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| Episode Six |
| Pie! |
| When we last left Jamey, he was teaching snakes how to use typewriters. JAMEY: Silly snake, Trix are for KIDS! RANDOM ADULT: Aww... Random Adult walks away dejectedly. Suddenly, one of the snakes jumps up and bites Jamey. JAMEY: Quick, call 911! RANDOM PERSON WITH CELL PHONE: What's the number? JAMEY: 1-724-867-5309! An ambulance comes and picks up Jamey. As it drives back to the hospital, the driver gets lost and the ambulance plummets over the edge of a cliff. JAMEY: Who's driving this thing? SNAKE: Ssssss... JAMEY: YOU MORON! YOU CAN'T DRIVE AN AMBULANCE! The snake (somehow) holds up a driver's license. JAMEY: Oh, maybe you can. HEAD OF LETTUCE: JAMEY: You're right; this IS an unusually long plummet. Splash. JAMEY: Well, at least I landed in water! Jamey looks out the window and sees an ocean full of gravy. JAMEY: Well, at least I landed in liquefied pig fat! The ambulance starts to sink. Jamey swims out the window into the gravy sea. The ambulance goes under completely, leaving Jamey treading gravy above the surface. JAMEY: Well, now I'm kinda screwed. Suddenly, something falls out of the sky and lands right next to Jamey. PIE: Stupid ambulance driver. JAMEY: You can talk? PIE: It's probably just �cause this is the magic gravy ocean. Or maybe just cause I felt like it. PIE: Yeah, that too. JAMEY: Can you help me find a way out of here? PIE: Sure I can! I'm the scurviest pie ever to sail the 249 seas! JAMEY: 249 seas? PIE: What, you thought there were just 7? Anyway, back on my old ship I used to be known as Captain Piebeard. NOTE: For the sake of my fingers, Captain Piebeard will only be known as either "PIE" or "PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONNIOSIS", depending on my mood. JAMEY: Do you have a ship now? PIE: Sure I do! She's the finest craft to ever sail the gravy sea! Pie reaches into his nonexistent pocket and pulls out... THE MODERATOR GRAVY BOAT!!! NOTE: If you, like Jamey, have no idea what a gravy boat is, then go to www.dictionary.com and bang your head against the monitor until you find out. PIE: Hop aboard! Jamey and Pie climb onto the Moderator Gravy Boat and start sailing around to places. Finally, after countless action-packed and hilarious adventures, they arrive at Turkey Island. JAMEY: Boy, those were some action-packed and hilarious adventures! PIE: That's for sure! And for the sake of the narrator's fingers, let us never speak of them again! JAMEY: Okay, but what about this turkey island thing? PIE: Well, it's an island made of turkey! AUDIENCE: Yay. JAMEY: Who said that? PIE: We should start searching for the secret treasure! JAMEY: I'm not kidding, that was really freaky. PIE: Let's start lookin� for that treasure! HEAD OF LETTUCE: JAMEY: That's absolutely right; we SHOULD start searching in that cave over there with the sign that says "TURKEY ISLAND TREASURE THIS-A-WAY!" PIE: Or we could search over there! Pie points to a cave with a sign that says "CERTAIN AND PANIFUL DEATH THIS-A-WAY!" JAMEY: Works for me! Jamey and Pie walk into the cave of certain and painful death until they find... JAMEY: AUDIBLE GASP! HEAD OF LETTUCE: JAMEY: You're right; the narrator really doesn't know how to dictate a gasp. PIE: Oh no, it's my arch enemy... REALLY EVIL PERSON WHO'S REALLY EVIL MAN!!! JAMEY: I thought he was my arch enemy! PIE: Well a person can be arch enemy more than one person. JAMEY: But he was MY arch enemy first! PIE: Was not! JAMEY: Was too! PIE: Was not! JAMEY: Was too! While Jamey and Pie are arguing, Really Evil Person Who's Really Evil Man stabs Pie with the Moderator Knife and runs away. JAMEY: PIE! NNNNNNNNNNNNNMNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONNIOSIS: Remember... eating... too much... pine-sol... can be bad... for you... even if it does leave your breath minty fresh... Pie dies. JAMEY: NNNNNNNNNNNNNMNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hey wait, now I got pie! YES! HOMER: Mmm... pie... WHERE WILL JAMEY GO TO FIND THE NEXT MODERATOR ITEM???????????????????????????? WHEN WILL HE ACTUALLY FACE REALLY EVIL PERSON WHO'S REALLY EVIL MAN????????????????? WILL HE SHARE ANY OF THE PIE??????????????????????? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE ADVENTURES OF JAMEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |