| Jiayong's Diary. (*shh... secret ok?* ^__^) |
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| 2604|2050 Went for dinner at holland village with her today~~~ ^__^ yap! it's been exactly one week and one day since that wonderful thursday night i gave her the comic... *sheepish smile again...* n the week's been a beautiful one since then too! cos... she's my lovely sunshine...! :P we spoke a lot today at N.Y.D.C today... i never thought i could ever put so much faith n feelings in someone again since the Boron rltnshp, but there's something bout Zairu, bout this lovely sunshiny octopus, that's been healing these wounds. u know the more u put into something, the more vulnerable it makes u feel. but there's just something about her that just really reaches out to me, reassuring me n washing those worries away. Though i'm still a lil paranoid at times, but guess it'll take time to reassure me totally. we've been telling each other stuffs dat's been kept a secret in our hearts for so long... n when she told me wat she told me over ice cream today, i felt really touched cos... she's just so nice so wonderful so much of my dream-girl i never thought that she could return those feelings too. if there's one thing she's taught me today, it's about appreciating everyday as a special n cherishing every moment, instead of just looking forward to one particular day to pour your emotions on. a bit confusing, but she'll know what i'm saying... ^__^ yah... i just know this is the start of a bond so special n steady it'll last a lifetime, n i'll cherish a lifetime too. |
| 2804|1023 Hehz~!! spent the entire evening yesterday colouring this background!~! just hope it looks good on my special diary page~! ^__^ although yesterday didnt get to send her home after all... felt a bit disappointed at first but then i realised it's JUST a small outing~ there'll be other chances yah? no rush at all!:P hmmm... know her mum's been nagging at her for talking on the phone for too long... actually been thinking about it n realised it really doesnt matter even if we dun talk dat much... hehz... as long as she's thinking about me~! hahaha~~~ cos dun want her to get into trouble w her mummy or get her studies affected... mmm... today's homework day (sunday) so guess wont be hearing much from her till night~:( but will be looking forward till then~! n i must thank her for repairing my watch for me too~!!! :P (will wear that watch everyday k!) guess i'll be writing on this diary page whenever i'm thinking bout her n have something to say... hehz~~~ ok back to work! >__< |
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| 2904|2057 Was running thru the canal route today with jerry for training (this time we ran all the way ROUND holland V so almost 8 km~!!! hehz~! record lohz~! even longer than last wk! n we were DAMN fast too *GrInZ*)... my legs still aching from that crazy impulsive decision :P n was doing just a little thinking during the run. I realised that my life's really been settling down alot these few weeks... I'm no longer so uptight n frustrated about stuffs all the time. And i'm worrying alot less too... (i wonder why... ^__^) It's a crucial year for all us J2s, n i'm really glad i'm finally beginning to settle down both mentally n emotionally, so dat i can focus on the task at hand. Right now suppose two big goals await me -- the big A's and the round-the-corner Judo National Schools. Though this happens every year, but i usually just go with the flow without being totally aware n conscious about wat i'm actually doing. But this year, it jsut feels different cos i dunno... feels like i finally have my legs rooted to the ground n not drifting about so much. Maybe it's cos i've found a true real emotional support from someone... (*smile*) n maybe it's cos i'm just growing up a little more... cos i'm aware that this year's the one major turning point in my life, n i wanna make sure i turn the right way. No regrets k, jiayong. whatever it is, i'm just feeling glad n coping well with the pace of everything (training, studies...) n i really appreciate her presence at this crucial point in my life. cos i know i'll always have her to fall back on. Hope she knows she has me too. *smile.* |
| 3004|1706 Hehz~! Just got my watch back from her today~! Coupled with a nice box of almond M&Ms~! @oh no i'm gonna grow fat~! to think i just ran yesterday!@ was reading her note den realised she had cleaned my watch for me~! u know i felt really touched cos all the salt crusts are trapped in the grooves of my watch strap it's really quite EEEEEE.... n she actually removed each n every lump of dirt to make my watch look brand new again. Cos i'm such a lazy clown what can i do without dear octopus lohz... She's just the nicest girl in the world..! *GRINZ!!*:P i'll have a surprise for her ltr this wk... OOPS hope she doesnt read this! from thursday onwards my class will be next to hers~! haha isnt it such a coincidence! bleaghz~~ i never really used to believe much in fate... until i met her. ^__^ Hope she does well for her econs on thursday! Mug hard okay? |
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| "and now there are two less lonely people in the world..." |
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| 0305|1927 Spoke to her on the phone just now... Been thinking alot about what i did with Boron though i try really hard not to. And the guilt's really been eating into me Been asking myself questions like how can i be totally true and sincere to Zairu if i'm still hiding sutffs from her. if the shadows of the past are still haunting me in those many different forms every now and then. I'm really in such a wreck when i think about this. (that's when the heavy metal comes into the picture) cos i can't get rid of this monster called guilt that's been accusing me of cheating everyone including me myself. And today when i could hold it back no longer i poured it all out to octopus n told her everything. What i really needed was just her understanding... And my dear octopus she really made me feel a million times better just by being beside me, be it on the phone or physically at macs. Cos she knew how i felt despite my trouble with finding the words to put my convulated feelings across, and she showed me her concern by telling me she's fine and will give me time and will be helping me thru this. I really wish i was there to wipe those tears away, cos it really hurts me to see her hurt. But want to let her know she's never been a substitute cos i've always had this special feeling for her since a long long time ago back in J1, and she's been that dream girl i've been waiting for, the girl that could wash my troubles away, the girl that's so sweet she touches my heart everyday just by being in my life, the girl that can stand by me no matter what happens. If there's one thing that's stood unshaken, and clear as crystal all this while my mind's been spun around like a whirlwind, it's really how i feel about her. She may not know this but everytime i open my heart to her, and she returns this with her own way of showing concern for me, i only find myself liking her more and more, for everything that she is. I've finally been as frank as i could with her today, and i'm so so so glad she understands... Dear Zairu, no one can ever replace you, cos u're so dear to me. |
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| 0505|1307 @phew...@ yesterday's been quite a day yah... but i'm just glad everything turned out ogie in the end... ^__^ hehz... she came over to my place yesterday~! ate some sub-standard western food at a foodcourt, den when it started to pour, we were just in time to take shelter at a small porch in the park~!! not forgetting to mention the mosquitoes that just wouldnt leave the two of us alone~! @bEaT!~!@ @oUcH~!@ @itChy!@ @sCrAtCH ScRAtCh~!@ just heard from her she got bitten 28 times~!! oh no... now octopus become polka-dotted liaoz. @put mopiko?@ and... something really really special happened yesterday too~! @bLeAgHZ~!@ just when we were leaving the park... i held... her hand. just for a brief moment though... but ahhh... i really felt like i was in heaven~~~~~~! cos... ahhhh... @blush~!@ aiii... u know!! @sMiLe...@ n... her hand felt really really warm. dun really know how to put it... but it's a warm feeling she gives me. it's something really really special i don't want to put into words cos it'll spoil it. But later that night... we kinda grew to recognise a problem... that we're caught in the middle... middle of frenship n relationship... and i know she must feel terrible... cos she's feeling torn between her own feelings and the promises she's made to herself... n she's finding trouble juggling her time for frens, for herself, for me. But guess we both know, how we feel about each other. it's something we can't run away from, something i don't want to run away from either, i'm so happy to just be around her, and i know she must feel the same too. Want her to know i'm not leaving her a bit, i'm just right next to her, to help her thru everything, so she's not alone. We'll work something out as we go along, hope she can keep the faith that things are just going to get better, so that she'll stay happy always. I understand how she feels, so i don't blame her for still holding back so much. Hopefully as time goes by, she can have more faith in a rltnshp being more than just a big scary thing, (bcos it's the two of us, i just know it's going to be a wonderful one that'll we'll treasure for a lifetime. but there's no rush in anything at all, cos i wanna make sure u really mean it when u say u're ready... till then i'm just going to wait for you...) and hope she can have more faith in herself in being able to handle a rltnshp too. She's really not on this alone... i'm walking this same path with her too. and i'm not afraid to make any sacrifices for her cos i just really want her to be happy. i know how cliche this sounds, but i feel when two people are true to each other, there's really nothing they can't conquer. We'll work something out somehow so that she wont feel so troubled. meantime... pls keep the faith okay? I've held your hand yesterday, and that means i'm not going to let go. @luv@ |
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| 1005|2138 Finally got to go out with her today!!! Yesterday n wednesday nite been quite draining on me... cos somehow or other the insecurity's finally sinking into me.... no idea why also. heyz! But been feeling better last night n today after talking to octopus! :P She really works wonders on me lohz.... haha... That's why she's my angel, my healer.... @GRINZ!@! u know i learnt something. true that things are really hectic in school n there's no space for a decent rltnshp.... BUT that doesnt make this special thing in us any less stable. It's just about this one word "faith". I learnt how important a role faith really plays in this... n if there's any medicine that can cure or at least soothe this insecurity, i guess it's just -- Faith. Faith that we both mean a lot to each other, faith that we can go through anything together, faith that things are just gonna get better. N i feel so much better already! :) :) At first i was really feeling bad about how i'm squeezing my way into her life, n upsetting her timetable n priorities.... Den i realised dat no... the more i say these things, i'll only get more unhappy n be worrying her crazy, n it's not gonna help at all. Wat's important now is not about blaming myself or anyone... cos there's really so much more to our special bond den this... She told me something on thursday night which was really nai4 ren2 xun2 wei4 (something worth reflecting about)... If i go on thinking only bout the bad stuffs, i'm just gonna be more kek by the day. And i'll really miss out on all the happy stuffs that's happening for us, den i won't really be cherishing her and our special rltnshp. I guess insecurity n maybe just loneliness is a part of every teenager's life. But u know i can tell her so easily that "octopus, u're not alone, cos u have me around." but i forget that i need to tell myself that too... that i'm not alone either, cos she's around. And being around doesn't need to come in the form of how much time we spend together, or how long we talk on the phone. It's about... how close two hearts feel. yah. i dun believe in suppressing my feelings cos i just wanna be true to myself, n also cos i think liking someone is a very special feeling only to be cherished by both sides, something to be happy about, cos it's not a bad thing. although there'll be times i feel disappointed not being able to spend time with her, n there'll be times i wonder a little, worry a little... but i won't let it be the only thing i'm feeling. i'm gonna tell myself, dun worry, cos she must be thinking of you this very moment too. :P n i'll tell myself to remember the happy times we've spent together n never to forget them. In case she hasnt realised... hehz... this is the first emotional obstacle we've conquered together! hehz! @HIGH FIVE!!!!@ think it's something to be proud of actually! n i'm real glad to have such a matured girlfr... oops! erm... OcToPuS-AnGeL that could read my heart so well n help me step out of this insecurity! not totally yet, but it's a nice first step! :P Had a NiCe time with her eating kaya toast n sending her home today!!! it's not anything extravagant... just something small... something simple... but it just smells so sweet still... i can still remember her beautiful eyes... her heartwarming smile... her fine hair that curls behind her ears... everything's still so vivid in me, it leaves a really just plain NICE feeling! n i really like that alot! it's just the beginning.... we're taking things slowly n easy.... cos this is one happy story of two people that won't end. :D |
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| 1105|1635 BLEAGHZ.... today felt a little angry cos was quite prepared for hard training. cos season n training camp really just round the corner, n i dun wanna be unprepared when it comes to the crunch. but guess it can't be helped that everyone's sick n unfit for training.... sighz. n ahhh.... dunno why but was feeling a little weird during training too. was plain whacking n qiong-ing, cos i felt i needed it. den everytime i turned my head to the stand, .... sighz. i mean... i was really training and feeling exhausted sweating n everything, already quite kekz that attendance n morale was at an all-time low, den when i saw Jan looking n laughing n smiling cos he was giving her tuition *ahh....*.... i just felt quite crappy... BUT.... i was on my way home after sending her to orchard... den i realised that it was actually quite natural that i felt this way... HATE to admit it but... guess i was feeling just at leeeeeetle leeeeeetle erm....jealous? haha.... this is so silly.... i sound like a little kid lohz. but relax... it's just a passing feeling lahz will snap out of it after a while! :P hmmmz..... gotta discipline those little kid instincts in me! kiez! anyway i'm just TOTALLY TOTALLy excited bout next saturday!!!! @WINK!!!@ |