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Helping the Child With ADHD Learn to Listen

1. If a child does not listen on many occasions to daily requests, it can be very exasperating for the adult who spends a great deal of time with such a child. It is important that the child have his hearing assessed to be sure that he can hear when being spoken to. A hearing assessment can be done by a physician at the local health clinic. A hearing assessment will help determine whether the child cannot hear, or if he is simply ignoring the parents

2. There are very few people, at any age, who do as requested after having been asked only once. It is therefore more realistic to expect a child to do what is requested of him when he is asked a second time. However, if the child has to be asked more than two times on every occasion, most parents would like to have the situation changed and improved so that the child listens when told to

3. If you decide you would like to change the habit pattern(s) of your child's response to requests, it is important that you consistently follow the new pattern. Discuss your plans with the child before implementing your approach. It is vital that the child be aware that you are attempting to make a change in your method of making requests.
It is also important to let the child know that the main purpose of the change(s) is to aid him in learning to listen more effectively. It is not fair to the child to implement changes without having made it clear to him the reasons why the changes are being made

4. If you wish your child to listen to you, consistency and patience are key. It is important to treat your child in a similar listening fashion when the child speaks to you. The adult in the situation must show an interest in the child's ideas and encourage him to express his views. Eye contact is also an important concept to a child. Therefore, make sure that when your child is speaking to you, you pay attention and look at him when he speaks. As a parent, you expect that courtesy, why not exhibit the same courtesy to the child

5. SUGGESTED NEW APPROACH:
(Discuss this in detail with your child before you try it out

a) Before you ask the child to do something, be sure that you have the time and energy to follow through with the request to ensure that he does as he is requested. There is no point in making requests to a child if you, as a parent, do not ensure that he follows through with the request. Such an approach teaches him that you mean business

b) When making your request to the child, do not phrase your request in the form of a command. Use a friendly tone of voice, or politeness, such as: "I would like you to go and do your homework now, please." It is important to be courteous, and to say please and thank you to the child, in order to provide a good model.

Although you shouldn't phrase requests as commands, it is key to let the child know that the first request is to be taken seriously and is to be seen as a warning. That is, you do not always expect him to initiate the task after the first request, but are letting him know that he has a few minutes to finish up what he is doing and then he should follow through with your request

c) Give the child time to finish what he is doing. If, after your allocated time period, he does not start your request as asked, make a second mention of the request. This time demonstrate your expectation for it to be followed. If he still does not take the time to follow the request, the adult should proceed as follows

* i) Walk up to the child and touch him. Usually it is best to grasp the child gently, but firmly on the arm. Look him directly in the eyes. This may be best accomplished by squatting down so that your eyes are more or less on the same level as his eyes

* ii) Tell the child that you have made a second request; as you had outlined in your discussion before starting this new approach; and that he has not started the task as asked. Ask the child if he remembers what you had requested him to do. Typically, children do listen and do remember

* iii) Keep your manner as friendly as possible and do not get angry. Remember, you are attempting to teach the child, not get angry at the child

* iv) If the child does not remember what you have requested, repeat the request again. If the child again does not pay attention to the request, tell him that since he has not started to perform the requested task, you will take him to where the task is and help him to get started

* v) Grasp the child gently by the arm or the hand and escort him to the location of the task. When you are attempting to establish the new habit pattern, you may have to work along with the child for a portion of the task to help him to get started. After a while, the child may very well get used to the new patterns and you will not have to aid him in the task

* vi) When the child completes the task, be sure and tell him that you are pleased that he tried hard and had worked well on the task. Praise is an important part of doing and completing the task for a child. Do not criticize any flaws in the task

6. When attempting to establish a new habit pattern it takes many repetitions to achieve any changes. This new approach may have to practiced regularly for a couple of weeks before the child learns that when you make an initial request, or even a second request, you intend to see that he follows through with the request. Once the child learns that you will insist that the task be completed, he will gradually start to initiate the task on his own

7. The above outline is much easier to read and discuss than it is to implement. It will require a great deal of patience and persistence in order to make a change. Sometimes the pattern may need modifications to ensure success. Make sure you are modifying what is not working only after it is evaluated over a long period of time.

It is also important that you remain consistent and follow through on every occasion. This promotes discipline and lets the child know that the tasks are to be completed every time.
Remember, a few weeks helping your child learn to listen will help build a more positive relationship for the future.

It is important to review section (4) from time to time

**Note**
Although males and females are equally affected by ADD, more males are diagnosed at an earlier age. Research shows that more females suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder/Inattentive type and therefore do not exhibit 'obvious' hyperactivity resulting in being diagnosed at a later stage, if at all.
For the purpose of simplicity I have used the term 'he or him' in reference to the child but in reality the terms 'she or her' can be substituted.

ADD ~ ADHD Family Support Group

*Disclaimer: Remember that all children are different and what works with one child will not necessarily work with another. Common sense and good judgement are required to make the above suggestions successful. Of all the email I receive, this section seems to generate the most controversy. These are suggestions only and a lot of time and effort are required but they can and do work. A battle worth winning is won in many small skirmishes...arm yourself with knowledge and patience.