Straight From the Heart

Chapter 14

Jax turned when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.  Brenda stood behind him, looking at Jerry cautiously. He asked her his question with only his eyes.  "Jax, they let me come in to get you.  Your time's up right now."

He shook his head slowly and turned back to his brother.  "I'm not leaving, Bren," he said with quiet conviction.  "Jerry needs me, I'm not leaving him."

She only nodded and squeezed his shoulder beneath her hand.  Leaving him, she went back out into the corridor where the nurse was standing.  "He's not leaving," she told the nurse simply.

"But he has to.  It's hospital policy.  Family is only allowed fifteen minutes at a time.  His time's up."

"Look lady, I know you're only doing your job here," Brenda began in a quiet voice.  "But my husband is not going to leave that room.  Not now and not until he's ready to leave."  There was a firmness in her voice that told the nurse not to fight them and to let it go.  She walked away shaking her head.  If she had to, she'd get the doctor to tell them to leave.  Brenda turned to look back at Jax while he sat next to the bed.

Jax looked down at his left hand holding Jerry's loosely.  It was odd to see the gold band around his ring finger that Brenda had placed there only a few hours, less than twelve, before.  He moved his eyes to gaze at the machines surrounding the bed and filling the room with quiet beeps.  He looked again at Jerry's serene and sleeping face and sighed.  "Jerry, you've got to come back to me," he said, his voice shaking slightly.  "I need you here, you know.  I never would have made it these past few years without you and look where it got me now.  After everything that happened, look at what happened, Jer.  The best thing in my life.  And since you suffered through it all with me, you need to be here to celebrate in what became of it all.  My wife, Jerry, she's my wife now, you know.  And you need to be here to see this.  Please, come back to me."  He bent his head to rest on their clasped hands again.

Brenda paced the hallway for close to an hour before she decided to go get some coffee for them.  Jen was a nervous wreck in the waiting room and John and Jane weren't there yet.  There was nothing for her to do, so she was trying to make the best of it and be at least a little productive.

John and Jane Jacks burst into the ICU.  They were nearly to the doors of Jerry's room before Jen stopped them with her strained voice.  "Mr. and Mrs. Jacks?"

"Yes?" John said, turning around.  "You are?"

"I'm Jennifer Cross--"

"Jerry's girlfriend," Jane finished.  She walked over to her quickly and enveloped her in a tight hug.  "He's told us all about you, dear.  It's just a shame we have to meet under these circumstances."

"How is he?" John asked, stepping closer and away from the doorway.  At that moment, the doctor appeared again.  He explained to the Jacks's what was going on with Jerry.

"And I ran into your other son's wife in the cafeteria downstairs, so I've already told her what we know."

Jane stopped in her tracks again.  "Our other son's wife?  Surely you must be mistaken.  Neither of our sons are married, Doctor."

"I don't understand," the doctor said.  "They told me themselves that they were married when I introduced myself to them."  Without an explanation, he wanted to make a quick leave, so he made an excuse and left.

"How odd," Jane said, shaking her head.  She turned to John.  "He sounded convinced, but he's obviously mistaken."  She turned to finally go into Jerry's room.  Her breath caught at seeing Jax sitting next to the bed, his head on his hands.  He didn't seem to hear them come in.  She placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

Jax turned expecting to see Brenda again.  He was relieved to see his parents standing behind him.  He stood quickly, putting his arms around his mother.  He didn't say a word, but his face showed them everything they needed to know.

"We saw the doctor outside," Jane murmured into Jax's ear as she held him.  She could feel his body shaking and could tell he was holding his emotions in.  "And we talked to Jennifer, too.  She went to get something to drink, I think."

He stepped back from his mother's embrace and put his hands in his pockets.  He nodded and said, "She's been great with all of this."  He looked back down at Jerry.  "As great as can be expected, you know," he amended softly.

Jane put her arms around him again.  "I know," she said.  John was already sitting in the chair Jax had vacated, holding his oldest son's hand in his own and studying him while he lay there.  When Jane pulled back from Jax, she looked into his eyes.  He looked tired, she noticed.  "Jax, why don't you take a break?  Go out into the lounge and lie down for a bit."

He shook his head.  "No, I--"

Jane shook her head at him firmly.  "No arguments, Jax."

He gave in and moved to leave the room.  As he passed his father, he placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and then left the room.  He went into the lounge and sat down on one of the small, uncomfortable couches.  Sleep, that was good one, he thought.  He knew he wouldn't sleep, but he would give his parents the time they needed with Jerry.  He wondered where Brenda was and looked around for her, but he didn't see her anywhere. 

Brenda came back to the ICU lounge and found Jax sitting upright on a couch, seemingly asleep with his head propped against one of his hands.  She sat down next to him and put the hot coffee cups on the table in front of them.  She gently placed her hand on his cheek and he roused from his half-asleep state.

"Brenda?" he said sleepily.  He opened his eyes to find her looking at him with concern.

"I'm right here," she said.  "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"I wasn't asleep."

"Yeah, right," she smiled tenderly.  "How's Jerry?"

"The same.  My parents are in with him now."

Brenda paled slightly.  "Your parents.  They're here?"

Jax nodded.  "Yeah, they got here a little while ago."

"Jax, they don't know about me, remember?  What are we going to do?"

He wrapped his arms around her and drew her nearer to him so that she lay in the crook of his arm next to him.  "We'll figure something out."  He rested his head against hers and sighed again.  They sat like that for awhile, neither moving from the other's embrace.

Brenda got up to go get Jax something to eat, even though he was protesting that he wasn't hungry.  She went anyway, leaving him for a few minutes, alone in the lounge.  Jen had taken a walk a few minutes before.  His parents were still in with Jerry, breaking the same rules Jax had broken earlier.  He watched as they finally emerged from the room together, his mother wrapped under his father's arm.  They entered the lounge and Jax stood to go to them.

"That's not sleeping, Jax," Jane said, smiling at him.

He cracked a small smile.  Running his left hand through his hair, he said, "I know, but you knew I wasn't going to sleep anyway."

Before he could turn and go back into Jerry's room, Jane stopped him with a hand on his arm.  "Jax?  Hang on a second.  Let me see something, please?"  She thought she'd seen it, but it had to have been a figment of her imagination.  Maybe she was just too tired and her eyes were playing tricks.

He turned back to her.  "What?"

"Give me your hand."  He extended his right hand to her.  "No, the other one."

Jax did as he was told, not thinking why she was doing this.  "What is it, Mum?" he asked impatiently.

"This," she held up his ring finger, touching the band that was there.  "I thought I saw that.  Would you care to explain to me why it looks as though you're wearing a wedding ring?"  She was truly confused.  She could have sworn there was no one in Jax's life.  Jerry had told her several times that Jax refused to date anyone.  And she knew he'd taken off the ring Brenda had given him years before and now kept it in a safe box by his bed.

"Why it looks like I'm wearing a wedding ring?" he stalled and looked behind him to see if Brenda was coming back yet.  She wasn't.

"Yes, Jax," John said, getting in on the conversation.  "What is going on here?"

Jax sighed and conceded to tell them without her being there.  "Because I am.  I got married last night."  He actually smiled at them now, thinking of Brenda and their ceremony.

His parents stared at him in total shock.  "What are you talking about?  Who did you marry?" Jane asked, her voice raising several levels.  "And why didn't we know about this?"

Since his back was to the doorway, Jax didn't see Brenda come in, but he felt her at his back when she placed her arms around his waist.  John and Jane continued to stare as it appeared that there was a woman hiding behind Jax and his smile had grown wider as soon as they'd seen the woman's arms.  They could see a matching gold band around her finger, as well.  Jax reached back and put his arm around her, drawing her toward the front.  "Mum, Dad, I'd like you to meet my wife," Jax said grandly as he brought Brenda into view.

Jane staggered back in complete shock.  Her legs bumped a chair and she sat down hard.  She swallowed hard and looked up again.  "Brenda?" she whispered.  "Is it really you?"

Brenda stood in Jax's embrace, his arms wrapped around her as she faced his parents for the first time in over three years.  She nodded and then stepped forward to kneel beside Jane.  "Yes, it's really me," she said softly.

Jane put a hand out to her and Brenda took it in her own.  As she continued to stare at her, Jane suddenly pulled Brenda to her in a fierce hug.  They stood up together after several minutes had passed.  Jane turned to her, "Oh my girl, you have no idea how happy I am to see you!"  She hugged her again.

John had been standing by until now when he saw that Jane did believe it was really Brenda in front of them.  When Jane finally released her, he stepped forward and took her a big bear hug, too.  When he let her go, she returned to Jax's arms.  They shared a private smile and turned back to his parents.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do, you two!" Jane exclaimed.

Jax grew serious again.  "I know we do, Mum, but I'm going to let Brenda do that, okay?  I want to go back in."  He felt like he'd been away too long and if he stayed out there any longer, something might happen. 

Brenda gave him a quick hug and kissed him softly on the lips before she nodded and let him go.  After he'd gone, she turned back to the elder Jack's and smiled.  "So where do you want me to start?"

Jax sat down next to Jerry's bed once more.  He watched as his brother remained still in the bed, his chest rising and falling the only movement.  He picked up his hand again, looking at them closely.  He and Jerry looked nothing alike, he knew, but their hands were the same.  Their fingers were the same length even, he was realizing.  And it brought tears to his eyes as he could see the ring on his finger that was so absent from Jerry's. 

Jerry had never found anyone to marry yet.  He'd been the classic playboy in every sense of the word.  Jax used to say that if someone were to look that word up in the dictionary, Jerry's face would appear beside it.  Even a three year long relationship with Bobbie Spencer hadn't tamed Jerry's restless heart.  But now he'd found Jen and in the five weeks he'd known her, he was certain he wanted to marry her.  Jax wondered if that was a trait of all the Jacks men.  He'd only known Brenda for a few months before he married her and he'd known then that she would be the only woman he loved.  Through their hardest times, he'd been sure of his love for her.  But until Brenda, he'd been as lost as Jerry.  And now Jerry had the chance to find something real, something more powerful than he'd ever known with Jen, if only he'd wake up to have it.

Jax closed his eyes and leaned his head forward onto their hands once more.  He was exhausted, he was aware of that, but he didn't want to leave Jerry's side until he was sure he was going to be all right.  They'd come straight from the airport once they left the yacht again.  Brenda had slept on the plane, in Jax's arms, but he'd been too wired and worried to sleep.  The ten minutes he'd closed his eyes for in the lounge had obviously done nothing for him.

Brenda watched him through the glass, worried not only for Jerry, but for Jax, as well.  She knew that he stopped looking after his own needs when the needs of someone else were on the line.  She understood that, but it was her job now, as his wife, to look after him and make sure he was okay.  Jerry wasn't going to be waking up anytime soon, they all knew that.  She was hoping she could convince Jax to go home with her and get some rest, but she knew he'd fight her.  She had to try anyway.

"Jax?" she whispered softly as she entered the room.  She put both her hands on his shoulders and massaged them gently.  He opened his eyes slowly and turned to face her.  She could see that his eyes were bright with exhaustion and she knew he was forcing himself to remain there and awake, but he would do it until someone else forced him not to.  "Please come home and get some rest?" she asked him.

He shook his head.  "No, I'm not leaving, Brenda."

She took his free hand in hers and sat on his lap, wrapping one arm around his neck, her hand going into the back of his hair.  She played with a few strands of his hair absently as she looked into his eyes.  "You're exhausted, Jax.  This isn't doing either you or Jerry any good, you know.  You have got to get some rest.  Look at you, you've been up for more than twenty-four hours now."

"I'm not leaving," he repeated.

"What if we told you that you have to go, son?" John's voice came from the doorway.

Jax and Brenda stood up, as Jax turned to face his father.  "You can't force me to leave, Dad," he said almost angrily.

"I can, and I am."  John studied his youngest son's face.  "Do as your wife says and get some rest.  Your mother and I don't need two boys to look after, do we?"

Jax sighed and rolled his eyes, looking up at the ceiling momentarily.  Brenda took hold of his hand, entwining her fingers with his.  His father always played the guilt card when he had to force Jax to do anything, so he relented because he knew his parents would be ruthless in just a few minutes if he didn't.  He sighed in frustration and said, "Fine, but I want you to call me immediately if anything happens.  Promise that you'll call me, Dad." 

The look in his eyes told John that he wasn't even remotely close to exaggerating.  He nodded.  "I will.  You just take care of yourself, son."  He gave Jax a hug and sent him out the door.

Jax went over to his mother in the lounge.  She had her eyes closed, but she opened them as soon as she heard them in the room.  "He's making you leave, isn't he?" she said, smiling a bit.

"Did you make him do this?"

She nodded.  "It's for your own good, Jax, you know that.  What good are you to Jerry if you're asleep on your feet?"  She gave him a quick hug and kissed him on the cheek.  "We'll call if there is anything at all, I promise," she assured him.

As they left the hospital, Brenda wrapped her arm around Jax's waist, supporting him.  She made him get into the passenger seat since she knew he was in no condition to drive them.  He was still for less than a minute before his eyes were closed and he leaned his head against the headrest.  She drove less than ten minutes to the apartment, waking him only at the last moment to get him upstairs.

When he lay on the bed, fully-clothed and his eyes closed, Brenda kissed him on the lips softly and turned to leave.  Just as she opened the door, she heard Jax's voice call to her.  She went back over to the bed. 

Jax sat up a little, leaning on his elbow.  He opened his eyes and looked at her.  "Do me a favor, please?" he asked.

"Anything."

"Lay with me?"  He smiled a small smile.  "Please, I need you here by my side."  He needed to feel her next to him and know she wasn't going anywhere.

Brenda smiled back at him and nodded.  She went around the other side of the bed and lay down.  He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him, his head resting in the bend of her neck.  He closed his eyes and kissed her once on the neck.  Just before he fell asleep, he whispered, almost inaudibly, "I love you, Brenda."

She turned her head to kiss his forehead.  "I love you, too, Jax," she whispered back.

Brenda had closed her eyes to relax for less than a minute when the phone rang.  She moved immediately to pick it up since it was on her side of the bed.  She felt Jax behind her moving with her, awake again now.  "Hello?" she said before he could take the phone from her and answer it himself.

Jax heard only Brenda's voice as he listened intently.  He'd been asleep, but now he was as awake as he could be.  He heard Brenda say she wasn't interested and then she hung up the phone.  "What?  What was it, Brenda?"

She turned to face him, still under his arm.  She placed her hand gently on his cheek, trying to calm him.  "It was nothing, Jax.  Go back to sleep."

He rolled over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling, groaning in frustration.  "I can't sleep now, Brenda," he said, running his hands over his face.  He pushed himself off the bed and moved to get up again.

Brenda grabbed his hand and stopped him.  "Jax, please?  Please lie down here and relax.  You need some sleep and you know it."

Jax pulled his hand from hers and stood up, standing to face her from his side of the bed.  "Brenda, I cannot sleep now!  All I do is worry.  Worry about Jerry, worry if he'll be okay," he took a deep breath and calmed his shaking shoulders.  "Worry if my brother is going to live through the day," he said so softly Brenda nearly didn't hear him.

"Oh Jax," Brenda whispered.  She took his hand in hers and pulled him down to sit next to her.  She wrapped her arms around him and felt his body relax against hers.  "He's going to be fine, Jax."

"You don't know that.  I don't know that."  Tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.  Several minutes of silence passed before he said, "I can't lose him, Bren.  I can't."

She turned with him in her arms, forcing him to lie down again.  His arms held her tightly as she lay across him, looking into his saddened eyes.  "I know, sweetie, I know.  We won't lose him."  She continued to speak in hushed tones, trying to lull him to sleep with her voice.  She felt his grip relax around her waist and she knew he'd finally fallen asleep.  She remained where she was, her head resting over his heart, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

Several hours later, Brenda sat up on the bed.  It was dark outside now and Jax still slept beside her.  She hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep with him.  Jax must have felt the shift in the bed and he opened his eyes, his hand reaching for her.  "Bren?  What's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with sleep.  "Did someone call?"

"Oh, no, Jax, it's not the phone," she answered softly.  "It's okay.  Go back to sleep," she said once more.

He shook his head and sat up, looking outside.  It was dark and he panicked.  He jumped up and looked at the clock.  "We have to get back.  We've been gone too long."

"Jax, calm down.  No one called, there's been no change.  Look, I'll call the hospital and see if there's any news."

He nodded as he moved for the bathroom to get cleaned up.  He felt like he was in over-drive mode, unable to calm down.  He had to get back to the hospital.

Brenda hung up the phone with the nurse on the ICU floor and went into the bathroom.  "Jax," she called over the rush of the water where he was taking a quick shower.  "There's no change.  Your parents are still there, but Jen went home for awhile."

Jax shut off the water and leaned against the wall of the shower for a moment.  Brenda was still standing in the bathroom when he stepped out of the shower, a towel wrapped snugly around his waist.  He took one look at her trying her best to reassure him and he pulled her into his arms.  They stood there like that for a long time.

"I'm sorry, Brenda," he said finally.

"For what?"

"For acting like this.  For worrying you as well as my parents.  Everyone has enough to worry about without me adding to it."

"It's okay," she said into his shoulder, kissing his bare skin lightly.  "We know how important Jerry is to you.  We know this is hard for you."

"It is, but it's hard for you and Mum and Dad, too."

"Jax, listen to me," she pulled back from his embrace to look into his eyes.  "I know what Jerry has done for you these past few years.  He was here for you when you needed him.  Now, I know you're trying to be there for him when he needs you.  We understand that."

He tightened his arms around her again, leaning his head down to her shoulder.  When he finally pulled away from her again, he wiped away the traces of tears from his eyes.  He smiled down at Brenda.  "Okay, I'm going to get dressed and then we're going back to the hospital."

Brenda nodded and returned his smile before going to clean up herself.

Less than an hour later, Jax and Brenda returned to the ICU floor of General Hospital.  John was sitting in the lounge with Jen, talking quietly while Jane was in with Jerry, talking softly to him.  Immediately upon seeing him, John got up to come talk to Jax and update him on Jerry's condition.  There had been no change, and they hadn't been expecting one.  However, if there was still no change in the next twelve hours, the doctors would begin to worry.  Jax listened quietly and when John had finished, he looked up at the ceiling briefly, blinking rapidly.  He squeezed Brenda's hand and went into the room with Jane.

He placed a hand on her shoulder and she turned to face him, smiling a little.  "You look better, Jax," she said to him, giving him a hug.  "You got some sleep, I see."

He smiled weakly, not taking his eyes from Jerry's still form.  "A little bit, Mum," he said softly.

Jane left him alone with his brother.  Jax sat down in the now-familiar chair next to the bed.  He picked up Jerry's hand in his own, holding it tightly.  "Jerry, you've got to wake up.  You can't keep doing this to us.  You're really starting to worry Mum and Dad, you know."  He trailed off for a second.  "And me," he continued softly, his voice breaking.  "You've got to come back to us, Jer.  We need you.  Jen needs you.  You told me you wanted to propose to her.  If you don't come back, you can't do that.  See?  You have to come back.  The world wants to see its most famous bachelor finally settle down and get married."  He lowered his head as a tear trickled down his face.  "I want to see that," he whispered. 

His head bowed, he never saw Jerry's head move on the pillow.  He never saw Jerry's eyes open and look around, confused.  Jerry became aware of someone next to him, holding his hand.  When he felt something wet, he looked to see who it was and why they were crying into his hand.

"Jax?" Jerry said so softly he could barely hear himself.  Jax didn't look up at him.  "Jax?" he repeated, trying to make his voice stronger.

Jax heard a whisper of something and wasn't sure he was hearing what he thought he was hearing.  When he heard it again, his head jerked up in confusion.  His eyes were met with Jerry's now open darker eyes.  "Jerry?  You're awake?" he said, his face breaking into an amazed smile.  "Oh God, you're awake!" Jax said excitedly and moving to go get someone.

But before he could get a doctor or even his parents' attention, Jerry's eyes closed slowly and the machines began to beep loudly, alerting them that there was something going very wrong.

 

Chapter 15

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