This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember When

Feels Like Home

Chapter 8

But I'm alright cause I have you here with me

Jax was waiting for Brenda when she got home from the office in the evening.  His parents had made good on their promise and left earlier in the afternoon.  He was thoroughly convinced that his father believed that the marriage was for real and not just to satisfy the deal.  His mother he wasn't too sure about.  She seemed to give him a few knowing looks whenever he talked about Brenda and how much he certainly did love her, for their sakes, of course.  After they left, he'd gone to work returning phone calls and making arrangements for a business deal.

Brenda opened the penthouse door with her key and found Jax working at his desk to her right as she walked in.  He was on the phone with someone, speaking another language that she didn't know.  He turned slightly when he heard her, smiled a little up at her, and turned back to his call.  She shook her head and moved silently into the room, placing her briefcase on the table behind the door.  Pouring herself a drink, she sat on the far couch and took off her shoes, wrapping her feet up under her as she sat.

As she listened to Jax's half of his phone conversation, she heard his voice begin to rise and an increasing note of frustration became clear in his voice.  He gestured slightly even though there was no one there to see it as he spoke.  Suddenly, she heard him say something in a tone of concession and hang up the phone.

"What was that all about?" she asked.  "If you don't mind my asking."

Jax turned his chair around and leaned back, crossing one ankle over his knee.  He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled wryly.  "Oh nothing, just the sounds of a business deal about to collapse."

"Something wrong?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed."  He stood up and went to pour himself a drink and sit with her on the opposite couch.  "But I have to go out of town to do fix it." 

He almost sounded apologetic, she noticed.  "Where do you have to go?  Back to New York?"

He shook his head.  "No, I need to go to Rome for a few days."

Now that she thought about it, she could remember a few a Italian words she'd heard him saying into the phone.  She didn't speak the language, but knew a few general words.  "When do you need to go?" she asked curiously.  She found it slightly odd for him to have to go to Rome for only a few days and to be so casual about it, but then again, she didn't know all that much about what he did.  In fact, she knew nothing about what he did for a living.

Jax stood up and put his drink down on the table in front of where he had been sitting.  "I should be packing right now.  I need to fly out tonight so I can be there as soon as possible."  He started to go towards his bedroom.

"Oh, well, how long are you going to be gone?"

"Why?  Are you going to miss me?" he teased.  "I won't be gone long.  Probably only until Friday.  I should be back that night."

"Oh okay," she responded.

Jax grinned at her reaction.  She sounded as if she couldn't make up her mind whether or not to miss him.  "Besides, I have to be back by Saturday," he said.

"Why?  What's Saturday?"

"It's a surprise, but just so you know, you're not allowed to make plans to do anything else, okay?"

Brenda was suspicious, but she said, "Okay, I suppose.  You're not going to even give me a clue?"

He debated for a moment and then grinned again.  "You know what, I'll even give you two clues.  One, you have to wear jeans.  Two, it's something Lois reminded me of when I saw her this morning in the park."  Without another word, he turned to go to his bedroom and pack.

Brenda sat on the couch for a few minutes, thinking about what he'd said.  He sounded like he was enjoying being able to give her whatever the surprise was.  She smiled softly to herself and took a sip of her drink.  She looked down at the ring on her finger and then moved her other hand to play with it absentmindedly, twisting it on her finger again.  It was already quite an experience being married to Jasper Jacks, she thought.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brenda sat in her office on Friday afternoon, idly listening as Lois talked about an upcoming shoot for the magazine.  The other editors of the magazine were seated around the table with them and they were all actively participating in the meeting.  Brenda's mind was somewhere else altogether.

She thought about how much quieter the penthouse was now that Jax was out of town.  She had decided to continue staying there while he was gone instead of returning to her home for a few days because she thought it would be easier and they wouldn't have to explain it later.  And besides, his parents were getting really good at checking up on them.

Just an hour after Jax had left for the airport on Tuesday, John had called wanting to speak to him.  He hadn't realized Jax was gone, but he kept Brenda on the phone for another half an hour just talking to her.  There was no real topic of conversation, but she thought maybe he was trying to get her to trip up in talking to him, to contradict something she and Jax had said a few nights before.  She made sure to think carefully before each sentence.

Then, two days later, Jane called.  This time it was specifically to talk to Brenda since she knew Jax was in Italy.  Basically, she just called to talk and get to Brenda a little better, but Brenda was still relieved to hang up the phone an hour later.  It was hard talking to Jane, getting to know her, knowing that she was going to be leaving the family in less than a year now.  She didn't want to get too close so that she didn't break Jax's mother's heart when she left.

Now, on Friday, Brenda's mind continued to wander as she thought about what Jax wanted to do with her the next day.  She hadn't been able to decipher his clues and she had even asked Lois what they had talked about in the park, but Lois hadn't helped at all.  She hated surprises, too.  She always tried to figure them out before they were presented to her.  She was having too hard a time figuring this one out.

"Brenda?" Lois's voice cut into her thoughts suddenly.

She looked up quickly and found that everyone was looking at her expectantly.  "I'm sorry, Lois, I didn't hear that.  What was the question?"

"I said, I think we're done here, right?"

Her cheeks flushed a faint red as she smiled hastily.  "Oh, yes, we are done here for now.  Thank you all."  She dismissed the meeting and realized she didn't have a clue what had happened during it at all.

"Bren, are you okay?" Lois asked once everyone else had left.

She was still seated at the conference table along the side window as she met her sister's curious gaze.  "I'm fine, Lois.  Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, it's just that you seemed really far away during that meeting.  Did you hear any of it?"  There was teasing tone in her voice, but her eyes were concerned.

Brenda got up and went over to her desk, sorting through the day's mail so that she could read it.  "Yes, I heard it."  It wasn't a complete lie, she had heard some of it.  The beginning and the end.

"Is something wrong, Brenda?"

"Everything is fine, Lois, I promise," she assured her sister.  Lois nodded and decided to leave it alone for now.  She left the office to return to work downstairs.

Brenda sat down in her desk chair and leaned back.  She pushed her hair back from her eyes and shook her head at herself.  She had to stop thinking about Jax while she was at work.  Just because he hadn't called her the entire time he'd been gone didn't mean something was wrong.  She wasn't even supposed to notice he hadn't called.  But she did.  She found herself wishing she would pick up the phone just one time at night and hear him on the other line, even if he was just teasing her about missing him.  She found herself missing him.  And she didn't like the feeling.

~~~~~~~~~~

Later that same night around midnight, Brenda had fallen asleep on the couch as she was proofing an article for the next issue of the magazine.  The light had been left on beside the couch where she lay.  Her shoes were on the floor beside the couch where she had kicked them off earlier in the evening.

Jax stepped off the elevator and opened the door to the apartment as quietly as he could.  He saw the light on immediately and then he saw Brenda on the couch.  He put his bags down as he closed the door silently and took off his coat.  He put his keys down on his desk and then moved toward the couch.  Picking up the blanket across the back of it, he covered Brenda while she slept.  He turned off the light and moved back toward the door to get his bags.  As he was walking towards the steps to go to his bedroom and go to bed, he accidentally hit the low coffee table with his shin as he tried it skirt it in the dark.

Brenda sat up with a start at the loud noise and looked around.  The room was dark, but she could hear someone in there with her.  She immediately turned on the light beside her.  She saw Jax standing close to her with his bags on the floor beside him.  He looked surprised, but also in a little bit of pain.

"Oh, Jax!  You scared me half to death!" she exclaimed as soon as she was assured it was him and not an intruder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," he said quietly.  "But now that you are, I have to say…ouch!"  He started to grin as he leaned down and put a hand to his shin to rub it.

She started to laugh.  "What'd you do?"

He pointed an accusatory finger towards the table and said, "I think I got too close."  He laughed with her and then bent down to pick up his bags again.

Brenda got up from the couch and began to straighten her things, putting them back into her briefcase that was on the same table Jax had run into.  "How was your trip, Jax?  Did you get everything done?"  She looked up at him and noticed how tired he looked.  She attributed it to jet lag, probably, since he was still on a time zone that was at least six hours ahead of their time.  Because of it, he would have been up nearly all night long if he hadn't slept on the plane, and it looked like he hadn't.

He nodded and started to go up the stairs.  "Everything is just fine now.  But if you don't mind, I'll tell you about it tomorrow.  Besides, you need your sleep, too.  We're going to be leaving here bright and early tomorrow morning."

"How early is early?" she asked, groaning softly.

"By nine o'clock, okay?"  He yawned then and smiled slightly.  "Good night, Brenda."  Turning, he went upstairs and closed the door behind him once he was in his bedroom.

Brenda sat down on the couch for a moment after he left.  She was disturbed by an undeniable feeling of happiness now that she knew he was safe and home again.  And once more, she realized she didn't know what to make of it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brenda woke to the sound of her alarm clock buzzing at eight o'clock on a Saturday morning.  She groaned and reached over to turn it off before it could annoy her further.  She lay in bed for only a few minutes longer before she realized she was actually excited to find out what Jax had planned for them.  She threw back the covers on the bed and got up to take a shower and dress in her required jeans.  After she dried her hair and it fell in long waves down her back, she began to dress. Her blue jeans were accompanied by a black tank top under a short sleeve denim top that matched the shade of her jeans exactly.  She wore it loose from her waist band.  More for style than for what she knew of what they were doing, she put on a pair of dark brown hiking boots, figuring Jax had planned something outside if she had to wear jeans.

The living room was empty when she entered it looking for Jax at eight forty-five.  She was early for once because she was anxious.  She'd had all week to think about what they were doing and she knew Jax had built her anticipation deliberately.  He'd known ten years ago that she hated having to wait for surprises.  Ass he waited for Jax to come down, she ordered breakfast for them so they could eat before they left.  She knew Jax never ate much and neither did she, so she only ordered what they usually had. 

In the weeks she'd been married to him, Brenda had picked up a few more things about Jax's habits.  She knew he didn't drink coffee in the mornings, only after a meal, if then.  He was always awake before her and usually out on his run before she even got up in the mornings.  She knew he ran at least five miles in the morning, if not seven or more, it depended on how much time he had.  Before he left, she knew he fixed some disgusting concoction he liked to call a protein drink and drank it before his run.  When he came back, he usually had a glass of orange juice and a bowl of granola, but that was usually it.

She knew that this morning, Jax had not gone out on his morning run because of how late he'd gotten back from his trip the night before, so all she ordered him was a glass of orange juice and his bowl of granola.  As she thought about it, though, she realized she really only knew his morning habits.  She didn't know all that much about what he did the rest of the day.  She'd only had dinner with him twice since they'd been married and they'd both been in completely different situations with their parents that she knew it wasn't like a normal meal.  She figured if she was going to be married to him for a year, she would need to get to know some of these things and that meant that they would have to spend a little bit of time with each other every once in awhile.

Brenda sat down to read the morning paper for the few minutes she would have before Jax came into the room while she waited for the room service to get there.

Jax opened one eye slowly to glance at his alarm clock.  It was beeping incessantly until he reached a hand out to stop it.  He had set it for the last possible minute he knew he could get up in order to be ready by nine o'clock.  Between his nonstop meetings and the very long flight the night before, he'd barely slept for more than three hours a night in the last three days.  But now, knowing he couldn't disappoint Brenda, he got out of bed before he could be tempted to go back to sleep.  Besides, he thought, he was looking forward to the day as much as he thought she probably was.

Ten minutes later, he was out of the shower and beginning to dress in a pair of faded blue jeans and a white t-shirt.  He put on a pair of black boots and went into the living room, his hair still somewhat damp from the shower.  He saw Brenda immediately on the couch, reading the newspaper.

"Good morning," she said as soon as she noticed him coming into the room.

"Good morning.  I'm surprised to see you ready before me.  I thought all women were notoriously late."

"Only when we want to be," she replied as the knock sounded at the door indicating that room service had arrived.  "That's breakfast."  She opened the door and signed for the meal.

They ate fairly quickly and left the apartment at ten after nine.  Jax led her to his rented Jeep Cherokee and opened the door for her.  He hurried around to the driver's side and got in. 

As soon as they pulled away from the hotel, Brenda said, "All right, where are we going, Jax?"

"I told you it was surprise.  I intend to keep it that way.  Besides, I would have thought you'd figure it out by now," he teased.  "I know you tried."

"Yes, but you didn't give me very good clues.  How am I supposed to know what you and Lois talked about?  She didn't even know when I asked her!" she exclaimed.

Jax laughed.  "I knew you'd ask."  He flipped on his turn signal and turned left into a gravel driveway on the outskirts of town.

Brenda looked out the window and tried to see where they were.  It was a place she didn't recognize, though she knew where they were in relation to the city.  Huge green trees lined the driveway as the drove along it.  All she could see past them was the beginning of a huge field, but she didn't know what was in it.  Jax stopped the SUV outside a large ranch-style home.  He went around and opened her door for her again, taking her hand in his as he led her towards the back of the house.

"Jax, where are we?  And what are we doing here?" she asked impatiently.  It looked like they were definitely doing something outside for the day.  She just didn't know what it was.  She imagined that he was taking her hiking, or on a picnic, or something that involved them going back into the woods that bordered the property.  She had noticed that Jax kept looking down the well-worn path that was in the dirt and led to the wooded trails she could see.

There was a man standing outside a wood-sided barn behind the house.  He looked to be slightly older than Jax and he wore faded jeans with streaks of dirt on them and a blue shirt that was just as faded as his jeans.  The Stetson hat on his head looked a little out of place for Port Charles.

"Are you Mr. Jacks?" the man asked as they approached.

Jax nodded and let go of Brenda's hand to shake the other man's.  "Yes, I am.  You must be Pete.  It's nice to meet you."  Brenda watched the formalities silently, glancing around her every once in awhile.  Jax gestured at her and put his hand around her waist.  "This is my wife, Brenda," he introduced her.

She held out her hand as well, saying, "Nice to meet you, Pete."

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Jacks, if you'll follow me, everything is ready for you for the day."

"Uh, that's great, but what does that mean?" Brenda asked, apparently to no one since neither man answered her.  She saw the look of amusement on Jax's face, though.

Pete led them through the barn all the way to the end.  She had seen the horse stalls as they passed through the corridor and she wondered what in the world Jax was up to.  She was beginning to get a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach.  Her suspicions were confirmed when they walked out into the outdoor arena at the back of the barn.  Two horses stood close together, tethered to the fence by the reigns on their bridles.

"Um, Jax?" Brenda began softly.

He turned to face her.  He took her hand in his again and put his other hand against her cheek, laying his palm flat against it.  "Brenda, I know.  Just trust me, okay?"  He remembered that she had been somewhat scared of horses when she was sixteen.

"But…"

"Brenda," Jax interrupted her, "do you remember I once told you I would teach you how to ride bareback?"  She nodded in response, but there was still a look of slight fear in her eyes.  "Well, that's what I want to do today.  I never got the chance all those years ago and I've always remembered that."

"But, Jax…"

He met her eyes steadily.  "I would never let anything hurt you, you know that, right?  I won't force you to do this if you don't want to.  But I want you to trust me that you will love this, please?  If you don't, we will come right back, I promise."

"And if I do?" she smiled weakly.  "What then?"

"Then, I'll teach you some other things, as well.  How's that?"

She glanced at the two horses that stood a few feet away from them.  One of them was a dark brown mare with a white stripe along her nose and she was gazing back at Brenda with big, beautiful brown eyes.  The other was a tall, brown and white paint that looked to be a male.  He looked at her lazily and then looked away just as slowly.  Pete stood off to the side while he waited for her to make her decision.  She looked back up into Jax's eyes.  There was something about the way he was looking at her that made her know deep in her heart that he would protect her.  Finally, she nodded against his hand.  "Okay, but only if I get to ride that one," she said as she pointed to the brown mare.

Jax grinned and they turned to get ready to leave.  Pete told them that Brenda's horse was named DC, short for Dark Chocolate, and Jax's horse was named Domino.  Jax showed Brenda how to mount her horse since there was no saddle.  He helped her to sit firmly on DC's back.  Then, he swung up onto Domino easily.  While he watched, he made Brenda ride a few circles in the arena to get used to feel of not having a saddle beneath her.  When he was satisfied she would be okay, he warmed up Domino, as well.

Ten minutes later, they left the arena in the direction of the woods on the edge of the field.  Jax had planned a picnic for later in the day that Pete had promised would be set up in a clearing about two miles away from the ranch.  He had given specific instructions on what trail to take that would lead directly there and Jax also had a trail map that Pete had given him in his back jeans pocket. 

As they left the complete sunshine behind for the filters of the trees, Jax followed behind Brenda.  She was riding slowly as she got used to the horse.  "Are you okay, Brenda?" he asked when he noticed she slowed even further.  He caught up to her in a matter of seconds.

She nodded slowly and glanced at him.  "I'm fine," she replied quietly.

He could hear the fear still in her voice and he moved his horse closer to hers.  "Brenda, don’t worry, okay?  Just relax.  It'll make it easier, I promise."  When she looked at him, he gave her an encouraging smile.  "Just loosen your hips a little bit.  Let your body sway with the horse's rhythm.  Just rock in time with her stride."

Brenda watched him for a moment, noticing how easily he stayed completely seated on the horse's back beside her.  She tried to imitate his actions and immediately noticed a difference in the amount of sliding she was doing on the horse's smooth back.  At her accomplishment, she turned back to Jax and smiled triumphantly.

They rode in silence until they came to a clearing a little ways in front of them.  Jax stopped Domino on the edge of the open field and Brenda stopped, as well.  "Why'd we stop?" she asked him.

"Because this is a good place to teach you something else."

"Such as?" she asked nervously.

"Trotting," he responded.

"Jax, I know how to trot.  I've done it before."

"Yes, but you were always in a saddle then.  It's a little different when there is no saddle beneath you."

"Really?" she asked skeptically.

Jax turned his head and smiled at her.  He had put on his sunglasses when the reached the clearing and she had done the same.  The brilliant sun made it difficult to see the other edge of the field from where they were.  "Just keep two things in mind, Brenda.  Keep your body loose so that you can keep in time with the stride."

"And?"

"And hold on tight with your legs.  They're all you have!"  As he said the last few words, he kicked Domino twice on the side and the horse started into a slow run across the field.  Jax stopped about half way across and reigned Domino around so that he faced Brenda.  "Okay, you're turn now!" he shouted across the field.

Brenda took a few deep breaths before she sat up straight and looked right at Jax.  She trusted him, she thought.  He wouldn't let her do it if he thought anything would happen to her.  She took one more deep breath and turned her leg to kick DC twice, just as Jax had.  The horse started into the same slow run that Domino had taken.  Brenda immediately tightened her grip around the horse's back.  A few strides into the field, she remembered Jax's advice and loosened her hips again.  As soon as she did it, the ride was much smoother than before as she fell into the same rhythm DC had.  She passed directly by Jax, a huge smile on her face as she found herself enjoying her horseback ride more than she ever thought possible.

Just as she passed Jax, though, Brenda inadvertently kicked DC's side again with her foot.  The horse picked up speed again into a quick canter.  Brenda let out a loud shriek at the suddenness of the movement.

Jax responded as quickly as he could, turning Domino to follow her.  "Brenda!" he shouted after her.  "Pull back!"

She didn't hear his shouts to her as the horse continued to run across the field.  Just as she was starting to panic, she thought quickly and loosened her body again.  She fell into the rhythm of DC's run and slowly brought her to a complete stop just at the edge of the other side of the field. 

"Brenda!" Jax shouted again as he approached her.  Domino ran at full speed across the clearing to get to where Brenda now sat atop DC.  When he stopped beside her, Jax quickly put his hand out to her shoulder.  He could feel her breathing heavily and she looked was looking down at the horse's back.  "Brenda, are you okay?" he asked quickly.  "I'm so sorry, I should have warned you.  I just didn't think-"

"Jax, it's okay," Brenda said suddenly.  She turned to face him.  She was grinning at him, a feeling of total amazement coming over her.  "That was totally amazing!" she exclaimed.

Jax was shocked at her reaction.  He saw the look of complete awe in her eyes and took in the huge smile she had on her face.  She was completely calm and very, very happy.  "Wait a minute, you're not-" he began.

"No!  That was so great, Jax!"  She was laughing, feeling totally exhilarated.  "I felt like I was flying.  It was wonderful!" she exclaimed again.  "I want to do it again!"

He took a minute to realize what she was really saying.  "Are you serious?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes!" she shouted happily.  "Tell me what I need to do to do it again," she asked him.

"Just once you get her into a trot, move your foot back slightly and kick with your heel.  She should take off."  He watched dumbfounded as Brenda tried exactly what he had just said.  DC did exactly what she asked her to do and within four strides, was in a canter again.  Brenda was riding with a calm expertise and this time, when she reached the other end of the field, she angled the horse to the left and made a full circle without letting DC break the stride.  All Jax could do was watch.  Amazing, he thought.

Two hours later, Jax and Brenda approached the clearing where they were going to have lunch set up for them.  They were still a little ways from it when there was a sudden noise from somewhere further up the trail from them.  They stopped the horses and listened carefully for any signs of what had made the noise.  Just as Jax was about to move on, the noise came again.

"Stay here, Brenda," he said quietly and she nodded.  Silently, he nudged Domino forward to walk as slowly as he could through the woods.  The noise came once more and Domino skipped sideways once as it frightened him.

Brenda watched Jax move ahead to investigate.  He disappeared around a corner a moment later and she couldn't see him anymore.  All at once, it seemed, the noise came again and she heard a loud shout come from Jax, followed by a crashing sound.  Then, there was only silence.

 

Chapter 9

 

Song excerpt: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk and can be found on the Dawson’s Creek Soundtrack.

Return to Current Fanfictions