by Turdunken
(Jesus hits Rudolph with a Tatsumakisenpukyaku and a Shinkuhadouken. Rudolph is defeated)
Jesus: Booya!
Snake: Daaaaaamn.
Roy: Aw, snap!
Snake: Nice ass-whoopin�, J. Alright, I�ll handle the fat boy, you two go get the plane.
Jesus: Plane blew up. You think I fall to my death just for kicks?
Snake: You�re immortal. So yeah.
Jesus: Okay, fine. But the plane still blew up.
Roy: Santa had a Hind-D.
Snake: WHAT YOU SAY!!!
Jesus: Yup. Shot us down but good.
Snake: Coolios. Let�s use that.
Roy: I don�t think there�s enough room for all of us, yo.
Snake: Well, you 2 figure something out. I got one guy to cross off my Naughty List.
Jesus: Er, not to belittle your one-liner, but wouldn�t that make Santa nice, then?
Snake: You wouldn�t be such a know-it-all if you didn�t have a head.
(And thus, Snake hops onto an elevator while Jesus and Roy search for a means of escape. As Snake rides up the elevator, a siren alarms him. He gets on the CODEC. Bleep-bleep)
Snake: Hey, Vitamin J. Got a problem here. The weight warning just went off.
Roy: I think it�s all them pork rinds! Sniggity-snap!
Snake: Shaddap, Roy! You�re fatter than Jesus and me together!
Jesus: BURN! Anyway, Snake, I�m afraid what you�re dealing with there is a fringe group of stealth-equipped ninja elves calling themselves Ultra Gift Box. Watch out!
(Snake sprays the elevator with M4 ammo. 4 small, distorted bodies slump over)
Snake: Yeeeeah, that was kinda anti-climactic.
(DING! The elevator reaches the top. Snake steps into Santa�s chamber)
Santa: Bwahahahaha! Welcome, Snake! Welcome! You�ve been a very naughty boy this year!
Snake: I already wasted that joke, dude.
Santa: For sheesy?
Snake: Ya know, with a pair of roller-blades, you kind of look like�
Santa: How dare you? I�m an artist!!
Snake: Riiiight. Well, I guess all that�s left is to kill you.
Santa: Bring it, foo�! When I�m done with you, you�ll wanna equip your soiled pants camo!
(Out of ammo, Snake draws a knife and rushes St. Nick. Santa puts up his dukes. A stab from Snake, but Kris Kringle dodges, and smashes the knife away. He grabs Sanke�s arm, and judo-flips him. While down, Snake sweeps Santa, and as they both rise, he kicks the man in red�s kneecap, strikes him in the bottom of the jaw his elbow, and then hits Santa with a spinning backfist. It physically turns him around)
Snake: It was knife to meet you, round boy!
(Snake leaps back, grabs the knife, and whips it into Santa�s head. And so ends the tale of Santa)
Elf: But now that you�ve killed Santa, you must become Santa.
Snake: WHAT?!