Straight From the Heart

Chapter 15

Jax watched silently as the doctors pushed him out of the way and ran towards Jerry's bed.  The machines continued to beep incessantly.  He didn't say a word as he felt someone take his hand and gently lead him to watch the action through the window to the room from the hallway.  The doctors and nurses worked in a flurry, trying to make Jerry okay.  Jax could only watch in silence.

Minutes passed in hours as the entire family stood in the hallway watching what was going on.  Finally, the machines stopped beeping and the doctors seemed to relax and stop moving so quickly.  Everyone's eyes were on the doctor as he stepped out of the room.  Jax didn't hear a word the doctor said, though.  Before he even said a word to them, Jax raised his hands in front of him and began to back away.  He turned on his heel and ran for the door.  He didn't want to hear it.  He was so sure that the doctor was going to tell them Jerry was gone now that he didn't want to be there when it happened.

He didn't know where he was going as the stairwell door banged open and he ran up the steps.  Eventually, he ran out of stairs and the door in front of him opened onto the roof.  He burst out onto the roof, where he stopped running.  He bent over at the waist, leaning against the railing on the edge and trying to catch his breath.  He could see almost all of Port Charles lay below him, but he was oblivious to it.  He hadn't been aware of the tears streaming down his face, but now, with his head bowed, he felt them begin to pool on his hands. 

Jax didn't know how much time had passed as he stood in the cool night air.  The wind was blowing and it looked like it was about to rain since the clouds were covering the sky and hiding the stars.  He didn't try to stop the flow of tears from running down his face.  His brother, he thought silently.  Why did this have to happen to him?  First Brenda and now Jerry.  Maybe that was what he got for getting Brenda back.  Maybe it was some form of bizarre punishment.  He buried his head in his hands and leaned his elbows on the stone railing.

Brenda opened the roof door quietly.  Someone had told her they'd seen Jax run for the steps, but no one had seen him since.  She knew he had to hear the news she had from the doctor.  She saw Jax, finally.  He was across the roof from her, with his head in his hands.  She could see his shoulders shaking as he cried.  She approached him silently and put her hand on his shoulder.

Without thinking, he turned to her and put his arms around her, knowing by her touch that it was her. "Oh God, Brenda," he sobbed.

"Jax," she said softly.  He didn't appear to hear her.  She pulled away slightly and forced him to look into her eyes.  His eyes were rimmed in red and bright with tears.  "Jax, listen to me.  It's not what you think.  He's not dead.  Jerry isn't dead, Jax."

He almost didn't believe her, but he knew she wouldn't lie to him.  He looked at her in stunned silence and then he finally managed to say, "He's not?"

"No, he's not.  They were able to bring him back."

Jax felt the tension leave him and he sagged against the railing.  Brenda put her arms around him and he pulled her closer to him.  Her head rested on his chest where she could hear his heart still beating erratically beneath her ear.  "I can't believe it.  I was so sure…" he whispered softly.

"I know," she said quietly. 

"I really thought I'd lost him, Brenda.  I was so sure," he said again.

She raised her head to look at him and smiled gently.  "But you didn't.  He's still alive down there.  And I'm sure he needs you now, Jax."

He shook his head.  "No, in a few minutes.  I just want to stay here with you for a little while longer."  He wrapped his arms even tighter around her waist and straddled her legs with his so that she leaned flush against him.  They stood together for a long time in the cool summer air.

Half an hour later, Jax and Brenda walked back down the steps, hand in hand.  As they approached Jerry's room, they could see that his parents had given Jen the chance to be alone with Jerry and she was holding his hand and talking quietly to him as she sat beside his bed.  John and Jane were off the couch in the lounge as soon as they saw Jax with Brenda.

"Jax!  Are you okay?" his mother asked as she walked towards them quickly.  She gave him a hug and held him tightly for a few minutes. 

"I'm fine, Mum," Jax assured her, looking at Brenda.  "I just needed some air, that's all."

When his mother stepped back and Jax had reclaimed possession of Brenda's hand in his, John told him what the doctor had said.  Jerry was still in a coma, but the fact that he had woken once was good.  His heart had stopped for a few minutes, but they had been able to get it going again.  They were fairly hopeful that Jerry would wake again within the next twenty-four hours.

The night was passing slowly, but Jax refused to leave and go home.  Jerry hadn't woken or shown any signs that he was going to.  Jax and Brenda were on a couch in the lounge while John and Jane spent some more time with their oldest son.  Jen had gone home to get some real rest after John and Jane had practically forced her into it.  They'd made her promise she wasn't going to come back until the morning, but that they would certainly call her if something happened.  About an hour before, while Brenda had taken a walk down to the cafeteria, Jax had been forced out of the room by his parents.  They were trying to make sure he got as much rest as he needed, too, and after a lot of arguing to that effect, Jax finally agreed and went into the lounge.  Brenda had come back to find Jax finally in an exhausted sleep, stretched on the couch.  He didn't wake as she slipped beside him, but his arms went immediately around her waist and held her securely.  She joined him in sleep a few minutes later.

As morning broke, Jax was once again in Jerry's room.  He'd slept for about four hours and when he awakened, he'd been surprised to find Brenda lying beside him.  He hadn't known she'd been there.  He got up slowly, trying not to wake her and saw his parents finally sleeping in chairs alongside them.  He smiled a little and then went into Jerry's room to sit beside the bed.

Taking his brother's hand in his own, Jax sighed.  As he watched Jerry lying still in the bed, he tried to think of something to say and hope that Jerry would hear it and come back to them.

"Jerry," he breathed no louder than a whisper.  "I need you, you know.  I need you so much."  He clasped his other hand around theirs and leaned his head down for a minute to try and stop the tears forming in his eyes.  "You can't leave us.  That is just unacceptable.  I won't let you do it.  So, you see?  You have to come back to us."  His voice was breaking on the soft words, but he continued to speak.  He looked back up at Jerry's face.  A small smile graced his lips as he said, "If you don't come back, Jer, I'm going to be forced to tell Mum and Dad everything we ever did to get in trouble, but never got caught doing.  Of course, they'll probably laugh about it now, but your secrets will all be out in the open then.  Are you really sure you want them to hear about when you were seventeen and I was nine?  Remember that?  I was so scared that day, Jer.  You had me thinking you were dead for those minutes.  How could you do that?  You let me think you were seriously hurt after I dared you to climb that tree.  It wasn't my fault you fell.  You were always clumsy."  He paused.  "I was so scared then, Jer.  I really thought you were gone.  But you weren't and you stuck around for the last twenty years to make sure I was okay.  You…"  He couldn't stop his voice from cracking.  "You have to stay with me, Jer.  I need you…so much."

Jax put his head down again and regained his composure once more.  Just as he looked up, he saw Jerry's eyes flutter softly.  Unbelievably, he watched for a few seconds longer until he saw his brother's eyes open just a little bit.  Then, he ran for the nurse at the ICU station.  Returning to Jerry's bedside, he was disappointed to see his eyes closed again.

"Jerry!  Jerry, come back to me!  Please?  You can't give up now.  Please!" his desperate voice brought everyone else into the room behind him. 

"Jax?  What's going on, son?" John asked as he came into the room and stood beside the bed.

"He-he opened his eyes.  I saw it.  He opened his eyes!"

Just then the doctor came and asked Jax to step back.  He examined Jerry carefully and this time when Jerry flinched away from the light, the doctor smiled.  As he lowered his penlight, Jerry's eyes opened fully once more.  "Jax?" he said so softly no one could really hear him, but they saw his lips move and form his name.

Jax moved to the side of the bed again and sat down.  "I'm here.  I'm here, Jer."  He could feel Brenda with her hand on his shoulder, reassuringly.  He couldn't stop grinning, either.  He felt as if all of his prayers were being answered right then and there.  Jerry was going to be okay, he knew it now.

An hour later, Jerry was asleep again and his family breathed a sigh of relief.  John and Jane were still going to stay at the hospital awhile longer, but they were insisting that Brenda and Jax go home and that Jen go spend time with her daughter.  They wouldn't take no for an answer, so Jax and Brenda left.

As soon as Brenda had closed the penthouse door, Jax pulled her into his arms, smiling down at her.  "He's going to be okay," he said quietly as he held her close.

"Yes, he is," she repeated.  She pulled back from his chest and stood on her toes to kiss him.  Before they knew it, she had wrapped her legs around his waist in a familiar move and Jax carried her upstairs.

He lay her gently down on the bed, kissing her still.  His hands roamed over her body, effortlessly removing her clothing as hers did the same for her.  They made love passionately, reveling in the feeling that everything was really going to turn out okay finally.

A few hours later, after he had slept for awhile, Jax left Brenda sleeping in the bedroom.  He pulled on a pair of jeans after taking a shower, but he neglected a shirt while he went downstairs to make them something to eat.  He was in the middle of making them  a late lunch when there was a knock at the door.  He went to it quickly and opened it to find Robin standing on his doorstep.

Jax smiled, "Robin!  What are you doing here?" he asked, surprised. 

Robin stepped forward and put her arms around him, giving him a hug.  "I heard about Jerry this morning and I wanted to make sure you were all right."  She pulled back from him and looked up as he closed the door behind her.  "How is he doing?"

"Jerry's going to be okay now.  It was a little shaky for awhile, but in a few weeks, he'll be good as new."  Jax glanced towards the stairs, hoping Brenda hadn't woken up yet.  He still wasn't sure what to do about the fact that no one except his family and Jen's family knew that Brenda was even alive now.  News like that would take a gentle breaking for Robin, he knew.

"How are you, Jax?" Robin asked, concerned for him, as well.  She seemed satisfied with how he looked after she studied him for a few minutes. 

He went over to the couch and sat down, motioning for her to do the same.  "I'm fine.  Things have been a little crazy for the last few days, but everything is working out now.  What have you been doing, Robin?"

"I was just settling in at the cottage.  Jax, thank you again for letting me move in there.  I know how much it means to you."

He nodded.  "It does, too.  More now than ever."  It meant that he had been right to have faith that Brenda might still be alive, that he was right to hold onto his love for her.  He was finally realizing that.

"I was also-" she was cut off then by another voice.

"Jax?" Brenda called from the bedroom.  "Jax, are you still here?"

Jax froze.  He could hear her moving in the bedroom and he knew she'd be coming down in a matter of minutes.  He looked over at Robin who looked stunned.  It was obvious that even if she didn't know who it was, she was surprised by the fact that there was a woman in Jax's apartment, something that she knew hadn't happened for over two years now.  "Robin-"

"Jax, who is that?" she whispered.  She had to be crazy to think she recognized the voice, but it sounded so much like her.  She was hoping her ears were just playing tricks on her.

"Robin, I don't know what to say-"  He stopped speaking when he saw the look of total astonishment on her face.  He knew then that Brenda had just come down the steps behind him.  He turned slowly and saw Brenda was, indeed, standing there, dressed only in one of his gray button-down shirts.

Brenda had left the bedroom when she didn't hear a response from Jax telling her where he was.  She saw in standing in the living room and heard him talking to someone she couldn't see yet.  As she came down the steps, she saw who it was and her face broke into a smile at the sight of the young woman who had been like her little sister.

"Robin!" she cried out as she ran down the last couple steps and stood in front of her.

"Brenda?" Robin whispered in a voice barely able to be heard.  "Is it really you?" she asked, incredulously.

Brenda put her arms around Robin and held her tightly in a hug.  "It's me, it's really me," she assured her.  She could feel Robin's shoulders shaking as she came to the realization that Brenda really was alive and standing with her in Jax's apartment.

When they finally broke their hold on each other, Robin still looked dumb-founded.  "How…?  What..?" she couldn't think of the words to complete the sentences.

Brenda laughed softly and went to stand next to Jax, who wrapped his arms around her waist from behind her.  "I think you better sit down, Robin," Jax said.  He pulled Brenda down with him as he sat on the couch again and Robin sat across from them.  For the next fifteen minutes, Jax and Brenda told Robin what had happened in the last few days, starting with the bridge and ending with her coming home.  They didn't tell her they were married just yet and she hadn't noticed their rings yet.

Robin stood again and crossed the space to Brenda.  Brenda stood and they hugged again.  "You have no idea how happy I am right now," Robin whispered as they hugged.

"I think I do," Brenda responded, smiling broadly at Jax.

Robin didn't want to leave them now that she had seen Brenda.  While Brenda went to dress, Jax and Robin stayed in the living room and then went into the kitchen to finish fixing lunch.  Brenda returned, showered and dressed, and Jax went to get a shirt.  For the better part of the afternoon, Brenda and Robin talked with each other.  Jax had called the hospital for an update on Jerry and was assured that he was still asleep and doing fine.  John and Jane had left when Jen returned, entrusting his care to her completely.  Jax told Jen that they would be there in a few hours and he would see her then.

Robin left after dinner that night with the promise not to tell anyone what had happened that day.  Jax and Brenda still weren't sure how to tell the rest of the town what had happened.  Robin had never asked and they hadn't told her they were married.  If no one knew Brenda was alive, there was no way to tell them they were married now, too.  It would be too much.

They returned to the hospital at about six-thirty that night to find Jen sitting with Jerry.  He was awake and talking to her in a soft voice.  Jax and Brenda didn't interrupt as they watched from the hallway.  Jerry finally looked up and said something to Jen.  She turned to see with a smile on her face and she came out to greet them.

"How's he doing?" Jax asked.

"He's doing just great," Jen smiled.  "They say they're going to move him down to a regular room tomorrow if he keeps this up."

He grinned and went in to visit with his brother, leaving Jen and Brenda in the hallway.  He sat down next to Jerry's bed.  "You look good, Jer," he said first.

Jerry winced as he sat up a little straighter.  "I feel okay, too, I guess.  Better than yesterday," he said with a half-smile.

Jax glanced back toward the window and saw Jen and Brenda talking in the hallway together.  Something Brenda said made Jen laugh.  "She's an amazing woman, Jerry."

"I know."

"She wouldn't leave your side until we forced her to.  Mum and Dad have fallen in love with her for that, I think."

"I'm going to marry her, Jax," Jerry said softly.

"I know," Jax responded, smiling.  Jerry started to fall asleep then so he left him alone for the time being.

Jax walked up behind Brenda as she and Jen were laughing at something again.  He wrapped his arms around her and leaned down to rest his head on hers.  "What's so funny?"

Brenda turned her head up to him and kissed him briefly before she said, "Nothing.  I was just telling Jen about the Jerry I used to know."

"He hasn't changed much either, you know," he said.  "Until he met you, Jen."  He gave her a meaningful look and smiled at her.

"Thank you, Jax.  That means a lot to me," she said.  She went back into Jerry's room.  He was awake enough to pull her into an embrace and have her lie with him on the bed before he fell asleep again.

Jax and Brenda went into the lounge across the hall and sat down on the couch together.  Jax had his arms around her and she marveled at how much he seemed to hate not having contact with her.  "What are we going to do, Jax?" she asked.

"About what?"

"Well, Robin was just the first of many, you know.  There is a whole town out there that doesn't know I'm here.  We need to do something."

Jax sighed.  "I don't know.  We'll figure something out, sweetie."

"Soon, Jax," she said.

"I know, we will."

 

Chapter 16

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