"Hanging On"

Chapter 3

Hours later, Brenda sat by Jax's bedside and watched him sleep. Well, it wasn't really sleep since he was still in a coma. She sat on the edge of the only chair in the room. Holding to Jax's hand like a lifeline, tears coursed down her cheeks. They'd been like a river since that fateful second when his car began to spin out of control. And now it was her life that was spinning out of control. He was her lifeline. What would she do without him? She'd lost before, she'd lost big, but this time…this time was different. If she lost him now, she didn't think she would ever make it back.

No, she couldn't think like that. He was going to come back. She had to help him come back, but she didn't know what to do. She heard a slight tap on the window to the room and looked up to see Lois standing there. Not wanting to leave his side this soon, Brenda got up reluctantly from her vigil.

"Brenda, you've been in there for hours. Have you had anything to eat or even tried to sleep any?" Lois put an arm around her and hugged her. She'd been there just as long, but she had at least been to the cafeteria.

"You know I can't, Lois. What if something happens? I have to be there for him. I can't sleep now, not until I know he's going to be okay." She sighed and brushed at the drying tears on her face. She imagined she looked awful right about now, not exactly the face of Jack's Cosmetics. But who cared? There were more important things to worry about.

"But we don't know that yet, Bren. They still need to run more tests and they won't know until at least the morning." Lois looked at the clock to see it read four o'clock in the morning. Had they really been there that long? She'd gotten to the hospital a little after seven, but Jax had gone to surgery almost immediately after at seven-thirty. They'd waited until almost one o'clock to hear something, anything, from Bobbie or Joe. "He came through the surgery fine. I'm sure he's going to be okay, he just needs time. But there is no sense in not taking a little bit of care of yourself, too, you know?"

"I can't, Lois. I just can't." Brenda turned around and walked back into the ICU room. He was still lying there, so still. The only motion was the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. She sat back in the chair and resumed her grip on his hand.

She lay her cheek down to rest on their hands, intertwined together. She began to do something she hadn't done in years. It was in that moment that Brenda began to pray.

The morning dawned almost four hours later and Lois returned to the window of the room. She'd been sleeping in the room just outside for the remainder of the night. As she looked in on Jax's room, she saw Brenda with her head on their hands. She appeared to be asleep, finally. Lois left her alone and went to call Ned. After telling him what was happening and assuring him that she was okay, she went back to the room. She looked in the window again and saw Brenda's shoulders moving. She knew immediately what was happening.

Lois entered the room and went to Brenda, placing her hands on her shoulders. "Brenda? Bren? Are you okay?"

Brenda looked up at her friend with a face ravaged by tears. "Lois, I don't know if I'll ever be okay. Not until Jax is awake and I know he's going to be well. But I don't know that now." She turned to look at his still face again. "I see before me, the love of my life. The man I am destined to marry. And he is just lying there. There is nothing I can do about it. I don't know if he'll be okay, but I know that if he's not, I'll never be okay again. I can't live without him, I know I can't. Not this time. And I don't know what to do."

"Oh, Bren…" Lois swept her best friend into a hug and let Brenda release her tears again. Her body shook with sobs as tears formed in Lois's eyes, as well. She didn't know what to do. As much as Brenda wanted to help Jax, Lois wanted to help her. And neither of them could do anything.

Bobbie Spencer entered the room a few minutes later. The scene before her brought tears to her eyes. There were Brenda and Lois holding each other and crying, as Brenda clung to Jax's hand with all her might. It was heartbreaking. She set about checking Jax's vital signs and making sure the monitors were all set correctly. She knew Joe would be in soon with the results of the tests they'd run. She left as silently as she came, only to run into Joe on her way out.

Knocking softly on the door before entering, Joe saw the same scene as he came in. Brenda quickly sat up to look at him, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Joe, what is it? Is he going to be okay?"

"We don't have all the answers yet, but he is resting well from the surgery. There are no further complications from that." He ran a neurological test on Jax with his penlight before continuing. "Everything looks normal for now, but he is still in a coma. Generally, we like our patients to come out of them within two days or so, but we can't be sure. Jax has sustained severe head injuries and there is no telling how long he could remain this way. We just have to be patient with him and let him come around at his own pace."

"If I talk to him, can he hear me?"

"It's never been proven, but we do believe that patients can in fact hear when they are in a coma. Since that is the case, we encourage you to talk to them. Make normal conversation, or talk about anything you like. If he can hear you, it might make it easier for him to come out of it."

"Thank you, Joe."

"I'll see you in a little while, Brenda." Joe gave her a small smile and left them alone again.

"Well, you heard him, Bren. Maybe you should talk to him. Let him know you're here."

"He knows I'm here, Lois. But you're right. Besides, it can't do any harm, now can it?" Brenda took her seat again and took his hand in both her hands this time.

"Jax…Jax, listen to me. You have to get through this. You have to. I can't let you leave me now. We've been through so much already, we can get through this, too. I know we can. You just have to come back to me. Come on, sweetie, open your eyes. Please? Jax, please." She didn't get any response. But there was something to be said about this. It was making her feel better to talk to him.

Brenda remained in next to his bed for the rest of the day, with Lois going in and out. Several people were beginning to come by, but the only one she let stay was Ned. She told all the others that Brenda would call them when she was ready.

Long before, Lois had placed that phone call. She knew Brenda was in no shape to do it herself, so she did. John and Jane Jacks were on their way to the hospital now. They had called Jerry, as he was on one of his now infamous trips to some obscure place only he knew about. They would be arriving soon.

Lois stood again at the window to Jax's room. Ned stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders for reassurance.

All at once, Brenda came racing out of the room, looking for Bobbie, Joe, anyone. As the door opened Ned and Lois could hear a machine beeping in the room. Brenda was frantic with fear. What was going on? She had to find someone now! What did this mean? Was Jax dying?