This is the testimony

This is the testimony of " Chesty " which just like Floyd Maddox, authorizes you to have which he as good seems to you. He in given me the permission after all that was taken in note of my hand. Here the account of its experiment.

Maddox and me, we share certain things; one of these things that him and me we have in common. He is known to have known violence as of childhood. It is what led me to Vietnam, in this darn war, which made only sadden my hatred and the rage in me.

Very early in the life, " I've had enough " like one says. My father was an irascible type, always armed, a killer hardened by his stays in prison. I remember that he was already praised that the police force could not take him again that by killing him in his bed. He was able to commit a crime under the impulse of the moment or to assemble a hold-up for the price of a beer bottle. According to my mother, he was unable to dominate his violence. He is truly a " tough "

One day after a brawl in the tavern where my father had stopped (we were always on the road, without a fixes residence) a certain man, which made the law in the district thanks to his relations with the underworld, made irruption in the place suddenly. My father who had beat blow the friend of this guy asks the barman where is that which beat his " Right Arm ". The barman answers him that he can make him a commission. The man connects while saying to let him know that on the first occasion, he had of them six in it for him coming out his revolver of there

At this time, my father leaves in his turn his revolver calibre.38, keep silent the man and sweeps the part of a gust, wounding other guy seriously that wanted to be caught some with him. While returning towards the car where mom and me we waited, my father directed himself in front of people who had gathered opposite the tavern and shouted to them: " Nobody involves with F P without paying the price of it ". Then we left towards, other skies of speed.

It is that day that my father became, for the small urchin who I was, a kind of model, an example to follow not to let anyone impose in the existence. He was that a " real man! " Thereafter, my father told me in detail his escape from the penitentiary from G, P, he was to purge a 20 years sorrow; his stay in another penitentiary of state of P, where he became acquainted with famous Willie Sutton and with which he escaped to find later in the prison, of H, county of EP, from where he still escaped to go to New York, to join his buddies, his " Gang ". I had an admiration, fray of a fear, for my father. I wanted to be like him, despite everything that mom said to me. I do not know how many people my father have stolen or have killed during our escapades on the roads with him. But I had chosen to follow his traces, and it is what I did. I inherited him his unverifiable violence: I am tough like him, I stole many people and I did not let myself any impose.

My flights and my brawls often led me in prison. One day in cabal with L A, after a brawl with " Bykrer " of Hell's of California, I was led with other guy in my kind, where one prepared undesirable like me with the " Real one War ". Thus I found myself in Vietnam, where face to face the Vietnamese soldiers, all was allowed to me as regards violence: there, I could brawl me, kill; it was as to me had said the recruiters, the place which was appropriate to me best in this world and I was even going to be paid to kill! Indeed, I could leave free course to my violence, without in being prevented; on the contrary, one congratulated me, one encouraged me to continue " To break of the Vietnamese soldier " with turn of arm, which I did. It is in " Street Fight " in Hue in 1968, which I killed for the first time, and that deserved me " Purple Heart ".

I remember at this time there to have thought of ridiculous of the situation: To have made the same thing within my country, I would have, like my father, Dangerous " Criminal " labelled summer. But to kill 15 types in the streets of Hue in Vietnam made me a Hero!

It was the beginning of a terrible climbing of " Butcheries " of all kinds; I acted in Vietnam as ever my father would not have acted, even if he were a " Tough one ". If my father had been at my sides in Vietnam, he in would not have believed his eyes; never my father had would not have been also far I was in all that. The " center " in which my father was had a " code of honour to respect ". Certain " Things " were not done; but in Vietnam, all this made in a demoniac, infernal atrocity. Never I had seen similar insanity and it is in this " Carnage " that " I evolved ". I was respected, I went up in rank, I controlled and one obeying me, one returned the honours to me; one made me the safety which was owe me because of my row. I was " Somebody " as ever my father had not been it, as I would never have been it with the country: And all that because I made well my " Duty " in Vietnam, where as the same thing would have been worth me with the country the electric chair! It was like that.

It is there, at this time precisely which I really understood what wanted to say of the months before, recruiters at the time they had made me the remark, that it was in bloody Vietnam that was the place which was appropriate to me best in this world. It was true; I carried it out my place was in this hell of blood and fire, in this violence. It is at that time, that in Saigon at the time of permission I was made tattoo before arm, after one transferred in the bars. …I remember tattooing that my father related to the front arm levers: " J.S" on the left front arm lever, " Anna " on the right front arm lever. In Saigon I had a tattoo made thus the front arm lever right " Born to Be a Killer " followed by figure 57, the number at this time there of Vietnamese soldiers of which I had the ears with my collection …And I was very proud, just like I was proud to bring back scars of my brawl against the Vietnamese soldiers.

I was the guy with whom you should not argue that, one you should not seek. I fearless of all and I was also very proud. But I was also very alone. And this loneliness weighed me heavy, very heavy. Never I had liked. I was hated and I hated. Under my airs of tough with leather a broken hearth hid. I remember, a certain evening in a trench with the face in waiting of a combat, to have cried in hiding-place. It was the first time that I cried in all my years of hard to cook and I had sworn myself well that that would be the last time. My father, him had never cried …from there, I rage as ever I had not rage before that. Sometimes the rage was so strong in me, that it made me push a long howl, which terrified all those, which heard it. That made draw up the hair on the head; it is true, request has Maddox when you re-examine it …It heard that the other day for that still sometimes happens to me to push this terrible cry of rage when I explode …

I remember a young Vietcong officer that I had captured and brought back to the camp to torture him in front of the others. He begged me of a trembling voice; more I martyrise him. I found him coward of horror. While I tortured him a guy of my unit asked me if ever in my life, I had had least pity for somebody. Not the least moment, I answered him. As from this moment, that guy looked at me never again opposite: My way of answering him had shocked him. It was true; not only one moment I had not had pity for somebody. I was without pity for the others, as one had been without pity for me. And the events gave me reason; that same guy, of whom I prefer to conceal the name so that his close relations do not learn how he died, paid expensive to have had in moment of pity. Three weeks later having seen a young girl who only went while crying over the edge of a road, rather than to be unaware of her like me and the others the plans made, him he moved to the front of her thinking of providing to help her. Small the Vietnamese soldier tightened against him a kind of headstock of rag. At the time when he arrived close to the young girl, " BANG ", an explosion tore off the right side to him. We should have finished him, as well as small the Vietnamese soldier whose headstock was trapped. When I said to the others, that guy had just burst because he had not understood yet, nobody did not speak, all remained quiet, dumb like carps. I was not contradicted and that gave me the assurance which I had pitiless raison, without mercy, indifferent, cruel.

After having crossed of all that was placed across my way at the war of Vietnam and in to have come out alive I had the conviction that it was my way of leading me, which had made that I escape from it. You who were over there you know that in the jungle there are the predators, carnivores; and there are the preys. The preys do not escape from it, they. The pitiless deer of the jungle, the law of the strongest. It is this law of the strongest than I continued to apply to my return of Vietnam. The difference between my father and me, it is which operated to him with " his gang " while me, because of what Vietnam taught me, I was a solitary. I put the feet in the American States. Thus that occurred during 27 years. After my return of Vietnam.

During all this time loneliness continued to weigh me heavy. During all this time still, never I did not like. My hatred and my rage occupy all my being. The weight of the years him also weighed me heavy. As the deer, which knows that he does not have any, more as a long time and who will hide to die in his den, I had decided to return to me to a place chosen to die. I had enough of it …I thus took the road and way making the chance wanted that I become acquainted with Veterans who them also, were going themselves from there to die. You know the continuation.

They announced their intention to me and of the plan fixed for Memorial Day. I agreed to join to me to them and to follow them to finish some with the existence, which did not have anything, any more good. It was not on a " Blow of Head " like one says. Together, we made it to the tower of the question. That guy spoke with full knowledge of the facts. While talking I could know that we had many joint things. Maddox for example, as I said, he had a childhood similar to the mine, and his course of post-war period resembles mine. All, we were right on a point: our time was made like one says, and it was necessary to finish some, before the system complicates us of advantage the things.

Then, came the day when you appeared in all that. Of the beginning, I thought of packing you my way; but a vet which leaves Quebec, Canada, to come to speak to me to Mr. C, A, that picks curiosity. Where I " Hung " like one says, it is when you said that you had made all to this way because several people loved that they and me understood me, over there in Quebec. Never I had felt love; how was it made that people living over there in Quebec, loved, understood and me? To drive out the doubt I thought, " Of testing you " to put to you to the test: I asked you to lead me to B, W, so that I can speak to my sick mother in bed. You immediately accepted, realising that I drop my project from suicide. You made return ticket Steam Generator, A, B, W, B, W, Steam Generator, A with me, while speaking to me about things, which comforted me, which encouraged me. As made me understand my mother at her bedside at the hospital, somebody who does all that so that I give up dying, I must trust him.

For this reason I decided to take your advice: I read each day a chapter of the New-Testament which I received in a gift and also the prayer of the Veterans. Also, I will be making a die tattooing to remove my right front arm lever the inscription <> and figure 57. On the left front arm lever, I will be made tattoo the name of Jesus in the fish shape, like that carved in horn and which I received in gift.

At every day, I will thank that which was useful of you in Quebec to let me know that I am loved and that I can me also love. I will thank him for having loved the first in spite of what I am. I asked him to find words, which could express all my gratitude towards you of Quebec. I opened the New-Testament randomly, and I saw in the last verse: That which will bring back a sinner of the way where he was mislaid will save a heart of death and will cover a multitude of sins.

Thank you with you all in Quebec. For the very first time, I feel able to say, I love you, and that made of the good!
A Veteran well far from Quebec
Who estimates you! " Chesty "