heroin. Abby, my problem is this: I love my fianc�e and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her...
"Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Gore?"
Signed, Worried About My Reputation
***
This letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your male friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of this list, and add your name to the bottom. When your turn comes, you will receive 16,255 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the time of writing this, a friend of mine had already received 384 women, 4 of whom were worth keeping!
Remember - this chain brings luck. One man's cat died, and the next day he received a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. You can be lucky too, so DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN! It could be disastrous! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back.
