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TWO MINUTES

If someone blows your trust away
At a very early age
I don't think they understand
Just what they've done
For a child it last so long
I meen the shame of what went on
For a man it's just two minutes
Then he's gone

For a man it takes a flash
But it turns young lives to ash
I really hope they're proud
Of what they've done
For inside the child is dead
Betrayed by minutes in his bed
And a whole liftime ahead
With what he's done

I'd like to take you near
To what it's like to have this fear
And to dread each day
As you get out of bed
As you have to go to school
And you have to act the fool
'Cause if you laugh outside
they might not see the rest

Then when you go to work
And the guys treat you like dirt
And you just can't handle
Being used for laughter
I'd like to answer back
But if they make me crack
With my anger
It would end up in a slaughter

You might say that's over acting
But i'm telling you exactly
My anger's stronger
Than any nuclear bomb
I'm afraid to let it go
I'm afraid to let it show
'Cause if I crack
Then someones life is gone

All this anger built inside
Is from when my childhood died
It was killed in bed
By the man I called my father
He ruined my whole life
For the price of a quick ride
He may be dead now
But my anger's even stronger

But I'm stronger than him
And I won't live out his crime
He was nothing
And he thought I was no better
But I knew that he was wrong
And the moment he was gone
I went for help
So now the fear is almost over

I may never live a life
That's free of inner strife
But I know as far as he goes
I'm much better
Now I know it's safe
to let out this inner rage
I can control it
So I'm better than my father
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WHY?

They asked me at my junior school
They said "Tell us what is wrong?"
I said absoloutly nothing
So the abuse just carried on

They said "Tell us why you're being like thi?s"
"why can't you settle down?"
I said "There's nothing wrong with me"
"I'm only messing around"

They sent me to child counselors
To see if I was mad
But I didn't tell them anything
How could I shop my dad

Dad did not show much affection
He never showed he cared
But on my nights alonewith him
He showed his love in bed

It was our little secret
The cuddles and the care
It was just between the two of us
But to me it caused great fear

The gym teacher said "Stop hiding"
"We've all seen one before"
"To get undressed is quite alright"
"There's nothing here to fear"

He said "Do you think you're special?"
"Do you want a gym of your own?"
"What makes you so diferent,
That you're always on your own?"

I wished to God I could tell him
I wished I could make it known
That inside I felt so guilty
About the nights with my dad all alone

God I couldn't stand it
I couldn't stand much more
For the guilt's to much to handle
And inside I feel a whore

I went through life with this secret
I couldn't stand it any more
So I landed in a hospital
In behind locked doors

I let them think I was crazy
I said what they wanted to hear
Because I'd rather live in a mental war
Anything but back home, back there

Eventually my dad had died
And my life was in a mess
I knew I had to sort it out
I felt counseling was best

It took me many years from start
To where I am just now
It took me years to rebuild trust
I was scared I'd be let down

For a long time I ha suffered
Anxiety, depression and guilt
I knew my mind was torn apart
It had made me very ill

Once it started flowing
Once the right words came
I started to discover
more about this shame

This shame was dad's and his alone
It didn't come from me
He had messed my mind up
It was him. It wasn't me

I now can see the problem
And I know I'm not alone
And if you're in this position
Remember "You are not on your own"
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