This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember When

Feels Like Home

Chapter 2

A window breaks down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm all right cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light

Ten Years Later

Brenda Barrett hung up the phone in her office and sat back in her leather desk chair.  She was tired.  She'd been working to get the next issue of her magazine out on time and just when it looked like they would make the deadline, she'd been told that there was an article missing.  Before she could even take a second to relax, she picked up the phone again and was on top of the problem.  Within minutes, she had located the person responsible for the article and had been assured that it had just been sent to the editor for approval.  That done, Brenda leaned back in her chair and smiled for the first time all day.

A sharp knock on the door got Brenda's attention and she sat up straight again.  It would not do for any of her employees to see her slacking off.  She had a certain image to uphold after all.  "Come in," she ordered whoever it was behind the door.

"At ease, sergeant," came Lois's teasing voice as she opened the door, laughing.  She was carrying a file folder stuffed with photographs that she placed in the center of Brenda's desk.  "Robin's not out here, you know."

"Hi, Lois," Brenda smiled at her sister.  "I know she's not.  She's issuing a press release since they all found out what was going on."

"Oh okay.  I was just bringing up the photos from the shoot yesterday.  They turned out great, if I do say so myself," Lois boasted, blowing her own trumpet a little.  She grinned and took a seat in front of the desk.

"Your shoots are always good, you know that," Brenda said proudly.  Lois worked with Brenda at the magazine.  While Brenda was the managing editor and the senior owner of it, Lois worked as the Managing Photo Editor and often helped Brenda make the major decisions for the company.  Though she was an editor, Lois still chose to do her own shoots, too.  And Brenda knew she was good.  A hobby from her teenage years, Lois's work had never been better.

"Have you talked to Mom and Dad about dinner tonight yet?" Lois asked.

"No, I haven't.  What about it?"

"Oh nothing, just that they've invited about half the town now."

"What?  Why would they do that?" Brenda asked.  Dinner once a week at their parents' was a requirement in their family.  Neither sister was allowed to miss it without a very good excuse.

"They've decided it would be a good time to announce your engagement.  Especially now that the press have gotten a hold of it."

Brenda put her head in her hands.  "Oh no," she sighed.  "I told them not to make a big deal out of it.  I didn't want them throwing a party."

"Ah, but it's not a party, if you ask them.  It's just a few friends coming over for dinner to celebrate the good news of their eldest daughter's upcoming nuptials."

"A few friends, half the town, what's the difference, right?" Brenda smiled.  She looked up and met her sister's bright blue eyes with her own sparkling brown eyes.  "I don't suppose it's too late for me to take that trip to San Francisco, is it?"

"You know they'd kill me if you did," Lois protested.

"I know, I know.  I don't know why they're doing this, not only because I asked them not to, but Scott's not even in town right now.  They know that, too."

Lois gave Brenda a 'look.'  "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but they were trying to get a hold of Scott the last time I checked and see if he'd come home for the dinner."

"They didn't get him, I hope."

"No, they didn't, but they were still trying anyway.  Besides, you know they'll throw the party anyway."

"It's not a party, remember?" Brenda joked.

Lois got up to leave the office since she still had some work to do before she could leave.  They would be going to the house together, as was usual with them.  "Okay, well, I'll meet you at the car at five-thirty sharp."

Brenda nodded and turned back to her work as soon as the door closed to her office.  She couldn't concentrate, though.  Now she was thinking about Scott and how much she was missing him right then.  Scott Matthews was Brenda's fiancé of two weeks.  She'd met him two years before at a photo shoot in Los Angeles.  She'd been there supervising an article and a shoot that Lois was doing and Scott had been one of the contacts they'd had to go through to set up the shoot.  They'd hit it off and had been dating ever since.  He'd proposed one night while they were out of town together in New York City.  They were going to plan the wedding to happen sometime in the fall of this year. 

The reason Scott couldn't make it to the dinner that night was because he was in Paris at a conference.  He'd been gone for a week and would be gone for another four days, at least.  Brenda smiled as she thought of how much she was already missing him.  She toyed with the diamond marquis-cut ring on her left hand. 

It was amazing just how much her life had changed in the last few years.  After she'd graduated from college, her father had backed her in starting up her own magazine.  With a lot of help and a lot of support from his business associates, she'd gotten the first issue out.  A combination fashion magazine and culture template, it was a raging success before she could blink.  The first edition had been given an award and ever since, the public base had been building.  They received hundreds of subscriptions per day for the first three years of business.  Now, they were one of the most prominent magazines in the world, published internationally, and Brenda was a multi-millionaire in her own right, on her own.  She was also one of the most well-known businesswomen in the nation, too.  Which is what made her recent engagement public news and national gossip.

Her family had supported her every step of the way while they remained in the background, refusing to take any credit.  The only person who wanted to help her was Lois.  Brenda offered her the opportunity of a lifetime when she made her the Photo editor for the magazine.  Her work was now seen in nations around the world, earning her awards and prestige of her own.  Lois's husband, Ned, was never more proud of her.  They'd been married three years before, when Lois was right out of college, having dated for three years before that.  He'd been the guy she'd had her eye on since she was in high school, but he'd always been too old for her.  Until she was a sophomore in college, that is.

Closer than ever, her family was ecstatic that Brenda was getting married now.  Already they were discussing who would have the first grandchild.  Brenda smiled again and shook herself from her reverie.  She had work to do and a party to attend.  She turned her focus back to the photos on her desk and began her duties once more.

~~~~~~~~~~

At six o'clock that night, Brenda and Lois walked into their parents' house to find a room full of somber people.  Gloria looked as if she had been crying and Harlan and Ned looked like they were angry about something.

"What's going on?" Lois asked immediately.  Her smile disappeared at seeing the expression on her husband's face.  "Did something happen?"

No one said anything, but Gloria nodded.  Suddenly, their eyes reverted to the television screen flickering in the corner.  It was muted, but Harlan picked up the remote control and turned the sound back on when a news reporter came on the screen.  A picture of Scott appeared in the corner of the screen.

"Oh God," Brenda whispered.  She stepped closer to the screen, sitting down on the edge of a chair that was nearby.  She was thinking the worst had happened.  When a picture of herself appeared next to Scott's, she was surprised.

"Some unusual news in the entertainment industry tonight to report," the broadcaster began with a smile.  Brenda would come to hate that smile in mere minutes.  "Just hours after she announced her recent engagement to Scott Matthews, Brenda Barrett was apparently jilted before the wedding.  Sources are confirming that Mr. Matthews was married this afternoon to French citizen, Jacqueline DuPres.  There are no other details at this time, but as soon as we hear something, we will let you know.  Miss Barrett was unavailable for comment at this time."

Harlan muted the television again and then, a second later, turned off the TV.  They all sat quietly as they waited for Brenda's response.

Brenda felt as though she couldn't breathe.  She put a shaking hand up to her forehead and pushed her hair back from her face.  Amazingly enough, she didn't feel any tears coming to her eyes.  She didn't feel anything, but extreme disappointment.

"Brenda, sweetie, are you okay?" Gloria asked as she got up from the couch and went over to her daughter.

She nodded slowly.  "I'm fine.  I'm fine," she repeated.  She got up from the chair and faced them, smiling shakily.  "It's a mistake.  That's all it is.  They've got the facts wrong.  It wasn't Scott and it was a mistake."  She didn't want to believe it was true.  The man she loved had just dumped her in front of millions of people.  And for a woman he'd known for only days, apparently.  It had to be a mistake.

Ned shook his head.  His arms were wrapped around Lois who was trying to make sense of the whole thing herself.  "I'm sorry, Bren.  It doesn't look that way.  I don't think it's a mistake."

"Well, you're wrong, Ned.  You're wrong."  She began to pace back and forth.  Suddenly, she stopped and smiled.  "I know, I'll just call him.  It's only midnight there, he'll understand.  He'll tell me I'm being silly and tell me he loves me, then he can go back to sleep.  He'll tell me it's a mistake," she insisted.  She crossed the room to pick up the phone on her father's desk.  Her fingers were shaking as she dialed the country code and then the hotel number of where Scott was staying for the conference.

Brenda was informed that not only was a Mr. Matthews no longer staying at the hotel, but that there had been no conference scheduled for this week at all.  In fact, he'd only been in the hotel one night before he left.  She hung up the phone and faced her family again.

"Okay, so I can't get a hold of him yet.  I will.  He has to call me.  He promised he'd call every other night and he didn't call last night, so he'll call tonight."

Harlan and Gloria watched their daughter deny what was going on and their hearts were breaking for her.  They knew she was in for a huge letdown if she continued to believe that Scott hadn't gotten married.  But they also knew better than to try and convince her to accept the truth.  Her stubborn nature was what had made her the success she was today, so there would be no telling her she was wrong to believe in him.

An hour later, Lois drove Brenda home.  They'd been waiting to see if they would hear anything, but no calls had come.  Brenda had insisted that she was all right.  She was still in denial about the whole thing.  She was still anxiously hoping that when she got home, Scott would call and set everything straight.  Lois dropped her off at her doorstep when she told her that everything was going to be okay and that Lois didn't need to come in.

Finally alone, Brenda's hand shook again.  She leaned against her front door heavily once she closed it.  She breathed a sigh and then walked into her living room.  She poured herself a stiff drink and drank it in one gulp.  After pouring another, she folded her legs beneath her and sat down on the couch.  The phone was within an arm's length of her reach.  She would wait until it rang.

Three hours later, at ten o'clock, the phone still had not rung.  Brenda hadn't touched her drink or moved since she'd sat down.  She was beginning to wonder if she would ever move again if she didn't hear from him.  She continued to stare at the ring adorning her left finger, wondering what she should do with it now.  Slowly, she realized she was coming to terms with the fact that Scott might really have done this.  He might really be gone to her.  And she might really be publicly humiliated.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jasper Jacks threw a shirt into his suitcase with a vengeance.  He was angry.  He could not believe the agreement he'd had to sign just an hour ago with his father.  The audacity of that man to dictate what he was to do with his life was unbelievable.  Finally, he stopped and stood at the window of his hotel room, fuming silently.

John Jacks had actually just ordered Jax to get married, within the year.  And to complete a business deal, no less.  Jax found it simply unimaginable that his father, his family, would do this to him.  He'd known there was a reason not to get involved with them again.

In the last ten years, Jax had built an empire on his own.  The only problem was that it wasn't completely on his own for all of those ten years.  He'd had to ask for his father's help and it had led to his father having a ten percent ownership in his company.  It meant his father was trying to take some control away from Jax, something he'd always been afraid would happen.

He'd gone back to his family nine years ago.  Forgiving them their mistakes, he wanted to rebuild their relationships.  He finally felt that they had it back when he asked his father for help in starting his corporation.  That was why he had taken the chance and let John have his way in the contract.  But now John had taken it too far.  He thought back to his conversation earlier in the day with his father.

"I want there to be some kind of legacy to J&J Jacks of Alaska, Jax," his father said.

Jax stopped pacing the room and stood stock still in front of his father's desk.  He was there to discuss their future and the fact that Jax wanted to buy him out of the company and finally hold all of it as his own.  "What does that mean?"

"I want there to be a future in the company."

"There is.  Me." Jax said succinctly.

"That's not what I mean and you know it, son."

"What are you saying?"  He had a pretty good idea, but he didn't think his father would actually go through and say it.  He did.

"I will let you buy me out."

"Great!"

"On one condition."

Jax stared at John Jacks.  How dare he?  How could he try to hinder his own son's success?  J&J Jacks of Alaska had become a success because of Jax, alone.  Not because of John.  Jax hadn't allowed his father to make any of the corporate decisions in the past and he wasn't going to start now.  "A condition?" he asked calmly.

"Yes, I want you to be married, Jax."

"What does that have to do with my business?"  He had no interest whatsoever in a family.  He never had.  He didn't want to settle down and he never had time to date anyway.  His current fling was just that, a fling.

"It has everything to do with your business.  You will need someone to carry on in your place when you get older."

"Which won't be for a very long time," Jax added coldly.

"That may be true, but the longer you wait to get married, the less time you'll have for a family."

"Is that one of the conditions, too?  A family?"

"I didn't say that.  I just want you married.  Within the year, Jax.  If you fulfill that, I will then hand over the company to you.  You will have complete and rightful ownership of all of your company."

"You can't do this," Jax warned his father, growing angrier by the minute.

But he had.  John Jacks had actually gone through with it.  He had had to sign a legally binding contract that said if Jax were to marry within one year of today, he would be allowed to buy out his father's remaining shares of the company.  If he were to fail, his father's shares would revert immediately to Jax's brother, Jerry, to hold.  A fate worse than marriage, Jax thought.  Jerry was a flake.  He wasn't stable, he wasn't accountable.  There was nothing to stop him from eventually wanting to run J&J Jacks into the ground.  And even with his business expertise, Jax would be powerless to stop him.  So he'd signed.  Otherwise, his father had threatened to give his shares to Jerry right then and there.

And now, he was legally bound to marry someone within the year and remain married for at least one year.  If at that time, Jax decided this marriage was not going work, John had given him the allotment to divorce the woman.  His hope was that either this marriage would work or it would make Jax realize the joys of what marriage could bring to him.

No matter what his father's hopes, Jax's bright blue eyes were still flashing with anger as he stood looking out the penthouse window of the hotel he was in.  He was supposed to be leaving in an hour to return to his New York office.  And now he also had to return to the bimbo he'd allowed to stay in his apartment while he was gone.  She was only his current woman of the week, but he had the feeling she was looking for much more.  He had to get rid of her before she got wind of this agreement and tried to make him pick her as his wife.

And there was that gathering he had to go to in a few days, too.  He was a main sponsor of the event this year and his PR rep thought it would be a good idea for him to make the obligatory appearance.  He'd only done it to make it sound like he was donating his time and efforts to charity.  He couldn't even remember what it was he was attending, just that it was in the town he used to live in, Port Charles, New York.

Jax finished putting his things into his suitcase and closed it with a resounding click of the luggage lock.  He didn't think he'd soon forgive his father for doing this to him.

~~~~~~~~~~

The phone rang in Brenda's house at seven-thirty the next morning.  It was Scott, finally.

"Brenda, sweetie, how are you?" he asked right away in a voice all too telling of his actions.  He was trying to smooth her over, she could tell.

Immediately, her guard went up and her emotions faded.  "I'm just fine, Scott.  And you?  How's your new wife?" she asked bitterly.

There was a brief silence as he tried to figure out just how mad she was with him.  He knew she was furious, of course.  "That's what I was calling to talk to you about, Bren."

"You know what, Scott?  I don't want to talk about this with you.  The fact that you've said this much confirms it for me and pretty much tells me all that I want to know."

"Which is?"

"That I don't ever want to speak to you or hear from you again," she said calmly and coldly.  She hung up the phone without waiting for him to say another word.

Brenda's hand was shaking as she withdrew it from the phone receiver.  She hadn't wanted him to confirm it.  All through the night, she had been hoping he'd call and tell her they were wrong, that he was still marrying her.  Now that she knew otherwise, she was stunned to realize she felt nothing.  Her heart wasn't broken, it wasn't torn in two.  She wasn't crying.  She was devoid of emotion, that was all.

Just as if it were any other day, she got up out of bed and got ready to go to work.  Her world was not going to stop spinning just because her fiancé had dumped her and married another woman without any notice.  She was going to go on and she was going to go to work.  They had an magazine to get out.

She hadn't accounted for the press that was gathered around her parking lot at her office building.  Her employees were having a difficult time getting through the mass of microphone and arms being thrust in their way.  But as soon as the media saw her car pull onto the lot, they were around her in an instant.  They were making it impossible for her to drive forward and park her car in her space.  But she continued to fight them and eventually parked her car and got out cautiously.  She hid her face from them with her hair and tried to walk past them.

Finally, it became too much and Brenda turned to face them.  "All right!" she shouted for everyone to hear her.  She looked at all of the reporters who were gathered near her.  Taking a deep breath, she said, "I will give you a final statement at ten o'clock this morning.  Until then, please let me through so that I can get to my work."  She turned again and walked through her door when they had cleared a path for her.

When she was finally in her office, Brenda leaned against the door and breathed a huge sigh of frustration.  Without any reprieve, there was knock on her door.  "Who is it?" she called out.

"Brenda, it's me," Lois's voice came to her.

She backed away from the door and loosened the doorknob so that Lois would walk in.  She went over to her desk and flopped in her chair.

Lois studied her sister carefully before saying anything.  "It's official, isn't it?"  She could tell from the look on Brenda's face that she had gotten the phone call.

Brenda nodded sadly.  "Yep, it's official.  I heard from the slimebag this morning."

"You seem to be taking it well," Lois observed.

"I think I am," Brenda responded.  "I mean, if my fiancé can just up and marry some…floozy he's known for like ten minutes, then I shouldn't feel anything for him at all, should I?  He couldn't possibly have really loved me if he would do that, now could he have?"

Lois nodded and smiled slightly.  "I suppose that's true.  What are you going to tell the press?  I heard you have a conference scheduled now."

Brenda sighed and looked toward the ceiling.  "I don't know, I'll think of something."

As Lois was on her way out the door, she suddenly turned back and said, "Bren?  Are you still going to the Nurse's Ball on Saturday night?"

"I have to, Lo.  I'm one of the honorees for my donation to the cause.  I don't see how I can get out of it now, even without a date."

At exactly ten o'clock, Brenda walked into her conference room and faced the hundred or so reporters that were gathered in the room.  Television crews were jammed in the back as people stood to the sides and in the aisles of the room designed to hold forty people maximum.  She didn't know what she was going to say, but as she stood facing the media, she thought of something.  Giving them a big smile, as the cameras began to roll and flash her way, she lifted her hand with the two-carat diamond ring on the finger.  She waved the finger at them and then with her right hand, she reached over and lifted the ring off her finger.  As she now held it in her hand, she said, "That about says it all, right?"  She laughed and then left the room. 

But once she was in her office, the tears finally pooled in her eyes.  She could put on a brave front, but that didn't mean she had to do so in private.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jax stood in his office watching the world-wide news as he did every morning.  It was ten o'clock and he was trying to catch a story on a company he was thinking of buying.  Right now he had the sound muted, but he still glanced at the flickering images every once in awhile until he caught the story.

Suddenly, as he glanced up, a slightly familiar face caught his eye.  Trying to place it, and hoping to hear a name, he pressed the volume button to turn it up.  He placed the face right before they said her name.  "Oh my God, it's Brenda," he whispered softly.

Enraptured, he watched the news anchor give a little background on how Brenda Barrett had been publicly jilted before she even got to the altar.  Then they broke to a live film of her in a conference room.  He could tell as he watched that what she was doing was all a show.  Even after all this time, he knew her at least that well.

When the report was over, he muted the television again.  He was stunned.  He hadn't thought about her in years, not since he'd left Port Charles all those years ago.  It was then that he realized that the day he left, he'd left her behind without an explanation of where he was going.  To her, he thought, it must seemed as if he disappeared in the night.  To everyone in Port Charles, he had.

"Brenda Barrett," he said softly again.  This time, he smiled as he said it.  Maybe it was time to come back from that disappearing act.

 

Chapter 3

 

Song excerpt: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk and can be found on the Dawson’s Creek Soundtrack.

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