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| Savior It�s fucking strange. Now that I have just started with my exams an old feeling comes back to me. It was strange, at first I didn�t even know what the hell it was. It all started when I met her, it was one big coincidence that she came across my site where she read some stuff of me. When I saw her notice I was pleasantly surprised to hear that there was another soul out there that felt exactly like me. Maybe not at the same time but in some occasions. When I read how she praised my ability to express exactly what I think ,I was very flattered and I just added her to my normal contact-list so that I could get to know her better and to ask what she would think of future stuff that I would write. Of course I didn�t have a lot of time to chat with her online but when I got online I didn�t even had to look if she was there because she came to me before I could even look. Nobody else did that to me since a long time, and I have my internet for quite some time now. So I was always happy to talk to her. She resembles me in almost every way. The more I talked to her the more I started to like her. Without knowing it she became special to me in a way that nobody else has been special for me. I can�t explain it I guess, she�s just like a female version of me but a little bit altered and way cuter. But still I stand baffled that we are so alike. I still don�t know very much of her but there�s plenty of time in the future. I would know more if I didn�t have those fucked up exams which are keeping me busy lately. Those last couple of days were different. I was chatting with her but I had this strange gut feeling, at first it felt like pain and I didn�t know why but then the next day the feeling was there again. And not only when I was chatting with her. Even when I was sitting at my desk studying I had that feeling and I couldn�t really concentrate. The pain started changing and now it became an strange feeling which didn�t really hurt me but it was just weird. Weird because I knew the feeling but I couldn�t quite put my finger on it what it was. But it didn�t really matter at that moment because I was making my first exam. Still it bothered me when I got out of that big place. I just walked outside and saw two classmates and I just went with them. When one of them asked me why I was so happy, even after such an difficult exam, I realized what that feeling was. I was astonished by the conclusion. I couldn�t believe that I didn�t recognize the same feeling that I had about a year ago. But as I came to think about it, the match was perfect. I was in love� I knew she meant something special for me, but I didn�t realize how much exactly. I had told her more about me those last past days than most people that I know know about me. I didn�t really know what to do. Hell I still don�t really know what to do. I already got the number of her cellular and we mailed but I don�t really know if I should tell her how I feel about her. What if the feeling wouldn�t be mutual. Or what if she just wants to be friends instead of lovers. I could go and fuck it all up just because I�m in love with her. I haven�t even met her in real life but that doesn�t really bother me. She understands me directly when I try to explain something, she agrees with my points of view. She doesn�t really try to change the way that I am. I�ve never met someone like her. Someone who lets me be the person who I really am. Even with the little dumb details. Maybe that �s just because she doesn�t really know me yet ,but still� When I was watching the sky tonight in my room I was thinking of her. About what she would be doing at that moment. So I just sent her a little message to let her know that I was thinking about her. And about the way that I felt that moment all alone in my room. Told her that I didn�t want to live life lonely. Some time later I received a message from her in which she mentioned that she exactly knew what I meant. Was it a hint? Did she get my hint? I don�t know and I can only guess at this moment. I don�t know what to do. Maybe if she reads this she�ll understand that it�s about her. But will she be able to let me know how she feels? Damn sometimes things can be difficult. Life�s so fucking hard, and that�s so fucking true. jOhNduDe 05/06/�02 2:19am |
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