Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.
***
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog were sitting
in a doggiebar when a beautiful female Collie walked in.
She said, "whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a sentence, I am yours."
The Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."
"That isn't good enough," replied the Collie.
"The Bulldog says, I hate liver and cheese."
"That wasn't creative enough," replied the Collie.
The Chihuahua says, "Liver alone.....Cheese mine."
***
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic-anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand and it did not melt!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
> ~
They were M&M's, of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking, anyway?)
***
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back.
He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small world."
***
This boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy???!!!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor."
"At this time of the night no one will show up."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowjob . . . I know you like it too."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
"Baby . . . don't be like that."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with hair a mess, rubbing her eyes and says ..."Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come down and blow the guy himself, but for God's Sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
