Retrospective
2/7/98
From the depths of abstract moments
Flying through my sky
I often reach out and hold on
To one that fits my time
Pictures of places, the laughs we shared and the looks on their faces
The rivers we crossed, I think I was scared and the love that I lost
Just something to fill my mind
The phone rang, "Hello," she said
"Remember me, I'm Rachel, you don't need to be mad at me
I just called to say sorry about things
I've got a friend I think you'll like and we've got nothing to do
So how about beers and a movie, sound good to you?"
Here I am, not stupid or shy, but still learning to be a man
Here comes trouble, she's got passion in those eyes
Yeah, this boys been hypnotized
He couldn't see he'd been paralyzed
Guess he didn't know enough
Now he wishes he'd realized
Far beneath the valley of reality
Too dark for him to see
Down there, deep within her, whispering to her
Memories of a life that she thought died
A lifetime of sorrow she has to hide
Sprinkles of laughter, floods of pain
These were beasts too wild to tame
The power inside her, the primitive drive
A mission of extinction of a life full of lies
Now the pain no longer the power
A new obsession grows within her
A new expression draws her drive
Too soon, too much?
Too scared to touch
True love?
A new devotion to pure emotion
Will our love live or will it hide?
These Trails
8/8/97
Tranquil tender tendrils torture
Total annihilation
Temptation takes it's toll
These trails take me far from home
Endless light traces through my soul
These are not images reality will show
Lost on my way to total liberty
Take my trip enlightening me
Show me how to, allow my heart to
Let this light glow, let my love know
I don't want to, I don't need to fly forever
I don't want to run forever
This is the time of awakening
Rub your eyes clean of all you thought you knew
Gaze upon forever, just for a while
Thoughts for miles
Everlasting smiles
Where will you go now?
I know you're there now
How do you cope now?
I know you'll learn how
Show me how to, allow my heart to
Let this light glow, let my love grow
Down
october 1996
Break me down, take me down
You burned my kingdom, you wear my crown
Movin' down, crashin' down
Fallin' down, goin' down
Down, down, down, down
Deeper, deeper, you feed my fire
You lied to me, too blind to see
Too naive to believe
Break me down, take me down
You burned my kingdom, you wear my crown
The fire's burnin', the gears are turnin'
Down here this new world of mine
Anger untold
Frustration unfolds
Down, down here
This new everclear
Feed me with fear
I couldn't help but hide
Purity in my pride
I found it
Down
Here
Unsettled Heart
(Further Down)
october 1996
Insignificant whispers of memories cloud my sky
Murmurs of pain shoot up my spine
I remember and I cry
I hide my face and dig my hole
Just gotta smile and hide my soul...
I still remember as days go by
Migrane moments to insane mind;
How could I love you?
Blind, kind, naive mind;
Do I want so much to hate you?
Need to forget
I pledged my heart to you
Now live with regret
Frustration, penetration
With our love, my rage tears me
Down
Not The Same
11/15/96
At one time we awoke with sunshine
Not a care in the world
There was a time when nothing was perfect
Like you and I
As the storm came, you lived in your sins
Lord, I thought the pain would never end
Well, sometimes I still remember those unreal days
As you lay upon my shoulder today
Babe, it's just not the same
I think of the time...
Is your love strong like mine?
Hoping and dreaming and wanting and needing
Guess I just miss that feeling...
Soulmate
11/16/96
You walk with the shadows
Of fears and desires
That fill my aching soul
You dominate my dreams
You make me whole
Know I should fear you
Need to be near you
You've driven me to hate you
Condemn you, damn you
But I know that I love you
Scared to touch, want so much
My seductive soulmate
Need you beside me
Need you inside me
You walk with the shadows of fears and desires
That fill my aching soul
You dominate my dreams
You make me whole
Snow
february 1997
How could I be so blind?
When did I lose my mind?
Why must my broken heart be so kind?
I guess I just don't know
Forgot how to see
Reason left me like the snow
Melting under the salt of your deceit
Lied to- tryed to- have to- hurts to-
Need you to- don't quite understand
Why I have to- hurts to-
Love you
Once again I sit here and sulk
Once again I cannot sleep
Thoughts of you have made me weep
My love for you has made me weak
Hold me, hurt me, love me, kill me
Take my heart, rip it apart 'cause
Here I am again, take me as I am
I guess I just don't care
I keep coming back for more
My Life
may 1997
Staring into nothing in this evening pitch
Your love was weak, my life story so meek
Here I am again, I'm headed down that way
Never different from yesterday
I'm losin' it, but I'm knowin' it
Life's a bitch
Days go by me, too blind to see
Sober, drunk, high, hung over
Who is to say?
I'm losin' it, but I'm knowin' it
Life's a bitch
Do I remember yesterday?
Last week, last month?
Who cares? They probably sucked anyway!
I done lost it
I do like it
I don't remember it
Just can't forget it
Yeah, I know it don't make sense
Life's a bitch!
Lost in the Little Things
7/7/97
When will I learn that life depends not on just living?
When will I learn that pain comes from trying too hard for forever?
How does one handle the secrets of faith in emotion?
Why have I tried so hard to cling to someone so distant from me?
I had a reason for falling for you
It doesn't make any sense, but these words are true
In the beginning, your touch so soft
Your words so kind, your smile devine
Temptation took over my pride
Reason took a vacation
I had a reason for falling for you
It doesn't make any sense, but these words are true
It turns out a fool was I
Believing in hopes too new, now I'm just here kneeling
Trusting hopes you remember and fears that you're feeling
Am I blinded by love or am I
Just lost in the little things?
So Much
(started late november 1996)
I'm lying here thinking, it's
Just another sleepless night
Wonderin' what is my purpose
What is the meaning of life?
Turn on the radio tryin' to
Get my mind off life and love
Crack open a cold one and
Wonder why it hurts so much
Well I keep on livin'
Don't know why, what for, how come
Better get some answers
Or I'm gonna go nuts!
(completed 8/7/97)
Here I go again wishing
On a midnight star
Hopin' and prayin' and knowin'
I'll see light of a brighter day
Somehow, someway...
Well I know I'm really gonna miss you
But I don't know another way
To say what's on my mind
Good luck in everything
Guess I'm just gonna say good-bye
Good-bye...
Destiny
2/10/98
When all was said and done
As the dark gave way to the sun
I can look back and plainly see
It wasn't you, it wasn't me
It just wasn't meant to be
It wasn't trust, it wasn't us
All I've got left are memories
Remember us now when love was pure and new
When you looked into my eyes for the very first time
As I said softly, I love you
And those warm summer nights, our love so true
We promised to stay together until the end of time
As I felt whispered, you love me too
Well I used to say that it hurt to be me
Now I just laugh in humility
It wasn't you, it wasn't me
Love just wasn't meant to be
I only have one thing left to say to you
After all the times we shared
At times we fought and sometimes we cared
Nothing hurts like true love's blows
Could it have been saved?
Who will ever know?
But as sure as I loved you and you loved me
I'll never again doubt
The Hand of destiny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the depths of abstract moments
Flying through my sky
I often reach out and hold on
To one that fits my time
Pictures of places, the laughs we shared and the looks on their faces
The rivers I've crossed, I think I was scared and the love that I lost
My constant inspiration and writing each part of this Retrospective
The End.