This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember When

Feels Like Home

Chapter 6

And if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me

A dead silence fell over the back patio of the Barrett home after Brenda told her family she and Jax had gotten married the night before.  Brenda held her breath as she waited for someone to say something.  She could feel the tension in Jax from the tightening of his hand around hers.  She thought she could even feel it beginning to shake within her own.  She glanced up at him and met his eyes, giving him a smile to reassure him with feelings she didn't have right now.  And still, no one said anything.

"Well?" she prompted finally.

Suddenly, Harlan Barrett stood up and put his drink on the table beside him.  He walked by Brenda calmly, but when he reached the sliding door and was inside the house, he shoved it shut as hard as possible.  Brenda was surprised the glass didn't break.  She felt Jax flinch at the sound of the door closing.  She waited for someone else to say something.

Finally, Lois cleared her throat and stood up.  She walked the length of the patio before she said anything.  "Brenda, what do you mean you got married last night?"

"Just what I said, Lo, we got married in Las Vegas last night."

"But…But you don't just up and get married like that, Bren.  You're not the type of person to do that," Lois sputtered.

"Apparently, I am."

"What about Scott?  Does any of that even factor into this in the slightest?"

"I'm sure it did a little, but he was not the main reason for it."  And he wasn't.  He was one of the two main reasons for it, but her family didn't know that yet.

Up until then, Ned had been silent, but he stood and crossed the distance to Lois to stand next to her.  "Are you going to say anything for yourself, Jax?" he asked harshly.

It was obvious that Brenda's family wasn't taking the news very well.  Jax knew it was because they had surprised them with it, but that fact didn't make him anymore comfortable in the situation.  In fact, if he'd been able to, he would have walked away, but Brenda's death grip on his hand told him he wasn't going anywhere.  Instead, he took a deep breath and said, "I don't know what you want me to say, Ned."

"You can start with why you're doing this.  Obviously, you heard about Brenda's situation and came to town to take advantage of her in a vulnerable time.  What kind of person are you that would do such a thing to her?"

"Ned, I-"

"No, Jax," Brenda interrupted, her eyes flashing.  "I want to answer that one."  She turned her glare to her brother-in-law.  "Ned, Jax did not take advantage of me!  He and I agreed last night that this is what we wanted to do.  No one runs my life but me and if this is what I decide I want, then this is what I'm going to do!"

The conviction in her voice made Jax proud of her.  She was standing up to her own family in defense of him and it made his heart soar.  He took the opportunity, though, to leave.  He bent his head to her ear and whispered again, "Brenda, I really think you need to talk to them without me here.  I'm going to go."  Before she could ask him where he was going or stop him, he took his hand from hers and turned to walk inside the house.

Just inside the sliding door, Jax stopped and breathed a huge sigh of pent-up relief.  He hadn't realized just how nervous or tense he was just in telling her family what they had done.  He really did think it was making matters worse for her angry family to have to look at him with her while she tried to explain it.  He heard them still talking on the back deck and he walked towards the front of the house. 

Once outside the front door, he didn't leave.  Instead, he walked the length of the considerable front yard, but he wasn't looking at the grounds or the scenery around him.  He was trying to figure out where everything would go from here.  And he wondered just exactly what Brenda was telling her family back there.

Brenda kept her anger at Jax inside her as he left her standing on the back patio.  Instead, she turned to her family once more, furious at their reaction, as well.  As irrational as she knew that was, she had been hoping they would accept their decision, but it was apparent that they weren't going to.  "Look, Mom," she said as she finally turned to face Gloria.  "I know you don't approve of what I, we, did.  I know it's not what you imagined would happen one day and for that, I am sorry."

Gloria met her gaze straight on and smiled gently.  "Brenda, dear, I'm not angry with you.  You live your own life and I can't stop you from doing that."

Brenda smiled for the first time in twenty minutes.  "Thank you, Mom, that means so much to me."  She started to cross the patio to give her a hug.

Gloria held up a hand to stop her.  "But wait just a minute.  I want you to tell me something, Brenda, and I want an honest answer."

"I can try."

"That's all I ask, you know that.  Brenda, if you can tell me that you and Jax got married because it was the right thing to do, then I will accept your decision and with it, Jax.  Can you tell me that?"

She didn't hesitate for one second with feelings that she suddenly knew she didn't have to consider to answer the question.  She nodded and smiled softly.  "Yes, I believe we did it for the right reasons."

Gloria closed the distance between them and gave her daughter a hug.  "Then, I'm happy for you."

Ned and Lois had looked on in a stunned silence as Gloria accepted her daughter's shotgun marriage.  They knew that they had no other choice but to accept it themselves if Gloria was going to.  Lois hugged Brenda next and then a reluctant Ned.  Neither was too happy about it, but they were willing to give it a chance, for Brenda's sake.

Meanwhile, Jax was still out in the front yard.  He had stopped next to a blooming dogwood tree and was leaning against the trunk, his arms crossed over his chest.  He was too lost in thought to hear the footsteps on the gravel path behind him.

Harlan cleared his throat loudly to get Jax's attention.  "Mr. Jacks," he said in a commanding tone.

Jax jumped at the voice and turned to his father-in-law.  "Yes, sir."

"I want to know what it is you think you're doing with my daughter."

"I know what it must look like, sir, but I assure you, Brenda married me of her own free will."

"That, I know.  My daughter doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do."  There was a note of pride in his voice as he spoke.  "I want to know how it came to be that you come to town two days ago and within those days, you married my oldest daughter in the middle of the night."

Jax shrugged his shoulders and smiled slightly.  "Honestly, sir, when I asked her, I had no idea she would actually say yes."

"Then why did you ask her?"

"It seemed like the most natural thing for me to do at the time," he answered honestly.  He went into more of an explanation.  "When I saw Brenda last night at the Nurse's Ball, I remembered her immediately from all those years ago.  We talked and over the course of the evening, she enchanted me."  He knew he sounded like a fairy tale, but he also knew it was the way he had felt.

"So why not do the right thing and court her like any normal human being would?"  Sarcasm edged Harlan's voice.  "Why'd you have to ask her to marry you?"

Jax hesitated for a long time before answering.  He knew the only way to gain Harlan's respect was to tell him the full truth, so he did.  "To tell you the truth, sir, last night, I felt that if I didn't ask Brenda to marry me, I would be passing up the most golden opportunity of my life.  I let her go once by my own choice and I was not about to do that again."

"Are you saying that you love her?" Harlan asked gruffly.

A light came to Jax's eyes and he smiled again.  "Yes, sir, I guess I am," he said quietly.

For a few minutes, the only sound was the call of a few birds in the surrounding trees as Harlan studied Jax closely to see if he was telling the truth.  He must have determined he was because the next thing Jax knew, Brenda's father had offered his hand to him, cracking a smile for the first time since he'd seen him that night.

As he gripped Jax's hand, he said, "Jax, I love my daughter.  If you hurt her in any way…" he let the threat trail off as implied, but he knew Jax had gotten the point.

"Yes, sir," Jax responded, grinning.  The two men walked back up to the house together to see what had become of the group on the patio.

Brenda's surprise at the entrance of her husband and father together was apparent and Jax was vaguely amused by it.  He crossed the deck to where she was sitting and sat beside her on the swinging chair again.  Without a word, he took her hand in his and smiled.  Harlan handed Jax a drink and the conversation continued as if it were the most normal thing in the world and nothing had happened.

Gloria stopped Harlan on their way up to bed after everyone had left.  "It's funny, you know."

"What is?" Harlan asked.

"In all their explanations, they never said why they did it."

"What do you mean, dear?"

"Well, Brenda told me she thinks they got married for the right reasons and I don't doubt her."

"So?"

"So," Gloria drawled slightly, "Never once did she mention that she loves him or that any of this came from some uncontainable urge to be together."

Harlan smiled slightly at his wife's perceptiveness.  "No, but I'll tell you what, my dear.  As sure as I am that the sun will rise tomorrow, I know that that man loves Brenda."

"And just how do you know that?"

"Oh, just trust me," he responded lightly.  He swatted her playfully on the backside and followed her upstairs.

When they were in the car and driving back to the hotel after leaving the house, Brenda turned to Jax, her curiosity reaching its peak.  "Wow, Jax, you must have told my father what he wanted to hear."

"I must have," he replied cryptically.  If she only knew the truth, he thought.  "Brenda, I have a favor to ask of you."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to be staying in town for a few more days to be here with you once this news breaks of our marriage.  During that time, I think it would be best if we stayed together, you know, for appearance's sake."

She nodded.  "Okay, you're probably right.  What's the favor?"

"Well, I need directions to your house so that you'll actually have something to wear."  He glanced over at her and grinned.  "I don't think you want me buying you clothes every morning."

Brenda returned his smile with one of her own and easily gave him the directions to her house.  After a quick stop, they were on their way again to the hotel.  Jax surprised her when he stopped them at the hotel's front desk and asked for a key for her.  For the next few days, at least while he kept the suite upstairs, she could come and go as she pleased now.

Jax opened the door to the penthouse and took Brenda's bag into the guest bedroom where she had slept during the day.  While he did that, she took a look around again, pausing to look out the big picture window once more.  The view was truly amazing of downtown Port Charles.  She remembered then that she wanted to talk to Jax about keeping the suite as a permanent residence for him when he needed to be in town.  With its two bedrooms, she wouldn't have a problem staying there with him when the situations called for it.

"Would you like something to drink, Brenda?" Jax's voice startled her in the dim light of the single lit lamp.

She hadn't heard him come out of the back room.  She turned around and went over to one of the couches.  "No, I think I've had enough to drink tonight."

Jax nodded, but poured a drink for himself anyway.  He sat on the couch opposite her and put his feet up on the table in front of him, crossing them at the ankles.  He took a small sip of his Scotch and studied Brenda across from him.  "So, what did you tell them?" he asked suddenly.

Brenda smiled.  She curled her legs up under her and leaned against the arm of the couch.  "I told them the truth."

"Which was?"

"Jax, you know the truth, you were there."  She played with the ring on her finger, twisting it again.

"Yes, I know I was.  But I want to know what you told them."  He stressed the last few words, smiling teasingly.

"Well, my mother asked if I thought we did it because it was the right thing to do and I told her yes, I did."

"You did, huh?  Was it?"

"The right thing to do?"  He nodded in response.  "I wouldn't have told her it was if I didn't think so."

Jax sat quietly for a moment and considered her seemingly carefully planned answers.  "Brenda, tell me honestly, do you regret marrying me?"

She was slightly taken aback at the forwardness of his question.  She had thought that would be a condition of their marriage, that if either of them had doubts, they would keep them to themselves.  Apparently not, she thought.  After thinking about it for a few minutes, she finally answered him.  "No, Jax, I don't regret marrying you."  She paused and then added, "Not yet, anyway, but give it a few more hours" in a teasing voice.

He smiled and fell silent, thinking.  He took another sip of his drink.  Leaning his head back against the cushions behind him, he sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

Brenda looked up at his sigh and decided she should present her idea to him while she had the chance and they weren't being interrupted.  "Jax?"

"Hmm?" he responded without opening his eyes.  He was in virtual darkness as the only light came from the lamp on the table behind Brenda.

"I had an idea," she began.

"Which was?"

"What do you think about the idea of keeping this place?"

He shifted his position and re-crossed his ankles over one another.  "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"I mean, this apartment.  I just think it would be a good idea if, when you go back to New York, you keep this apartment for a residence here."

Still with his eyes closed, he asked, "And why would I do that?"  He stifled a yawn before she could see it even though she couldn't really see him anyway.

"Well, it would be a good idea for when we have to be together here.  That way, you can stay here and if it requires it, I can, too.  My house isn't really big enough for both of us and I think it just makes more sense to stay here when you have to be here.  It's more central to the city, a lot of the events take place right downstairs, and you can't beat the restaurant in the lobby, right?  I mean, when you think about it, it really does make the most sense.  So, what do you think?"  Jax didn't respond to her right away.

When a few minutes had passed in silence, she got up and went over to where he was sitting.  "Jax, what do you think about-" as she approached him, she saw his eyes were closed and his breathing had grown deep and even, "-that," she finished softly.  She took his glass from his hand and placed it on the table in front of him, making sure it was out of range if he were to move his legs.  His only response was to move his now unoccupied hand and cross it over his chest.  She smiled slightly, picked up the blanket that was over the other arm of the couch, and placed it over him.  She turned out the light on her way to bed, leaving him to sleep in the living room.

~~~~~~~~~~

Brenda was awake early the next morning to get ready to go to work.  As she showered and dressed in a black summer pants suit, she wondered what Jax would be doing that day.  She knew he was planning that she would hold a press conference to announce their wedding, but other than that, she didn't know what he would do.  Probably just work from the hotel for the day, she figured.

When she went out into the living room, she was surprised to see Jax was still asleep on the couch where she had left him the night before.  Sometime during the night, he had shifted and was laying length-wise on the cushions, his head on the arm as a pillow.  The blanket had long since fallen to the floor.

As quietly as she could, Brenda fixed some coffee and put her briefcase together with the things she would need to take into the office.  She watched the city come to life while sipping a cup of coffee at the window.  Just as she was ready to go, she was writing Jax a note to tell him how to reach her when he woke up and she heard a groan come from his direction.  She smiled, finished writing her sentence, and turned around to greet him.

Jax sat up slowly as the muscles in his shoulders stretched.  He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep on the couch, let alone slept there the whole night.  He opened his eyes and saw Brenda watching him, amused.

"Good morning," she said cheerfully.  "Would you like some coffee?"  She moved towards the carafe on the bar to pour him a cup.

"Hi, um, no, thanks," he said softly.  "I don't drink coffee."  He squinted against the light from the window and then looked at his watch to see the time.

She stopped what she was doing and turned back around.  "Okay, then," she smiled.  "Well, I was just on my way out the door to work.  I left you a note on your desk over there.  It tells you how to get a hold of me if you need to.  If it's okay with you, I was going to schedule that press conference for eleven o'clock this morning.  So, until then, I'll be at my office.  Okay?"

Still trying to wake up, Jax caught the majority of what she had said, amazed that so many words could pour so quickly from someone's mouth.  He realized she was waiting for a response from him before leaving, so he looked up and nodded.  "Sure," he mumbled.

When Brenda had closed the door behind her, Jax let out a sigh and flopped back on the couch.  He rubbed his eyes and laughed aloud.  He had a feeling she would never cease to amaze him.

An hour later, Jax had taken his shower and cleaned up a little bit.  He was wearing a pair of black dress pants and a dark green, silk shirt to go the conference with Brenda.  He filled the time that he had left by calling his office in New York City and getting his messages.  Once he had them, he made a few of the phone calls he was supposed to return.

At ten-thirty, he left the hotel, heading for Brenda's office building.  He'd gotten directions from the front desk clerk and found it with relative ease.  He was duly impressed by the building that housed her magazine offices.  She had apparently done very well for herself, he realized again.  The receptionist in the lobby directed him to the top floor when he asked and he took the elevator up.

A petite brunette was behind a secretary's desk when the elevator doors opened at Brenda's offices.  Jax hid his amusement when he noticed her jaw drop slightly as he exited the elevator.  "Good morning, I'm here to see Brenda.  My name is Jax," he said smoothly.  He used Brenda's first name to let the secretary know how well he knew her.

The girl nodded and got up to knock softly on Brenda's door.  At the entrance command, she went in, reappearing a few moments later and nodding at Jax to go ahead in.  He gave her another smile and went into the office, closing the door behind him, but not before noticing the girl staring at him once more.

"Curious one, isn't she?" he commented as he approached Brenda.

Brenda leaned back in her chair and laughed.  "You mean Robin?  Yes, she always is.  Did you find the building alright?  I didn't realize I forgot to leave you directions until it was too late."

Jax took a seat in one of the leather chairs in front of her desk.  He nodded.  "And I must say, I'm impressed."

"With what?" she laughed again.

"Your offices.  I had no idea how well you'd done."

"Well, if you'd like, I can give you the nickel tour after the conference."

He grinned.  "I would like that very much."

They left a moment later to go into the conference room.  Jax recognized it as being the same one he had seen her in a few days before on television, announcing that she and Scott were no longer engaged.  It was empty when they entered, and Brenda allowed him to acquaint himself with it for a few moments before they left and the press was allowed in.  They waited in a side room where Brenda got herself and Jax a glass of water.

At exactly eleven o'clock, Brenda opened the door again, took hold of Jax's hand tightly, and entered the room that now held close to fifty reporters and news people.  She stopped at the podium with Jax slightly behind her.  When she slipped her hand from his to place both of her hands on the podium, he moved his hand to rest lightly at her waist, giving her a reassuring squeeze.

She took a deep breath and began.  "I'm sure you're all wondering why I called a press conference this morning.  I did so because I wanted to be the one to tell people the news that I have before it was leaked through gossip.  I want to make it perfectly clear as to what happened and I don't want the truth distorted."  She turned her head and looked at Jax when she paused, gathering herself and smiling up at him once.  She turned her attention back to the press.  "Soon enough, you would have come to know that Saturday night, I was married in a quiet, private ceremony.  On that night, I married the man who is standing behind me, Mr. Jasper Jacks."  She let her statement hang in the air for a few moments while the murmurings began in the crowd.

Almost immediately, the first hand went up.  "Ms. Barrett, what about Mr. Matthews?"

"What about him?"

"Does he have anything to do with this?"

Brenda smiled.  "I don't see how he could.  Scott got married before I did."  She felt Jax move in closer behind her at the mention of Scott and she leaned against him slightly.

"Ms. Barrett," another reporter called out.  "Is this the same Jasper Jacks of J&J Jacks of Alaska?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" she responded lightly.

Jax moved against her and cleared his throat to answer.  "Thanks," he whispered sarcastically so that only she could hear.  In a louder voice for the audience, he said, "Yes, I am the owner of J&J Jacks."

"How do you two know each other?"

Brenda answered truthfully, "Mr. Jacks and I have known each other for quite a long time."  It was the spin they had agreed upon using, as well.  If the press believed that they had already known each other for years, the interpretation would be that she would have left Scott for Jax anyway.

"Was this a sudden decision, Ms. Barrett?"

"Yes, it was, but to tell you the truth," she grinned.  "Mr. Jacks just made me an offer I couldn't refuse."  She smiled once more, looked up at Jax, and then held up her hand to indicate that they were finished with the conference.  She turned and took Jax's hand again to leave the room.

When they were back in the side room, Jax wrapped his arms around her and took her in a hug.  "You were great, Brenda," he said softly.

"Really?" she murmured into his shoulder.

"Really."  He released her and smiled down at her.  "Now, how about that tour you promised me?"

Brenda laughed and took his hand once more, leading him to the elevators.  She showed him around the various floors, introducing him to the editors and supervisors, along with some of her regular employees who weren't too busy when they walked by.  By the time they reached her floor again, the only person left to meet was Brenda's own secretary, Jax thought.

Robin was seated at her desk when they entered, laughing at something Brenda had said to him in the elevator.  She looked up and smiled at her employer.  "Brenda," she said, excitedly, "Why didn't you tell me you got married?"  She got up and gave Brenda a quick hug, glancing at Jax periodically again, knowing now who he was.  "Hello, Mr. Jacks," she said formally.

"Call me Jax, please," he said.  "And you're Robin, right?"

"Right," Brenda interjected.  "Robin Scorpio.  Robin, this is my husband, Jasper Jacks.  Like he said though, he goes by Jax."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jax," Robin said as she sat down again behind her desk.  "Brenda, you've had quite a few phone calls since your press conference.  Do you want your messages now or in a little while?"

"Oh, they can wait, I'm sure," Brenda said.  She led Jax into her office again closed the door.  She sat down heavily on the couch that was in front of the window, sighing.

"Something wrong?" Jax asked as he sat down next to her.

She smiled slightly.  "No, not really.  I just know I'm going to have to deal with those phone calls for the rest of the day.  I won't get any work done."

"Well, look at it this way, tomorrow, hopefully, things will be back to normal again a little bit."  He glanced at his watch and surprised by the late hour.  He stood up again.  "Brenda, I have to get going.  I have a conference call that needs to be made in half an hour and I need to be back at the hotel for it."

"Oh, okay, then I guess I'll see you later."

As he put his hand on the door, Jax turned back to her.  "Do you want to have dinner tonight?  Nothing fancy, just in the hotel restaurant, if you'd like."

"That'd be great," she agreed.

"See you then."  He closed the door on his way out, grinning at the prospect of dinner with his new wife.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jax arrived back at the hotel with ten minutes to spare before his conference call.  He gathered the information he would need and, ten minutes later, began his phone call with a firm in Europe about a takeover that he wanted to start.

Two hours later, he hung up the phone wearily.  It had been a round about conversation that just kept going in circles.  He had gotten virtually nowhere with the other firm.  The only thing it had gotten him was a headache the size of the state.  He looked at the clock to see that he had about an hour before Brenda would be home from work.  He got up from his desk, turned off the lights in the room, and drew the drapes on the window shut.  Wincing, he lay on the couch and closed his eyes, moving his hands to his temples to try to relieve the tension in his head.

Not five minutes had passed before there was a knock on the door.  For a moment, he contemplated not answering it, but decided it may be important or it may be Brenda coming home early without her keys, and he got up.  He grimaced at the lights when he turned them on.  Opening the door he found his father standing in the doorway and behind him was his mother.  John and Jane Jacks did not look very thrilled to see their youngest son and Jax knew why.

 

Chapter 7

 

Song excerpt: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk and can be found on the Dawson’s Creek Soundtrack.

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