"Hanging On"

Chapter 5

"Joe, he can't see me!" Brenda was almost hysterical. Jax was awake, but he couldn't tell where she was. His hand gripped hers in fear. The expression on his face one like no other she had ever seen before. He was terrified.

"Brenda, calm down. Let me take a look." Joe stepped to the bedside to examine Jax. He used a penlight to determine the how his eyes were reacting. Jax didn't even flinch when he shone the light in his eyes.

"Brenda? What is it? What are you doing?" There was fear in Jax's voice as he spoke again. "Why can't I see you?"

"Jax, please, let me look. I need to see what's wrong." Joe was trying to complete his tests while Jax was reaching for Brenda. She stood off to the side watching the whole thing. Her body was beginning to shake.

Finally, Joe stepped back and Brenda rushed to the bedside again. Taking Jax's hand, she whispered, "It's ok, I'm here. I'm right here." Turning to Joe, she questioned him with her eyes.

"I don't know quite yet what's wrong. It appears as if the head injuries you've suffered have cause swelling in the brain. It's making you unable to see right now. There is no way to know if it's permanent until we run some tests. Now that you're awake, we will need to schedule a CAT scan immediately and finish the tests. I'm going to go call and get them set up now." Joe left the room with a backward glance.

Brenda sat on the bed now, wondering what to do and say. "Jax, I was so worried. I was so terrified you weren't going to wake up. I didn't know what I'd do if I'd lost you." Before she could get any further, Jax put his hand to her face.

It was such a familiar gesture, but this time it had more meaning than ever before. He had to move his hand a few times before he found the spot he'd intended to touch. He was so confused. "Brenda, what happened? Please, just tell me what happened."

She put her hand up to cover his and tears welled up in her eyes as he was making her think back to that night again. "We were driving home and it was getting icy. I called you on the car phone to distract myself from the dangerousness of the roads. We were talking about how our days had gone and you were laughing at something I'd said. All of a sudden, I saw your brake lights flash and the car began to skid. You must have hit a patch of black ice. I watched as the car began to slide towards the edge of the road. I could see you trying to control the car, but you couldn't do it." The tears were streaming down here face as she saw the whole event in front of her again. "After what seemed like forever, the car went off the edge and down the hill into the woods. The last thing I heard you say was my name, you shouted my name as the car went down. I got out of the car and called 911, then I ran down the hill to find you. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared, Jax. I was so afraid you were already dead. A police officer arrived first and then the ambulance. They got you out and brought you here. They told me I couldn't see you and I watched from the doorway as they worked on you. That's the last thing I remember, until Joe came to tell me that you had to go to surgery." She took a deep breath and sighed with relief. She was crying again, and when she looked at him, he had silent tears coursing down his face, too. She took his hand from her face and held it.

"Surgery? For what?"

"I'm not sure. They said there was some internal bleeding they had to fix. And then you came out of it, and they brought you to this room."

"And you've been here ever since, with an angel keeping vigil twenty-four hours a day." John Jacks came back in the room at that point and heard the last part of the conversation. Brenda smiled slightly at him and he walked over to give Jax a hug.

"Dad? What are you doing here?" The blank stare had not gone unnoticed by John. He looked at Brenda questioningly and she told him with her eyes that she would tell him later.

"What? How could we not come? You didn't honestly think we'd let our youngest son lie in a hospital bed and not have his parents, did you?" He reached over to give him hug and pulled back instantly as he heard Jax gasp against the slight pressure. His face contorted in brief pain and John looked worried. "I'm sorry, I should have known better."

"No, it's ok, Dad, really." Jax tried to smile through the pain, but it came out as more of a grimace. "And Brenda was just telling me what happened. But she still hasn't told me what I did to myself." He reached a hand out and Brenda knew it was for her.

She came back to his bed and sat down again. "Jax, you broke your leg in two places and have a cast on it. You won't be able to walk on it for several weeks, you know. You have three broken ribs and four cracked ones. And you have fourteen stitches above your left eye. As a result of the head injury, you've been unconscious for four days."

"Four days?!"

"Yes, and you had us worried sick, young man." Jane entered the room and stood at the bottom of Jax's bed.

"Mum, you're here, too? I should have known. He never travels alone." Jax was trying to make light of a grave situation. He should have known better. There was no fooling his mother.

"What's wrong? There's something wrong, isn't there?" Worry creased her forehead as the worst possible things flashed through her head. John wanted to know the same thing. Brenda nodded her head and motioned for them to follow her outside.

Once in the other room, Brenda began to explain what was going on. "He woke up just before you guys got back here. I went and got Joe and then we waited for him to come out of it. When he came to, he was confused. John, Jane, he can't see. We think it's only temporary, but we'll know for sure once he has a CAT scan. Joe went to schedule it just now."

"I knew something was wrong. He didn't look at me when I came in the room. There was a confused look to him." John went on, but Jane stopped him.

"He can't see? My baby can't see?" She looked devastated at the news.

"Jane, it's probably only temporary. He'll recover. He's strong. We have to keep the faith in him that he will recover from this." Brenda was adamant about it. "Don't let him think you feel sorry for him. You know how he hates it any other time. You know he'll hate it now."

"You're right, dear. Come on, he's probably wondering where we are." John led the way back into the room, with Jane wiping at tears as she walked.

Joe came back just then. They had time to do the CAT scan now. He wanted it done as soon as possible. He told Jax what he was doing and then they took him to get it done. And Brenda, John, and Jane found themselves waiting again. Waiting to find out the fate of Jax's life.

An hour and a half later, a nurse brought Jax back into the room. He immediately reached out for Brenda's hand, sensing she was there. "It's ok, Jax. I'm here. Everything will be okay." I hope, she thought to herself. She tried to keep her voice reassuring, but she was almost positive that the little catch in her throat had given something away. She wanted so much to be the strong one this time. She didn't know if he would let her support him and hold him up through this, but she had to try. He'd done so much for her over the last four years, she had to at least try. And make him know that even if he rejected her every move, she would still be there. In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, 'til death do us part, those would be her vows and she silently thought them now. Now, Jax just sat quietly holding her hand tightly.

Joe came in fifteen minutes later, carrying a folder. Flipping it open, he looked at the results before figuring out the best way to tell them the news. "There is good news and bad news, to use an old cliché," he started. "First, everything in your head appears to be in place." He smiled briefly to let them know he was only joking, but was met with solid stares and a slight lift of the corner of the mouth. "I mean that nothing was severely damaged in the accident. There is no brain damage that we know of and can see."

"No brain damage?! But he can't see!" Jane cried out.

"I know, Mrs. Jacks, but that has nothing to do with brain damage. There is some swelling around the brain that is causing this blindness. We have every reason to believe that when the swelling goes down, Jax will see again. And there should be no damage to the eyes, either."

They all took a moment to process the information. Jax was the first to say something, "You said when, not if, right? The swelling will go down and I will see again, right?"

"There is every reason to believe that. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, yes, that is what will happen."

It was Brenda's turn to ask now. "How long will this take? And he won't have to be here for the whole time, will he?"

"The time range can vary. It can be anywhere from an hour from now or six weeks from now. There is really no way to know that. It depends on how quickly your body heals, Jax. And no, you won't have to stay here the whole time. We're going to keep you a few more days and give you a couple lessons in adjusting, but after that, we will release you into outpatient care."

"What do we do when the vision starts to come back, saying we're not still here?"

"There is nothing we can do to speed up the process once it's begun. It'll just have to be taken as it comes. I would say that if you notice anything happening, get to the hospital as soon as you can. We can figure out where to go from there." Joe closed the file folder and looked expectantly at them for anymore questions.

Brenda continued asking because she knew Jax wouldn't. "Is there going to be any needed physical therapy?"

"Probably once we take the cast off, but until then, there's not too much we can do. You'll be able to get around on crutches just fine."

"I only have one more question. Is there any reason we can't travel anywhere?"

"Travel? No, I should suspect not. But I would say if you were to go somewhere, make sure there's a hospital nearby."

Brenda got up from the bed, releasing Jax's hand. "Thank you, Joe. You've done a great deal for us." She shook his hand, as did John and Jane. As Joe left the room, Brenda turned back to Jax. She found him with his eyes closed and apparently breathing evenly and deeply. He was asleep.

John and Jane decided to go back to the hotel then and get some rest, too. They each gave Brenda a reassuring hug and then left the room. Brenda went to the bed, as she had so many times now, and this time sat on the edge of the bed. Jax stirred and reached for her. He moved over quietly on the bed, leaving room for her to lie down next to him. As she repositioned herself, his arm slid to encompass her. She lay with her head on his chest, gently so as not to hurt him. His arm was around her completely, and she felt safe for the first time in five days. He was alive, he was there, he was with her, and he was going to be okay. As those thoughts crossed her mind, she fell asleep in his arms, with a small smile playing on her lips.