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| Episode Eight |
| I Bet Someone Knows Where I Stole the Main Gag! |
| On the last episode, the first of the semi-final battles was fought with Axem Snow put against Axem Mercenary. Snow, at first gaining the lead and holding nothing back, was soon reversed and eventually, eliminated from the tournament. This next battle, of Peace vs. Inferno, will determine the contestant that will fight Mercenary for the title! -------------------------------------------------- The Audience is shocked by Snow�s defeat by Mercenary. AUDIENCE: Oh no. JAMEY: Whoa�crowd favorite Axem Snow has just been defeated by Axem Mercenary! COBALT: Great going, Snow. You lost again! DRUID: Or maybe this is some sort of illusion� KEVER: Druid, do you strive to be stupid, or does it come naturally?! NOTE: Line from JAMEY�S BOOK OF COMEBACK JOKES! :) EVIL RADISH: RAR!!! AUDIENCE: Why is that thing even here� Jamey throws a Life Shroom at Snow, thus reviving him. AXEM SNOW: 10/600 SNOW: Man, I�ve tasted way too many of those. MERCENARY: You won�t for a while. Come on, let�s go back. They start towards the Contestant�s Building. JAMEY: Exciting that this is almost over, huh? Anyway, please use the lavatories at this time. I know I will! (Thinking) Cursed school burritos� Jamey runs to the bathroom. NOTE AGAIN: More Kirby 64 Forum humor! AUDIENCE: Yay! He�s gone! And we have enthusiasm all of a sudden! -------------------------------------------------- Back at the Contestant�s Building� INFERNO: Darn�I wanted to fight Snow in the finals� FIREBOLT: Yeah, you were supposed to fight him in the semis� GOLDENROD: I still don�t see why the Tournament Ladder was changed� FAST: Axem Fast says, �It�s because one of Jamey�s underlings messed up!� BANGER: But like we said before, Jamey doesn�t have any underlings! AARDVARK: So the only people who could�ve messed are either you or Jamey! FAST: Axem Fast�wants you to shut up. :) Snow and Mercenary walk in and hit the Heart Block. AXEM SNOW: 600/600 AXEM MERCENARY: 600/600 SNOW: Ah, sweet relief� MERCENARY: I think I heard Jamey saying that as he came out of the bathroom� PEACE: Why am I forced to hear this stuff� INFERNO: Because you�re stuck with a group of guys. Peace and Inferno walk to the arena. -------------------------------------------------- Back at the Arena� The Audience is getting crazily anxious for the next match. AUDIENCE: Cwazy kewl, fooz dawg! COBALT: Whoa, what did I just say?! KEVER: Try to ignore it� Jamey gets back from his bathroom break. JAMEY: Whew�anyway, time to start our next match! Axem Peace vs. Axem Inferno! AUDIENCE: Yay. The two contestant�s jump to opposite sides of the ring, ready to strike. JAMEY: DJ Jamey saying ready�FIGHT! (Hey, that was pretty KEWL!) -------------------------------------------------- The battle begins. AXEM PEACE: 300/300 AXEM INFERNO: 500/500 PEACE: (Thinking) OK, no physical attacks will work against this guy. Gotta use Magic the entire time� Peace opens her wings and zips around the arena firing Light Spheres. Inferno raises a wall of fire around him, melting the Light Spheres before they hit him. PEACE: No way! INFERNO: But there is, according to that. Inferno throws a Flame Sphere at Peace as fast as he can. Peace still manages to dodge it and points her axe at Inferno. PEACE: Let�s hope this works� Peace�s axe fires a beam of electricity at Inferno. INFERNO: What the- Inferno flips out of the way. INFERNO: (Thinking) How the heck did she use electricity when she�s a Light element� Peace flies up above Inferno. INFERNO: (Thinking) Think later�time to go on the offensive. Inferno materializes a Lava Wall and launches it at Peace. Peace swerves around it and launches a Light Sphere. INFERNO: Didn�t we already go through this� Inferno uses another Lava Wall to absorb the attack. INFERNO: If I�m correct, your Light Spheres are your only real way to hurt me, except for that crazy attack you used earlier� PEACE: Yeah, you and your resistance to physical attacks� Inferno throws a mass of Flame Spheres at Peace. Peace begins to dodge them all. While Peace is dodging, Inferno powers up and fires a Magma Beam right at her. Peace doesn�t notice this and takes a direct blow. She loses 120 HP. AXEM PEACE: 180/300 AXEM INFERNO: 500/500 PEACE: (Thinking) Man! I need him to drop his guard for a second so I can blast him! Otherwise, those stupid Lava Walls will stop all my attacks! Peace descends and lands on the ground. PEACE: (Thinking) Maybe I should use something he used on me. Inferno charges in to slash Peace. Peace zips behind Inferno and throws a mass of Light Spheres. Inferno begins to dodge them. Peace runs over to the Inferno�s other side and fires a few more Light Spheres. INFERNO: You copycat! Stop using my strategies! PEACE: No I�m not! Peace fires a few more Light Spheres from another angle. INFERNO: Yes you are! Inferno dodges these too. PEACE: Hmm� Inferno�s mind is suddenly cleared. INFERNO: You should really stop clearing people�s bad thoughts like that without permission�wait, where�d she go? PEACE: Surprise! INFERNO: Behind me?! Peace uses a Blue Mist to put Inferno to sleep. INFERNO: Insom�nia�cured� Inferno collapses, snoring loudly. PEACE: Yay! Peace pummels him awake with a several Light Spheres. Inferno rolls over slightly and only gets hit by two. He loses 200 HP. AXEM PEACE: 180/300 AXEM INFERNO: 300/500 Inferno wakes up slowly. INFERNO: (slightly dazed) Chocolate syrup for Jamey?...With cherries?... NOTE: Inside joke! *Points a laughs at Inferno* PEACE: More like this for you and extra owies. Peace fires another Light sphere at Inferno. It hits him in the chest and he loses another 100 HP. AXEM PEACE: 180/300 AXEM INFERNO: 200/500 Inferno blinks and regains his senses. INFERNO: Mmm� The fire around Inferno suddenly flames up and he regains 70 HP. AXEM PEACE: 180/300 AXEM INFERNO: 270/500 INFERNO: Eh� Inferno shoots a few more Flame Spheres at Peace. Peace dodges them all. INFERNO: Ull� Inferno launches a Lava Wall at Peace. Peace gets lightly singed by it and loses 20 HP. AXEM PEACE: 160/300 AXEM INFERNO: 270/500 Inferno throws another Flame Sphere at Peace. PEACE: I wish he�d stop doing that� Peace throws a Light Sphere to cancel it out and takes flight above Inferno. PEACE: Let�s hope this works better than last time� Peace points her axe at Inferno again. INFERNO: (Thinking) This again! Inferno gets ready by putting up a Lava Wall. Peace�s axe shoots a beam from her axe with the element of water. INFERNO: What?! It tears through Inferno�s Lava Wall and directly hits him. He loses 200 HP. AXEM PEACE: 160/300 AXEM INFERNO: 70/500 COBALT: (While reading Harry Potter Five) Yeah! Go Goldenrod! GOLDENROD: (Yelling from the Contestant�s Building) I�m not even fighting!!! COBALT: Oh. Well, time to see who dies in this book� DRUID: (Thinking) How can she read at a time like this� Inferno raises the flames around him and restores 70 HP. AXEM PEACE: 160/300 AXEM INFERNO: 140/500 PEACE: My, isn�t that cheap� INFERNO: Heh, yeah� Inferno raises the flames around him again and restores 70 HP. AXEM PEACE: 160/300 AXEM INFERNO: 210/500 INFERNO: Pardon me if you�ve seen this one before� Inferno throws a Flame Sphere at the midair Peace. PEACE: (Thinking) Darn it! Inferno�s too careful about his HP�I guess the only way to beat him�is to make him careless� Peace touches down on the arena and stares at Inferno. PEACE: I really wanted to save this on Mercenary� Peace�s right eye flashes black at Inferno. INFERNO: (Thinking) Hm�that�s different�her left eye usually flashes white when she eliminates bad thoughts, so this probably� Inferno stops thinking and gets an evil look in his eyes. PEACE: An attack to make one evil and reckless�what have I done� Inferno throws a mass of Flame Spheres at Peace. Peace flies to avoid them but is soon barraged by another storm of Flame Spheres. PEACE: Whoa! Peace barely dodges them. PEACE: I only need to hit him with a few Light Spheres to win! Inferno launches a huge Lava Wall at Peace. Peace gets caught and is slowly burned. PEACE: AAH! She loses 130 HP. AXEM PEACE: 30/300 AXEM INFERNO: 210/500 INFERNO: HEHEHE! EVIL, EVIL! Inferno continues throwing Flame Spheres. Peace dodges them all. PEACE: OK, just SCREW the Light Spheres. I have to come up with a better plan! Peace touches down on the arena again. INFERNO: MWAHAHA! EVIL FUN! :) PEACE: Must not panic. All I have to do is tap into the inner reserves of strength. Must remember ancient and random teachings from Peace Camp, which I�ve been to all my life� -------------------------------------------------- And thus, Peace harkened back to her days of Peace Camp �86� PEACE�S TEACHER: All right, Peace. This is the most complicated technique I�ll teach you thus far! PEACE: (Watching TV) Complicated technique, got it� PEACE�S TEACHER: Should you ever find yourself where you�re being pummeled by a guy chanting that evil is fun, this is what you must do! PEACE: (Not paying attention) Guy that pummels evil, sure� PEACE�S TEACHER: First you must adopt a stance of four gamma and fire a giant Gnome Blaster, as though falling from a great distance! Then, use your-ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION?! -------------------------------------------------- In the present� PEACE: Darn you wasted youth�darn you I say! Inferno gets ready to flow another Lava Wall. INFERNO: HEHEHE! EAT THIS CANDY, LITTLE GIRL! PEACE: I guess I�ll have to improvise� Peace flies up. PEACE: TWO-WINGED GUSTING ATTACK! AUDIENCE: �Whatever that is, let�s hope it involves us NOT getting hurt� Peace flaps her wings frantically down on the arena, causing high winds to be blown all over the stadium. AUDIENCE: We seriously HATE nature by now� NOTE: The Audience in past seasons have been pummeled with fire, water, maybe electricity, and now wind. This doesn�t include the number of Axems that have been flown into their faces either! Inferno, being on the arena, is starting to get blown away from the attack. INFERNO: RROOOOAAR!!! Peace flashes her left eye at Inferno, clearing his mind again. INFERNO: Man, what ha-AAH! Inferno, oblivious of what happened when he was berserk, is swept off his feet and is flying to the crowd. AUDIENCE: Ah, heck no� Inferno slams into the Audience, causing many to burn. AUDIENCE: AH! WE DUCK AND COVER WHEN WE�RE ON FIRE, RIGHT? JAMEY: Inferno has landed out of the ring, making Peace the winner! END OF EPISODE EIGHT So the final match is between Mercenary and Peace! Who will win? For that, you must wait until Saturday for the next TOURNAMENT OF HEROES! |