THE CREATION OF PUSSY
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a carpenter, strong and bold,
using a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Second was a butcher, endowed with wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Then came a tailor, tall and thin,
with a piece of red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
using a piece of fur, he lined it without.
Then came a fisherman, nasty as Hell,
he threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Next was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Finally, a sailor, the dirty little runt,
he fucked it and sucked it and called it a cunt.
***
A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he was pretty weird). The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. Upset, she asks where he's been.
The man replies "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU GODDAMN LIAR!!! You've been playing golf again, haven't you!?"
***
Q: Why is Bill Clinton so reluctant to decide the fate of Elian Gonzalez?
A: Because the last time he made a decision about where to put a Cuban, he got impeached.
***
This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
"The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor?""What's wrong?"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that?"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the... er... features of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a penis... AND a brain?"
***
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "DeNephew."
