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Hello
John
I
agree to write to you and to have the account of what arrived to me
while listening to the cassettes that you left our companion
Jean-Claude.
Here
the written account of my hand, to start, it is necessary that I say to
you that since my return of the war of Vietnam, I had never to find
peace interior.
During
twenty-seven years, all my person was inhabited by hatred.
I hated the man who I am and besides some rare exceptions, I
hated all the men met on my way. I
was not able any more to like and I had the rage with the heart
continuously, and that it was because of what I lived with the war of
Vietnam. Because with the war of Vietnam, I saw the hell and that
convinced me that the world is governed and carried out
By
the devil and the evil that convinced me that all that there is in the
world including myself was governed and carried out by Satan and the
evil. I had stopped
believing in the good. How
to believe in the good when around and even in you, you see only the
evil?
I
never had a witty remark, fine words for the others and I did not have
any regard for the man who I am. It
was the same thing for all that surrounded me, I cursed all. I was hostile with all. My aggressiveness towards all never
left place to softness to me. I
was stupider than an animal. And
all that nauseated me. You
cannot know John how I was nauseated life.
I was true a mad animal that did not see anything other but my
spite and the spite of the others.
It be-that that the war had learned to me in Vietnam as for my
belief, I believed in the existence of Satan and the evil since all that
I saw in the hell of Vietnam. It
was the diabolic evil. I
saw it continuously and it is not in hell only you meetings God.
Through
always seeing the diabolic evil and never seeing divine kindness, you
believe in the devil and you do not believe any more in a god.
Even if you try to find God in hell, you cannot find anything,
which resembles to him. That
made that you think that God, it is like the paradise, anybody saw. And of the evenings when that sometimes happened to me to
think of the history of Jesus, I thought that I would like to see it
well in the jungle where one was, in the same circumstances, to see
whether it would have been able to survive our way of cross, because the
misery which one lived there it was not badly more terrible than the
misery told in the life of Jesus. That
made me crowned to think that good God had come to stop a storm on a
lake to save a handle of his friends, there are two miles years and that
it would never have come to save the life of my guy by stopping fire and
blood in Vietnam. I saw
bursting after the other a hundred and twenty and one of the a hundred
and forty young people guy which were under my command in the jungle,
and I thought that their life was not less important than the life of a
handle of guy in a boat on a lake there are two miles years.
All
that for me v' did not have pace and I thought that the only thing which
really existed, it was that which I continuously had in front of the
eyes. It was cruelty, all
was cruelty, even nature, and the jungle was cruel.
Mosquito to the tiger, all was cruel in suffocating moisture.
Infection, disease, all was cruel.
Then there were the crueler men still than all that, with the
image of the Master of the hell, Satan
Itself.
One does not survive in that, if one believes in kindness,
softness. To survive that
it was necessary to be harder, crueler than all than you met and who
wanted your skin. And you
think that the life it is not a gift, not more than death and than that
which placed you on the ground without very requiring your opinion of
you is him also cruel. In
more as if it were not enough, that which placed you on the ground, it
holds another hell for you after your death if you are not follower of
kindness and softness. I do
not know John, if you include/understand in which state
Of
spirit that I was at this time there.
And it is in this same state that I was
When
I listened to the cassettes, which you left to Jean-Claude.
I was nauseated, it is not say able and I had the word
destruction in the head. Destruction
of the world and my destruction.
I
had held out all these years but there, I could not about it any more. I was with end of force, with end of patience.
It
is there that Jean-Claude arrived in the landscape with the cassettes.
I listened to the first because I relied on him and not in person
of other. When he said to
me that it was ordinary, I would leave him make me hear that before
turning over me in the content of wood.
I listened to the first cassette and I found that very beau.1Ca
hung to me immediately because I became peaceful and calm by listening
to that. It was so much
resting to become calm as that That did so much from although I did not
return from there. And
I said myself that something which did such an amount of good in inside,
that could not come from the devil.
I saw that it was the first time since always which I heard of
what of good, of beautiful. And
if it were good and beautiful, that did not come from the devil, but it
was soft and good, as was the description, which I had heard in
connection with God.
I
very listened to the first cassette and I was touched and impressed, I
listened to another cassette and that rested so much me and makes so
much good, I did not want that that stops, I were relieved for the first
time of all that lived me. While
listening to that hatred, the rage and all the remainder from went away
and Peace and calms it took the place.
J ' listened to the cassettes as long as I found the means of
having recording with batteries and that changed me and transformed.
I am not tired any more like front.
I am put back and calm. I
always listen to the cassettes and I see that the good exists because
that made of the good. I do
not think any more of the destruction like front.
I think of that which composed the music of the cassettes and I
do not have any more the taste all to destroy.
I know that it is you John who composed the music and that give
me confidence in the man who as builds you good things, which make good.
I did not believe that that could be on the ground.
Now I know that that exists.
And if the good exists that does not come from the devil. Therefore I believe that that comes from God and I discover
gradually that it speaks to me with me.
I have to discover still much and I have the taste of it.
I have hope that that is well gone now.
I received hands of Jean-Claude a Gospel and psalms and I find
that well too. What
arrive to me I would never have believed that possible.
I am content with that. I
will return never again in the world of front.
I now know Peace and calm it, far from the world from front.
I listen to the cassettes and I discover the existence of God in
my quiet corner.
I
would ever have believed that possible.
You know John, of the engagements; I carried out much of it.
But that one, I would have lost it if that did not have 3et3et
your cassettes. If it is
not that a miracle, it is what? I
thanked you to have made this music much.
You know John, it came calming down the terrible storm which
enrages in me and that saved me the life.
If you make comparaison with what I said to the page in
connection with the stopped storm, you will understand what I feel.
I
put all that on paper by hoping that that could serve one day to you.
You can do of them what you will want.
If you want to be useful, embarrassments not to correct my faults
and to improve my sentences and my text because I have written that as
that came in my head.
Continue
your work John and especially do not release because it is important in
this world.
I
admire you
Gabriel Belliveau
Vietnam Vet
With
the memory of Gabriel deceased of the continuations of the orange agent
in 1998 December
That
God blesses him and gives him this Peace so much deserved by his courage
and his tenacity
And
by His Grace, Eternal life by the faith in Jesus. Amen.
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