This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember When

Feels Like Home

Chapter 16

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night

A week had passed since the day Harlan and Ned had been to visit Jax's office to find out anything about Robert Norton and Jerry Jacks.  Along with Brenda, the three of them had been hard at work nearly every day trying to find out who was setting Jax up.  Gloria and Lois were taking care of the magazine for Brenda while she devoted her days to her husband for the time being.  For his part, Jax was minimally helpful.  He would answer their questions, but he didn't elaborate on anything without being asked.  It was quite apparent he was still resigning himself to being convicted of the crime he didn't commit.

Brenda had noticed that since the night the week before, he had become distant beyond before.  He barely spoke two words to her in the same sentence.  He didn't volunteer any information and he seemed to have no opinions about anything recently.  He just agreed with the majority or with whatever Brenda wanted.  He had completely withdrawn into himself and Brenda had a good idea why, but he refused to talk about it with her.

At the moment, Jax was in his home office by himself.  Brenda had no idea what he was doing while she and her father looked over yet another set of personnel files they had found.  Ned was on the phone talking to someone, following up on the one little lead they had.  Their lead was nothing more than a name found in Norton's file folder.  It was a reference that was not checked out because the person was unavailable to be contacted.  Ned was using his connections to find the person with some hope that they knew something about Norton or his connection to Jerry. 

Taking a break, Brenda got up from her place next to Ned and walked towards Jax's office.  She could hear a soft murmur indicating he was on the phone with someone.  She knocked softly and then opened the door.  Jax had his back turned to her and didn't notice her come in.

"Would you please just check into it for me?" Jax said.  His tone was more frustrated than anything else, but there was a hint of desperation, or sadness maybe, in it.  He paused to wait for a response before he said, "Thank you.  I'll be checking back with you soon," and hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Brenda asked.

He swung around in his chair, surprised.  "Brenda, I didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry, I knocked on the door before I did," she said by way of apology.  "Who was on the phone?"

"Oh, no one," Jax dismissed it. 

"Well, then what are they checking into for you?"

He sighed before he answered her.  "It's nothing, Brenda.  Why?"  He felt like he was being interrogated, even though he wasn't.

It was becoming more obvious to Brenda that there was something Jax didn't want her to know about.  Rather than press the issue, she backed off saying, "I was just curious if it might have something to do with your case.  That's all."

"It doesn't."

His answer was too quick and too gruff to be true.  Suddenly, she knew that Jax was doing some investigating of his own as to what was going on with his case.  Whatever he was investigating, he didn't want her to know about it.  She decided to give him the time he wanted to tell her about it, but only until it interfered with her plan to get him acquitted, then she would push him for the answers.  Dropping it for now, she said, "Are you hungry?  Mom and Dad want to go out to dinner in a few minutes.  Did you want us to go along?"

For his part, Jax knew he was becoming too withdrawn to not draw suspicion onto his actions.  Brenda noticed when he shut her out and she had a way of breaking his walls down and forcing him to tell her what was going on.  Before that happened this time, he needed her to think he was fine and that nothing else was going on.  Nothing more than she already thought was going on, at least.  Because of that, he said, "Yeah, sure, why not?"

Brenda was almost surprised to hear him agree since he had been turning them down all week long before this.  "Great, we're leaving in ten minutes then."

For the rest of the evening, Jax behaved as if it were just another night out with his wife and in-laws.  They had a long dinner at Gloria's favorite restaurant in the city.  The conversation for the evening remained off Jax's trial and the current happenings.  By the time they were walking back to the apartment building, he had everyone, including Brenda, believing that he was just as interested in everything as they were.  They all seemed to believe he was getting back to normal.  It was what he wanted them to believe.

Harlan and Gloria had gone to bed early after they got home from dinner.  Jax and Brenda had just good night to Ned and Lois when Brenda stopped Jax on his way up the steps to go to bed.  "Jax, sit with me, please?" she asked softly.  She indicated the spot on the couch next to her.  The lights in the room were off with the exception of one, making the room very dim.

Jax did as he was told, sitting next to his wife and allowing her to snuggle into his side.  He wrapped his arm around her and clasped his hands together, holding her close to him.  For a few minutes, neither of them said a word.

"You'd tell me if something were wrong, right?" she asked after a long while.

"What makes you think something is wrong?" he asked in return.

"The way you've been acting this past week.  I mean, I know we haven't gotten very far in finding out who's setting you up, but we're getting closer, I can tell.  Ned and Dad just have a little more work to do and we'll get there."

"I didn't realize you thought you were that close."

"Well, I just don't want you to be upset with Dad and Ned--"

"Brenda, I'm not upset with anyone.  Why would I be?"  He cupped her face with one of his hands and directed her to look up at him.

"I just thought maybe the reason you were so distant this week was because you thought they were giving up.  And I wanted you to know that they're not, we're not, giving up."

"I know you're not," he reassured her.  "I never thought you would."

"You didn't?" Brenda sounded surprised to hear that she was wrong about his reasons.  "Well, then good," she said determinedly. 

"What's good?"

"That you know we're not giving up.  Because we're not, Jax.  We've got two weeks to prove that you were set up and to get your company back.  And we're going to do it.  I know we are."

"I'm glad you think so," he responded.  He gave her a kiss before she could think about his words and meaning for too long. 

As he started to pull away from their kiss, Brenda reclaimed his lips with hers and deepened the kiss.  She leaned into his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck.  Before another minute passed, Jax swept her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, continuing to kiss her passionately.  He laid her in the middle of the bed and proceeded to make love to her.

Afterwards, Jax reclined against the headboard of the bed while Brenda slept with her head using his chest as a pillow.  He was staring off into the darkness of the room, just thinking, while she slept.  He knew he should tell her what was going on in his head and what he was thinking, but he couldn't.  He didn't know what she'd do when she found out, whose side she would take.  If he kept silent, he knew she would take his for as long as she didn't find out.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Jax, I'm worried about you," Brenda said the following morning in his office while they were alone.

He looked up from the computer screen he had been pretending to read.  "Why?"

Sitting on the edge of his desk, closest to him, she looked hard into his eyes.  They were dulled with lack of sleep and faint circles had long since formed under them.  "Did you sleep at all last night?"

Jax glanced away before returning his gaze.  He could tell from her tone that she knew he hadn't.  And he hadn't.  He'd spent the night in bed, but he hadn't slept.  He didn't know what to say to her, instead he chose to remain silent, giving her the answer that way.

She shook her head.  "I didn't think so."  She reached for his left hand with hers and entwined them together.  With her fingers, she absently traced the outside of his wedding band.  "I don't know what else to do for you," she said honestly.

He could see her concern for him growing and he pulled on her hand to have her sit on his lap.  He wrapped his right arm around her waist once she did so.  "Brenda, sweetheart, you've already done so much for me.  I couldn't ask for anything more from you."

"I know.  I just wish I could make this right for you."

"But you can't.  No one can."

She heard the defeat in his voice again and turned her face to look at him.  "Not yet, but we will."

He sighed and smiled slightly.  "How is it that the glass is always half-full when you're around?"

"It's not."

"Oh really?"

"Nope, it's completely full when I'm around you," she answered him, laughing softly and smiling.

Jax kissed her lightly on the lips in response.  Their kiss quickly turned much more passionate.  It would have continued for much longer if Jax's phone hadn't rung in the middle of it.  Brenda groaned in frustration when Jax broke their kiss to pick up the receiver.

"Jax," he answered succinctly, as he always did.  Within seconds, his face clouded over as he listened to the other person on the line.  When Brenda shifted on his lap, he remembered she was still there.  Holding the receiver to his chest, he said, "Brenda, I need to take this.  Do you mind?"

Taking her cue, Brenda quickly shook her head and stood up.  She kissed him once lightly again and then left the office, closing the door behind her.

Brenda came upon Ned and Harlan hunched together and talking about something in the living room.  "What's going on?" she asked as she entered the room, assuming it had something to do with Jax.

Ned looked up and motioned her over quickly.  He showed her his series of notes and theories that he'd put together over the last few days.  "This is where we were at yesterday."  He pointed to a spot at the top of the page.  Brenda nodded.  He flipped the page a few times and pointed again.  "This is where we're at today."

She shook her head.  "I don't get it.  What do you mean?"

Harlan explained.  "We followed that lead we had, remember?  The reference no one called.  It turned out to be a false name.  That's why no one was able to get a hold of someone."

"You mean Norton just made a name up to put on his application?  How is that a lead, then?"

"Because he didn't just make the name up."

"Then he knew the person?"  Brenda was getting more confused by the second.

"Maybe," Ned jumped in.  He flipped a page on his notepad to show her.  "This is the name we found on the application."  He pointed to the underlined name, Steven Burrecema.  "The phone number and address are completely fake, of course.  That's why they thought it was a false name."

"Then it's not?"  Her head was spinning.

"No, not a false name, exactly.  We think it's probably an alias for someone else.  And that someone--"

"Is the person who is really behind Jax's setup," Brenda finished when everything finally clicked into place for her.

"Exactly," Ned answered.  "Now, we just need the private investigator we hired to find out who the alias belongs to."

"And when will you know?"

Ned shrugged his shoulders.  "It could be anywhere from this afternoon to a week from now.  There's no way to know.  We just have to sit tight and see what happens next."

"A week from now?!" Brenda exclaimed.  "We can't wait that long, Ned!  What if there's still more to it from this?  We'll need more time and Jax's trial starts too soon for that!  Isn't there anyway to find out who this guy is before then?"

Before Ned could answer, there was a loud sound of shattering glass from inside Jax's office.  "What in the world was that?" Harlan asked even as Brenda was already running toward the office door.  They started to follow, but Brenda stopped them when she opened to door and saw what had happened.  Ned and Harlan returned to the living room.

Brenda stepped gingerly inside the office doorway.  She stepped over the tiny shards of glass that surrounded her feet.  Nothing but complete fear for Jax registered in her mind right then.  She didn't see him right away, but then she turned and saw him in the far corner of the room, leaning against the wall.  His shoulders and chest were heaving as he breathed hard and his hands were shaking as they shielded his face from her, making it impossible for her to see him.

"Jax?" she questioned softly as she approached him.  He didn't respond to her.  She stood in front of him and placed her hands on his, trying to get him to lower them from his face.  Finally, he let her take them down and she didn't know what she saw in his face.  She didn't know if it was fear or anger or sadness that she was seeing.  "Jax, what happened?" she asked calmly.

Slowly, he slid his eyes down to meet hers.  Deep concern and some fear registered clearly there for him to see.  He was scaring her, that much was easy to see.  As he looked down at her, a sharp pain emanated from his left hand and he moved his hand from hers to see what it was.  Almost in a daze, he turned his hand over to find it bleeding from a glass shard that had stuck in him.

Brenda watched as Jax seemed transfixed by the cut on his hand.  She reacted the only way she knew how.  She led him to the couch, gently, but firmly, and sat him down.  He resisted her, but eventually followed her lead.  She searched the bathroom for an antiseptic and a bandage for his hand.  When she had one, she returned to his side.  The glass shard had not stuck in his hand deeply and she grasped it firmly to pull it out.  That seemed to jolt him from his daze.

"Ouch," he yelped softly as she lifted the glass.

She held his hand still when he jumped and smiled slightly.  "Sorry," she apologized.  She dabbed at the cut with a washcloth to wash it as best she could.  He jumped again when she applied the antiseptic to it.  "Sorry," she apologized again.

Jax watched as she bandaged his hand and then he averted his eyes.  He leaned his head into his free hand, shoving his fingers deep into his hair.  Brenda recognized his gesture.  He did it often when he was agonizing over something.  Most recently, he did it when he didn't want to tell her something.

"What is it, Jax?" she asked again.  "What is going on that has you throwing--" she paused to see what it was that he had thrown at the wall, "--a glass paperweight?"  He nodded almost imperceptibly.  "Okay, so why did you throw it at that wall?"  He was gazing out the window to his right instead of looking at her.  She could see a range of emotions and thoughts in his eyes as he looked anywhere but at her.

He knew he had to tell her.  The phone call he had gotten had confirmed his every suspicion and she had to know.  Regardless of how she reacted to it, she was involved as he was now.  Finally, he turned his head and looked at her straight in the eyes.  "Brenda, I need to tell you--"

A knock on the office door interrupted his thoughts and he almost swore out loud at it.  Instead, he kept his thoughts to himself as the door opened and Ned came into the office.  He glanced quickly at the glass on the carpet and then at Jax and Brenda where they sat on the couch with Brenda still holding Jax's bandaged hand.

"Ned?  What's going on?" Brenda asked.

"I didn't want to interrupt you two, but I thought you should know what we found out.  We got a name."

"What name?" Jax asked.  He had no idea what was going on or what Ned and Harlan had been working on.

"We know who set you up, Jax," Ned said softly.

Funny, Jax thought, so do I.

 

Chapter 17

 

Song excerpt: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk and can be found on the Dawson’s Creek Soundtrack.

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