mattsbook2

1. Mars

2. An all-nudist HANDS ACROSS AMERICA

3. The dau the Special Olympics becomes an advertising-worthy television event, instead of being guilt driven, brodcast out of pity, and McDonald's need to rent out orange-drink dispensers.

4. To wake up one morning, turn on the news, and discover that during the night Jerusalem was suddenly overrun and subsequently taken by the armed forces of Palau.

5. To endure an extinction-level event, survive it, and discover that the Bud Girls and I are the only people left on the planet.

6. To have the Playboy Channel hold Hedonism V at my house.

7. To see thousands of cars with bumper stickers that read; "If Jesus is the King of Peace, it's time for a little regicide."

8. Farm animals overrun a farm in England and build a giant windmill.

9. To invent a shrinking machine so that I might fuck Barbie and then steal her Corvette.

10. When juveniles wake up to the fact that they can go on gun-crazy killing sprees and will only be forced to serve eight months for it.

49. Etch-a-Sketch
50. The Slip & Slide
51. Deprivation Chambers
52. Total Control
53. Lawn mowers that you can drive
54. Soap on a rope
55. Television
56. Television trays
57. Television dinners
58. Bank shot
59. Lite-Brite
60. Those things that you stick at the end of corn on the cob so you don't burn your hands
61. Clear plastic clothing
62. Hot shots
63. X-ray glasses (don't kid yourslef, the government has had them for years)
64. The invisible dog on a leash
65. Velcro-up sneakers
66. Roller derby
67. Any kind of half-assed, secretly self serving 'People's' Revolution'
68. Particle accelerators
69. Our Lady peace
70. Parachutes
71. Parachute pants
72. The clapper
73. Watches that glow in the dark
74. Condoms that glow in the dark
75. Glow in the dark condoms that tell time
76. The 'Do It Yourslef Backyard Bomb Shelter Kit'
77. Crazy Straws
78. The Mega Track 2000
79. Those sprinklers that go t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t
80. Bumper pool
81. 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!'
82. The electric bull
83. Cars with ejection seats
84. Blitzkrieg
85. Anti-bacterial fruit & vegetable hand soap
86. Lawn darts

So there ya go, a little 'preview' for you guys. I thought that those were pretty damn funny!!! I'm too lazy to write more so if you liked that, that's freakin' nothing compared to the rest of the book. So go out and buy it! But ya better hurry up and do it! It took me two weeks to get the book. it was sold out every time I went to buy it. It's still selling out really fast so get off yer ass and head out to the store.