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| Episode Nine |
| Embrace the Darkness! |
| On the last episode, Peace and Inferno fought in the last semi-final match, determining who will fight against Mercenary in the Finals. For nine pages of Microsoft Word action, this battle ended in a Ring-Out!...and a half-burnt Audience, courtesy of Inferno. Peace advances to the Finals, creating the greatest (not guaranteed!) battle of Light against Dark! -------------------------------------------------- Inferno gets up from the swarms of panicking Audience members. AUDIENCE: So it�s Stop, Drop, and Roll! It only took us five minutes to figure that out! EVIL RADISH: (On fire) ARG! The Evil Radish is burnt to death. AUDIENCE: Yay! Wait, we�re still on fire. The Audience put out their flaming clothing. INFERNO: (On his back) Hey! What about me?! AUDIENCE: We hate you! Go away! COBALT and DRUID: Don�t include us in that rally. KEVER: Feel free to include me! Inferno slowly gets up and jumps from the Audience, back to the arena. PEACE: Sorry, I kind of went overboard. JAMEY: Really� Peace and Inferno walk back to the Contestant�s Building. JAMEY: Er�how about we take a 15-minute break for good measure? We could use some time to�recollect ourselves�oh, and the Finalists will need time to prepare too. AUDIENCE: This radish looks good to eat� -------------------------------------------------- Back at the Contestant�s Building� Inferno and Peace walk in and hit the Heart Block. AXEM INFERNO: 500/500 AXEM PEACE: 300/300 BANGER: This is it you two. Nervous? MERCENARY and PEACE: Nope. SNOW: I wouldn�t be either. It�s just that you�re at the Finals and whoever loses went so far for nothing. GOLDENROD: I have a feeling they know, so don�t try and remind them. AARDVARK: PARGLE! I mean, yeah Snow! Stop being a nuisance! FIREBOLT: More like, you�re a nuisance! (Reference: JAMEY�S BOOK OF COMEBACK JOKES) INFERNO: Was a fifteen-minute break really necessary? Now we have to sit around talking about random things! FIREBOLT: Yay! -------------------------------------------------- Fifteen minutes later� Mercenary and Peace are walking to the arena. PEACE: Whoa, I have never been so relieved to get out of there� MERCENARY: No kidding. Firebolt�s talking about zebras, then Kazaa under attack, all the way back to MTV being bad for your skin. The Audience spots the Finalists and let out a big roar of excitement. AUDIENCE: Double Yay. Cobalt continues to read Harry Potter while Druid picks his ear. FAST: Axem Fast wonders why he�s in the Audience now�Axem Fast should get back to my VIP seat before something happens. JAMEY: And now without further ado, here comes our Final match! MUSIC: http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/nintendo/snes/ffmqlast.mid (Play it over if it stops) JAMEY: On my left side, we have AXEM MERCENARY! Mercenary stands still with his arms folded. JAMEY: On my right side, we have AXEM PEACE! Peace waves to the Audience nervously. Mercenary and Peace abandon their actions and adopt fighting stances toward each other. JAMEY: OK, contestants, ready�FIGHT! -------------------------------------------------- The Final Battle Begins. AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 AXEM PEACE: 300/300 MERCENARY: I�ll let you have the first move� PEACE: OK then, here I go! AUDIENCE: Yay. Peace charges in firing Light Spheres. Mercenary moves out of the way of the Light Spheres and throws a black stream of energy at Peace. Peace changes direction and throws her axe. Mercenary bats it back with his own axe and throws another energy stream. PEACE: (thinking) Gotta make a move. Lose your axe or lose some HP?! Peace catches her axe and gets hit by Mercenary�s attack. She loses 20 HP and is temporarily blinded. AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 AXEM PEACE: 280/300 PEACE: (Thinking) Oh no, why me? And of all the times to want to sneeze! MERCENARY: (Thinking) Maybe I�m being a little too rough�oh well, whatever. Mercenary charges in at Peace with his axe raised. He gets in front until� PEACE: *SNEEZE!* AUDIENCE: Whoa, didn�t know they sounded like that. Mercenary jumps back before he�s covered in saliva. MERCENARY: Yuck! Don�t do that to me! PEACE: Sorry! I didn�t know you were there! MERCENARY: You know, you should�ve recovered your sight by now. PEACE: Well I haven�t! MERCENARY: I think you�re just playing with me. PEACE: You only THINK that I�m playing with you! MERCENARY: I knew you�d think that I�d think you�re playing with�wait� Mercenary uses his fingers. MERCENARY: She thought that I thought� PEACE: Whatever. Peace opens her eyes and chucks at Light Sphere at Mercenary. MERCENARY: ARG! He loses 200 HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 400/600 AXEM PEACE: 280/300 MERCENARY: Cursed mind games� Peace blows a blue mist at Mercenary. Mercenary changes the scenery to pitch black, making both fighters unable to be seen by the Audience. AUDIENCE: ARG! Who turned out the lights?! COBALT: You mean the ones in your brains? NOTE: Also from JAMEY�S BOOK OF COMEBACK JOKES. Mercenary sneaks behind Peace in the darkness and materializes an attack in his hands, sacrificing 50 HP to do so. AXEM MERCENARY: 350/600 AXEM PEACE: 280/300 But then� AXEM MERCENARY: 360/600 AXEM PEACE: 270/300 PEACE: What the-? AXEM MERCENARY: 370/600 AXEM PEACE: 260/300 PEACE: Something�s going on�I gotta get out of here! Peace runs away. AXEM MERCENARY: 380/600 AXEM PEACE: 250/300 PEACE: That Mercenary�using my HP SENSING THAT ALL AXEMS HAVE or something, he�s using a draining attack� NOTE: *Shrugs* Do we have HP Sensing? Oh well, now we do! :) AXEM MERCENARY: 390/600 AXEM PEACE: 240/300 The afternoon sky is restored and light falls upon the stadium. Mercenary is seen holding a large black ball of energy above his head, standing close to Peace. PEACE: Grrr� Peace lunges toward Mercenary and slashes him with her axe. MERCENARY: (Thinking) My hands are occupied�can I block this? Mercenary takes the full hit and loses 80 HP. Peace also loses 20 HP from the absorption. AXEM MERCENARY: 330/600 AXEM PEACE: 220/300 AUDIENCE: My, this battle is going by awfully quick. JAMEY: Hey, I need to write fast. Saturday NIGHT cartoons are almost on. NOTE: That should be a note from the author. (A note about a note?) MERCENARY: Sorry about this� Mercenary splits into two Mercenaries, like he�s been doing for the last few fights. PEACE: Oh� The two split up and change their axes into six smaller ones each. PEACE: �No� They begin throwing axes at Peace. Peace manages to dodge all twelve, but they catch each others axes and repeat. This keeps happening until Peace is hit by one. She loses 50 HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 330/600 AXEM PEACE: 170/300 PEACE: ARG! There is no way I�m going to lose, coming this far! Peace throws her axe at one of the Mercenaries. The one she threw her axe at dodges out of the way. PEACE: Wait a second� MERCENARY (Real): (Thinking) Darn! My other self doesn�t take damage so she must know� PEACE: That�s the real Mercenary! Peace throws a wave of Light Spheres at Mercenary. Mercenary stops his illusion and turns back to one Mercenary. MERCENARY: (Thinking) Where does she get this firepower anyway?! Mercenary begins to dodge, throwing two of his axes at the same time. Peace dodges and keeps shooting Light Spheres. Mercenary jumps up to avoid the next wave of Light Spheres and throws three more axes. Peace flips out of their way and flies up. PEACE: Sky attacks, yo! Peace zips around Mercenary while he�s in the air, slicing him every now and then. MERCENARY: AAH! Mercenary loses 240 HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 90/600 AXEM PEACE: 170/300 Mercenary touches down and changes his six axes back to one. PEACE: Know this, Mercenary. I can�t afford to lose! MERCENARY: Why not? And why don�t you sound too peaceful to me?! PEACE: I�ll just act like those two questions are rhetorical! Peace swoops down and slashes Mercenary. Mercenary blocks and throws a dark energy stream at Peace. Peace flies out of the way and fires a Light Sphere. Mercenary bats it into the Audience (AUDIENCE: AAH! Not again!). He then throws his axe and a dark orb at Peace, costing him 25 HP to make. AXEM MERCENARY: 65/600 AXEM PEACE: 170/600 Peace dodges the axe and blocks the dark orb as it comes. PEACE: (Thinking) What? I can�t hold it back! Peace is hit by the dark orb and loses 160 HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 65/600 AXEM PEACE: 10/600 Peace, being too weak to continue flying, touches back down to the arena. PEACE: I�m�not down yet� MERCENARY: Don�t count on it! Mercenary changes the daylight to darkness again, and gets ready for his final attack. MERCENARY: Don�t even think about finding a glimmer of light�I can create this setting that I am strongest in, pure DARKNESS! STOP MUSIC PEACE: �So this is how it feels, Sora� MERCENARY: ? PEACE: I bet you�re wondering what I�m saying, Mercenary. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? MERCENARY: (Thinking) Best not answer�I�ll give away my position� PEACE: Near the end of the game, Sora, the main character, is trapped in what seems like a world of darkness�kind of like now. MERCENARY: (Thinking) Kill the girl� Mercenary charges in for an attack. PEACE: And in the end, Sora clearly states� START MUSIC: http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/nintendo/snes/starpiec.mid Mercenary gets closer. PEACE: �That even in the deepest of darkness� MERCENARY: (Thinking) This is it! Mercenary slashes at Peace. PEACE: �There�s light! Peace uses what�s left of her energy to produce a strong flash of light from her body, negating Mercenary�s Dawn to Dusk ability and blinding him. MERCENARY: What�is this?...Light?!... Mercenary stumbles back on the shining Peace. PEACE: And this is what happens to evil entities! Peace fires a powerful Light Sphere at the blinded Mercenary. MERCENARY: AH! This�can�t be!... Mercenary takes the full hit and loses the rest of his HP. AXEM MERCENARY: 0/600 AXEM PEACE: 10/300 Peace, exhausted, sighs deeply. PEACE: Whew�I won! AUDIENCE: Yay. END OF EPISODE NINE NOTE: The secret number was 59 (Two random numbers I punched in on my keyboard. That�s how I picked the last set)! Peace was the closest (26, only 33 off!), making her the winner! :) |