There once was a religious young woman who went to confession.
Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said,
"Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said,
"Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
***
Q: What's the definition of a vagina?
A: It's the box a penis comes in.
***
A gay couple is driving along one afternoon, and while stopped at a stop sign, they are rear ended by a big semi. Furiously, the guy in the passenger side throws his purse on the seat, gets out of the car, goes back to the truck and starts banging on the door.
The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy, standing there with his hands on his hips, says, "I'm gonna sue your ass, Buddy!"
The truck driver, laughs and says, "Blow me!"
The gay guy stands there for a second, then his eyes get really big and his face lights up. He runs back to the car, and says excitedly to his lover,
"You won't believe this, he wants to settle out of court!"
***
Old" is when...
...your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
....your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
....the porn you bring home is "Debby Does Dialysis."
....a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
....you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
....going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
....you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
....when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
....when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
...."getting a little action" means "I don't need to take any fiber today".
...."getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
.... an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.
Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?
