You Know You're in College When............................

• your culinary staple becomes pasta and tomato sauce

• they advertise for the drinking parties in your dorm

• your usual attire for class is your PJs and raggy hair

• social hour is going to dinner (or, when your only social interaction is dinner)

• you go to take a shower and there's 12 other people waiting in line

• you have a jack-o'-lantern in your room at the end of September that will probably be a permanent resident until May

• you've got 90 pages of history, 21 pages of science, a lab, and 120 math problems to do for tomorrow, and you're still down the hall talking to friends

• the soup at dinner is the same as the soup at lunch, only with bread chunks

• your roommate and the people next door are the only sign of life you see for weeks

• you have extra guides to explain the info in your textbooks

• your alarm clock becomes the ever-pleasant sounds of the Cross Country whistles

• your neighbors all seem hell-bent on blowing out your ears out with their shitty music

• the sounds of hammering lull you to bed at night while the people upstairs work in their addition

• someone says, "Brave move. Barefoot in the bathroom."
  

• every room has three lava lamps

• you get as much food as you want and you still complain
  

• authority figures say, "If you can't be good, at least be safe :-)"

• you go out to eat at 3am and go, "Hey, it's early."

• your classmate tells you that the subject in art class today is nude models and he's serious

• you define "on time" as "within five minutes"

• your whiteboard says "I want your body"

• you have more posters than walls

• every room has an optical mouse

• the "sign up for the army" posters use 4th grade vocabulary instead of the 2nd grade vocabulary from high school

• you have a chess board and everyone is surprised

• your computer is on longer than your room light

• the people start saying "My teacher is so smart" more often than "my teacher is so hot"

• "chicks with sticks" actually becomes an acceptable slogan on a school shirt (yeah ice hockey team!)

• your teacher freely uses the expression, "Let's knock back a cold one" (in any context)

• it's suddenly cool to watch Scooby-doo again

• your father gives you a bottle opener as a going away present

• rice, potatoes, bread, and egg noodles can make up the same meal

• $5 seems like a lot of money

• everyone has a car and no one uses it

• there's snow on the ground and everyone is in shorts and flip-flops

• watching Spike Lee movies is homework

• there's a club that takes trips to the firing range

• your roomkey is your most prized possession

• your evening becomes dependent upon whether or not you can get into a bar

• saying that you're going to a bar with "some Ackermann guy" doesn't bother you

• students will do anything for a free t-shirt

• you get sex-iled from your dorm room and people just smile

• Kazaa becomes you new best friend since you're too poor to go out and buy the CD's

• people stop telling you not to drink and instead tell you how to do so safely

• there isn't just one person in the shower at a time anymore---and they make it painfully obvious

• you know more about everyone else's sex life than your own--from hearing about it through the wall!!!!

• every IM conversation, no matter how mundane, will inevitably contain sexual innuendoes

• it's finally acceptable to be in the minority--as long as it's the minority who gets plastered on the weekend

• you go out shopping for good food and come back with a bag of Doritos, some cheeseballs, and reduced-fat Ritz crackers

• you take your cell phone to the bathroom with you...and you answer it when it rings

• you get asked out via Instant Messanger

• you leave blank checks pinned to your door for people to pick up later

• you actually have to think before using the words "he" and "she"

• "packing" no longer refers to carrying a gun

• picking through the "free" box is a socially acceptable way of finding new clothes

• parents ask you to give their high-schoolers pep-talks about the joys of college

• South Park becomes an acceptable topic for your final paper

• it becomes cool to hang out with your teachers

• you actually consider petitioning the school to keep a particular teacher

• you actually want summer to be over so you can go back to school

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