A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing.
The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.
"Your organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."
Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
***
Q: A man went to bed with two women, how many were in the bed the next morning?
A: Thirty little piggies, three asses, six calves, a countless number of hares , two beavers, and one dead cock.
***
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
***
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said"
***
A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During he celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn.
He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me. "
The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.
***
"Inflating Breasts"
This is a true story. My family was all together recently, just hanging around at Mom and Dad's. My sister was browsing through an almanac and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which she then read aloud; "Did you know that a woman's breasts increase in size by 25% during sex?"
My bother-in-law, a notorious joker, shot back, "So, how come yours don't?"
My father, from behind his newspaper and without even a pause, replied, "You're not pumping hard enough."
