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Living With a Child With ADD/ADHD

1. Accept your child's limitations:

Parents must realistically accept the fact that the child has always been, is now, and will be in the future, a bundle of excess energy. This energy may have caused feeding problems in infancy, caused need for little sleep and comes from within the child. So don't feel guilty about it...you didn't cause it. The hyperactivity is not intentional. You should not waste your energy trying to eliminate the hyperactivity, but just keep it under reasonable control. He cannot become a "model child" or a quiet child. The best attitude you can have toward this problem is to be tolerant, patient and low-key

2. Provide outlets for the release of excess energy:

Kids need daily outside physical activities such as; running, long walks, and sports like swimming, soccer and bike riding. Fence in your yard. Give the child an area in or near the house where the child can do as they please without nagging for neatness. The child's energy must be given outlets and the hyperactivity must NOT be rewarded

3. Keep the home existence organized:

Household routines help your hyperactive child accept orders. Mealtimes, "wake-up" times, nap-times, bed-time should be kept as consistent as possible. A regular structured, well ordered schedule helps the child

4. Lower the number of frustrations where possible:

Assign chores that you anticipate the child can do and outline the steps in doing these chores. Praise the child for a job well done. Examples of these chores include: emptying waste baskets, setting the dinner table, getting the newspaper, or even making the bed and straightening up the child's bedroom

5. Maintain consistent, firm and fair discipline:

Rules should be kept to a minimum. Obviously harm to self and others must not be permitted. Discipline needs to be more carefully planned for ADHD children than as for the average child. Aggressive behavior should not be tolerated and unnecessary rules should be avoided. The family needs a few clear, consistent, important rules, with other rules added at the child's own pace. Parents must avoid nagging the child with negative comments, this could prove more harm than good. Rather than use negative comments, show warmth, praise and acceptance whenever deemed reasonable or possible

6. Enforce discipline with non-physical punishment:

There should be an "isolation area", or "time out place", even a corner of a room, where the child can be sent when rules are necessary to be enforced. Without the shouting, hitting or slamming, the child can be sent to the spot to "shape up" or to "think it over." The child should be permitted to return as soon as the child has changed their behavior. Physical punishment should be avoided because the purpose is to try and teach the child that aggression is not acceptable. These children need adult models of control and calmness

7. Avoid fatigue:

When your child becomes exhausted, his self control (what little there may be) frequently breaks down and the the hyperactivity becomes worse. Therefore, try to avoid exhausting your child with too many activities

8. Avoid formal social gatherings (when possible):

Church, restaurants, crowds, supermarkets and stores are all places where hyperactivity is inappropriate, embarrassing and produces unnecessary friction. As self-control develops, the situations can gradually be re-introduced

9. Minimize distractions:

Remember that these children often have problems differentiating foreground from background. Help them to concentrate on a task by cutting out extraneous noises, pictures and activities that can interfere with concentration

10. Stretch attention spans:

Rewarding desirable behavior is the key to preparing ADHD children for school. The child can be shown pictures in a good book, and if attentive, the child should be rewarded with praises and a hug. Next, a parent could read stories to the child (poor readers should continue to have this done for them throughout school years to create interest and to increase the child's information data bank). Coloring pictures can be encouraged and rewarded. Games of increasing difficulty can gradually be taught to the child. A good start is using building blocks and progressing to dominos, card games and dice games. Matching pictures is an excellent way to build a child's memory and concentration. Toys should be hand picked, limited in number, safe and relatively unbreakable. Work, play and study in short periods and increase as seen fit

11. Keep the child 'okay':

Do not let the child be the "bad kid" at home. The child is a "good kid with excess energy." Let the child know that they are OK! The behavior of the child may not be acceptable, but the child is certainly an acceptable and valued person. Do not give up on the child. The child must feel accepted by the family. This permits the child to keep their self-esteem and self-confidence

12. Periodically get away from it all:

Parents must get away from their hyperactive child often enough to be able to tolerate the behaviour of the child. "All work and no play" could break anyone down into nothing. Even a Saint would need a rest from a hyperactive ADD child. When one parent comes home from work they should take time to relieve the other of the child, allowing the tired parent to have some much needed time to theirself. Single parents could hire a babysitter one or two afternoons a week and/or an evening to salvage an exhausted mother, father, and/or relationship. An "exchange program" with a neighbor, pre-school nursery or Headstart class is also an option. Parents are just like batteries and need to recharge themselves after a while. Take the time to recharge

Dealing with a child with ADD is never easy, but it can be done. There are many avenues one can follow in order to enlist help and salvage one's sanity. Please do not struggle to cope alone--it's 'okay' to ask for help. Find someone who truly understands ADD and get assistance.
For further information, contact us by e-mail or sign our guestbook with your comments. We will gladly try to help in anyway we can . Who understands better than one who has already walked in your shoes? Thanks for visiting and please come back often.

Copyright @ January 1999 - 2007, Webmaster: K. Nikischin. Special thanks to: J. Nikischin

~ Remember the above guidelines are suggestions and are not written in stone ~
From time to time I get emails from people telling me that they 'cannot possibly' follow one or two of the guidelines that they see here. Keep in mind that the above suggestions are just that ~ suggestions.
No one child is exactly like another child and what might work successfully with one will not work at all with another. Use the ideas that you think might work with your child and that you and he feel comfortable with and discard the rest.
These suggestions are strategies that have worked for other parents in our support group and we wanted to share them with you. Remember that you know your own child better than anyone and you will do what is best for him or her.
I like to call this "Grandma's Rule" which stated simply is "Whatever works!"

ADD ~ ADHD Family Support Group

Above all...
Maintain your sense of humour and self-respect.
These two things alone will get you through most of life's trials and tribulations.