poopie

The Ultimate Poopie List

1. Ghost Poopie: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

2. Clean Poopie: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.

3. Wet Poopie: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't stain them.

4. Second Wave Poopie: It happens when you're done pooping and you have pulled up your pants and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

5. Pop-a-Vein-in-Your-Forehead-Poopie: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you almost have a stroke.

6. Richard Simmons Poopie: You poopie so much you lose 30 lbs.

7. Lincoln Log Poopie: The kind that's so huge, you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with a toilet brush.

8. Corn Poopie: Self-Explanatory!

9. "Gee, I wish I could poopie" Poopie: It's the kind where you want to poopie really bad, but all you do is sit, cramp, and fart a few times.

10. Spinal Tap Poopie: That's where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

11. Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

12. Liquid Poopie: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splatters all over the toilet, and at the same time chronically burns your tender poop chute.

13. Mexican Food Poopie: It smells so bad the room is condemned.

14. The Girlie Poopie: The people that think their poopie doesn't stink.

15. Fisherman's Bobber Poopie: That's the kind where you're in the public restroom and there are two people waiting for your stall. You poopie and flush twice but several golfball-sized pieces are still floating on the water.

16. The Van Gogh Poopie: That's where after you poopie, you are shocked to see all the different colors in your poopie, and you try to figure out what you ate to do it again.

17. The Show-and-Tell Poopie: You're so impressed with your own poopie, you leave it in the bowl so all your friends can appreciate it too.

18. The Wipers Nightmare Poopie: The kind that breaks off too soon, so half falls into the bowl and half stays hanging.

19. Ambush Poopie: That's when you're in public and you think you have to fart, but you get a sneack attack squirt instead.

20. Paralyzing Poopie; When you're sitting pooping so long your legs fall asleep.

21."He Just Poopie" Poopie: When you get done pooping, you put your shorts back on and go out in public with those identifying bright red pressure circles on the back of your legs for all to see.

22. The "What Crawled Up Your Butt & Died?" Poopie: Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.

23. The Snake Charmer Poopie: A long skinny poopie which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position--usually harmless.

24. The Ritual Poopie: This poopie occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

25. The Ranger Poopie: A poopie which refuses to let go. It's usually necessary to engage in a rocking/bouncing motion, but quite often, the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

26. The Premeditated Poopie: Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

27. The Porridge Poopie: The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps coming. You have two choices: 1) Flush and keep going. 2) Risk it piling up in your crack while you sit there helpless.

28. The Pebbles-From-Heaven Poopie: An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you cannot poopie.

29. The Peek-A-Boo Poopie: Now you see it, now you don't! This poopie is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

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