Since this happened I have never been able to close my eyes without seeing John laying on the hospital stretcher or laying in his casket and that is a memory I don't deserve. I have to wonder if anyone has any idea of the trauma and pain that has been caused. The most difficult thing I ever had to do was to tell John's brother James and sisters Terrina and Taya, that he was dead, as well as other family members. Then we had to make my baby's funeral arrangements, decide on what clothes to bury John in, who to be Pall Bearers and what music to be  played. We could hardly remember our own names  and just kept thinking that this was just a mistake or a terrible nightmare  that we would wake up from and yet we had to do all these things because of a STUPID fight ! ! ! !  Then after the funeral we had to go through  John's room and try to decide what to keep, what to give to his brother,  his sisters, his nephew  other family and friends. These are the horrors that we have to live with for the rest of our lives.
Another thing I find very stressful, hurtful and inconsiderate is that since this happened, I have gotten permission from the owner of the house where John died, as well as the Essa roads department and the O.P.P. to put a small roadside Memorial out on Simcoe road #10, near the house where John lost his life. Everytime I put the Memorial, which consists of white daisies, a dragonfly and a purple ribbon out for him, someone removes it. I have even had the O.P.P. come with me as I put a new one there and within a very short time it has been taken down. I will continue to put a Memorial out for my Son with the hopes of it being left there. I was raised to believe that theft is theft, no matter what is stolen or for what reason. Anyone that would steal a roadside Memorial has no heart, conscience or respect for the dead. I truly hope that whoever has been stealing John's Memorial gets caught and is punished to the full extent of the law!
So as I first asked " how do I answer my Grandson, Ethan's question"...........I honestly  have no idea because the only time we will get  that answer is when all of us are reunited with Johnnie in Heaven.............................


( The original ending of my Victim Impact wasn't allowed in court because of the plea bagain the kid's lawyer got him which reduced the charges from Manslaughter to Assault Causing Bodily Harm and God forbid you just wouldn't want to upset the ACCUSED! ................. but this is how it would have been).......So as I first asked " how do I answer my Grandson, Ethan's question, I honestly don't know, but I do know the answer to the  question that has been asked since the beginning of time. And that is " how much is a life worth" well according to the kid that killed Johnnie the ANSWER is $40.00
( A friend of John's owed the kid that killed John $40.00 and John assumed the debt so that the kid wouldn't go after John's friend. So they tried to settle it that night and because of that John died!!!!)

The kid that killed John  was found guilty of ASSAULT CAUSING BODILY HARM. At the time of that tragic night my John weighed approx. 148 pounds and was 5ft 7 inches tall , the young offender weighed approx. 200 pounds and  was 6 feet tall....... Fair ? Just?  Well if you look closely at the word justice you will find it is actually made up from 2 words....JUST  ICE !
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