This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember When

Feels Like Home

Chapter 7

And if you knew how happy you are making me

Jax leaned against the door to the penthouse with one arm up the side of the door.  He studied his parents' expressions before he said anything.  They both looked upset with him and he knew why since he hadn't yet told them what he and Brenda had done.  "Mum, Dad, why don't you come in?" he said finally.  He opened the door fully and stepped back to allow them in.

John and Jane Jacks walked into the apartment without saying a word yet.  When Jane had put her purse down on the table by the door, they turned to him again.  "Jasper," Jane began in a stern tone, "Would you like to tell us why we had to learn you got married from the television and not from our own son?"

"And," added his father in a slightly accusatory tone, "how it is that this marriage just happens to come about three days after you and I make such a deal for you to do so?"

Jax sighed and walked around them to the sidebar to pour himself a drink.  He had known this would be coming, but he had hoped it would come slightly later in the week.  When they had held the conference that morning, he hadn't given a second thought to the fact that it might get back to his parents before they could tell them.  Now that it had, he had to come up with a good reason why it had all happened and so quickly.  Drink in hand, he turned back to them.  "Would you like to have a seat?"  He motioned to the couches and took a seat himself on one.  His parents sat across from him.

"Is she even here?" John demanded.

"If you mean Brenda, my wife, no, she's not here.  She's at work," Jax responded calmly.  "But she should be back within the hour or so."

"Is that her name?  Brenda?"  Jane's anger was apparent from her tone.

Jax took a deep breath and sat forward on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees.  "Look, Mum, Dad, I know this is a surprise and there is a good reason I haven't told you yet.  But it is not what you're thinking."  One of the conditions of Jax's deal with his father was that he would marry for love and give marriage a chance.  If his parents believed he hadn't married Brenda because he was in love with her, John would have the deal cancelled and Jerry would be given the shares of his company.

"Jax, you know the conditions.  Now, I cannot believe you could marry this woman, three days after we made that deal, and say it was for love.  There is no way.  We've never even met her!"  John's tone sounded slightly arrogant, as if he would enjoy the fact that Jax had messed it up and he could give Jerry the shares of J&J Jacks of Alaska.

"Dad, I know what you're thinking, but it's not."  He didn't like having to lie to his parents, but from his side, it wasn't a lie just yet.  He had married Brenda because he was in love with her, even if she didn't return his feelings.

"You don't love this woman, Jax.  I refuse to believe that!"  Jane's voice was rising slightly as he spoke.

Jax buried his head in his hands for a second and then got up from the couch in one fluid motion.  He stood by the fireplace and put one arm up one the mantle, his fingers against his temple.  "Mum, you don't know what's going on."

"No, but I know that are not in love with her.  You can't be.  Why Jax, we've never met her.  How long have you even known her?"

They weren't even giving him the chance to try and invent a story for them to believe.  John had a smug expression on his face as he waited for Jax's response.  "Clearly this is nothing but an attempt to pull the wool over our eyes, Jane," John said.  "Jax decided that he could get this woman to marry him, satisfy our deal, and in a year, he'll divorce her with no intention of settling down as we had discussed.  But we won't let him get away with it.  Isn't that right, Jax?"  His voice had a triumphant tone as if he had figured out the best kept secret.

And he had, that was the problem, Jax thought.  At least he knew what Brenda had agreed to.  The only way to get them to back off would be to tell them part of the truth.  "The deal was not the reason I married Brenda, Dad," Jax began.  It wasn't the only reason for him.

"Well, you can't tell us you love her!" Jane insisted.

"What if I did?" he replied softly.  "What if I do love her?  Would it satisfy you to think that?"  There was no way for his parents to know he was telling them the truth.

"Son, if I can honestly believe that you love this Brenda and that she loves you, then our deal will stand," John said firmly.  "So, I guess it just means that we'll have to stay here until she comes home.  She is living here with you, is she not?"

"Yes, Dad, she is.  I already told you she will be home in a little while.  You are welcome to wait and meet her."  He had an idea then.  He knew Brenda wouldn't like it too much, but if they wanted this to continue, they might have to do it.  "In fact, we were going to have dinner in the restaurant downstairs.  Why don't you join us?"  He forced a congenial smile he didn't feel to come to his face.

"I think we will," John responded.  It was almost as if he had said to make it a threat towards Jax.  He wanted to test the boundaries of Jax and Brenda's relationship and see if they held up under scrutiny before they let this thing pass for a marriage.

"Great."  Jax was trying to keep his calm and wait patiently for Brenda to come home.  He moved from his spot at the fireplace and sat back down on the couch, taking a sip of his Scotch.  He was trying to ignore the headache he'd had earlier that was still pounding in his head and that he knew would only intensify as the evening went on if he had to spend it playacting with Brenda to his parents with feelings he knew she really was only pretending to have.

Half an hour later, after making idle conversation with his parents for way too long, Jax heard the sound of a key entering the lock in the door signifying that Brenda was home.  He jumped up and crossed the room to the door to open it as if he was overjoyed to see her come home and before she could walk in on them.  "Brenda!" he exclaimed and swept her into his arms before she crossed the threshold.  As he held her close, he whispered into her ear, "My parents are behind me.  Pretend you're happy to see me."

Brenda tried to cover her immense surprise as quickly as possible while also trying to sneak a glance at the two people standing in the living room watching them closely.  She pulled back from his hug and kissed him on the lips spontaneously.  "Hi honey," she said softly when Jax finally pulled away surprised.

Jax had to stop to catch his breath.  Her kiss had shocked him and he realized he had enjoyed it just a little too much.  He heard his father clear his throat behind them and Jax turned around, bringing Brenda with him, his arm wrapped around her waist.  "Brenda Barrett-Jacks, these are my parents, John and Lady Jane Jacks.  Mum, Dad, this is my wife."  He could see that Jane was surprised by Brenda's beauty and John's mouth hung slightly open, as well.

Brenda didn't hesitate a moment before she crossed the room quickly.  She had her hand extended to shake John's hand.  He held it out to her, bewildered, but smiling.  "It's nice to meet you, sir," she said almost formally.

"Please, call me John, Brenda," he responded, the warmth creeping into his voice reluctantly.  He couldn't resist smiling at the woman in front of him.

"And Lady Jane?" Brenda said hesitantly, turning to Jax's mother.

Jane nodded and stepped forward to give Brenda a warm hug.  "It's good to meet you, Brenda," she said softly into Brenda's ear.

Once the introductions were over, Jax reclaimed his position at Brenda's side and said, "Brenda, if it's okay with you, I invited my parents to dinner with us."  He smiled down at her, portraying with his eyes that she had to accept.

"Of course it's okay, sweetie.  I'd love to get to know your parents a little better."  She smiled up at him.  "But if it's okay with everyone, I'd like to change my clothes before we go."  She took Jax's hand and started towards the bedroom.  "Jax, would you come with me please?"  She allowed a small amount of seductiveness to come into her voice to give a false impression to his parents.

Jax could see the glare in her eyes that was directed at him and he knew he had to follow her so that she could have her words with him.  He held her hand until they disappeared into the back hallway when she wrenched her hand from his grasp and stalked into her bedroom to change.  He walked in after her and closed the door quietly.  She turned on him immediately.

"Jax, what are your parents doing here?" she demanded to know.

He sighed and put his hand up to his forehead, closing his eyes briefly.  "I know it's short notice, Brenda, but I swear they just showed up.  There was a knock at the door, I answered it, and there they were.  I'm sorry, I didn't plan this.  And I didn't think it would be a good idea to call you at work to warn you with them standing right there."  He looked back at her as she stood with her hands on her hips and met his gaze intently.

Brenda saw the look on his face and knew he was telling her the truth.  "All right, fine, but did you have to invite them to dinner with us?"  She wasn't feeling much like having dinner with him right now, let alone with his parents.

Jax went over and sat down on the bed, turning to face her.  "I had to do that.  They have to believe we aren't trying to fool them, Brenda, you know that.  If they thought that my own wife, who is supposedly so in love with me, didn't want to meet them and get to know them, there would be a serious problem.  Just do this tonight.  I'm sure they'll leave by tomorrow and we won't have to worry about them for awhile.  All you have to do is win them over tonight."

"Win them over?  And how do you suppose I do that?"  She could tell he was enjoying his parents visit as much as she was.  In fact, he looked kind of panicked about the whole thing, as if he was afraid they'd get caught before they even had a chance.

He smiled slightly at her.  "Just be your normal, charming self, sweetie," he said somewhat patronizingly, emphasizing the term of endearment.

Brenda turned on her heel and went to the closet to get her clothes.  "You're not funny, Jax."

Flopping back onto the bed and putting his head on her pillow, he sighed.  He placed his fingers against his temples and rubbed gently.  "I know you don't think so," he replied.

She turned to look at him and frowned when she saw him with his eyes closed, lying on her bed.  "You're not going to go to sleep on me, are you?" she asked, teasing him.

He smiled tiredly, but didn't open his eyes.  "Nope, I'll be my normal, charming self, too."

"I didn't know you could be," she joked.  While he kept his eyes closed, she changed quickly into a pair of khakis and a short sleeve red silk blouse.  She glanced at him periodically, noticing when he winced slightly every once in awhile.  She brushed her hair out so that it lay in soft waves down her back and turned back to him once more.  He hadn't moved.  "Jax, are you going to be all right?"

Jax opened his eyes and sat up quickly.  "Oh yeah, I'm going to be just fine," he said with forced cheerfulness and a smile, but there was a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  "Are you ready?"

She nodded and opened the door to go back out to his parents.  Before they got to the living room, he put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side.  They gathered his parents and went to the elevator to go down to the restaurant.

Over a four course meal, John and Jane asked Brenda more questions than Jax could count.  She answered every one of them as truthfully as she could while sticking to their story.  They wanted to know everything.  When did Jax and Brenda meet?  How long have they been dating?  How come Jax had never brought her to meet them?

For the purposes of fooling his family, Jax and Brenda had devised a story that would help to satisfy their curiosity over the quickness of their marriage.  They told the truth that they had met ten years before, but they lied and said they'd met back up with each other a few months before.  His parents knew nothing of Brenda's situation with Scott or her failed engagement.  It was easy enough for them to believe that Jax had never been able to work out a time to invite Brenda to go to Alaska and meet them.  They seemed to accept all of the answers Jax and Brenda gave without too much trouble.  Until John asked one particular question.

John turned to Jax suddenly and asked, "Jax, if you knew you wanted to marry Brenda, why did you act as if I had no right to ask you what I did when we met before?"  He was referring to when they made the deal for Jax's company.

"Because you didn't," Jax responded immediately.  "You don't get to decide when or if I marry someone, Dad.  I do.  However, your request happened to come at the same time as I was planning to ask Brenda to marry me," he lied.  "If it had been any other way, I would not have agreed to sign that contract."  His tone was insistent to try and make it more believable.  None of it was true for the time that he had signed the deal with his father and the truth of the matter was, he was still furious that his father had forced him to do this.  Even if it had put him in his current situation.

John seemed to accept that answer when he noticed Brenda moving closer to Jax's side.  As they were seated side by side in a round, corner booth of the restaurant, it was difficult for her to sit closer than she already was.  He also noticed that her hand disappeared below the table and that Jax smiled a moment later.

Jax fought to control his reaction to just a simple smile when Brenda moved her hand below the table and put it on his upper thigh.  He knew she was doing it to play with him and to get a rise out of him.  She was nearly succeeding at that, he thought to himself.  He had seen the looks she was sending him all night.  A mixture of amusement and confusion and every one of them was telling him the same thing she had said the day before.  She was wondering how it was so easy for him to lie like this to his own parents.  But for their purposes, she accepted it, which was why she had decided to test him.

Slowly, he reached beneath the table with his free hand and took her hand with his.  He laced their fingers and moved their hands further down his leg to rest near his knee and at a more comfortable spot.  She hid a small smile at her success before he could see it.

Dinner ended and they walked out into the lobby to the elevators.  John and Jane had decided to stay in a suite at the hotel as well and Jax and Brenda were going to escort them to their room.  As they exited the elevator, Jane pulled Brenda back to talk to her privately while John and Jax went on ahead to the room.

"Brenda," Jane said quietly, "I can see what's going on here."

"You can?" Brenda asked, fully believing that Jane didn't know.  She and Jax were convinced they had fooled his parents.

"You don't love my son."  She held up a hand to signal for her not to interrupt.  "But I don't mind that and I will not tell Jax's father.  I know all about the deal those two made and I want you to know that I think it was wrong of John to force Jax like he did.  Jax's company should be his and I believe that whole-heartedly.  I know you and Jax only got married to satisfy that deal.  There is no point in denying it to me, dear."

Brenda nodded.  "Lady Jane, I'm sorry."

"There is no need to apologize to me, either.  The thing I don't understand is why you would agree to this whole scheme.  I mean, I know what Jax gains from all this, but what do you get except a marriage guaranteed to end in a divorce, as per your own agreement?"

"It's a complicated situation and a very long story.  I'll tell you about it sometime, I promise.  But for now, I promise you that I would not be doing this if I didn't get something out of it, too.  I'm not the type of person who likes to deceive people on purpose."

"No, dear, I can see you're not," Jane said softly.  "Brenda, you are a delightful young lady.  And even if it is for only a short time, I am happy to have you as part of this family."  She put her arms around Brenda and gave her a hug.

"Thank you, Jane," Brenda replied.  She was truly surprised by the warmth with which Jane was welcoming her into her family, knowing that she had no intention of staying a part of it.  It would be truly difficult to leave her in a year when she divorced Jax.

They went into the room where Jax and John were waiting for them.  Jax questioned Brenda with his eyes, but she only smiled at him.  They said goodnight and left to go upstairs after his parents promised they would be up in the morning to see them.

Once they were back in the elevator, Jax dropped Brenda's hand and leaned against the wall.  He sighed deeply and closed his eyes.  He wore an expression of frustration, slight anger, and mostly of exhaustion.  Brenda watched him silently until the doors opened on their floor.  When Jax had opened the penthouse door and they were inside, he put his hand on her shoulder to stop her from walking upstairs just yet.

"Brenda, I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"For tonight.  I know it's hard to convince other people that we have a valid marriage and I know you don't like lying, but it'll get easier."

"That's what I'm afraid of, Jax."  She sighed and went to sit on the edge of one of the couches.

Jax sat on the coffee table in front of her.  "What do you mean that's what you're afraid of?"

"I mean the lying.  I don't like it.  I think it's a bad idea."

He nodded.  "I know you do, but in some cases, it's necessary, and you know that.  That's why I think we should only do it if it is necessary.  If we can get by with the truth, then we'll do it.  If not, we'll have to make something up."

"But it's so much easier for you to do that than it is for me."  She didn't realize she had insulted him until she saw the dark look cross his face.

"That's not fair, Brenda.  You don't know me."

"That's exactly my point about all of this!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.  "I don't know you, Jax!  I haven't known you for ten years!"  She took a deep breath and calmed down.  "Jax, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  "I know you didn't.  And the thing is it is easy for me to lie to some people, Brenda.  To my parents and my brother, yes, it is very easy.  Your father, I can't lie to apparently."  He smiled and shook his head ruefully.  "But you don't understand.  There are people that I can lie to very easily and people that I will never lie to.  I told you yesterday that I won't lie to you.  I meant that, Brenda."

"I know you did," she said softly.  "And you're right.  We just won't lie unless it's necessary, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed readily.

"Now, I'm going to bed if that's okay with you.  Unless you think your parents might want something to do with that, too," she said teasingly, getting up from the couch and heading for her bedroom.

"Brenda?" he called back to her before she disappeared around the corner.

"Yes, Jax?"  She turned back to face him from the steps.

"Thanks again."

She smiled softly.  "You're welcome."  She went to her bedroom and closed the door behind her.

Jax remained seated where he was for a little while longer.  As he thought about how quickly and easily she had adapted to his parents' arrival that evening, he was amazed once again by her.  He hoped she would continue to do that for a long time to come.  He turned off the lights in the living room and went to his bedroom to go to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~

The following morning, Jax was up before Brenda.  He dressed in black running pants and a white t-shirt to go out for his morning jog.  As he ran the unfamiliar streets of Port Charles, he started to orient himself to the town.  He wanted to know where he was and how to get to where he was going.  He ran through the park on the way back to the hotel. 

"Jax!" a voice called out as he ran past.

He turned, still jogging, and found Lois standing behind him.  "Hi, Lois," he greeted her.  He walked over to where she was standing and bent slightly at the waist to catch his breath.  "How are you this morning?" he asked.

"I'm fine.  I was just on my way into the office."

"And the park is on your way?  If it is, I'm a little turned around."

"No, not really.  But I was a little early, so I decided to take a walk through here to pass the time.  I like the early morning air."  She breathed deeply and inhaled the sweet summer morning smell of the dew and the flowers that surrounded them.

"I know what you mean.  That's why I run this early, too."  He started to stretch his legs as he stood with her, talking.

"So, I was curious, Jax," Lois began speculatively.

"About what?"  Her tone made him a little suspicious.

"Well, after you left the other night with my sister, I started to think about it.  And here's what I came up with.  My sister is not in love with you," she said bluntly.

Jax raised an eyebrow at her and smiled slightly.  "Oh, she's not, isn't she?  What makes you say that?"

"Because, my sister is in love with Scott Matthews."

"No, Lois, your sister was in love with Scott Matthews.  Until he deserted her, humiliated her in public, and married a complete stranger rather than his longtime fiancée.  And your sister is with me now."

"And you know, that's the part that troubles me."  Lois moved around him to sit on the bench on the side of the path.

Jax remained standing where he was, but he crossed his arms over his chest, looking at her expectantly.  "What is it that troubles you?"

"See, I remember a time, not too long ago, say ten years, when you disappeared one day.  A day not unlike any other, but one in which you had invited my sister, Brenda, to go horseback riding with you.  And then suddenly, when she went to meet you that day, she found all of your things gone and that you were no longer employed by the Cassidines who lived next door to us.  It's funny what something like that can do to a person, especially one who has an incredible feeling of, let's say, 'like' for the person who left."

"What's your point, Lois?"

"My point, Jax, is that you disappeared without a trace, without a goodbye, without so much as a forwarding address.  And now, here you are, ten years later and you reappear in my sister's life.  To what?  Tell her you really did love her all those years ago, you realized you made a mistake, and now you want to marry her?"

"So what if I did?  What if you're exactly right?"

"See, I know I'm not, though, Jax.  Brenda was in love with someone else and then suddenly, just a few days, less than a week, after her fiancé runs off and marries someone else, here you are to play the knight in shining armor.  You see, that's what I think you're doing.  You're trying to be some heroic man who comes in, sweeps Brenda off her feet, and makes her happier than she's ever been, right?  Well, I'm going to tell you right now, that's not going to happen!"

"Oh you think so, do you?"

"I don't think so, I know so.  Brenda doesn't love you, Jax!  She doesn't even know you!  She knew you ten years ago.  And she let herself be hurt by you then.  I think she may be blind to that side of you and I will not let you hurt her again.  I won't."

Jax raised his eyebrows at her thinly veiled threat and quirked a smile at her.  "Well, then, I guess I'll just have to do my best not to hurt her, won't I?"

"You got that right, buster," Lois said.  She stood up and walked closer to where he was standing.  "I'm serious, Jax.  I won't let you hurt her again.  Remember that."  She walked past him then, heading for the magazine offices.

Jax watched his sister-in-law's retreating figure and allowed a grin to come to his face.  It was going to be a serious trip to win her family over, he thought.

He returned to the penthouse suite and opened the door to find his parents and Brenda in the living room together.  Brenda was laughing at something they had said.  She came over to him once he had closed the door.

"Good morning, honey," she purred softly as she stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss for the benefit of his parents.  After a few long moments, she pulled away.  "You were gone before I got up this morning.  Where'd you go?"

He smiled down at her and acted like she was the only one in the room.  "I just went for a run through the park.  You'll never guess who I ran into, though."

"Who?"

"Your sister.  We had a delightful conversation together."  He smiled as if to tell her he was not the slightest bit serious.

"Oh I see," she said, smiling up at him and telling him she was glad Lois had given him a hard time.  "Well, honey, I do have to get going.  I'm needed at the office."  She turned to pick up her briefcase from where it was sitting next to the entry table.

"I'll walk you out."  He opened the door and followed her through it with his hand on the small of her back.  He intentionally left the door open so his parents could see them if they looked.

Brenda pressed the button for the elevator and turned to him again.  He was surprised to see the teasing smile on her lips just before they pressed against his.  She kissed him gently, but firmly and wrapped her free arm around his neck, pulling his head even closer.  His arms automatically went around her waist to pull her flush against him.  One hand moved upward to push his fingers into her hair.  His eyes nearly flew open when he felt her tongue playing against his bottom lip.  Slowly, he opened his mouth slightly and touched his tongue to hers.  He felt her gasp against him, but then she gave in and tangled her tongue with his in a seductive little dance.

Just as he was beginning to feel the effects in other parts of his body, the elevator doors opened behind her and the bell dinged.  Brenda pulled away from him abruptly and stepped back into the elevator.  She was smiling triumphantly as the doors closed and she gave a little wave to him.

Jax stood alone in the hallway for a few minutes trying to gather his thoughts.  He could still feel the lingering touches of her lips against his.  He ran both hands through his hair and shook his head, laughing.  Amazing, he thought again before he turned and went back into the penthouse.

 

Chapter 8

 

Song excerpt: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk and can be found on the Dawson’s Creek Soundtrack.

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