You Know You're in College
When............................
- your culinary staple becomes pasta and tomato
sauce
- they advertise for the drinking parties
in your dorm
- your usual attire for class is your PJs and
raggy hair
- social hour is going to dinner (or, when
your only social interaction is dinner)
- you go to take a shower and there's 12 other
people waiting in line
- you have a jack-o'-lantern in your room
at the end of September that will probably be a permanent resident until May
- you've got 90 pages of history, 21 pages
of science, a lab, and 120 math problems to do for tomorrow, and you're still
down the hall talking to friends
- the soup at dinner is the same as the soup
at lunch, only with bread chunks
- your roommate and the people next door are
the only sign of life you see for weeks
- you have extra guides to explain the info
in your textbooks
- your alarm clock becomes the ever-pleasant
sounds of the Cross Country whistles
- your neighbors all seem hell-bent on blowing
out your ears out with their shitty music
- the sounds of hammering lull you to bed at
night while the people upstairs work in their addition
- someone says, "Brave move. Barefoot
in the bathroom."
- every room has three lava lamps
- you get as much food as you want and you
still complain
- authority figures say, "If you can't
be good, at least be safe :-)"
- you go out to eat at 3am and go, "Hey,
it's early."
- your classmate tells you that the subject
in art class today is nude models and he's serious
- you define "on time" as "within
five minutes"
- your whiteboard says "I want your body"
- you have more posters than walls
- every room has an optical mouse
- the "sign up for the army" posters
use 4th grade vocabulary instead of the 2nd grade vocabulary from high school
- you have a chess board and everyone is surprised
- your computer is on longer than your room
light
- the people start saying "My teacher
is so smart" more often than "my teacher is so hot"
- "chicks with sticks" actually becomes
an acceptable slogan on a school shirt (yeah ice hockey team!)
- your teacher freely uses the expression,
"Let's knock back a cold one" (in any context)
- it's suddenly cool to watch Scooby-doo again
- your father gives you a bottle opener as
a going away present
- rice, potatoes, bread, and egg noodles can
make up the same meal
- $5 seems like a lot of money
- everyone has a car and no one uses it
- there's snow on the ground and everyone is
in shorts and flip-flops
- watching Spike Lee movies is homework
- there's a club that takes trips to the firing
range
- your roomkey is your most prized possession
- your evening becomes dependent upon whether
or not you can get into a bar
- saying that you're going to a bar with "some
Ackermann guy" doesn't bother you
- students will do anything for a free t-shirt
- you get sex-iled from your dorm room and
people just smile
- Kazaa becomes you new best friend since you're
too poor to go out and buy the CD's
- people stop telling you not to drink and
instead tell you how to do so safely
- there isn't just one person in the shower
at a time anymore---and they make it painfully obvious
- you know more about everyone else's sex
life than your own--from hearing about it through the wall!!!!
- every IM conversation, no matter how mundane,
will inevitably contain sexual innuendoes
- it's finally acceptable to be in the minority--as
long as it's the minority who gets plastered on the weekend
- you go out shopping for good food and come
back with a bag of Doritos, some cheeseballs, and reduced-fat Ritz crackers
- you take your cell phone to the bathroom
with you...and you answer it when it rings
- you get asked out via Instant Messanger
- you leave blank checks pinned to your door
for people to pick up later
- you actually have to think before using the
words "he" and "she"
- "packing" no longer refers to carrying
a gun
- picking through the "free" box
is a socially acceptable way of finding new clothes
- parents ask you to give their high-schoolers
pep-talks about the joys of college
- South Park becomes an acceptable topic for
your final paper
- it becomes cool to hang out with your teachers
- you actually consider petitioning the school
to keep a particular teacher
- you actually want summer to be over so you
can go back to school

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