This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember
When
Feels Like Home
Chapter
15
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Brenda jumped up from her seat on the couch to stand behind Ned
as he looked intently at the computer screen.
He was scrolling through the rest of the file he'd been reading and the
information was moving too quickly for her to see what it was all about. "What?
What'd you find, Ned?"
Ned scrolled back up to near the top of the document and pointed
to the screen. "This," he
said.
From what she could gather, he was looking through the employee
personnel files. The file on the screen
was that of the employee who, along with Jax, stood accused of the crimes,
Robert Norton. All the standard
information was in the file, including the name of the person who hired
him. That was what Ned was pointing
to.
Brenda's jaw dropped at the name that appeared there. "I don't understand. How could he have hired this man? Jax said he didn't work with him, that he wouldn't
work with him."
"I don't know what to tell you, Bren. But from the looks of it, Jax did work with
him, at least at the time this man was hired.
That doesn't mean Jax worked with him for very long. If you look," as he said it, he opened
another employee file, "this person was hired a week later and not by the
same person. That doesn't necessarily
mean anything, but we'll have to ask Jax."
"Ask me what?" came Jax's voice from the top of the
stairs behind them.
Brenda turned immediately and smiled at him as he crossed the
room to stand with them. He was wearing
the same clothes he had fallen asleep in the night before and he looked like he
had just woken up. She kissed him
lightly and said, "Good morning, honey."
"What did you want to ask me?" Jax asked as he looked
between Brenda and Ned for an answer.
He glanced at the computer screen in front of Ned and a flash of sadness
crossed his face for a second. He
recognized the file and he realized what they were talking about then.
Brenda knew there was no way to avoid the subject now, so she
decided to just ask him. Pointing to
the same line that Ned had shown her, she asked, "Jax, how is it possible
that your brother hired Robert Norton to work for you? You said you never worked with Jerry, that
he was a flake that would do nothing but ruin your company."
"He is and he would," Jax answered quickly. "I allowed Jerry to work for me for one
week. He was trying to hide the fact
that his wife was spending every dime they had so he wanted to come work for
me. He thought it would be easier than
telling our parents they were right about his wife. It was in that one week that I realized that Jerry was going to
do nothing but ruin me and everything I had worked for. He didn't come back to work after only one
week."
"And this was the week he worked for you?" Ned asked,
gesturing to the hire date again.
Jax nodded. "I'm
pretty sure it is. I'd have to check
the records, but that sounds right."
He looked puzzled for a moment.
"I guess I didn't even realize Jerry had hired anyone while he was
working for me."
"What department did he work in?" Brenda asked.
"Human Resources.
He convinced me that was his 'area of expertise.' It's not even close to true, but I gave him
the shot. That must have been how he
hired this guy." Jax stepped back
and started to walk towards the breakfast bar in the corner of the room. "I guess it gives me one more reason to
regret having him work for me, doesn't it?" It was a half-hearted attempt at a joke, but given the situation
Robert Norton had put them in, the humor fell short.
Brenda frowned as she thought about the information Jax had just
given them. For a second, she wondered
if it was possible that Jerry had had an ulterior motive for wanting to work
for Jax. Not seeing a way to connect
that possibility to any other speculations, she dismissed the thought. But not after bending down to whisper an
instruction or two in Ned's ear. Ned
nodded in agreement and turned back to the computer screen.
She walked over to the breakfast bar where Jax was putting very
little food on his plate. "You're
not hungry?" she asked surprised.
She would have figured he'd be starving from having to spend the night
in a place where the food could hardly be called that.
He shook his head.
"No, not really. This will
be fine." He sat at the table
where Harlan was reading the newspaper and began a quiet conversation with him.
Brenda couldn't hear what they were talking about, but she
recognized the signs that Jax just wanted to relax for awhile and not be
bothered with his company situation.
She resumed her seat next Lois and said quietly so that he couldn't hear
her, "I'm worried about him, Lois."
"I think that's to be expected," her sister
answered. "We all are."
"Well, I'm sure you heard what happened last night."
Lois nodded. "Yeah,
we did. We couldn't hear all of it and
I don't think Mom and Dad heard any of it.
Our room was closer to yours, though.
What happened?" She and Ned
had only been able to hear about every other word at times, until they heard
Jax's voice begin to rise. Then all
they heard was him yelling at himself, but they weren't quite sure why.
Brenda began to explain a little of what Jax had told her. "He blames himself for everything
that's going on. Of course he didn't do
it or anything like that, but he thinks it's his fault for turning his back on
his business for a little while."
"What do you mean?" Lois asked, confused.
"He says he wasn't paying close enough attention to his
company because he was too busy paying attention to me and what we were
doing. I think he's convinced himself
that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been busy with our marriage. I'm not sure he's right, but I don't want to
tell him that. Right now, about the
only thing he's got going for him is that this is the only reason he thinks this
happened. He doesn't know who did it or
how they did it, or even if it's really someone trying to get revenge on him
for something he did. Depending on
what's really going on here, I think it may do more harm than it is now when he
finds out. Especially if it has
anything to do with his family."
"And you think it does?"
She nodded.
"Considering what Ned just found?
Yes, I definitely think Jax's family is involved somehow. Jerry at the very least is involved."
"Are you going to tell him what you're thinking?"
"Not until we have something more concrete. I've asked Ned to do some more checking
around and he's agreed to help. I just
hope we find out what's really going on before the trial begins."
"Or at least before it ends," Lois added gravely, glancing
back to where Jax was still talking to Harlan.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later in the day, Ned and Harlan left to do some of the
investigating Brenda had asked them to do.
They were following up on Jerry's days at J&J Jacks and trying to
trace any connections to anyone else at the time. They'd been given full clearance by Jax to the available files in
the office building.
Jax, on the other hand, had no interest in going to the offices
with them. He didn't want to see
everything shut down and no one at work but the security guards. He didn't say as much to Brenda, instead
choosing to remain silent about it and allow her to draw her own
conclusions. He had long since gone
into his home gym to work out his frustrations.
"How long is he going to keep this up?" Brenda mused
aloud in the direction of where her sister and mother were sitting. They had been discussing some of the
magazine business while Brenda idly flipped through the last month's issue.
"Keep what up?" Lois asked. Her question was punctuated by a loud noise in the back of the
apartment.
"That! He's going
to hurt himself if he keeps pushing himself like this."
"Then go stop him."
"I can't."
"Why not?" Lois asked innocently.
Brenda sighed.
"Because. If I do, he'll
only close up again. At least this way
he's letting out some of his anger.
It's probably best that I don't interfere."
"Then instead of paying attention to what he's doing, why
don't you come with us shopping?" Gloria suggested. "We were planning to hit a few of the
stores around here if you want to join us."
"I can't leave him here."
"Why not?" Lois asked again.
"Because," Brenda sighed. "I don't want to and I don't think it's a good idea."
"You should at least ask him if he wants you to go,
Bren," her sister said. "You
never know, he may want the peace and quiet."
"Fine!" she finally agreed and got up to talk to
Jax. As she got closer to his workout
room, she could hear the furious and frenzied pounding on a punching bag within
the room. "Jax?" she called
cautiously as she opened the door to the room.
Jax's workout room was originally a fourth bedroom in the
apartment. When he moved in, he'd had
it turned into a home gym. While he
didn't always live in this New York apartment, he had a similar setup in each
of his residences. This one, however,
was the most extensive of them since he did spend the most time in it.
As Brenda entered the room, he was going at it on the punching
bag in the corner of the room by the windows.
He didn't seem to hear her when she said his name. "Jax?" she called again, louder
this time. Again, he either didn't hear
her or he was ignoring her. She walked
up behind him and touched his bare shoulder blade. He jumped and whirled around quickly in the stance he'd been in
to punch the bag. He was wearing only a
pair of black workout pants and athletic shoes. Sweat was pouring down his face from working out for almost two
hours straight.
As soon as he saw it was Brenda who had touched him, he relaxed
immediately. "Brenda! You scared the hell out of me!" he
exclaimed.
She looked chagrined and apologetic. "I'm sorry, Jax. I
called your name a couple of times and you didn't answer me. I just wanted your attention."
"You certainly got it!" He started to smile to soften his earlier exclamation. "Was there something you wanted?"
"Actually, yeah, there is." She started to ask him if she should go ahead and go with her
mother and sister, but at the last second, changed her mind. "Don't you think you've had enough
yet? You've been doing this for almost
two hours. You'll hurt yourself if you
keep at it."
"That's what you came in here to ask me?" he asked
doubtfully. "Cause if it is, you
can go. I'm perfectly capable of taking
care of myself." He turned back to
the punching bag to start up again.
"Even if I can't take care of my business," he muttered softly
under his breath.
Brenda just looked at him in silence as he turned away from her
again. She'd heard his muttered
comment, though she knew she wasn't meant to.
She cleared her throat and rethought her decision to leave and go
shopping. "No, that's not the only
reason I came in here," she spoke up just as he was about to start
punching again.
"Then what was it?"
There was a hint of aggravation in his voice when he turned back to her.
"I'm going out with my mother and Lois," she
announced. "We're going to do a
little shopping and relax for awhile.
Do you want to come?" she offered, knowing he would turn her down.
"Shopping? With
you, your sister, and your mother? I
don't think so!" he laughed softly.
"No, I'll stay here," he said more seriously.
"Okay then," she said. She stood on her toes to give him a light kiss on the lips, the
only part of his face that wasn't covered in sweat. "I'll see you later."
She turned away and then turned back.
"Oh, Jax?"
"Yeah?"
"Please go easy on yourself. I really don't want you to hurt yourself." She smiled at him to let him know she wasn't
really admonishing him or telling him what to do. But then she gave him a pointed look. "And before we get back, will you do something for me?"
"What's that?"
"Take a shower, please?" She was laughing when she pulled the door closed behind her.
Jax shook his head and laughed softly. Almost immediately, though, his expression turned serious
again. He waited until he heard the
front door close and then he started to punch the bag again with a new found
fury.
When Brenda returned to the apartment with Gloria, Lois, and all
their shopping bags, everything was silent.
There was no sound of anyone in the place. She wondered where Jax was.
She started to look in each room for him until she found him asleep on
the bed in their bedroom. He was wearing
only a pair of faded, worn blue jeans as he slept. She left him alone and went into the other room.
As she entered the living room, the front door opened and Harlan
and Ned came through it. "Dad!
Ned!" she exclaimed. "Did you
find out anything?" she asked immediately.
Harlan smiled at her anxiousness while Ned answered her. "Not much, really, Bren. We didn't find anything to connect Jerry
Jacks to Robert Norton specifically."
"What do you mean 'specifically?'"
"I mean that where there should be a reason for application
in Norton's file, there isn't one. But
that doesn't necessarily mean anything."
"You think it does, though?"
The two men nodded together.
"I do, at least, and Harlan agrees with me. I think that there's no reason for
application because the reason was whatever Jerry and his colleagues were
pulling. They hired Norton into Jax's
company for the purpose of this happening someday."
"So you think that Jerry only wanted to work for Jax in
order to set up this to happen?"
"Yeah, that's basically it. He's got to be working with someone else to pull this off."
"The only question is who," Ned agreed.
"Which you can try to find out tomorrow," Gloria
interrupted their conversation then.
"But tonight, we're going out," she announced.
Brenda shook her head.
"You guys go ahead. We'll
stay here."
"But I meant for you two to come, too."
"I know you did, Mom.
But Jax is asleep and I don't want to wake him. Besides, I think some real time alone would
do us some good." She had some
specifics in mind, but they weren't anything she was going to tell her mother
or family.
Gloria seemed to get the drift of her comments anyway. "Okay, we'll go without you then. We'll probably be out late," she
said. The smile on her face told Brenda
that she would do everything in her power to keep everyone else away from the
apartment for the rest of the night.
Brenda kissed her mother on the cheek and said, "Thank
you." She said goodbye to everyone
else and sighed with relief when the door closed behind them.
She checked on Jax one more time before she set about preparing
the apartment and herself for a night with just the two of them.
Jax opened his eyes slowly when the clock read 6:17. He'd been asleep for just over three
hours. The apartment was strangely
quiet considering he expected Brenda and her family to be back by now. He got up and threw on a black t-shirt
before he padded out to the living room with his feet still bare.
The room was empty, but more surprising than that was the fact
that it was lit by candlelight and the fading sunlight from the window
alone. There was a table set for two in
the middle of the room with a lit, three-tiered candelabra in the center of
it. He smiled at the setup.
"Brenda?" he called out, wondering where she was in
the midst of all of this.
A moment later, his wife appeared in the doorway from the
kitchen. She was dressed in a dark
purple silk loose outfit. In her hand
was the stereo remote control which she used to turn on the CD in it. As the music started, she crossed the room
to him, putting her arms around him, and holding him close to her. She began to move them to the music.
I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before
And you've been hurt and so your heart has chose to close the door
I broke your heart and brought you life
Look in my eyes you'll see a love that's deep and true
Tender and strong and all for you
You can trust this love
Honest, it's the honest truth
Brenda pulled back and looked into Jax's eyes. In them, she saw something she swore she'd
never seen before. Before she could say
a word, he cupped her face in his hands and lowered his lips to hers. Kissing her gently, softly, and completely,
he took her breath away with the amount of passion and love in that one kiss.
From the heart
I'm giving you everything, everything
From the heart
I promise that I'll be there
I'll be there to love you
From the soul I'm showing all I feel, all I feel
From the heart
From the heart
She broke the kiss when they were completely breathless. She pressed her body as close to his as
possible. There was no room for
anything to come between them as they danced.
I will protect you and respect you and be all you need
And when you reach for love you'll only need to reach for me
These arms will never let you down, they're staying around
I'll walk with you through every storm
I'll keep you safe, I'll keep you warm
And you'll have no doubt you're the one I'm living for
"Will dinner get cold?" Jax whispered suddenly. He began to nibble lightly on her earlobe as
he spoke in her ear. He didn't break
their embrace as he began to seduce her as much as she had done already to him.
She shook her head faintly in response. "No," she whispered hoarsely in
return. Her breath caught a moment
later when he touched a sensitive spot behind her ear with his tongue. She dragged her fingernails lightly up and
down his spine until she felt the shivers she sent through him.
From the heart
I'm giving you everything, everything
From the heart
I promise you that I'll be there
I'll be there to love you
From the soul I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel
From the heart
From the heart
Completely in the moment, Jax swept Brenda into his arms and
carried her to the couch in front of them.
He laid her down gently as he began to unbutton her top, exposing her
delicate, soft skin to his touch with each button he undid. In return, she drew her fingers to his sides
to lift his shirt up and over his head.
He captured her lips with his once more. As their kisses became more passionate with each one, the love between
them was magnetic. Being as close as
possible to each other was the most important thing as they made love tenderly
and sweetly.
I'll provide the love you need
Just trust my touch
Believe in me
I'll never make you cry
Give it all, give it all I got inside
From the heart
I'm giving you everything, everything
From the heart
I promise that I'll be there
I'll be there to love you
From the soul I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel
From the heart
From the heart
Afterwards, Brenda lay on top of Jax on the couch. A soft blanket covered them as they lay
there together. Jax's eyes were closed
while she studied his features in the candlelight that continued to glow. The sunlight had long since faded from the
room.
"What are you thinking?" Jax asked, his eyes still
closed, but he could feel her watching him.
She caressed the side of his face with her fingertips, bringing
a soft smile to his face. As her
fingers danced across his lips, he kissed them lightly. She laughed and responded to him. "I'm thinking how completely in love
with you I am. I never knew I could
feel this way about someone, Jax," she said very seriously.
He opened his eyes in surprise and met her brown eyes with
his. Her face was inches from his where
it rested atop her hands folded on his chest.
"What about Scott?" he asked.
"That was different."
"What was so different about it?" He'd never asked her to explain her
relationship with her ex-fiancé before.
He'd always wondered, but never questioned, how she could agree to marry
someone who would turn out to be such a complete idiot. To Jax, anyone who would leave someone as
beautiful and as loving and as wonderful as Brenda had to be an idiot.
"I don't think I was really in love with him. I think I was in love with the idea of
getting married and of being in love."
She smiled, somewhat embarrassed to say what she was about to say. "For years, I fantasized about who I
would marry, you know. I knew exactly
the kind of guy I wanted and exactly what our future was going to be. We were going to have two kids, live in Port
Charles all our lives, and grow old to have grandkids we could spoil
together. It was this perfect, suburban
life that I wanted. And the guy was the
best part. He was going to be handsome,
kind, loving, understanding, giving, have a sense of humor. He would treat me as if I was the only woman
in the world for him and he would think of me as his soulmate." She laughed softly and continued. "We would age gracefully and being a
stunning couple together. People
everywhere would turn and say to each other, 'Now there's a marriage that will
last forever.' We would be the love of
each others' lives and we would die together because the pain of being alone
for any one moment without the other would be too much to bear." She finished softly. Taking one look at the expression on Jax's
face, she blushed and buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry, you must think I'm an idiot, right?" she
said.
For a moment, Jax was silent.
"No," he responded gently.
"I don't think you're an idiot.
I think Scott Matthews was an idiot for giving that all up." He moved his hand from her waist to lift her
face to look at him again.
"Brenda, look at me."
She did, her eyes shining with happiness at what he had just said. "You just described everything I have
ever wanted in my life, but was never able to find. I never thought I'd find a woman I'd want to fall in love with,
much less marry. And I realize the
circumstances under which we got married were not the standard ones with which
to start that fantasy. But I have to
tell you, I can see us in that picture you painted so vividly. I want to grow old with you and have
grandkids with you. I want you to be
the better half of us when we walk down the street and people turn to say, 'Now
there's a marriage that will last forever.'
I want that, Brenda. I want that
with you."
He kissed her then, with more love than ever before, if it was
possible. He felt like he could burst
with the amount of love he felt for the woman beside him right now. And Brenda felt the same way about him. She would never give him up. He was the man she would spend the rest of
her life loving. He was the man she
would grow old and die with because the pain of being apart from him now was
too much to bear, let alone what it would be like if anything should happen to
him.
"One thing, though," Jax said as he broke their kisses
momentarily.
"What's that?" she responded breathlessly.
"How about three kids instead of two?" he grinned and
kissed her again.
Song excerpt: "Feels Like Home"
by Chantal Kreviazuk and can be found on the Dawson's Creek Soundtrack.
Song: "From the Heart" by
Another Level and can be found on the Notting Hill Soundtrack.