TITLE: ‘S’very… chocolaty’
CHAPTER: 1
AUTHOR:
AmethystxX
DISCLAIMER: I BARELY own my cat, I think that it’s pretty far fetched that I
own a bleeding TV show lol. No one belongs to me! And that’s the truth...I
think...I dunno what lies are nowadays.
PAIRING: Angel/Spike...maybe some Xander/Spike I don’t know yet :)
SUMMARY: Written for Higgy as her challenge is a real laugh riot :) AngelSpike
fic about everyday life between the two with Xander and Giles coming over for a
visit. Events that happen and some complete randomness. SLASH!
NOTES: For
the lovely Higgy! Since it’s her challenge I’m doing! :)
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The
Challenge:
Characters
must include: Angel, Spike, Xander and one other person from the Buffyverse of
your choice.
Objects:
1. A half eaten candy bar
2. A tub of peanut butter
3. A reclining chair
4. A piece of black tissue paper
5. A rubber duck
6. A paper shredder
7. A black baseball cap
8. A balloon pump
Must be in someone’s apartment
Someone must slide into the kitchen wearing nothing but a pair of socks
Someone must get hit in the face by a pair of boxers
Lines:
1. First line. “Yummy.”
2. Last line. “‘S very...chocolaty.”
3. Line somewhere. “It tastes kinda funky. Not the bad kinda funky. Funky like
a disco.”
4. Another line. “Take that out of there now young man!”
5. Yet another line. “That was not supposed to happen...”
6. In Scottish accent. “There’s a wee moose in there corner!”
Any additional features:
1. “No I’m not going to catch you!”
2. Someone being scared of clowns.
3. Someone doing a busted jump.
4. A burping contest.
5. A cheesy wotsit in the sofa.
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WOLFRAM AND
HART, MORNING, ANGELS APARTMENT:
"Yummy"
Angel commented with appreciation as he walked into his kitchen only to be met
with the sight of Spike, clad in socks....and only socks, with his back to him
giving him full view of his arse...not that he was complaining.
"I dunno
luv" Spike responded, turning around and holding up a tub of Peanut
butter, "It doesn’t look so yummy to me. How old is this Peanut
butter?" Spike asked, sniffing the contents.
“Spike, I
couldn’t care less how old it was. It’s not like it has a birthday, Just taste
it” Angel replyed, rummaging in the fridge for his blood. Knowing Spike though,
it could very well be in the freezer.
Spike
shrugged, what harm could out of date peanut butter do to a vampire? Spike
asked himself before sticking his fingers in the mess and putting them in his
mouth. As Angel’s head appeared out of the fridge he turned around just in time
to see Spike pull a face. Angel grinned,
“What’s it
taste like?” Angel asked, chuckling as Spike stuck out his tongue while
clenching his eyes shut then pulling it back in and swallowing the food.
Spike opened
his eyes and persed his lips, “It tastes kinda funky. Not bad funky. Funky like
a disco sorta funky” Spike answered, looking at the label again.
Angel’s brows
creased in confusion before he shook his head in exasperation. He wasn’t even going
to try and figure out what Spike just said. How can something be funky, not bad
funky, but disco funky...I mean that’s not stricty possi- No, not going there,
Angel scolded himself.
“Its strange,
I’ve never seen this label on Peanut Butter before. Its either new or unheard
of” Spike said, still inspecting the Peanut butter with increasing interest.
Angel poured
his and Spike’s blood into mugs and shoved them into the microwave.
“I’m not
surprised, that Peanut Butter was here before I was” Angel said as he walked
past Spike into the bedroom.
“I thought you
said you didn’t know how old it was!” Spike shouted angrily as he threw the
Peanut Butter into the trash while shuddering at the after taste it left.
“I did and I
don’t. I don’t know how old it is because it was here before I was” Angel
corrected, grinning at the annoyed look on Spike’s face.
“So instead of
telling me that the Peanut Butter has been there for God knows how long, you
stood there and watched me, no, TOLD ME! To taste the bloody thing, am I
right?” At Angels nod Spike clenched his jaw. I will not lose it, Spike thought
to himself. I won’t....I really won’t...Oh who am I kidding!
“YOU!....You
know what? Words cannot describe what you are to me at the moment. So what you
are going to do is march into that kitchen, remove any items which are out of
date, been here longer than you have or have congealed stuff around it, on it
or in it. Is that clear Peaches!” Spike shouted angrily before he sighed at the
look on Angel’s face.
“Yes Angel, I
am aware that I am naked apart from the socks I am wearing. I don’t care what
you think, I am just as much intimidating naked as I am dressed” Spike said,
shoving Angel into the kitchen as he burst out laughing.
“Well as much
as I love this beautiful sight,” Angel grabbed Spike’s arse which made him
release a very unmanly yelp of surprise, “Xander and Giles are coming over to
check this place out and I don’t want them getting an eyeful of my boys arse!
So get on some clothes you!” Angel told him, returning back into the bedroom.
“But I do have
clothes on!” Spike said and wiggled his sock clad toes.
Angel shook
his head and threw Spike some boxers, which hit head squarely in the face and
when they fell showed the scowling face of one annoyed vampire.
“Now that was
uncalled for,” Spike muttered as he put on Angels oversized, black silk boxers
only to discover black tissue paper stuffed into the crotch area. Spike looked
at Angel incredulously and shook his head while Angel looked at him confused.
“What?” Angel
asked when Spike started shaking his head and laughing at his clueless state.
“I always knew
you had an ego but this is going too far mate” Spike replyed, patting at the
crotch area. When it finally clicked Angel went beat red and coughed nervously.
It didn’t help when Spike pulled out said tissue paper and threw them at his
head.
“Angel, when
are you going to learn that no matter how much tissue paper you stick down
there it’s not ever going to show through your Armani pants. Hint: Wear
Leather!” Spike said, patting Angel on the back and smirking at his discomfort.
“Oh and since
I seem to have no clothing anymore since someone decided todestroy them
all last night said person can go out and get me new clothes” Spike
spoke happily, flopping down on the recliner and sticking his hands down the
sides to look for the remote.
“I am not
going out to get you new clothing” Angel protested weakly.
“I’m not the
one who was so bloody horny that he decided that patience was not a vital thing
in life, well unlife. I could go out like this if you want” Spike suggested,
pulling out the remote from one of the sides of the recliner and also pulling
out a cheesey wotsit. Spike looked at it, sniffed it, then thought it better to
not push his luck with food anymore and threw it over his shoulder.
Angel stamped
his feet, “Fine! But don’t blame me when I get you something other than black!”
Angel yelled in annoyance while grabbing his duster.
“Whatever pet,
just remember you’re the one who has to be seen with me!” Spike yelled back as
the elevator doors closed.
Spike scoffed
while flickering through the channels and muttered, “While he’s at it he should
get a T-Shirt saying ‘WARNING: Mood swing imminent within next 3 minutes!”
Spike settled down onto the recliner, making himself comfortable.
“Oh and Spike!
Just thought I’d let you know that someone who stayed here before me had a
taste for Peanut butter. He was here ten years ago though!” Angels voice
drifted from the elevator shaft, amusement clear in his voice.
Spike turned a
sickly green colour before he bolted for the bathroom.
.........................................................
WOLFRAM AND
HART, MAIN ENTRANCE:
“Hell-o!”
Xander whistled as he circled the lobby of Wolfram and Hart, Giles following
his steps closely.
“I mean wow!
Who’d have thought that deadman himself could own a place like this. I wonder
who he shagged to get it” Xander wondered, walking up to the front desk where
he could see the back of a persons head.
“I’m sure
Angel didn’t have to ‘shag’ anyone Xander. Although I am a bit unsure as to why
Angel owns a law firm, an Evil one at that” Giles said, looking around
nervously for anything out of the ordinary.
“Excuse me?”
Xander asked the woman as she swiveled around to face him, nail file in hand.
“Er yeah?” She
replyed distainfully, trying not to stare at Xander’s eye-patch.
“Do you know
where I can find Angel’s office?” Xander asked, shiftly on his feet as the
woman stared at his eye-patch. She sniffed before returning to file her nails.
“There’s a
notice board over there, have a look. I don’t get paid enough to tell people
where they have to go. I take calls, take mail and get food. That’s all” She
responded, sticking a piece of bubblegum in her mouth and chewing noisily.
Xander blinked at her dismissal and turned to face Giles while miming a long
‘Ok’ with his lips.
“I really
hope all the receptionists and assisstants aren’t that ditsy” Xander said to
Giles as they walked over and peared at the notice board by the stairs.
“Giles,
Xander! I didn’t realize you’d be here so early” Angel commented, walking over
with a bundle of shopping bags.
“Why are you
here early?” Angel asked suspiciously, shifting the bags in his arms and
staring at Xander’s eye-patch.
“No reason.
Just heard that Dead Boy Junior was here and unalive so thought we’d come by
early. That’s not a problem is it?” Xander replyed, he would have laughed at
Angel trying not to drop every bag he was holding, if Angel wasn’t staring at
his eye-patch with interest.
“Oh. That’s
erm...great” Oh lord why did they have to come early, it’s bad enough they
were coming over at all!, Angel thought as he tried not to sound rude as he
spoke. He also tried to remove his eyes from Xander’s eye-patch by staring at
Giles, but his eye’s had a mind of their own.
“Well follow
me to my santuary where Spike is sitting on the couch in my boxer shorts and
his socks. There was some...unpleasantness where all his clothing was destroyed
and I had to buy him some more” Angel said, shuffling over to the elevator in
front of the Giles and Xander and pushing the button.
As the doors
opened they walked in, the doors closed and the bottoms of all the bags Angel
was holding split open making everything drop on their feet.
Angel looked
down and sighed, “That was not supposed to happen... I just got a hold on them”
Angel moaned, pouting.
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