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| Jiayong's Diary... 2nd Month... ^__^ |
| "... never been so sure about something before. but now i'm sure. that the only person i ever wanna be with... is you." |
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| 2005|0826 I know i'm two days late writing this entry but cant help it! the stupid geocities site HAD to be down for the past two days@! @ARGH@ but it's ogieee~! ^__^ cos everything about our first month anniv... are still as clear in my mind like it just happened a moment ago... in fact it's the only thing i've been thinking about since saturday... *blush...* ^__^ i must really really really be the luckiest guy in the world... cos she must be the sweetest sweetest girl in the world too... in fact i still feel so bad cos she had to sleep at 330 on friday nite (saturday morning already...) just to finish my present... and that really touched me alot cos no one's ever ever been so nice to me before. she's so sweet think i'm gonna get diabetes liaoz! but i dun mind dying in her sweetness tho... :P she wrapped up this box with shiny blue paper (a color we BOTH chose... xin1 ling2 xiang1 tong1...!) and made 18 cranes lining the border (eekz... help u massage ur fingers kiez...) and 18's a really special no. to us n only we know why... inside the box was a LeAtHeR WaLLeT!~!~! my FiRsT leather wallet!~!~!~! :D :D and... a cd... about us! been listening to the cd n reading the lyrics for the past 2 days everytime i think about her (which is all the time...) n it just feels so wonderful how things have been turning out. she's really the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me...~ *smile...* put her baby photo in e wallet n everytime i look at her... i just melt ok... i just totally totally melt hee~~~!! in fact everything about us, about saturday, still feels like a dream to me. i can still remember her touch... the way we were holding hands... her warmth... *blush!!!!* ahhhh.... i'm just melting again... it's so surreal... but just let me indulge in this be it fantasy or reality for just a little while more kiez... @grinz!@ anyway i hope she liked my card and the big pink pig i gave her! ^__^ (gonna to give her a PIG every year! heehee that's a pRoMiSe kiez!) n i wonder what she's been thinking about over the past 2 days too... hee... i dunno... but... back to reality... i do know that we're not really together together cos it's not time yet... that's why i'm cherishing these moments so much. n i do understand her plight n all...n i do know she's been trying very hard too. (so am i, dear.) but right now i suppose it doesnt really matter anymore whether we are officially in a relationship or not... cos i guess we just both mutually enjoy each other's company, n we feel alot for each other, and that's what matters the most. yah. u know it's ironic... when i was with boron, though we were together, but we didnt really feel for it, we were flippant n nonchalant n really makes me wonder what the hell i was doing back then thinking back now. yet now... when i'm with my dear-dear octopus, though we dun meet so often, though we arent really in anything official... yet the faith is strong, the feeling the care n concern n understanding, they're all there. i'm just really really happy, very happy, that she came into my life. and in case she still worries now and then about my past, i don't know how to reassure her totally... but i just hope she realises that things between us are different now. i don't want the past to affect our present happiness, i'm accepting the past as it is, n learning from it, so i really do hope she doesnt brood over it too much too. i just hope she knows, that when i said those 3 words in her ears on saturday when we were holding hands, i really mean it, and i'm not hiding anything from her. this is as frank n transparent as i can ever get. i know i've said those words to boron before too, guess that's a reality i have to come to terms with. but at that point in time, i never knew what those words really meant. i never knew what they meant, what it was all about, the feelings n care involved, i never knew them. i never knew what loving someone really means,... until i met u dear. but now i know, n i can say those words without feeling like i'm lying, without feeling like i'm just an ignorant clown. i say it from the bottom of my heart, with full awareness of the responsibilities n understanding it requires, n with sincerity. cos now i know what it means when i tell u... i love you. |
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| 2505|2326 oh no! i'm getting more and more inconsistent writing this diary! think i'll make it a journal instead lahz~~take out every wkend to reflect a little... anyway this week's been pretty full of ups n downz... while the downz were quite sad, the UpS were ReALLy HaPpY~!! (bleaghz wat am i saying!) the roller coaster ride sort of began on tuesday... sighz... cos been bottling up alot... bout us not spending enuff time together n things feeling weird in sch, (i think too much at times...) sort of let it all out on wednesday after our GP paper... made her really worried n sad thruout the bus ride to her place... still feeling bad about it now cos maybe what i was feeling was really uncalled for, n i was just spoiling our precious dinner outing that day... But suppose things did turn out alright in the end cos i really felt so much so much better letting her in on how i felt, letting her understand the difficulties i'm facing, n letting her know just how much i needed her... My dear octopus was really understanding that day, n i really wanna thank her for putting up with me. though it did bring a few tears to the both of us, but guess it really helped us understand each other better too. ^__^ n that's another emotional obstacle we've conquered! things are just going to get better i just know so. HeHZ! slept at 2 on thurday night! (friday morning i mean!) cos wanted to make up to my darling, n there were alot of words i wanted to tell her, alot of feelings i wanted her to know after wat happened on wed, but didnt want to get it across the conventional letter-writing or smsing way! so i wrote a song for her. spent over 6 hours on it okay! 3+ hours just writing the lyrics alone, had to listen to every part of the song over n over again, while i squeezed every inch of my brain for it's creative juices.! after dat had to practise like crazy late into the night (my mum must think i'm out of my mind! :P) singing to the microphone again n again cos my voice sounds really terrible on tape! >__< but i know that all my efforts werent wasted! cos i brought a smile on her face! *GrInZ!* on friday afternoon we raced time on a cab to yishun GV to catch the romantic comedy hit "mY sAsSy GirL" ! was really tummy-tickling n tear-jerking at the same time~~~ but *phew* i'm really heaving a sigh of relief that my dear dear isnt as "sAsSy" as the female lead lohz! *sWeAtDroP!* this is the first movie we've watched together... n to tell u the truth i was more enjoying her company right next to me, shoulders touching... rather than watching the movie~~~ heehee... *WIDE SMILE!* after the show we hid at a corner of the stairway for my surprise!!! AGHHH.... feels so AGHHH just thinking bout it! sang the song i wrote bout the two of us... <<zai wo xin>> to her... my face was really red then kiez! cos SOOO malu!!! really pity her ears cos her eardrums must be complaining of my crappy voice! >__< but i'm glad by making a silly fool of myself i managed to make her happy!!! n then... she rested her head on my shoulders.... ... .... .... .... .... dear... u make me feel so loved. was feeling a little edgy since last night cos was just wondering what holding hands meant to her... cos i didnt want the Boron history to repeat u see... n also cos i was worried bout how zairu would feel holding my hand... i wanted to make sure she really wants it too, n not just to make me happy. i didnt want her to be feeling bad about something that's supposed to be so happy... but after what she told me last night...n her msg this morning... i really felt so reassured. and today... while we were out at bubble tea after my crazy training... guess feelings do speak for itself... ^__^ holding her warm hand... i felt that it was different today, cos she wasnt holding back... n she meant what she said last night... n maybe she has come to terms with her feelings just a little more... feels so happy knowing that we are making progress... though things may still seem awkward at times, but i know we're still figuring out this whole new world opened to us through our love, as we go along... *grinz...* no idea why holding hands means so much to me either...guess it's a sign of affection... a way of protecting her, a way of telling her i'm just right beside her no matter what happens... n most of all... i think it's something really special that only two people share when they really love each other... i'm so glad i've found her pair of warm hands to hold... her touch just totally melted my heart... n i wanna hold her hands forever... (hee... just a passing thought... who knows we may be holding the same hands walking into the wedding chapel.... hee!~!!~!!~!!!) school hols just started n we've got a heavy schedule to study!!! but this time i'm studying for her too. n i'm not gonna disappoint her. we'll work hard together okay!!! ^__^ |
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| 2705|1544 HeHZ~!! I just found another wonderful thing about our relationship today!!! ^__^ It's funny how a relationship helps u realise things u've never realised before, discover new feelings u've never felt before, n makes even the smallest most simple things seem so special. She woke up me up this morning as usual. hearing the "everywhere" ringtone, i picked up my phone greeting her with my sleepy awake-but-not-so-awake voice~! *gRiNz!* we chatted for a while, while i wriggled about under my blanket, before she insisted i sit up b4 i fall asleep again! after we put down, while i was brushing my teeth, i was just thinking a little... hee~! i just realised how her sweet voice has already brightened up my entire morning since it's the first thing i hear when i wake up...! ^__^ yah... it may be something small, something simple, something so insignificant so easy to do, just a simple dial, a simple phonecall... yet bcos it's her, bcos it's about us, it's special. She's been waking me up every morning when i don't have sch (SuNdAys actually!) for quite a few weeks now coming to think of it... hehz!... it's a nice feeling having this constant in ur life, knowing how her little actions everyday show her care for you. n this afternoon, i woke her up from her nap too! heard her making her sleepy sounds (VeRy CuTe!! I LiKe!!!) n her voice muffled under her pillow... abit like a kitten! haha~(already feeling like we're married or something!) and i realised one of the nicest feelings in this world, is about having this constant doing those simple small things for you. n hearing that special someone's voice the first thing when u wake up, can make just any morning blue go away. Because it's her. |
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| 2805|1757 I'm REALLY just So ExCiTeD about our homepage!! :P I'm using "our" now instead of "my" and it makes me feel really happy knowing that this webpage will be another thing we share!! :D :D She's added a diary entry of her own just last night~ n i went around searching for the NICEST background i could find for her diary page! bcos this is the first time she's trying out this whole homepage idea, that's why i wanna make it the best for her! the background i chose is another Final Fantasy VII character called Aeris! she's a flower girl in the game, adept in healing magic! n it the picture she's actually casting a spell called Healing Wind~~~ loved her character in the game n was so sad when she had to sacrifice her life for Cloud (the main character n also her love) in the end and to save the world... it's really quite a touching story tho it's just a game. ^__^ hope my dear-dear likes the picture! (it's PINK! :P) She just had her wisdom tooth plucked out today... n she's been sleeping since she got home, waking up just to talk to me... ahh... my heart kinda aches seeing her in pain too. just hope those painkillers she's eating takes effect soon. den again she's losing appetite... sigh... dear dear, take care alright? tml i'll sayang u when we meet! ^__^ if u're bored lying on bed just come visit our homepage ok? (it's a virtual world that belongs to JUST the two of us, dear...) added our baby photos on the photos page too! n i find it really quite a coincidence that she was looking for the lyrics for our cd last night, n i just so happened to upload it this morning! wat can i say... it's another FrEaKy~! (how many so far already? lost count!!) she must be sleeping now... sleep tight my adorable little piggy... i'll speak to u again later ok? ^__^ ps: eh!! dun be inconsistent like me kiez! try adding stuffs to our page everytime u find something that interests u? like lyrics... pictures... (not music tho cos no space!) n hope the diary thingy keeps going too! me looking forward to ur next entry! HEE! :P |
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| 2905|1909 I finally got to see my DeAr-DeAr again today~!! :P :P really made my day~!! n i'm really very happy now~~~ u have no idea how much i've been missing her for the past 3 days lohz... she's on my mind like almost every moment... when i study... when i eat... (miss her tidbits~~ but she gave me mushmallows today!!! :P) so i'm really really really glad i got to see her today~~! ^__^ quite worried about her now though~ cos when i spoke to her after training realised she's been having cramps~~ *sayang* hope the warm bath made u feel better dear... rest more pls? first her toothache den cannot have proper meals n she's been losing appetitie... den now got cramps... agh... must've been tough on her... i'm here for u in case u need someone to pinch or box on when u're in pain okay? ^__^ (like in My SaSsY GirL? *OUCH!*) had a truly wonderful time with her today~~ we were holdiing hands n doing some light shopping~!! AND as USUAL she taught me something NEW about the world of SWEETS n TIDBITS~!! @__@ hahaha!~!!!~!! this would be something i remember for a loooong looooong time~~ my oCtOpuS is such a SweeEt-TooTh~! no wonder she's soOoOoo sweet to me alwayz~!! heee~!! after our BK lunch (could tell from her squinty eyes she had trouble chewing lohz... poor thing...) we went to BrAdeLL StatIon~! cos i wanted to pass her this pair of KiSsIng PiGs~!! *GROSS* (this is wat she'll say i bet!~!) hahah~!! found them at Gift Land just before my spiderman movie on sunday night! *GRINZ~* so much for my weekly surprise for her!! and den... after dat... heee!! *blush!* she became my pillow!~! was feeling abit sleepy b4 training (pre-training syndrome) so... was hugging her a little to rest!! n the funny part comes when we have to quickly go away when the train comes!! hee~! quite CuTe~!! like a comedy lydat!~! but she was really very nice to hug~~~... *blush!!* hee... n now i can remember her smell ready~! *gRiNz*~! i LiKe~!!! she's a BLuEbErrY-FlAvoUreD Dear-Dear~~~ ^__^ training was tough today but her LeMoN TeA really refreshed me after dat!!! ehzzz~~ really really must thank u for taking so good care of me... i know u very teng2 me too... ^__^ hope ur tooth-ache n cramps go away soon~~ take care... |
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| 0106|0838 Yesterday was a really special day we shared together~~ :) i'm sure the memories are already deeply engraved in our hearts so i shall try to keep this entry short n sweet. *smile...* woke up at 6 in the morning~! refused to wake her up at 615 cos she wasn't feeling well the night before. :P care for her lyk crazy ok~! caught the train to ang mo kio den she HAD to take the 73 bus so i had to climb the mrt AGAIN to toa payoh~ (sighz! things we do for our girlz!) anyway we were feeling adventurous that CrAzY FrIDaY MoRNinG n GUESS WAT!!!! we spotted a 145 bus saying "to buona vista" n JUST HOPPED ON!~!~! *eyes open BIG BIG @__@* AND JUST GUESS HOW LONG THE BUS RIDE TOOK!!! ONE HOUR n THIRTY MIN!!!! rode all the way to bugis... den to tanjong pagar n took a few spins round the MOST ULU places in s'pore u can ever find b4 finally arriving NEAR ghim moh... *sweatdrop* hahahahah!!! *GRINZ!* but we really din mind at all... cos the bus trip was... well... a meaningful one. :P i think it's a real special feeling watching someone u love sleep... can't explain but it's a nice feeling~ ^__^ after running ard in sch we had lunch at united square~ (another ULU place?) the food at this Mad Max's Cafe was really not bad~ in e end cos din like the noise the lunch crowd was making, we disappeared to... guess where... shall make BRADDELL _OUR_ mrt station already! it was a nice quiet place other than the trains that come every 7 min (groan...)... we chose a bench at the far end again... and there my angel laid... in my arms again~ i could smell her hair (blueberry~)... feel the warmth of her touch... hear her voice in my ears... n see her most pretty pretty face just millimeters away from mine~~ never been so close to her before, n could never imagine this ever... but this is real. she was in my arms... i'm really not dreaming... but feels like i'm in heaven. u know nothing can be compared to being in the arms of someone u love so much. (grin...) haha~ she was really affectionate too! other den her StRaNgLe (copy "my sassy girl~!") but really... the way she touched my face... i thought it the most wonderful feelings ever in the world. really wish such happy moments can last forever... but i suppose wat makes these moments really special is because they're fleeting ones n that's wat makes pple treasure them even more. i know this means as much to her as it does to me. but i also know she's still facing an inner aching feeling of guilt. i really hope she manages to find her own answers to this tough qn on her mind. dear, there's really nothing bad with two young and innocent hearts loving each other... and it's really not like this was all there is in our relationship. there's really so much more. so much understanding n care... n suppose the affectionate part of it (erm... the snuggling? ^__^ hee..) makes only a part of the affection meant to let the other party feel secure n loved... and honestly dear... i am glad that u told me how u felt. but very imptly pls trust that there's really a whole lot more to _us_ den just this. n i hope that makes u feel better... it's a real happy feeling being by ur side... dun want u feeling bad. if we have to forgo the more affectionate part of things, i'm really fine. as long as it makes u feel better. it's meant to be a happy thing anyway dear... and i really got to emphasise that we are a whole lot more than just _this_. this is just something nice, like a present i suppose. a gift to tickle the heart. my feelings don't change without this dear. *tickle tickle* pls dun worry. hope saying this makes u feel better. n really thanks for the clothes too! really LIKE them a lot!!! they suit me really well! n it's such a coincidence "jian dan ai" had to play just when i stepped into bubble tea right! guess fate or God's will really plays a bigger part den i ever imagine in _us_. never felt so sure about something ever before in my life. but i am sure now... that i wanna be with nobody else than you. *hugz* |
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| 0106|1725 Dear... guess we were thinking about the same issues this morning~~ (hehz... our hearts are connected remember) hope reading my entry this morning will make u feel better... pls dun worry too much~? ^__^ i'm really already very very very happy to be by ur side n be so teng2 by u all the time. wat i'm most proud about _us_ is the mutual understanding we share. everything else is just a present, something i'll like, something that warms my heart, but definitely not everything about _us_. n more importantly, i don't want u worrying dear. remember to update our page when u're free okay! ^__^ |
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| 0206|2231 To Zairu my darling, Dear... thanks for taking such good care of me~ esp when i'm in my cranky-cum-sentimental moods. u're wonderful. been quite anxious bout training camp today. feels so much better knowing u're always around to give me the support and listening ear i need. because of u, come the crazy groundwork exercises or raounds n rounds of endless randori, i'm not afraid. because of u, i know i can go thru anything. in more ways den one, u give me strength. (though i melt when i'm with u... :P) will be thinking of u in training camp. n when i miss u i'll just look at ur baby photos, drink ur lemon tea... n so much more. dun forget i'm wearing ur gi n training ur share too. Thanks for making me strong. This is one real special thing about you i'd like u to know. will miss u lots. msg u whenever i can. take care of urself while i'm not around to nag at u!! tata~ *luv u lotsa*--yongyong! |
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| 0606|2218 just got back from training camp~... bleaghz... can't find the words to describe the intensity of the camp, but guess the aches n joint pains i'm experiencing right now speak a million words @__@ can't believe i'm still sweating now~ maybe it's the weather or maybe my body still thinks i'm in training camp playing randori or doing pt! haha~~ but really... i'm nothing less than TOTALLY SHAG right now~ wish my darling was here to sayang me... *mmpH!* ^__^ thinking back... it's been so fast. 6 years of judo. 6 training camps. can't believe it's gonna be over so soon. national schools' just round e corner a month away from now. our last training camp is but a memory, leaving only aches (of the heart n body) n judo experience (tactical n technical) to stay. and to think that back in sec 1, those team mates that toiled on the mats w me, screamed their hearts out, trained their sweat n blood out w me today, used to be a bunch of jokers clowning around this very same time 6years ago. i remember we always used to talk about how we longed for jc2 to come, for the last training (torture) camp to be over. but now that it's finally over, we left the gym n mats today not in high spirits but with heavy hearts, knowing that this was gonna be the last final year we train and fight as a team. just hope they know that once team-mates, forever team-mates. we're buddies forever man. some things never get erased, never fade away. n that's my feelings for the team, the club, the coaches. bleaghz. it's weird the way i'm feeling now. but that only goes to show how big a role judo plays in my life. bleaghz... it's really such a weird feeling i'm feeling now. but i'm thankful having judo in my life. it's really wat shaped me the way i am today. without judo, i would not have formed such solid dependable frenships with my team-mates. i would not know the true meaning of perseverence n fighting spirit. i would have missed out on a whole big chunk of my life. it'll be like a pizza with no toppings. dull. n very importantly... hee (i'm saving the best for the last!!) i wouldnt have met my darling. she's been the most supportive most encouraging most caring dear-dear to me. even though it's only been a short 4 days, but it's really some kind of an ordeal n frankly speaking, i depended alot on her for that emotional pillar of support. to balance out the fatigue, the depression even. i needed her. n she was there for me. i'm really very very touched... cos realised it's another hurdle we've leapt across together, n crossed it pretty well too! i'm really loving her more and more by the day... it's hard to explain the kind of gan3 dong4 u feel seeing a familiar face, the face of that special someone, after some hell. n when she touched my wounds, my aches, somehow it ust didn't hurt anymore. at least not as much. this is the magic my darling zairu has... *hug tight tight* |
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| 0706|0933 you know dear... last night when u were crying over the phone... i felt really sad too. n even kinda blaming myself for not being able to help. my heart aches too knowing u're sad and those feelings keep coming back to you. i always try very hard to step into ur shoes n i know how miserable u feel. especially cos u're such a dedicated person by nature, it must suck real bad missing out on what used to be a big part of ur life. i'm so so so sorry dear. last night i teared a little for u too. not afraid to admit it now cos i know those were the right tears. cos i care so much for u it just hurts me so bad seeing u sad. can't believe i'm crying for a girl... haha~~ yap my dear octopus... u're the first girl i've ever cried for too... guess it's really a build-up for me too. cos all along been thinking abt how u've been feeling, n it kinda gets to me too... but dear, u know i'm always always there for you yah... when u need someone to pour ur troubles to my listening ears are always there. when u need a shoulder to cry on, think my shoulders are pretty broad enough. when u need a hand to help u in anything at all, well i have confidence in my arms to. n most of all, if u need a heart to care for u, hope u already know that my heart's all yours already. *grin...* yah~~... n pls dun try hiding any of it from me... cos i'll know one~~ hee dunno why i have this real funny idea dat our hearts are really connected somehow~~ n u know something... although i'm really at a loss for words when u cry, i really hope u know how i'm feeling too.... n hope dat when u read behind those not-really-sensible-cos-i'm-at-a-loss-words of mine at those times, u can sense the concern n anxiety i'm feeling. dear~ i'm always just right next to you okay? |
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| 1106|1300 Dear~~ wanna thank you for being with me thru all those tough days when i was feeling down n stressed out~ MM~! ^__^ *BIG BIG HUG!* sometimes i'm just thinking like wat can i do without u... n realised that i would be losing the sweetest warmest part of my life, n i wouldnt be me anymore cos i've already given "me" to you. *grinz* this is a really tough period for the two of us i know... with studies n all pressing on us it can even be quite suffocating... *EEPZ* but u know something. being with u yesterday, it simply lifted all my worries away, n gave me the strength to carry on no matter how tough things get. yesterday's a really special day to me too! mm... n everything about yesterday, the lunch, the movie, the shopping, everything's still so fresh in me, n i still cant help thinking bt it all of today! ^__^ mmm! so i dun wanna spoil it putting yesterday into words... we'll just use our "xin1" to remember n treasure all that's happened yesterday ok? ^__^ n dear... wanna also let u know that ur faith is safe with me n i'll do wateva it takes to protect it. today, tomorrow n forever! want u to be the last girl i say this to too~ wo3 ai4 ni3. *hee! zairu my dear dear gave her first kiss to my right cheek!* *MUAKZ!* |