If I Recall

Chapter 17

Hours later in the day, Jax sat in the chaise lounge chair on the deck.  He'd removed his shirt when the day got too hot and he was now barefoot, too.  He and Brenda had been outside all day long, talking.  They had a lot to work through with each other.  Not the least of which was where they went from here.

Jax wasn't all that sure they should move quickly into anything.  He was still tentative about it all and truthfully, though he didn't tell her, he was scared to death.  As much as he did love her and want to be with her, he was terrified something was going to happen again.  He knew he couldn't stand to lose her again.  He'd fallen silent thinking about it a few minutes before.

Suddenly, Brenda's voice interrupted his thoughts.  "You won't lose me this time, Jax," she said in a reassuring voice.  She was sitting on the chair in front of him, facing him with her back to the sun.  Her hands were holding his loosely as she smiled at him.

He turned his gaze to focus on her instead of the ocean and he smiled in return.  "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Know exactly what it is that I'm thinking?"

"I don't know.  It's just a feeling I have, I guess."

"Oh really?  You have feelings about me?" he teased.

"More than you'll ever know," she said, her voice turning seductive as she leaned toward him and closed the distance between them.

Jax caught her face in his hands and drew her lips to his.  She shifted on the chair to rest between his legs and lean against him.  The kiss deepened with an explosion of passion from her as she traced her tongue along his lower lip, begging entrance to his mouth.  He granted it easily and their tongues entwined in a heated fervor.  He moved his hands lower to pull her even closer to him, then began to gently run his fingertips along her back.  Her hands were wandering over the bare expanse of his bronzed chest.  Just as her fingers trailed lightly along the inside edge of his waistband, Jax pulled away gently.

Brenda looked into his eyes, bright blue with passion, and asked, "Jax?  What's wrong?"

He smiled softly.  "Nothing.  Nothing's wrong."  He kissed her again, but briefly this time.

"No," she shook her head.  "Something is definitely wrong.  What is it?"

A laughing glint flashed in his eyes before he turned serious.  "Okay," he sighed.  "It's not that I don't want you, Brenda, because believe me, I do," he began.

"Uh-oh," she interjected.  She tried to sit up away from him, but he locked his arms around her and refused to let her get up.

He smiled again.  "No, no," he said reassuringly.  "It's just…" he stopped to try to think of how he wanted to word what he was trying to say.  "I just don't think we should move too fast.  You know what I mean?"  He looked at her uncertainly.

He looked almost forlorn as he looked at her, she thought.  It was as if he was denying something he wanted simply because he thought it was right, and basically, he was.  Brenda laughed gently.  She kissed him once on the lips and said, "Yes, I know what you mean, sweetie.  And you're probably right."

"I am?"

She nodded.  "Yes."  She grinned at him mischievously.  "But I can always try to change your mind."  She kissed him once again, this time she asked for immediate access and he didn't deny her.  She felt him smile against her lips as they kissed.

When Jax finally broke the kiss again, he moved to stand up.  Once he had his feet on the wood of the deck, he said, "If we keep that up, I won't be able to hold myself to that statement."

"Not such a bad thing, if you ask me," Brenda said as she got up from the chair.  She took his hand as he led her towards the stairs down to the beach.

Once they were on the sand, Jax walked along a path that led them right across the rising tide.  The sun was just beginning to fade into the coming evening sky as he put his arm around Brenda and drew her close to his side.  She kept a hold of one of his hands as they walked.

As dusk fell, Jax and Brenda returned to the beach house.  They went inside and found that Charles had set up dinner for them in the dining room, complete with candles.  A comfortable silence fell over the room as they ate, each enjoying the other's company.  When they were finished, they went into the living room where Brenda picked up the novel she'd been reading again.  Settling into the space between Jax's legs, she opened it to read.

Jax rested his hands around her waist as they sat together.  He leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes, thinking.  He wondered what everyone would think when they found out what had happened.  Most of them didn't know what had originally happened to break them up.  Even Jax's own parents hadn't known the full truth.  Jerry was the only one from his family who did.  He was sure Ned and Lois knew because they were Brenda's closest friends, but he hadn't had much contact with either of them in the last months.  He'd avoided them for the most part because of what had happened and because it was too painful of a reminder of Brenda.

He was hoping no one would make a big deal out of it, but he knew his parents might.  Brenda had been like the daughter they'd never had when they were together before.  Now, they would get her back in their lives.  He was sure they'd be asking when the wedding was going to be soon enough.  That was what he was trying to avoid.

As much as he loved Brenda right now, he wasn't sure he would be ready to marry her again for a long time to come.  It hadn't been a difficult decision to ask her the last time, but now things were different.  Even thinking about marriage again was making him think it was moving too fast.  For now, he was content to think in the present and enjoy what they had again.  He only wished he knew if it was going to change when they got back to Port Charles together.

Brenda finished her novel before she realized and closed the book.  She glanced at the clock and was surprised to see how late it had gotten.  She'd been perfectly happy just sitting where she was with Jax and reading quietly.  She hadn't even noticed when he hadn't said a word for more than an hour and a half while she read.  Turning her head slightly, she looked back at him.  He was in the same position with his head against the pillow of the couch and his eyes were closed.  She began to suspect he had dozed off when she noticed his breathing was slow and even and his hold on her waist was loose.

She turned in his arms and leaned her head against his chest, placing her ear above his heart.  She could hear it beating in an even rhythm.  He shifted slightly with her, one leg wrapping closer around her and his grip tightened on her, too, but he didn't stir otherwise.  She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly.  With a soft smile gracing her face, Brenda joined Jax in sleep.

Brenda awoke early the next morning.  She was surprised to find that they were still lying on the couch and Jax was still asleep.  The sun was beginning to rise as she sat up.  When she got up from Jax's embrace, he stirred and opened one eye sleepily.  He'd felt an immediate absence that had disturbed him.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his voice filled with sleep still.  He wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and held her close, a half-smile on his face.

"Shh, go back to sleep, sweetie," Brenda whispered.  "I'm not going anywhere."  She lay back down against him and knew when he was asleep again in seconds.

She lay with him while he slept for about an hour before she tried to get up again.  This time, Jax stirred slightly, but he didn't wake up.  She watched the last of the daybreak from the window and looked out at the bright blue sky, filling the expanse above the ocean.  It was another beautiful day in California.  But she knew one thing, Jax was probably going to insist they go back to Port Charles that day or night.  She knew he was missing work now and she knew she also had some obligations to fulfill that couldn't be done from Malibu.  She wondered what would change when they went back.  She hoped nothing.

Brenda went upstairs to take a shower and get dressed before Jax woke up.  She was back downstairs and in the kitchen talking to Charles within a half an hour.

Charles had noticed the difference in the two of them the day before, but he had discreetly kept his distance as they talked and worked everything out together.  "Miss Brenda," he greeted her as she walked in the room.

"Good morning, Charles," she smiled brightly.  "What's for breakfast?"

He showed her what hew as fixing and then asked, "How is Mr. Jacks this morning?  Will he be joining you for breakfast?"

"He's still asleep as far as I know, but I do think he'll be up in time to eat.  I'll let you know."  She walked back into the living room where Jax was laying on the couch. 

She knelt down beside the couch and ran her fingers gently through his blond hair.  A soft smile came to his face as he slept at her touch.  "Jax," she whispered softly to try to wake him slowly.  He didn't respond at all.  She leaned in closer and kissed him softly on the lips.  As she drew away, he moved his head and turned toward her. 

Jax opened his eyes slowly and looked at Brenda.  She was watching him wake.  He could still feel the touch of her lips against his from seconds before and knew that was what had woken him.  "Hey you," he murmured quietly, still not fully awake.  He yawned and ran a hand through his hair before he finally sat up.  "What time is it?"

Brenda got up and sat down next to him on the couch.  "Not late, only about eight-thirty."

"Are you serious?" he asked in slight disbelief.  "When did I fall asleep last night?"  He didn't remember having fallen asleep on the couch.  The last he knew, he'd had every intention of sleeping his own bed.

She shrugged in response.  "I don't know.  I was reading and when I was done, you were asleep."  She stood up and reached a hand down to him.  "Do you want some breakfast?"

Jax took her hand and stood up, pulling her into his arms.  "In a little bit.  But first, I have to do something."

"What?"

"This," he murmured again as he lowered his head to kiss her lips softly.  The tender kiss was filled with passion as he gave her a proper good morning kiss.

When she broke the kiss, she smiled up at him.  "Okay, so I'll tell Charles to have breakfast ready in a few minutes, then, right?" she said, slightly dazed.  She left his embrace and headed for the kitchen.

Jax smiled and shook his head as he headed for the stairs to get dressed.  When he returned fifteen minutes, having taken a shower and dressed, he found Brenda sitting in the dining room and Charles was just putting their breakfast on the table.  He kissed Brenda once more before he sat down next to her and they began to eat.

As they ate, Brenda glanced over at Jax a few times.  After awhile, she said, "Jax?"

"Hmm?" he asked as he looked up at her.

"When are we going back?"  She knew she didn't have to be specific because he would know what she meant.

"I was going to ask you that same thing.  When do you want to go back?"

"I don't know.  I just know that there are probably things you need to do for work.  You've missed quite a bit of these last couple weeks."

"Bren, don't worry about my work.  Everything is fine without me.  Dad and Jerry can run the office without me, you know."

"I know.  I also know we can't put this off and stay here much longer."

Jax sighed and smiled at her.  "Yes, I know that, too.  Do you want to go back today?  I can make the arrangements and we can leave in a couple of hours."

She thought about it for a minute, but then shook her head.  "No, I don't think we need to go that quickly.  Why don’t we wait until tonight?  We can leave then, right?"

"Sure."  He put down his fork and napkin on the table and stood up.  "But if that's the case, then I think we should spend as much time together here as we can, right?"  He reached out his hand to her and when she took it, he led her outside into the brilliant sunshine.

Awhile later, Jax sat on the beach with Brenda in between in his legs, leaning against his chest.  His arms rested lightly on her knees and hers on his.  They were facing the ocean as it sparkled brightly and the white crests crashed against the sand.  Brenda leaned her head back into the crook of Jax's neck and turned it so that she could see his face.  She couldn't see his eyes because they were shrouded by his sunglasses, but he was looking out onto the ocean.

"Jax?" she said.

"What?"  His fingers trailed lightly up and down her upper leg.

"How are people going to…?" she didn't finish because she wasn't sure what she was asking.

"Going to what?"

"How are they going to react to us?"

"Why would it be any different?"

"I don't know, because we're together again.  I mean, take Jerry, for instance.  He hates me."

"Jerry doesn't hate you."

"No, Jax, he does.  You haven't been with him alone with me.  Trust me, he truly does hate me for what happened."  She stopped his trailing fingers and grasped his hands in hers, lacing their fingers.  He didn't stop moving his fingers, beginning to rub small circles with his thumbs on her hands.

"If Jerry seems to dislike you, Bren, and yes, you're right he does, it's because he thinks he's protecting me."

"Protecting you from me?"

Jax nodded.  "But you also have to remember something.  He sent you out here to me, didn't he?"  She nodded in response.  "That means he must have some faith in you to help me.  If he didn't, he never would have told you where I was."

"True, but it took me a lot of convincing to get him to tell me."

"The point is, he told you.  Jerry isn't a push-over.  He would have had to really believe what you were saying to tell you.  You won't have to worry about him, I don't think."

"What about your parents?"

Jax looked down at her finally and removed his sunglasses.  He looked directly into her eyes and wondered what was going on.  "Bren, what brought this on?  Why are you so worried all of a sudden?"

"I don't know.  I was just thinking about what would happen when we get back to Port Charles.  Not many people know what happened between us, they just know we broke up.  Now, we're together again, I'm sure they're going to wonder why."

"Let them wonder.  All that matters is how we feel about each other."  He tilted his head and leaned down to kiss her lightly.

When she pulled away, she looked at him again.  "Your parents, Jax.  What about them?"

He laughed softly.  "You're really worried about this?"  She nodded slightly.  "Listen, Bren, you don't have to worry about Mum and Dad.  They don't know what happened.  I only ever told Jerry.  All they know is that we broke over something.  Truth be told, I think they'll be thrilled to have you back in their lives."

After that, Brenda was silent for awhile.  'To have you back in their lives,' he'd said.  She smiled at the thought.  A few minutes later, she looked up at him again.  He'd replaced his sunglasses and was looking out on the ocean again.  His hands had never stopped moving in hers, constantly making their presence known.  She pulled one hand from his and placed against his cheek, turning his head toward her.  "I love you, Jax," she said.

Jax grinned down at her.  "I love you, too, Brenda," he responded.  She pulled his face down to hers to deliver a passionate kiss to his lips.  Several minutes passed before he pulled away, afraid to go further and break his pact with himself not to. 

"Spoil sport," he heard Brenda say under her breath and he grinned again.

"No, it's called self-control, sweetie," he said.  He got up off the sand and pulled her up with him.  She leaned in to kiss him again, her arms wrapping around his waist.  His hands were in her hair before he knew it as they kissed.  Just before he got to the brink of self-control again, Brenda pulled away, a teasing glint in her eyes.

"I'll race you back to the house," she challenged.  Before he could answer, she pulled out of his embrace and took off sprinting for the beach house.

"Brenda!" Jax called after her once.  Seeing she wasn't coming back to him, he started to run after her.  He ran at half his normal speed, knowing he could really close the gap in seconds.  She reached the steps a few feet before him and took them two at a time.  When she stood at the top, she was grinning triumphantly. 

"I didn't realize you were so slow," she called down to him as he came up the last couple steps.

He grabbed her around the waist in a tight hold to prevent her escape.  She wriggled in his grasp to get away, laughing.  "I told you I like taking things slow," he said in a deep, seductive voice.

Brenda pushed against him, still laughing, but it forced them to take a few more steps toward the house.  As she was laughing, Jax caught her face in his and kissed her passionately.  As the heat grew, Brenda started to lead them towards one of the chaise lounges.  She backed towards the one she knew as there near the pool.  They never stopped as they moved.

Brenda's legs brushed against the chair and she started to sit down on it before Jax stopped her again.  "Wait, wait, wait," he said breathlessly.  "I'm sorry, Brenda," he apologized.  He still held her in his arms and they still stood on the deck after they stopped.

"For what?" she asked.

"I keep doing that.  And I'm sorry-"

"It's okay," she said quickly.

"It is?"

"Yes, Jax, it is.  I know as well as you do that we shouldn't do that.  And I also know how hard it is to stop."  He nodded.  "So, I think," she said as she stepped away from him and out of his embrace, "we should probably not be so close to each other.  Or before too long, one of us is going to need a really cold shower."

One of us already does, Jax thought silently.  But amazingly, without her in his arms, he felt an absence.  He smiled and started to move toward her to take her in his arms once more.  He wasn't intending for anything to happen except a thank you for understanding.

Brenda didn't realize it and took his sexy smile to mean something else.  She grinned back at him, but as he got closer, she side-stepped him without realizing how close she was standing to the edge of the pool.  Jax misstepped and stumbled when he missed her.  The stumble and loss of footing was enough.  Before he knew it, he had taken a headfirst dive into the pool.

He came up sputtering and coughing, totally unprepared for what had just happened.  Brenda was on the edge of the pool, laughing so hard tears were forming in her eyes.  Jax knew he wasn't angry with her, but he felt like an immense fool as he was treading water below her.  He smiled at her and waited for her to finish laughing and regain control of herself. 

"I'm so sorry, Jax!" she finally got out as she laughed.  She knelt down by the edge of the pool.  "I so didn't mean for that to happen!"

"I know you didn't.  But would you help me out?" he asked surreptitiously and reaching a hand up to her.

"You can get out," she said, suspecting he would pull her in with him.  "I don't want you pulling me, too."

"Come on, Bren," he pleaded.  "I wouldn't do that."

"Yes, you would," she laughed.

"Okay, but I won't."

"Promise?"

"Will you just help me out?" he asked again.

"All right, just don't-" she was cut off as she hit the water when Jax pulled her into the pool.  "Jax!" she screamed as she came up to the surface.  But she was laughing with him this time.  She splashed him a couple times and then brushed her long hair out of her eyes.

Jax pushed himself up out of the water and then reached down to help Brenda out.  When they finally stood on the deck again, they were both soaking wet.  Brenda was trying to look mad at him, but it was working and they both just ended up laughing together again.

"You said you weren't going to do that.  You promised," she accused him playfully.

"I did no such thing.  I never promised you!" he dodged her comment swiftly.  His t-shirt clung to his chest and he took it off and wrung it out.  "See?  Look what you did.  Now I have to change," he teased.

"So do I!"  Brenda followed him into the house, careful not to drip too much water in the hallways. 

Jax left Brenda at her doorway when she went into her room to change.  He closed his door, still smiling.  He grabbed a towel from the bathroom and dried off his chest.  Peeling the wet jeans from his legs, he changed and put on a pair of black cargo pants and a gray t-shirt.  His hair was still wet as he went downstairs to his office and called his pilot at the airport.  He arranged for a plane at seven o'clock that evening.  Again, he would not be flying the plane.

Brenda reappeared as he was hanging up the phone.  "Was that to the airport?" she asked since she had heard the last couple of words.

She looked gorgeous again with her hair left to dry, but already beginning to curl.  She was wearing a pair of khaki pants and a long-sleeved white shirt.  He nodded and stood up from behind the desk.  "We leave at seven tonight," he said.  "What would you like to do until then?"

She glanced at her watch and saw that left them with just over five hours together.  She shrugged and said, "I don't know, you choose."

Jax chose to take her on a small shopping spree on Rodeo Drive.  When they returned four and half hours later, he carried the two bags worth of clothes she had bought.  She'd been less interested in spending money because she was more interested in spending time with him.  She took her bags and went upstairs to pack the rest of her belongings, but she was surprised to see that Charles had already done it for her.

Jax was in the kitchen with Charles when she went to find him.  She stood next to Jax and wrapped an arm around his waist, then looked at Charles.  "Thank you, Charles," Brenda said sincerely.

He looked surprised.  "For what, Miss Brenda?" 

"For everything."  She'd said enough and Charles acknowledged her with a quick nod of his head and a smile.  She went over to him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, causing him to blush slightly.  He made a quick exit after saying goodbye to Jax and Brenda.

Jax looked down at her in his embrace after glancing at his watch.  "Are you ready to go home?"

Brenda nodded and stood on her toes to kiss him.  After leaving him breathless yet again, she smiled broadly and said, "Yes, let's go home."

Jax took her hand and led her to the doorway of the beach house.  They both turned to gaze around once more.  He had always been right, Brenda thought.  It was a healing place.

 

Chapter 18