So let's begin at the beginning. I started goin along to church at very early age. It was my brother Darren who started taking me along as he had been going along for a little while.
There I was going along to Sunday school every week, and every year I went along to Sunday School Camp in North Yorkshire. It was during one of these weeks at camp that I came to know the Lord as my own personal saviour, or so I thought. Are you confused? All will be revealed later.
Anyway, I got back from this trip and told my Brother and the people at church, I went through the rest of my teenage years and very early twenties at the Church I was attending at the time, I eventually became a Sunday school teacher.
It was also during adolescence and teenage life that I obviously began to find the opposite sex attractive, and also began to examine my own body. I started masterbating while fantasizing about girls that I liked, and I enjoyed it.
The day came when I didn't feel I was getting all I could out of the church I was attending, it was then that I was invited along to a Christian Union at the University of Teesside. After a couple of times going here, I realised that this was more my kind of thing. I left my church and started to treat the CU as my church. I became best mates with Andy, and stayed in Middlesbrough just about every weekend going along to his church. When the group of friends I made at the CU graduated I found myself at a loss as I suddenly had no church to go to.
I eventually decided to find a church, which is when I started going along to my present church. Almost straight away I started to get heavily involved in working at the church, mainly the youthwork. after a couple of months, al the churches of Hartlepool got together to create a monthly Youth event called '747'. I got heavily involved in this also, eventually becoming the Worship Leader. After a while the youth of the various churches that attended started to fade away, goin off to University and such things. So '747' was laid to rest.
During all this time I was still masterbating, and by now I had discovered porn, more specically porn on the internet, which I began to watch and got enjoyment out of it even though I knew that it was wrong, I even found myself buying pornographic films. I would throw them away disgusted with myself and then I would go out and buy more.
I went along to Spring Harvest with the church and loved it so much I became a steward the following year, which is where I met Loren, we started going out and became engaged. I decided to move so I could be closer to her. I got a job at a Hotel in Ashbourne, but on the day that moved Loren broke up with me, which made me realise that I wasn't in love with her.
During my time in Ashbourne I found myself falling further and further from God, until it got to the point where He didn't matter to me anymore. I found myself atracted to one of the employees at the hotel and the feelings were recipricated. We ended up in bed together, which at the time I enjoyed, but now regret. I have actually slept with four women since 1999, which I regret so much.
Last summer (2001) I got a call frm home to say that my Dad was ill in hospital, I came home to visit him. He was only in for minor operation, but the Doctor said he wanted a meeting with the whole family. I knew it going to be bad news but didn't expect what was to come.