The Ties that Bind
Chapter 13
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Jax and Brenda were both silent for several long moments while they thought about what to say. Jax smiled slightly and almost laughed as he said, "I don't know where to start."
"Neither do I," Brenda responded quietly. "I guess maybe we should start with the night…" her voice trailed off as she remembered it again.
Jax was silent, as well, as all the memories from their night came back to him.
He was standing in the middle of the courtyard in the garden. The table was covered with a white linen table cloth and the silver candelabrum cast the only light. The perfect white china was rimmed in gold and the champagne was chilling in a silver bucket of ice next to the table. Everything was perfect for them.
He looked up and his breath caught at the sight of her. She was breathtakingly stunning in her purple gown and silver shoes, her hair flowing freely in curls over her shoulders. She was equally caught off guard by his appearance. The white dinner jacket contrasted sharply with his black tuxedo pants, both setting off the gold glimmers in his hair.
He moved to escort her to the table and she wrapped her arm through his as she followed him to her seat. The moment they sat down, soft music began to play from hidden speakers. The candlelight threw shadows about them and lent an air of mystery and romance to their surroundings. A tall, thin gentleman approached wearing a black tuxedo and carrying a tray with two silver dome covered dishes. He set one down in front of each of them and lifted the covers. He revealed their meal of filet mignon, accompanied by twice-baked potatoes, and whole green beans.
She smiled broadly as she realized he had remembered precisely what her favorite meal was. It wasn't fancy or gourmet, but she loved it. He nodded at her recognition and they began to eat. After a dessert of her favorite white-chocolate mouse with raspberries, he led her to the center of the garden.
They danced beneath the stars and in the shadow of candlelight. The hours passed and neither of them realized, for time stood still that night for them.
They left the garden and headed to her home, both sated and content with their lives and each other. Upon reaching her doorway, she quickly asked him inside and he just as quickly accepted. Neither of them was prepared for what happened next.
They entered the apartment to find Lois sitting on the couch with another woman. The woman was a tall, brunette whose eyes lit up upon seeing Jax. Lois appeared to be in shock. Brenda and Jax were confused at the sight, Jax most of all.
"Miranda?"
"Jax!" She threw herself into his arms as he said her name. She tried to kiss his lips, but he quickly and forcefully pushed her away, but not before Brenda saw what she'd tried to do.
"Jax?" Brenda asked. "Who is this woman? And why is she here?"
He whirled toward her, suddenly remembering she was there. "Brenda, I-I don't know." Miranda was still stuck to his side possessively.
Brenda could see that he had known her apparently very well sometime before in his life. Before her, she hoped silently.
Jax's world began to spin and he had to sit down heavily on the chair next to him before he collapsed. He looked from Brenda to Miranda with alternating confusion and desperation.
Lois came to life then. Her eyes flashed angrily at Jax as she went to stand protectively beside Brenda. "Gee, Jax, aren't you going to introduce us all?"
"I-I don't understand," he stammered. "Miranda, what are you doing here? How did you find me?"
She looked completely innocent as she stood in front of the three of them. "Jax, don't you remember? Five years ago, this is the day we left each other, five years ago."
"So?" Brenda spoke up. "That doesn't explain why you're here, or who you are."
"I'm Miranda Jameson," she put her hand to Brenda, but quickly realized Brenda wasn't going to shake it. "And five years ago, we made a promise to each other."
"Oh my God," Jax whispered as realization hit him.
"Yes, Jax, and I'm here for that reason."
"Which is?" Lois prodded. Brenda could tell she apparently knew more of what was going on here.
"Which is," Miranda began slowly, "that five years from the day we left each other, I would come, find him, and we would be married. I'm Jax's fiancée."
"What??" Brenda shouted and faced Jax completely. "Jax, tell me she's not serious!"
"I don't think he can do that, Brenda," Lois said. "She is serious. She thinks she is Jax's fiancée."
Jax was still seated in the chair as he tried to remember that night five years ago. Finally, he stood up. "Brenda, I think we need to talk about this."
"I think you're right," Brenda replied icily. She turned on her heel and went into her bedroom, Jax followed behind slowly. When they reached the bedroom and the door was closed, Brenda whirled around and crossed her arms in front of her. "What the hell is going on here, Jax?"
"I wish I knew."
"She says she's your fiancée. But how can that be? That can't be her, can it? Because I'm your fiancée, aren't I, Jax? Only one of us can be."
"Brenda-" he paused to choose his words. He sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. "Please, sit down here." She sat, but not near him. "Brenda, I knew Miranda for three years a long time ago, while I was in high school. We were serious, and I suppose she was my high-school sweetheart. We did go to high school together and dated from the time were sophomores to the time we were seniors and graduated. The day after graduation, I found out I'd been accepted to our college and I had the chance of a lifetime to go, but her family couldn't afford for her to go, too." He stopped again.
"Go on," Brenda urged.
"The night before I left for college, we-I-Miranda and I-we made love," he haltingly told her. "Afterwards, we made that promise to each other. I would finish school, a five-year program in business, and then, five years, from that date, tonight, we would become engaged and would marry." He finally turned to face her and saw the effect his story had had on her. A single tear rolled down her face as she sat and listened to him.
She slowly fingered the diamond ring on her left finger as he told his story. When he finished and looked at her, she looked down at the ring and closed her eyes.
"Brenda," he said hoarsely, the tears in his eyes coming to his voice. "We were young, I had no idea-"
"Jax, stop," she interrupted softly. "Please, stop. There is nothing you can say now. You made a promise to that woman, no matter if it was five years ago. You can't break that promise."
"No, Brenda, no," he protested.
"Yes, Jax," she said firmly. She took the ring from her left hand and held it out to him, but he refused to take it. Tears streamed down both their faces. "Jax, take it."
He shook his head. "No, I won't. I will not take that back from you. Brenda, I love you, I want to marry you."
Suddenly, she got angry. "You love me? You love me? If you loved me, why didn't you tell me about her?" she shouted. "Why didn't you tell me about this promise you made to her? Why didn't you go to her and tell her you had met me? Why didn't you do anything, Jax?"
Her outburst surprised him and caught him off guard. "I don't know, I don't know. I wish I had! You have to believe me, Brenda, I wish I had. But you're the one I want to marry! You are!"
"I do believe you wish you had told me, Jax. You wish you had told me because then we wouldn't be where we are now. You wouldn't have gotten caught this way! I bet you wish you'd told me!"
"It's not like that, Brenda. You've got to believe me! It never was!" he protested weakly. The tears ran unchecked down his face as he pleaded with her.
Brenda's eyes had turned cold and her tears had stopped. She stood in front of him as he sat on the bed. "Then, how was it, Jax?" she asked in a tone that he had never heard before. It was hurt and angry in the same and he knew without a doubt that she couldn't forgive him this.
In the silence between her question and his answer, they both heard the front door close. They chose to ignore it. Jax looked up at Brenda sadly, "I don't know what to say, Brenda, my love. I do love you, only you. I was young when I promised her. How could I have known that I would meet you? How could I have known that I would find a love so complete and so full that everything else would pale in comparison?" his voice broke. "I didn't know. And knowing you, I forgot about her. Suddenly, nothing else mattered anymore. That promise was no longer there. I loved you, only you, and I wanted, want, to marry you." He swiped futilely at the tears on his cheeks, but they were quickly replaced by new ones.
Brenda took a deep breath. She held out his ring to him again, forcing him to take it. "Jax, I know you think you love me, but if you truly did, you would have told me about this. There is nothing you can say that can forgive that. You were already promised to someone and you made me your second-"
"NO! That's not true!"
"Let me finish, please. You made me your second promise, and it wasn't my right to take. I didn't know that because you never told me. And I can't forgive that. I cannot now, in good conscious, marry you. In fact, I don't want to see you. Not ever again." Her voice was devoid of all emotion and her eyes were cold and dark as she finished.
Lost and confused, Jax got up off the bed slowly. He clutched the ring in his fist as he walked to the front door, not even stopping to take note that Miranda was no longer there. Lois still sat in the living room on the couch. He opened the door, and with one hand on the doorknob, he turned to face Brenda who was standing in the stairwell. "I do love you, you know. I always will," he said it softly and then turned and closed the door.
"I know," she whispered after the door closed and then she collapsed into tears on the stairs.
Jax looked up to see Brenda was trying not to let the tears in her eyes overflow. She looked questioningly at him and then apparently decided not to ask her question. "What? What is it, Brenda?"
"I just-I just wanted to know," she began, "where did you go after that?"
He sighed. "Home. To my apartment. Ned was there."
"Did you tell him then?"
"He knew. He knew the minute I walked in the door. Miranda had been there looking for me while we were out and Ned was the one who told her she could find me with you. She had told him it was important that she find me that night."
"And we know why that was, right?" she smiled ever so slightly.
"Yeah, right."
"I'm sorry, Jax."
"For what?"
"For refusing to see you after that."
"You were upset, I knew that. I shouldn't have tried so many times to talk to you."
Brenda stopped for a second. "Jax?"
"What?"
"I have to know. That night, the one two months later when you came to my door, were you there to tell me something?"
He looked momentarily panicked and then decided to tell her the truth. He nodded. "I was. I went to tell you something I thought you should find out from me."
"That Miranda was pregnant?"
His head shot up to look at her. "How'd you know?"
"Ned told me, this morning. It was an accident, he thought you'd already told me."
"So that's what he was sorry for?" She nodded. "I never told him I didn't tell you. I was going to, but I never found the right time."
"Right before I told you I was getting married?"
He nodded silently. "I didn't want to ruin your wedding. And the right time hasn't come up since then. I just couldn't find the time and place to tell you."
"How about now?" she said softly. "Tell me what happened."
He took a deep breath. "The next day, after we broke off the engagement, I was in bad shape. I was lost, confused, empty. That night, after a day of doing nothing but wallowing in my sorrow, I went to a bar. I got tremendously drunk. I have never been as drunk as I was that night. I don't even remember it, that's how drunk I was, but Ned was there. Apparently, sometime during that night, Miranda showed up. Ned told me she apologized for finding me at your apartment and then convinced me to go outside with her. He followed us out, but by then we were in her car and leaving the parking lot. We ended up back at her hotel room, since that's where I woke up the next morning. I didn't remember a thing about what happened the night before. It took me a full day to drag myself out of bed and home to the apartment. I don't remember ever having a worse hangover, either. I think it lasted three days itself. When the effects of it wore off, that's when I went to see you. I wanted you back, but you didn't want to have anything to do with me, and I knew that, but I persisted anyway. Then, two months later, Miranda came to me and told me she was pregnant. I went for a walk, in blind confusion and desperation, and ended up at your door. I was out there, pacing your hallway, for about an hour before I actually knocked. But by then, I'd annoyed and pestered you enough that you didn't want to speak to me. I know how I must have looked, Ned said I looked like I'd been drinking all night again. I know why you slammed the door in my face. So, I went home, and told Ned."
"You were there to tell me, then?" Jax nodded. "I'm so sorry I closed the door on you."
"You couldn't have known. I understand that."
"You might, but I can't."
"Brenda, none of this, none of it, is your fault. It is mine, mine alone. I made the mistakes that led us to where we are now."
"I've made my fair share of mistakes, too, you know," she said.