"Hanging On"

Chapter 4

Brenda ran through the halls looking for a nurse, a doctor, anyone who could help. "Help! Someone help me, please!"

Bobbie heard her crying for help and came running. "Brenda, what's wrong? What's going on?" They rushed back to the room and to Jax's bed, past an astonished Lois and Ned.

"I don't know. I was just here holding his hand and a machine started beeping. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't think it was a good sign, so I ran for help. Is something wrong? Is he dying? Bobbie, please don't let him die."

"We won't, Brenda. He's not going to die. It's ok, it was just a malfunction in one of the IV machines. It was beeping to let us know that something was wrong. Now, I've fixed it and everything appears to be okay. Are you okay?" Her reaction had been one of pure fear. Brenda was terrified that something would happen to Jax. Something more than already had.

"I'm okay. I'll be okay now. Thank you, Bobbie." Bobbie exited the room and Lois came in to see what was wrong.

"Bren? Is everything okay? What happened?"

"It's ok, he's ok. For now, anyway. It was just a machine malfunction." She was just repeating Bobbie's words. Brenda took a few deep breaths before resuming her seat one more time.

"Thank God. Bren, you had us seriously worried for a minute there."

"Yeah, well, he had me worried."

She turned to look at him and picked up his hand once again. "Jasper Jacks, don't you ever do that to me again. I cannot lose you." She kissed his hand and lay her head back down on the bed.

"Brenda, come on. You need to get some real sleep."

"I did sleep. I slept right here last night."

"I know you did, but not for very long. It couldn't have been more than hour."

"Lois, I am not leaving him. I need to be here. You would do the same thing, don't say you wouldn't."

"I know, you're right, I would. But at least get something to eat, stretch your legs a little, something. Please? Brenda, it can't be good for to do this to yourself."

"But what if he wakes up while I'm gone. I can't do that."

"All right, well, if you're going to insist, then Ned and I are going to bring the cafeteria to you. We're going to get you something to eat, and you will eat it. Every last bite or I will not leave you alone for one minute until you do. Get me?"

Brenda sighed. She was relentless sometimes. She looked at Lois and smiled slightly. "Yes, Lois, I get it. Fine, go get food, whatever."

"We will be back soon." Lois left and went into the other room to gather Ned and his wallet to make the trip.

Brenda heaved a sigh of relief when they went. She needed a break. She just wanted to be alone with him, was that so wrong? She couldn't stand by and do nothing while her life lay still on the hospital bed. She kissed his hand again and reached up to smooth the blond curls off his forehead. Her fingers hit the large white gauze over his left eye as she did so. It brought back memories of the night all over again. She saw the whole thing happen, only this time in slow motion. She knew she would never get the image out of her mind until she had something better to replace it with. And what was better to replace it than an awake, alive, Jasper Jacks in front of her.

"Jax, I need you to wake up. I know I cannot go on without you. Not this time. Remember? This time nobody leaves. We've said it before and someone always left. But not this time. You cannot leave me this time. We have a wedding to think of and plan. I need you here with me, by my side, doing everything with me. You are my lifeline, you are my life. Everything I am is what I see through your eyes. You've helped me be who I am. You've helped me so much, and it's my turn now. I'm going to be here, right by your side, until I see those gorgeous blue eyes again looking right at me. Do you hear me? I am not going to go anywhere. I love you too much for that. Don't you see, Jax? I love you. I am so much in love with you."

"He knows, dear." Brenda jumped at the sound of a voice behind her. She looked up and in the doorway she saw John and Jane Jacks standing there. Jane's face was streaked with tears and there were ones running down it now. They had obviously heard her pledge her love to him. Brenda stood up silently and went over to them. John stepped forward and enveloped her in a big bear hug. Then she moved to Jane and immediately upon getting her arms around the woman, Brenda broke down. She cried like she hadn't cried before. Jane was crying, too. John had gone over to see his son lying on the bed.

John gasped as he saw Jax's face. It was so bruised and cut, with the gauze over his eye. The cast on his leg spanned almost the whole length. Once she'd stopped crying, Brenda filled them in on everything she knew about Jax's condition. He had broken his leg in two places and broken three ribs, cracking four others. She told them what Joe had said about the coma and that there had been no change yet. She also told them that there was no way of knowing any other damage until he was awake. There could be several complications from the head wound. They couldn't know.

John put an arm around his wife and led her out of the room. They wanted to leave Brenda alone, in case she had anything else she wanted to say to Jax.

Eventually, Lois and Ned came back to find the Jacks' in the room. They said hello and asked if they'd had anything to eat. John and Jane nodded their heads yes and Lois went to take the food into Brenda. She had to make good on her promise. She was going to make Brenda eat.

Brenda smiled when Lois came in the room. She knew what she was there for. They set up the tray and Brenda began to eat. She never once let go of Jax's hand.

The group continued in the same way for the next two days. Everything was the same, except John and Jane had taken their chances to talk to Jax, as well.

Brenda kept her vigil twenty-four hours a day. She refused to go anywhere, against the better judgement of Lois and even Bobbie. Lois brought her clothes in a bag and Bobbie allowed her to take quick showers in the staff rooms. Often when she returned from leaving Jax, even if for just a few minutes, Brenda would return to her seat, take his hand, and talk to him again.

It was three and a half days after the accident when Brenda was sitting in the room as usual and Joe came in. He gave her the brief update on Jax's condition and then left. There was no change. It was what she'd been hearing for days now.

"Jax, listen to me. You have to come back to me now. You're getting everyone really worried. They're beginning to think you won't come back. I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that. I know you, Jasper Jacks. You would never leave me like this. We've fought so hard and so long for everything we have. Now we need to fight some more. Jax, you need to fight this. Fight it and come back to me. Please, Jax, come back to me." Once again she lowered her head to their hands as tears threatened to fall again. And then she felt it.

She felt it! His thumb moved. Not a lot, but it did move. She was sure of it. She had never been so sure of anything in her life. She ran quickly to page for a doctor. "Come on, Jax. Come back to me. That's it. You moved it once, do it again. Please? Come on, for me, Jax, you have to do it."

Joe came back into the room, responding to her page. "What is it? What happened, Brenda?"

"He moved! Joe, he moved his thumb!"

"Are you sure? You're positive?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I've never been so sure of anything in my life. Does this mean he's going to be okay?"

"I don't know yet, Brenda. We'll need to see if he wakes up now. Give him some time. Coax him out of it."

She turned back to Jax and squeezed his hand. "Jax, come on. Wake up, sweetie. We need you to wake up."

He moved his head ever so slightly on the pillow. Gradually, he moved it a few more times. His hand gripped Brenda's harder. He was really coming out of it! His mouth moved as if he were trying to speak. A groan escaped his lips as his hand gripped Brenda's hand even harder. His face grimaced and she could tell he was in pain.

"Joe, do something. He's in pain."

"I can't, not until he wakes up. Right now, the pain is making him more aware. Just give him a few more minutes."

Jax's eyes began to flutter and his mouth moved some more. He was saying something, it was just too soft for anyone to hear. Brenda leaned close and could barely distinguish her name. He was asking for her.

"I'm here, Jax, I'm here. It's ok. Come on, open your eyes now. Please, sweetie, open your eyes."

His head tossed on the pillow and he moaned again. He was trying to swallow so he could speak and be heard. His eyelids finally parted and his eyes looked at Brenda. "Brenda? Brenda?" He whispered.

"I'm here, Jax. I'm right here." She squeezed his hand to reiterate her statement.

"Brenda…Brenda…I…"

"It's ok, don't try to speak just yet. It's ok."

"No, Brenda…I…I can't…" his voice was no more than a slight whisper.

"Shhh, it's ok."

"I can't…I can't see you, Brenda. Where are you?"

Brenda turned to Joe, the shock registering on her face. "Oh, God, Joe. He can't see. He can't see me!"