A FUTURE WORTH LIVING FOR
"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on." - Carl Sandburg
“I’m home!” he shouted when he stepped inside. Mark, the head of his detail smirked at him, waiting for the usual reply.
“Me too!” Donna shouted back and walked out of bedroom to greet Josh with a kiss. Mark closed the door. “Hi,” she said after the kiss. “You are late.”
“Yeah, Lou intercepted me basically at the door,” Josh said, and then leaned in for another kiss.
“What happened?” Donna asked, following him into his study where he disposed his backpack.
“This,” Josh said, pulling a folded paper out of his pocket. It was a photocopy of the article.
Donna stood there, reading the article. Josh watched her with apprehension but he couldn’t read her. Her face showed the same emotion all the time, and Josh didn’t know what to do. He desperately wanted to pull her in a hug, but he wasn’t sure what she needed. The comfort or the chance to shout.
“What is Lou doing about it?” Donna asked then, surprising Josh completely. She sounded to Josh’s ears almost nonchalant. But that couldn’t be, could be, Josh asked himself.
“It’s okay to be upset,” he said, finally taking her into his arms, but Donna shook her head and slid out of his embrace.
“I’m not upset,” Donna said.
“You are right, I was furious myself,” Josh said and waited for Donna to say something in return.
“Why?” Donna asked, still looking down at the article. “Everything is true what they write here.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured,” Josh remarked sarcastically. “Lou said we shouldn’t do anything about it. The hype will die on its own. We are single, consenting adults.”
“She is right.”
“Why aren’t you furious?” Josh asked then.
“Because nothing in here is a lie,” Donna said, “and because there is nothing I can do about it.”
“I wanted to call the editor,” Josh confessed.
“Don’t do that,” Donna said hastily.
“Well, I won’t, especially not after seeing your reaction,” Josh said, his tone still dripping with sarcasm.
“Josh,” Donna sighed.
“Donna, I’m outraged! And you know why? It might be true what they write, but the way they wrote it! It makes me wanna scream, it makes me wanna… Donna, they are painting us dirty. They are painting Sam and Anna dirty!” Josh shouted.
“Calm down, please,” Donna said.
“I would calm down, but every time I look at those pictures there is this urge to punch that photographer who took the pictures and then sold them to that right-wing rag.”
“Josh,” Donna said again, accompanying her soothing words with a caress on his upper arm. “Calm down, please.”
“I don’t want to calm down,” Josh seethed. “They are defiling what we have.”
“We knew something like this would happen.”
“I know,” Josh said, letting out a heavy sigh. “It doesn’t make it easier to tolerate this crap.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Donna agreed with a sad smile. “You ate?” she changed the topic.
“You mean dinner?” Josh asked her, after letting out a final huff.
“Yeah, I mean dinner.” She rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, Ginger brought me a sandwich,” Josh said. “You hungry? We could order Chinese.”
“No, I had dinner with Annabeth.”
“How is she?”
“You met her yesterday, Josh.”
“Yeah, but she is pregnant,” Josh retorted.
“Okay, pregnancy is not an illness. It’s a condition,” Donna told him.
“Is she okay?” Josh pressed on.
“Yeah,” Donna gave in. “She said Ginger scheduled an appointment with you once a week.”
“Yeah, the pressure is growing, but I’d like to help her. I might not have much time but I’d like her to know that I’m there for her,” Josh said.
“That’s sweet of you,” Donna said, giving him a kiss on the lips.
“I think that’s what Leo would like me to do,” Josh said.
“I’m sure Leo is very proud of you, Joshua,” Donna said, giving him another kiss. “You wanted to talk about something tonight?” she changed the subject again.
“Yeah,” Josh said. “I would like to shower first.”
“You want me to wash your back?” Donna offered in a sultry voice that sent a shiver down his spine.
“If you insist,” he quipped with a grin.
After their ‘recreational’ shower, as Josh dubbed it, they went into the bedroom and slipped into bed. Josh pulled Donna closer, by slipping an arm under her shoulders. He caressed her upper arm for a while, feeling the stress of the day dissipate.
“I’d like to talk about our future,” Josh said after Donna nudged him.
“Okay,” Donna said hesitantly.
“I mean what are your future plans?” Josh asked, cringing inwardly because he knew he was screwing this up.
“What are my future plans?” Donna echoed, sitting up.
“Yeah, because I was thinking about my future plans and I thought I would like to know yours,” Josh said.
“And what are your future plans, Josh?” Donna asked sweetly, making Josh cringe again. He was definitely screwing up.
“I’d like to marry you and have a kid. Or two,” he blurted out.
Donna sat there, ramrod straight, not even blinking. Josh took it as a sign that he screwed this up and cussed.
“I’m sorry, Donna, I know it’s not romantic at all, I just thought that we should talk about it. I promise you I’ll fix this, Ginger already cleared an hour for me next Tuesday, and I’m going to buy a ring and then we’ll have a romantic dinner and I’ll ask you to marry me,” Josh rambled nervously.
“You want to buy me a ring?” Donna asked him, finally finding her voice.
“I’d like to ask you to marry me,” Josh said.
“Why, Josh?”
“Because it’s the next step in our relationship,” Josh said.
“Josh, six months ago we couldn’t exchange simple pleasantries,” Donna threw in, confusing Josh.
“And yet three months ago we had incredible sex,” he said with a grin, but quickly wiped it off his face after noticing the glare Donna gave him. “I love you, Donatella, and I think we should marry.”
“But why? Is this because of the picture?” Donna asked suspiciously.
“Donna, no!” Josh protested vehemently. “I didn’t even know about the picture when I told Ginger to clear that hour for Tuesday. I completely screwed this up.”
“Well, some of it,” Donna gave him a shaky smile. “But you were right; we should talk about this before you buy a ring.”
“You don’t want to marry me?” Josh asked incredulously.
“Josh,” Donna warned him. “We are talking about marriage. I didn’t say no, did I?”
“But you didn’t say yes either, did you?” Josh retorted.
“You bring the passive-aggressive? This is me, Josh, I know you,” Donna said.
“I’m on a roll,” Josh murmured.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, Sam said the same to me today. Donna, would you marry me?”
“Yes, Josh, but I think we should definitely talk about things before you go and buy a ring.”
“You think I would change my mind after this conversation?” Josh asked perplexed. “Because I won’t, Donna. I love you and I need you in my life forever.”
That earned him a kiss, but before he could deepen it, Donna withdrew.
“We should talk,” she said.
“Let’s talk about kids,” Josh said.
“Okay,” Donna said. Did she sound resigned, Josh wondered.
“You don’t need to sound so enthusiastic,” the jab was out before he thought about it.
“Okay,” Donna said, her eyes mere slits, “I’ll let that slip, Josh because I actually think that you didn’t want to say that.”
“I didn’t,” Josh said ruefully. “And I’m really sorry.”
“But you thought it, and I guess I have to be thankful for your honesty.”
“I should have considered the delivery,” Josh said.
“Yeah, you definitely should have,” Donna agreed. “I should return the courtesy with equal straightforwardness.”
“Go on,” Josh encouraged her.
“Are kids a deal-breaker?” Donna asked, and Josh couldn’t suppress a gasp. He didn’t count on that, he thought they would haggle over the number of kids, not over the mere existence of them.
“You don’t want kids?” he asked, his tone conveying his hurt.
“Josh, answer the question, please,” Donna urged him.
“What was it again?” he asked. Stalling, he diagnosed himself.
“You want to marry me even if I don’t want kids?” Donna asked.
“I want to marry you because I love you and need you, but also because I want kids with you,” he said, realizing that only honesty could release him from his predicament.
“I see. Well, then let’s take a closer look at the possible scenarios,” Donna said, and Josh was reminded that the Donna in front of him was not the Donna who he knew once. She not only matured but also lost her innocence and some of her spontaneity.
He knew he lost the Donna he fell in love with, but then ―maybe to his greatest surprise― he fell in love with her again. He was only disappointed that Donna was able to treat the issue in that businesslike manner; his old Donna would have never done that. Although his old Donna was just as organized as the one sitting in front him, so maybe him having the following conversation had always been charted by Fate. He liked that thought. He liked that no matter what, no matter which President they were meant to be together. He liked that a lot. It restored some of his faith he lost along the way from the day his sister died in that horrible fire. The thought made him content. Well, almost content. Because when he met Donna’s eyes, he saw her discomfort. Hence the ‘almost’. Apparently his girlfriend was not happy which meant that he had failed her somehow.
GO TO PART FOUR