Chapter Two

UNAWAKENED CODES

Mother said I was a miracle baby for the doctor had advised she was infertile and would never have a baby.  After my parents adopted a little girl, to everyone’s surprise she became pregnant, but my intense Indigo vibrations created extreme havoc with her physical body; her next few months of pregnancy were traumatic.  

Language and the ability to concentrate challenged me continuously.  My teachers said, "Cindy does not pay attention and could work harder, but she is a pleasure to have in class.”  Dreamy and spacey, I simply tuned out everything around me. My own little world of realities filled with fantastic  ideas, and out-of-this-world visions intrigued much more than the dull, mundane tedium of school. Staying grounded didn’t appeal to me.  When bored, I astrally traveled on my own personal little voyages.  This still can occur if I drift off while envisioning new pursuits for my gifts, or simply soar on small visits in outer space and other vibrations.

Mother says that I was warm, loving child, yet a little naïve. She worried about my speech difficulties.  Due to my emotional immaturity and inadequate social skills, my parents waited until I was seven to enter me in first grade in a private Seventh Day Adventist school as they were deeply involved in that church, my father being a deacon. Later they left the church seeking a more illumined type of Christianity. House rules eased after that. 

Every child is born facing certain challenges, some more than others. My family certainly loved me and adequately provided for my sister and me.  They encouraged me to learn how to be a good citizen and provided little tasks so that I could earn money for school clothes.  As farmers, there were many chores needing to be performed and opportunities to earn funds, although I admit I didn’t think it was so great at the time, loudly complaining.  I thank them now for the good work habits and thrift they instilled in me.

Our fifty-acre farm lay nestled in the green and lush Willamette valley at the foot of the high snow-covered peaks of the Cascade Mountains in Oregon.  A small forest spread over a portion of our land and I explored and staked my claim on a portion of it as a special place where I secluded myself to visit my own secret cosmos.  I claimed a big, fallen tree bridging the creek as my private cloud-like space, and I imaginatively erected walls of flashing crystal lights to barricade the darker colors and energy patterns of the mundane world from me.  The plants and trees of my kingdom invigorated me, made me feel connected and alive, and yet filled me with such serenity and peace.

As a child, desiring to experience heaven as described in church, my childhood girlfriend Colandra and I often imagined what it would be like to be there.  Dressing up in our finest clothing, we pretended that we were in heaven.  In the woods I visualized a heavenly spot where God and Spirit would meet me. At that time I didn't know that the energies I felt all around me were those of nature spirits and the cosmic energy of Spirit. In my heart, I have never left my wonderful, magical forest. 

Always, even as a toddler, I exhibited signs of deep sensitivity and clairvoyance.  I slept with the light on at night out of fear for I saw shadows in the room and hallway.  Now I realize that I was feeling vibrations, some of which were good and some not so good. I often sang "Jesus Loves Me” until I fell asleep. My parents soothed me by saying I had a wild imagination, but they couldn't fool me.  I knew it was deeper than that.

At times when terrified (I didn't understand what was happening), I closed the door to my room and called on the Angels and God or Jesus to be with me in that moment. Chills prickled my arms. I sensed the presence of Spirit in the room as crystalline pastel-colored lights spiraling all around. When I closed my eyes, I could see beautiful faces.

When walking, if my dense body felt too heavy, I played this strange game in my Soul/Mind.  I would project myself outside of my body and hover two feet above my head. In that space, weightless and separate from my body, I felt spiritual and in touch with God, but at that time didn't know I was astral traveling.

During my first several years of school, I devoted myself to gymnastics, spending most of my time at the gym preparing for competition. Although I enthusiastically jumped into learning important skills such as coordination and self-determination, I folded when it came to competing.  My entire enjoyment and thrill lay in the freedom of movement I felt when flying through the air, my body moving gracefully, flipping, contorting, and expressing me.  A long bout with mononucleosis closed the door on that phase for me; the only aspect of the mundane world that enticed me at all crumbled, and I had nothing else going for me.

My elementary education in a small rural school did not prepare me for the social shock I experienced upon entering high school in a larger town with a population of about six thousand.  As time passed, however, and I began to become more accustomed to the diverse antics of my peers, high school life became great fun.  School became my social playground, and to make up for lost time I indulged in questionable activities with others whom I joined.  Their self-indulgent, enticing world beckoned me like chocolate tempts one who is never satiated in sweet tasting delicacies.

Like most teenagers, at age fifteen I had my first love experience, which actually was one of the darkest times in my young life; a time of learning and testing the power of my spiritual essence. I fell totally, completely, and madly for a boy named Michael, with whom I became obsessed as life was total magic when we were together. At such a young age and state of immaturity, I did not understand my passionate, worshipping-at-his-feet type of attachment,  and didn't trust anyone, fearing I would lose him. Everything was perfect when we were together and yet, it was all wrong.

I joined his rather rebellious and reckless, wild-life-style social group of teens, all of this extremely tantalizing and exciting to a sheltered young girl.  I experimented with drugs, sex, alcohol, recklessness, and irresponsibility. I decided that Michael was emotionally upset because of his family life, and dedicated myself to saving him. Being a master at manipulation, he controlled me in various ways, but especially by head games, including suicide threats three times.  

He studied and indulged in what he believed to be black magic. Having been well preached to about the dangers of Satan, I almost had a nervous breakdown from fear.  But damn it, I would not let this interfere with our relationship!  I believed that my love for him was stronger than any terror within me and beyond the power of Satan. Michael delved more and more into the occult, utilizing ouija boards, witch writing, and spells. He told me that he could summon the spirits of hell, emphasizing that such spirits said they could kill me.

Because of my own clairvoyance, I did sense shadowy negative energies attracted by Michael’s dark Thoughts, which had created a bridge. Terrified, I interpreted them to be demons out of the pit. This should have been my message to get the hell out of there! My emotional, exaggerated infatuation compelled me to stay. 

I came to believe that my spiritual self was being bombarded by these shadows, something like being attacked by Darth Vader in Sky Wars. I awoke at night dreaming of being haunted and choked, screaming in pain. I remained awake late at night with my Bible open, searching for words that would ease me so that I could sleep. I slept with my light on. At times when I felt totally besieged, I slipped into my parents’ bed. Imagine, a fifteen-year old sleeping with her parents because she was so mentally and emotionally haunted!

I felt alone with no one to talk to about this. The small information I shared with my parents further eroded any emotional stability I had when they said it was all in my imagination.  In their naiveté they had absolutely no comprehension of the realities of my world.

My own resources and sense of well-being depended totally on the relationship I always had with God. I had a dream that I was in heaven begging God and Christ to allow Michael into heaven, to help save him from the depths of hell! As God and I walked hand-in-hand down the stairs into this underworld of fire and brimstone, as my imagination projected it, I knew I was protected. God said, "You are safe when you are with Me."

We walked over a bridge and in the water beneath were half-decaying bodies or Souls begging to be lifted out, to be saved from their self-inflicted realities. As we walked on together, many lost Souls, unable to see us, danced around in self-absorbed trances.

We found Michael in a broken-down high school and brought him back to heaven. Then Michael and I stood together, naked and exposed, with everyone watching us. This dream was so real to me that I could taste and touch it. Upon awakening, I journaled this dream, hoping to write about it someday.

The dream was a message from my Higher Self.  In my dream, my Soul/Mind remembered that I came to help the planet come into its full potential and light. My Ego-brain did not realize the meaning of the dream until I reached adulthood.

How did my romantic escapades end?  Trapped by my hopelessly entangled emotions, Michael and other teenagers convinced me to run away with them to California, but plans went astray. We set out all right without telling our parents, but the further we traveled from home, it felt like jagged pieces of glass were being scraped up and down my insides.  Gastric juices filled my mouth with bile.  I fought not to be either nauseous or cry. My Ego-brain, like a broken record, ran round and round in circles. My immature desires fought mightily against my inner voice, my Higher Self, telling me to make a better choice. After reaching California, I called my father to rescue me.

The trip home emotionally devastated me because I had to face reactions  that I had created by my actions, including all negative impacts.  Although desperate, I could ignore myself no longer.  What saddened me the most was watching my Mother weep out of her fear for me, and then grow angry at my foolish escapade.  Her pain cut me deeply.

I shall never forget that learning experience.  There are highs and lows, but we must never forget who we are--perfect spiritual beings who make choices. Sometimes our choices may appear to be bad and sometimes they are good. As we make better choices, our world opens up in new ways not previously imagined. I attracted negative outcomes by choosing to stay in this relationship, and ignoring my inner voice who knew there was danger. I kept creating a false reality for myself until I hit it like a brick wall.

It's not like these choices were the end of my world. They were experiences that we all pass through. Life goes on, and it can be beautiful. What we experience is temporary until we choose to experience something new, hoping that our choices will be made by listening to our Soul/Minds, our inner voice, our Higher Self, whatever we choose to call it.

As I grew older, my father, as a self-educated philosopher and biblical scholar/teacher, taught me much. My brain had difficulty grasping the concepts he preached, but my Soul/Mind was awakening. I admired my father’s quest for wisdom, although it was limited in that he sought for wisdom only in biblical terms.

The greatest message he taught me was that all humans are saved and have equal access to heaven and God. It does not matter what religion because God speaks to us in various ways and by unique methods.  My father preached that the second coming of Christ and the battle of Armageddon would be within us.

My father also introduced me to symbolism, which interested me in learning more about different interpretations of ancient manuscripts like the Dead Sea Scrolls. Later I began researching traditional world religions and ancient writings. Always, unrest drove me to search for greater meaning for my life.

I exchanged my life as a daughter for that of being a wife.  I married at age 19 and my husband and I are best friends, even after ten years of marriage and two children.  We built a small house on my parents’ farm so I am still among nature spirits. Although being hampered with a mild form of dyslexia, I earned my BS in Psychology.  Instead of allowing dyslexia to defeat me into failing, I spent many hours with on-campus tutors, forcing myself to study.

The last two years of college abounded with adventures. I began this journey at the same time the Shoemaker-Levy comets collided with Jupiter. My mind and body began shifting.  Colandra and I read books such as Embraced By The Light by Betty Eadie and others having as their themes life after death. We swapped books and spent hours discussing the basic concepts of metaphysics. At the time, there were no others around us interested in such perspectives. 

The greatest challenge that we faced was fear about the mystical side of life and death, and as a result, we drew to us negative energies that plagued us during the night.  If Colandra and I discussed spirits and clairvoyance, it had to be done during daylight hours.

This challenge led us on the next journey. Due to fear suffocating me, I realized that we had to do something about it. We had just finished reading The Messengers about Nick Bunick and decided to contact the clairvoyant described in his book. We wanted to find out for ourselves the truth of clairvoyance. 

Wonderfully gifted, the clairvoyant Jacqueline Ellis introduced me to communication with faster vibrational beings and how to protect myself from slower vibrational beings. As she showed me the basics, I realized that I had been doing the same thing throughout my life. I read books that expanded my Ego-brain further on subjects like sacred geometry as those images opened codes within me, thereby freeing my higher consciousness, my Soul/Mind.

Jacqueline confirmed what Colandra and I already intuitively suspected, but the truth of which lay buried deep within us and hidden.  Our counseling with Jacqueline resulted in information far greater than we could have received from a psychiatrist. I had a clearer vision for my life.

Yet, I still struggled with the fear issue. Fear of what?  Fear of seeing something that was not of this world?  Fear of the unknown?  I thought I had taken care of all that!  I believe I feared to use my natural abilities due to my strict religious background. I had to begin cleansing myself of fear-based ideas imbedded in me from past religious programming.  Colandra and I sought a community that shared our ideas, commencing with a metaphysical center called "H.O.M.E."

While there at Sunday service, an older lady caught my attention as she seemed so familiar to me.  My inner self wanted to communicate and share with her, but shyness restrained me.  I learned of a weekly women’s group who met at H.O.M.E., and before the first meeting I shared with the facilitator, Christie, my previous experiences with Jacqueline and the current books I had been reading. Christy immediately informed me that Joan and I would hit it off since it sounded to her like we were on the same wavelength. When Christy introduced Joan to me, this was the older lady I had wanted to speak to at the Sunday service! 

I shared my fears with the women’s group, who introduced various metaphysical practices and provided a safe environment in which we each could practice our particular gifts.  They were a sisterhood who encouraged us to not see ourselves as victims, but to recognize that we are in charge of our lives, have preplanned them, and we stagnate if we rely on old paradigms to direct us.  Freedom of speech and expression of gifts were supported so long as they did not trespass on another.  Women in the group learned how to manifest their needs.

On a one-to-one basis, Joan helped me develop my skills, including grounding and protecting my aura when in public.  She provided a safe environment in which to explore my clairvoyance and encouraged me.

At the right is an illustration showing the various ways Spirit contacts us such as the sound of a large crack in the room, globes of light flashing, perhaps triple numbers like 333 or 444 as shown on the clock.  This may occur when we are in deep meditation or speak our truth in some manner.

Joan challenged my thinking when I fell back on old patterns of religious thought, which I betrayed by my selection of words.  Joan and I were both instructors and many times, both students, depending on the material we brainstormed.

I realize now that all of these experiences prepared me with a background for understanding and later providing information for Indigos.