He at times being a man with certian needs found it hard to keep to the plan. It was hard and even some words were thrown my way such as you are trying to trap me into marriage. I said no, I'm sorry, this is just really how I feel. I can't explain it, I just know in my heart it is right. Most churchs would say that before we even got married we would have had to seperate for 6 months. Well that would have been nice if I would have had a place to go. At the time I wasn't even working. No money of my own. I had lost my assistance because of my new fiance. The only thing I was able to keep was the medical for the kids and that won't pay the rent. We did the next best thing we could, seperate sleeping quarters.
After Grandma moved on to live with Jesus, I took a long look at my life. It wasn't what I thought God would want for me. I was smoking, drinking at times, wasn't going to church. I felt it time to clean house so to speak. I began talking to the Lord in nightly prayers. Then I began going back to my child hood church. Getting that Christian fellowship I had been without for so long. I basically like how things are now, except for one thing. I feel my family is not as close to God as I would hope for. The kids all have gone forward publically and excepted Jesus as their personal savior, but they have back slid if you want to use that term. They could be walking a whole lot closer. I don't know if its a teenager thing or what. I know when I was a teen I more less turned my back on God all together. I think I was spreading my rebellious wings because of how strict my parents were to the point of being controlling. Down right smuthering. When I got to my teen years I went wild. I stayed that way til Grandma went on home to be with the Lord. I pray for my family every night. I pray for my husband salvation, and for the Lord to keep the kids away from sinful and evil temptations. I know there are awesome Christian kids out there that aren't afraid to tell about their belief in God, my kids never deny that, they just dont scream it out to every one. They are the first ones to defend God if one of their friends are bad mouthing God. But like I said before they aren't walking as closely to God as they probabley should. It's hard for me at times. I love my family and all I want is for them to know the Lord as well as I do. To see what I talk about when you get that warm awesome feeling when you see a mirical and know where it came from. To be thankful for things you have when things aren't going so well. I know sooner or later God will hear my prayers for my family. He will make things work together for good some how. I must not lean unto my own understanding but try to wait on the Lord and he will make things work out ok in His own time.
I will never leave God even though I am not a sin free person. I will fall down and He will be there to pick me up. He's my best friend and I know He's always going to be there for me. He's the only friend I have that can hear me even when He's not in the same room. He's the only friend that is in the same room all the time even though I can't see him. In a world of so many people buying into pshycics, you aren't even sure if they are for real or not. It's good to know that My friend Jesus is the only person that can tell you the future. He knows how many hairs are on my head. He is there no matter what and can help you through anything you can dish out. How can you deny a man that died on a cross for YOU so many years ago even before you were born? You just can't. I know I'm not going to try. I am not a smart person. And I don't pretend to be. At least I have a friend that is the smartest person of them all. I am glad to follow some one that will never let me down and will always be there for me and has all the answers. I don't care who knows it too!
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