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| Episode Seven |
| Stupidity Conquers All! |
| On the last episode, nearly everyone was made fun of during the night of rest from the tournament. The only thing you really have to know is Banger showed up and Image threw almost everyone out the window. -------------------------------------------------- Our camera focuses in on the Contestants� Building. LORD OF TOH: How about we not have a Contestants� Building scene? Most tournaments these days don�t. I mean, why does everyone even need a line an episode? -------------------------------------------------- Our camera refocuses on the arena with the Audience, wide awake. AUDIENCE: Yayz, foo dawg! BLUE: (shuddering) My life is shortening at an unearthly rate� KEVER: It�ll be much shorter if I could get my gun� Kever is then knocked over by Jamey�s Underlings. KIRBY: Byo! NO NAME PERSON: Yup, our job here is done. Jamey walks out to the arena. He starts the levitating arena and pulls out his cordless microphone. AUDIENCE: Must be his prized possession. JAMEY: Quiet you. Anyway, welcome back to the second pain-filled day of the tournament! Today we�ll decide the champion of the tournament and even finish the Battle Royal! MERCENARY: Hey, did you know I won the Battle Royal last year? JAMEY: No, but thanks for the reminder! MERCENARY: �Do you remember now? JAMEY: Not yet. MERCENARY: �Do you re- He is then tackled by the Head of Lettuce. HEAD OF LETTUCE: MERCENARY: Yes, you shouldn�t even be heavy enough to do that. Destruction and Jr. Koopa Ninja approach the ring. AUDIENCE: Finally� The Audience takes out their spears and large boards with nails in them. AUDIENCE: And we did run out of Coke Bottles for once. The two fighters take their spots on the arena. JAMEY: Please fight with extra caution! Ready�FIGHT! -------------------------------------------------- The Battle Begins. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 600/600 JK NINJA: 400/400 Destruction wastes no time and throws a lightning bolt from his hands. Ninja swiftly evades this and slams his fist into the ground, creating shockwaves. Destruction jumps over the shockwaves and teleports behind Ninja. He quickly slashes him with one of his swords. Ninja blocks with his own sword and jumps back. NINJA: �Ninja magic that doesn�t exist� time! He fortifies his sword with magic and charges in for an attack. Destruction barely dodges it and slashes down with both of his swords. Ninja manages to block one, but gets hit by the other. He loses 110 HP. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 600/600 JK NINJA: 290/400 Ninja slips away and focuses closely on Destruction. NINJA: Gosh, I�m so crafty�and awesome� He zips back at super speed and slashes Destruction from behind. Destruction barely blocks with one of his swords and punches back. Ninja ducks below this and slashes Destruction. He loses 70 HP. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 530/600 JK NINJA: 290/400 Ninja rolls behind Destruction and slashes him quickly again. He loses another 70 HP. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 460/600 JK NINJA: 290/400 DESTRUCTION: (thinking) Cursed nimbleness�wow, there�s a seagull attacking the Audience! SEAGULL: GAH! AUDIENCE: AAAHH! NINJA: What on earth are you looking at? DESTRUCTION: Um�nothing! Destruction puts away his swords and swings his axe at Ninja. Ninja sidesteps away and throws his fist toward Destruction. Destruction blocks with an open palm from his free hand and slashes again. Ninja jumps before getting hit and slashes down at Destruction while coming down. Destruction loses 110 HP. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 350/600 JK NINJA: 290/400 DESTRUCTION: Gosh, I�m doing poorly�NOT! Destruction reveals his Electric Shield around him and it blasts Ninja away from him. Ninja loses 110 HP and Destruction loses 30 HP from the shield�s cost. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 320/600 JK NINJA: 180/400 NINJA: Ow� DESTRUCTION: Haha. Destruction runs up to Ninja and slashes with his axe. Ninja quickly gets up and gets behind Destruction. NINJA: (thinking) Wait a second�he probably still has that stupid electric shield dealie up! Better not strike so soon� Ninja jumps up high and out of sight. DESTRUCTION: Whew! Luckily, he didn�t hit me. I forgot to put up my Electric Shield! Inaudible cuss words are heard from above. LORD OF TOH: Wasn�t me� DESTRUCTION: Hehe� Destruction shifts his stance and moves both hands to his left side. DESTRUCTION: The specialty of my three pages of stats! A small ball of light begins to appear between his hands. DESTRUCTION: Ka�me� AUDIENCE: What about turtles? NOTE: Kame is turtle (or jar) in Japanese DESTRUCTION: Ha�me� AUDIENCE: Hado? DESTRUCTION: HA!!! AUDIENCE: Ken! Destruction points his hands from where the curse words came from in the sky and a beam of light fires from the ball. -------------------------------------------------- In the sky� NINJA: So�what am I doing up here again? He then sees a beam of light coming toward him. NINJA: What the crud is�AAAHHH! -------------------------------------------------- Back at the arena� DESTRUCTION: MWAHAHA! Destruction loses 80 HP from using his attack. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 240/600 JK NINJA: 180/400 DESTRUCTION: Wait�my HP Sensing that all Axems have tells me that attack didn�t do anything! A huge rock falls on Destruction�s head. Destruction loses 210 HP. AXEM DESTRUCTION: 30/600 JK NINJA: 180/400 The rock transforms into Ninja and he jumps off Destruction. DESTRUCTION: But�how did you survive that blast? NINJA: You missed, stupid! -------------------------------------------------- Back in the sky� A small private jet is roaming the skies. WARNING: Probably unwanted cameos! GOLDENROD: Hey sis, this huge light beam is headed toward us. COBALT: Goldenrod, if this is another one of those spotlights, I�m going to- Cobalt is cut off when Destruction�s energy blast atomizes the engines. COBALT: �You got lucky this time, OK? GOLDENROD: We�re probably headed for the parking lot, aren�t we? COBALT: Well where else are we going to land?! They begin to free fall from the sky. COBALT and GOLDENROD: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! -------------------------------------------------- Back at the arena� Ninja slams his fist on the ground to create a few shockwaves. Destruction jumps over them and throws his axe at Ninja. Ninja�catches it. NINJA: I wonder why no one has ever thought about doing that. LORD OF TOH: Don�t look at me! The Audience points toward the sky. Ninja throws Destruction�s axe out of the ring and dashes forward, throwing punches. Destruction barely dodges them while stepping back slowly. NINJA: Pushing you out of the ring is fun! DESTRUCTION: Oh yeah, ring outs. Haven�t had those in a while. Ninja pushes Destruction all the way to the edge. Destruction stands firmly blocking the punches. AUDIENCE: Not using special techniques for some reason� Ninja jumps back then launches himself forward with a flying kick. DESTRUCTION: (looking down) Whoa, a caterpillar! He bends down to look at the caterpillar. NINJA: ACK! You�re not supposed to do that! Ninja soars over Destruction and into the Audience. AUDIENCE: No, not again! SMASH! Destruction picks up the caterpillar. DESTRUCTION: If I raise this thing right, it�ll become a butterfly! With all its pretty colors and stuff! JAMEY: �And the winner by stupidity is Axem Destruction. BLUE: And I did not faint this whole episode. END OF EPISODE SEVEN Presented by: Mercenary Says I�m Using His Jokes Too Often Corp. Banger Says I Never Use Anything Original Inc. And viewers like you! You losers� :) |