"Brenda, what mistakes have you made? As far as I can tell, it's been my fault. I'm the one who didn't tell you the truth from the beginning, and I'm the one who ruined our relationship-"

"Jax, just please, let me explain something to you," Brenda pleaded.

Jax could tell it was important. He was quiet while she thought of how to tell him.

"Jax, the night we broke off the engagement was the worst night of my life. I had never been so heartbroken and the worst part was that it was because of me that we had to break it off. I was the one who couldn't forgive you for not telling me the truth the whole time. You were the one who was willing to try and look past that to get me to give you another chance. And, I know, you tried your hardest to get me to see it your way. But you had to understand, I was constantly bombarded with the fact that you hadn't been completely honest with me." She paused and looked at him momentarily. He nodded somberly for her to continue. "I realized eventually that I had forgiven you. Somehow, sometime in my mind, everything was okay. But I never went to you to tell you that. By the time I realized it, you were getting married because she was pregnant. I didn't know it was a mistake or that you weren't really marrying her for love. So, I let it be and I didn't say anything. And I moved on with my life."

"And met Sonny," Jax said softly.

"No, not when I met Sonny," Brenda clarified. Jax looked surprised, so Brenda explained. "I have never loved Sonny, not the way that I love you. I met Sonny at a time in my life when I thought you were gone to me forever. I couldn't have you, so I went for the next guy who was there and wanted me. I had to make myself believe I wanted him, but I could never do it. I never did love him. I mean that I moved on in the way that I had to make myself forget about you. But, in truth, I never did forget those feelings and they just grew stronger for you."

"So, Ned was right."

"What do you mean?"

Jax smiled. "Ned told me a couple of days ago that you married Sonny for reasons other than love, that you didn't love him. And I thought he was nuts. I didn't think it was possible for you to want to marry anyone without the love that goes with it. What we had, I thought it was what you always wanted to marry for."

"It was. But when it wasn't there, I had to settle for less. So much less." Brenda fell silent.

"There is one thing I don't understand, though."

"What?"

"What mistakes did you make? Marrying for less than love? Settling?" Jax questioned.

"No," Brenda looked at her hands. "My mistake was in not telling you that I could move past what had happened, that I had moved past it. Maybe if I had, you never would have married her. Maybe if I had, you would have…"

"Married you?" he filled in. She nodded. "Brenda, there's no telling what I would have done one day with that knowledge, but I can tell you that I would have married Miranda anyway."

Brenda looked surprised and hurt. "Why?"

"Because she was pregnant with my child. I couldn't let that child grow up with anything less than a family and a father he or she could count on. And I couldn't do that to you, subject you to that." At the talk of his child, Jax's eyes began to waver. He blinked rapidly several times and looked toward the windows, away from Brenda.

Brenda got up from her seat on the other side of the room from Jax. She sat down on the edge of the table in front of his chair. Leaning forward, she took his hand in hers. Jax moved slightly and pulled her to sit in his lap so that she could face him. Briefly, he put his head into her shoulder and took a few deep breaths.

"Jax, please tell me what happened," Brenda whispered quietly. She wrapped her arms around his neck loosely and his hands went about her waist, linking her in a circle. Noticing his hesitation, she asked, "Have you told anyone what happened? Completely?"

"No." She barely heard the response.

"Oh, Jax, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me, you know. It's okay. I don't need to know," she said gently. She placed a soft kiss on the top of his head where it was still on her shoulder.

Jax pulled back and shook his head slightly. "No, I need to tell you. I need you to know, to understand." His bright blue eyes shone with unshed tears as he spoke. Brenda looked directly into his eyes and felt that he was opening the very depths of his soul, his pain, to her.

"After Miranda told me she was pregnant, I knew that I had only one choice. I had to make it proper and marry her. So, as you know, we were married four weeks later. She was almost three months pregnant. We did not take a honeymoon. I put her off, telling her I had to attend to setting up the new branch of my father's business in Port Charles. You see, Brenda, even though I didn't marry her for love, she married me for that reason. She was in love with me still, even after those five years and I had changed so much. I buried myself in my work and all but ignored Miranda. The way I saw it, the only thing I was getting out of this marriage was a son or daughter in nine months. It was the only joy in my marriage for me. I think it affected Miranda, too. She began to see, right after we were married, the real reasons that I had married her. She knew I didn't love her." He paused and collected his thoughts for a moment.

Then, he continued. "Two weeks after we were married, I came home from work later than usual. I had done it purposely, knowing she wouldn't miss me. By then, I knew that she was beginning to lose the love she felt for me because of how I felt about her. I went to my bedroom and ten minutes later, she knocked on the door to talk to me. She felt it was best to annul our marriage and separate. I wasn't going to let her do that. I wanted my child to have my name and I knew that if we weren't married, it wouldn't happen that way. And she would most likely try to make it so that I could never see my child. We argued for a long time. We both-" he broke off with a quiet cry. He closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears that were about to flow.

Brenda tightened her hold on him and hugged him to her. "Jax, you don't have to do this. I understand," she whispered.

He continued as if he hadn't heard her. "We both yelled and shouted and it got so loud." His voice was quiet and calm and almost unfeeling, but the tears belied him. "And all of a sudden, she stopped and turned to leave, and then she collapsed. She fell to the floor. She was in so much pain. And I didn't know what to do." He turned his bright eyes to her and Brenda could see he was on the verge of losing all of his composure. He took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes, and then opened them again. "She lost the baby that night. The doctor said it was too much stress, but I knew…" his voice cracked. "I knew what he really meant was that I was the one who caused-" his voice caught as the dam finally broke and the tears he'd been holding back fell in a steady stream.

Brenda pulled him to her and held him tightly. His shoulders shook with his sobs. Sad tears rolled down her own face as she rocked him gently. His grip around her was tight, as if he would never let her go.

"It's okay, Jax, it's okay. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known. It wasn't your fault," she whispered over and over again. She tried to comfort him, but to no avail. He continued to cry as he berated himself for the past. As she listened to him, Brenda began to realize just how much Jax had been holding inside for so long. He'd never told anyone what really happened or how he really felt about what had happened. He'd held all this guilt inside for over four years now. It was a wonder he had gone this long.

Eventually, Jax began to quiet in her arms. She could feel him give up in exhaustion. Brenda watched him closely. His eyes were still closed and his head lay against her chest where her shirt was damp from his tears. He tried to steady his breathing, but it remained shaky. She pulled back and he opened his eyes and peered up at her. His normally vibrant eyes were dulled with pain and his face was streaked red with the tears. Brenda gently placed her hands on either side of his face and rubbed softly around his eyes to wipe away the last of the wetness.

She brushed his hair back from his forehead. "I'm so sorry, Jax," she said quietly. "I had no idea. I wish I had been there for you."

He smiled ever so slightly. "So do I." He closed his eyes again and lay his head back onto her chest.

Brenda could tell he had exhausted himself for the night. Before he could fall asleep, she slowly began to get up off of his lap. He looked momentarily surprised, but she quickly quieted him. "I think we've talked enough for the night." She glanced at her watch. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed.

"What?" Jax asked softly. He rubbed at his face and tried to get rid of the streaks of tears.

"Jax, it's almost midnight! We've been talking for nearly three hours!" She got up from his lap and picked up his crutches from the floor. She looked down at him, her face softening. He was almost asleep in the chair again. "Come on, Jax," she urged gently.

He stood up shakily and reached for his crutches. He moved slowly towards the door with Brenda next to him to make sure he actually made it to the bedroom without falling on the floor. She turned off the lights as they went and locked the front door when they passed it. Jax dropped his crutches on the floor as soon as he was next to the bed. As quickly as he could, he removed his t-shirt and jeans and crawled into bed, wearing only the blue silk boxer shorts Brenda was so fond of. She smiled when she saw that he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. She quickly picked up his things and moved them to a safer place, then she changed into her silk pajamas and climbed into bed next to him. Instinctively, Jax felt the bed shift and he rolled over to her side of the bed. One arm draped around her stomach as he pulled her into him. He snuggled deep into her back with his head in the place where her neck met her shoulders. Brenda smiled as his breath gently tickled her neck. She turned her head to face him and kissed him softly on the lips. His lips curled slightly into a small smile and then he was asleep again. She put her hand over his and was soon fast asleep.