Not pink cute fluffy bunnies this chapter. Nasty backstory. I beta'd
this at the speed of light, because i wanted to get it to everyone
because its taken me a seriously long time to unearth the past. I
know. And thankyou everyone who held on. This isnt the last chapter,
although im sure it sounds like it. FB about Liam's hypothesis of
himself in this chapter would be petted and loved.


Title: Phoenix, Chapter Thirteen

Author: Inca

Feedback: Or I'll tell you a really, really horrid story - [email protected]

Rating NC17

AU Liam/William

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I just like to play with them

Spoilers: AU

Summary: Risen from the ashes, as an Angel

Authors notes: Happenings implied and detailed in this chapter are
of an adult nature.



***





Bzzzzzz. Click. Silence. Click. Bzzzzz.


((Will turned to look at him. His eyes were the same bright colour
as the grass and the stream behind him. Will colour. No colour.
Every single colour Angel had every threaded onto paper or canvas.

"Only us now, Pet." He said happily.

It was twilight, but the sun still hung over the horizon, just.

"We should be inside. It'll be dark soon." He shivered.

Will smiled and wrapped him up in his arms. He was naked but it
wasn't a bad naked. Will was licking his lips. Will's body smelled
sweet.

"There's no dark here."

"Where are we?"

"Don't you know?" He asked, pointing to a huge white stone castle.

"I'm confused."

"Don't worry then." Will murmured. "Just let me take care of you."

"No worrying?" The ribbons whipped past them but they were soft and
light. The wind picked his hair up and he closed his eyes against
the sudden breath of air. It faded.

"No need."))

Quiet. Angel finally click bzzzed out of sleep's furry arms.


Angel woke up dazedly. Will was sitting on the end of the bed,
bright blue, made brighter by the morning through the window, eyes
smiling at him. He smiled back. Will had been watching him. He felt
very pretty realising that. He pulled himself into a pose, and found
his cock hard from Willdreams.

"You're beautiful." He leant forward and kissed the blanket over his
stomach. "Put your collar on." He whispered.

Angel grinned and leant over, first drinking the water he had on his
side of the bed and then tying the collar up quickly. Will smiled,
kissed the side of his mouth and started to pull the covers down,
revealing his naked body lying under the sheets.

"Pretty kitty aren't you?"

Daddy was horny.

He could tell. He just smiled smugly at him.

"I want to tie your hands up, is that alright?"

"Yes." Why did he even ask? He'd do anything Will wanted.

Will reached down and rubbed his cock through the light pyjama pants
as he stood. Standing up revealed he had an enormous hard on. Angel
giggled.

"You're all hard for me Will. Going to give me a morning treat?"

"You know it."

He went to his wardrobe and pulled out a bathrobe tie, a satiny
shiny one. "Shiny."

"Yes Beautiful. Put your arms up."

He smiled cause he remembered and raised his arms up to the
headboard; calmly watching Will tie them up. Will kissed him when he
was done.

"I'm glad you're up. I been watching you, wanting to play with you."
He whispered in his ear. Angel felt shudders all over. Will pulled
the blanket completely off and it was a little cool.

"You could've woken me up…"

"I couldn't. Not today." He looked at him, with his sex smirk in
place. Angel felt ribbons around him, sliding over him. "I liked
watching you sleep."

"What are we going to play?"

"I'll set you up, and then I'm going to watch." He said pulling up a
chair at the end of the bed. "Are your arms tied too tightly?"

He tested. He couldn't get away but he wasn't uncomfortable. He
shook his head. Will smiled. Angel felt happily vulnerable and his
cock was rising at how strong Will was. Will slipped his pants off
and Angel bit his lip at the pretty sight of Will all naked. His
pubes had started growing out of the stubble state they were
normally in and were almost curling. He wanted to pull on them with
his lips. Make Will

"…glow"

Will smiled. He suddenly had the almost empty slick in his hand.
Angel lifted his legs up happily and felt the squiggly liquid squirt
into him. Will played with him for a while, slipping his fingers in
and out. Angel let his eyes drift close at the sensation and the
rubbing and the stretching.

"Alright."

Click. Bzzzz. Click.
He frowned and opened his eyes and saw Will slicking up a semi large
fake penis in his hand. He was smiling. Angel blinked and then
grinned sexily. He let one knee drift apart, so Will could get
between his legs.

Will was going to put it inside him.

And then he was going to watch.

He moaned loudly.

"Ducks, It hasn't even touched you yet." Will snorted and then
prodded the phallus against his entrance.

He felt the thick rubber slide past his crack and brush purposefully
against his hole again, making it tighten.

"Watch it go in Pet."

He dutifully watched, mouth open and lips trembling, as the thick
head pushed past his ring and was clamped there by the ridge. His
hole still burned from yesterday and this made it worse, but Liam
didn't really notice. Will twisted the cock round making his eyes
want to close at the swirls in his belly and then the veined shaft
slid in as well, rearranging his insides nicely.

Will pumped it a few times.

"I love those sounds you make." He grunted.

He pushed it inside all the way, and Angel winced at it prodded him
open with dull pain. Then it faded and it just felt wonderful being
stretched open around something so Will could see. His cock was
really hard at the stretched feeling. He loved it.

"Oh fucking hell Pet, you look so gorgeous with a cock inside you."

He meowed prettily.

"Now just…" He felt Will shifting the thing around inside him and he
whined.

Click.

"DADDEEEEE!" He screeched as the bzzzzz started inside him,
thrumming against his prostate, making his belly turn to water.

Will sat and stared at him with his blue eyes raking over his
earthquake shuddering body, pulling his cock in measured strokes.

"Oh" he started thrusting, he couldn't help it. "Oh Daddy Daddy
Daddy, inside…. Oh!"

Every time he thrust up the big humming thing inside him would
massage his walls and it felt wonderful hot shimmers of pleasure
burning through him, and then when he couldn't arch up anymore he'd
come back to the bed and it would push inside him. He couldn't
escape it. He wanted to play with his cock so he could come and
release the building pressure but he couldn't, his wrists straining
the tie anyway, refusing to believe it. He started lifting his butt
and then pushing it onto the bed to fuck himself on the alien thing,
coos of glee lilting the air. He wanted Will to thrust it in and out
of him, all the way, so his hole would close and then have to be
stretched big and wide and burning around it. He wanted Will's hands
all over him, touching and plucking and tickling, and his all over
Will.

"Daddy, help me!" he pleaded.

"Daddy's watching."

He closed his eyes and could hear the bzzz of the thing fucking him
and the grunts of Will bringing himself off by watching Angel
squirming around.

He circled his hips so he got fucked and massaged inside at the same
time. He liked the new feelings and started purring.

"Kitty toy." He breathed, still circling it inside himself.

Will groaned.

The thought of Will's eyes on him, his image filling Will's mind as
he shot, his body in overload and fingertips and toes thrumming like
guitar strings, made his hole clench around the phallus and his
balls tighten until they forced his orgasm out of his cock, the warm
spatter landing on his stomach.

He breathed slowly, afraid he might forget how while he was all
foggy and watched Will get up, jacking himself furiously. He started
squirming again as the sensations prickled at his now too sensitive
prick.

"Open up sweets."

He automatically opened his mouth and Will pushed his salty cock
inside. He started sucking around the moving flesh, blinking hugely
to contain his reflex and hearing Will coo at him and tell him how
good he was.

"Pet you're perfect. Everything to me."

His heart fluttered. He tasted like the river, the salt the silver
in the sun, so bright you had to shield your eyes against it.

He kept his gaze on Will's face hoping for more nice words. Will was
looking down, and started stroking his hair back.

"Pretty. So wonderful. So good."

His body was tensing from the now uncomfortable sensation in his
arsehole and cock. He sucked harder and heard Will grunt, feeling
his come hit the back of his throat and swallowing without shock,
suckling at the length lightly as Will gave tiny thrusts into his
mouth.

"That was a brilliant show you put on for me Pet." He said, stroking
his hair, making him feel good and sweet and light yellow cotton
fluff.

He was good. Good kitty.

He meowed and forgot Will's cock was in his mouth and he hit the
back of his throat unpleasantly, making him choke. Will pulled out
and knelt down on the floor. He turned Angel's hot face towards him
and kissed him, licking his taste off his tongue, while lifting
Angel's limp legs and extracted the buzzing cock.

Angel sighed a pleased and relieved breath into his mouth.

"Did you like performing for Daddy?"

"Yes." He whispered truthfully.

"You're so dazzling, you're gorgeous, I just have to watch
sometimes." He said, his eyes fixed on Angel's belly, and the drying
snowflakes on it.

"Yes."

"I'm so lucky to have you."

"Such a good kitty for you." Angel nodded, agreeing.

He reached up and untied his hands, climbing over him. Angel's hands
ran over his body, being deprived of Willskin for a sleep and an
orgasm. He catalogued all the muscle and hard bone, smooth back and
shoulders, trying to remember the feeling and the colours. Blue, the
texture of Will was blue, like his eyes, changing colours with mood
and different light.

"I like to touch you when the stars scream." Angel pouted up at him.

"Sometimes when I say you can't, it makes it much more special the
next time."

Angel thought this over, his hands still smoothing over Will's
chest. It was more special to touch him now after he wasn't allowed.
Will was right.

"You're always right."

"Not always."

He kissed his brow.

"Do you want an omelette for breakfast?"

Eggs. Warm and not toast.

"Eggs. Mmmmmm."

Will tickled him, running happy jumping fingers around his neck and
sides.

"With bacon? And cheese, and mushrooms?" He continued.

Angel sat up `mmmm-ing' at each suggestion, until Will was tickling
him as he recited everything he had in the cupboard.


**


After breakfast, during which Will couldn't focus on what Liam was
saying, instead taking note of the peculiar way he was sitting,
trying not to put pressure on his arsehole.

Which made him think of toasted skin lying across his white bed-
sheets, black leather around his throat, crimson satin around his
wrists and a huge fake cock stretching his hole as he panted and
twisted.

Will almost shot about three times during breakfast.

He managed to contain himself.
Barely.

"Can we watch the music shows?" Liam asked.

"Sorry Pet?"

"I like the music videos. They're fun, and there's not too many
words and the stories aren't hard to follow."

Will smiled. Liam probably did have a bit of trouble staying focused
through an entire movie, although he found the jokes funny in that
comedy they saw in England a few days ago.

Was that only a few days?

He made sure Liam drank before settling him in front on the
television. He went into the bedroom and packed up Liam's things for
him, unhappily deciding it would probably be best if he left the new
clothes here. Not much chance to wear them when he went back … and
too much explaining if he put them on one day.

He packed up the sightseeing photos Liam had taken and put them in
an envelope, writing on the outside "Only look at these when you're
alone." All the little souvenirs, he put in a smallish box and wrote
the same on it, reminding himself to remind Liam about the secrecy
of them.

"I like dogs." Liam called from the lounge chair.

"But you're a cat." Will called back, putting all Liam's pens and
pencils back in the small bag he'd brought.

"I'm the only cat that likes dogs. I want a puppy, a little baby one
that can come inside and can sit on my lap."

"Okay Pet. Pet wants a pet, huh?"

This made Liam giggle. A giggle that was infectious. Will brought
the bag out, the uniform in his other hand.

"Here."

Liam took the uniform and stared at it, confused.

"What do you want me to do with this?" He asked, frowning down at
the material.

A hot rock of dread settled in Will's stomach.

"You have to put it back on."

He looked down at the sweatpants he was wearing and one of Will's
tee shirts. "But I like these clothes."

Will stared at him and then down at the blue uniform he held in his
hand, the white numbers across the breast accusing and offensive.

"Where are we going now?" Liam asked warily.

He slowly focused on Liam's eyes. "Back to … back to the ward, luv."

"Back?" His eyes grew large.

Will's stomach dropped. He felt like he was going to throw
up. "Yeah, Pet, back." He said softly.

Liam looked confused. "But I thought we were going to … live in the
big house … with all … the backyard and the pool. With the stars."
He was waiting for him. Waiting for him to say he forgot and that
they'd go there right away.

Will was speechless. That was all just a pipe dream. A lovely
seductive dream that he could lose himself for hours in, but still a
dream. It wasn't reality.

"Pet…"

"What? We aren't going there?"

His mouth was agape and he was shaking his head at the man, in
shock. "…No."

"Then when are we going?" He asked, body still, beautiful big sad
doe eyes staring back at him.

His gaze dropped to somewhere around Liam's collarbone, just under
the collar. He couldn't say `never'. Never would make Liam cry and
would shatter the last vestiges of his dream of a happy ending for
them. The reality was Liam would go back to prison. He would stay
there, and maybe get parole but probably not, seeing as he'd never
believe there were no vampires and therefore would never be
rehabilitated in the eyes of a parole board. At best, he'd be moved
to a non-correctional mental ward, but he had no money and no family
so it would be a dingy, unhappy one. Will would work with Liam as
long as he could and try not to get himself fired or caught.
He sniffed involuntarily.
It wasn't exactly a bright future.

"I don't know." His voice cracked and he hoped Liam didn't notice.

He didn't want Liam to get upset.

"You're taking me back. You're coming too, right?" He asked,
frowning, and shaking his head a little.

"Yes. I'm going to be there. I just … I just wanted to get you out
of there for a while."

"I like being out. I want to stay here." He smiled and jumped up,
wrapping his arms around Will. "With you."

"I want that too." He whispered, mesmerised by the happy in his
eyes. "More than anything."

"Well then I'll stay." He said, as if that settled everything.
Probably did in his mind.

"Not that simple Pet."

"Why not?" He asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

Will briefly wished he could live in a world like Liam's. Where
there was no in between. Things seemed a lot easier.

"Because you have to stay in prison. They don't just let people
out `cause they wanna go. Defeats the whole point of prison
actually."

"Yes guilty people should have to stay. But I didn't do anything
wrong." He kissed him. "So tell them that. They'll listen to you."

"Who will, pet?"

"Them … they … the prison people."

"Even if we do, do that. You cant just stay here. People will come
looking for you."

"We won't invite them in." He rubbed his nose against Will's. "I can
get a cat bed. A fluffy one, and you can put it near the fire when
it's cold."

"They don't need an invitation. They'll break the doors down." Will
said tiredly, purposefully not smiling at the idea of Liam happily
snuggling down into a cat bed next to the fire on a rainy day.

"We'll hide. Under the bed together. And play while they scratch
their heads." He smiled and tried to pull Will to the bedroom. "I'll
show you." He whispered.

"Baby. Not now. We'll be late." Will said pulling him to the table
so they could sit down and Will could convince him without arousing
any wicked thoughts.

"For what?"

"How `bout I take you back, and then we both work on getting you
out?"

"How?"

Will frowned in thought. "We'll say you're rehabilitated and when
your parole comes up I'll recommend you be moved to a lesser
security ward and then I'll fake records and in five years when
you're up for another evaluation I'll pretend that you're ready for
quad-weekly visits but living with a guardian." He carried on the
train of thought, ignoring the holes and impossibilities in his
plan. It made him feel better to scheme for a while. "And we'll say
you're living with … I don't know an aunt or something, we'll pay
some old lady to say you're living with her, but you're really
living with me and …"

"Daddy you're saying too much, I got lost." Liam broke in, looking
horribly confused.

"Alright. One step at a time. I'll recommend a re-evaluation to the
board. That will help your chances. And then they'll interview you."

"What do I tell them?"

"Tell them what they want to hear." Will said, avoiding Liam's
gaze. "…About that night."

"You mean lie?" Liam's voice was sharp.

"No," He said slowly. "Tell them there were other people. And you
just thought they were vampires but now you know better."

"There were vampires! And I did tell them!" He raised his voice,
frustrated. "No one believes me because they'd rather stick their
head in the sand."

"Angel."

He was blinking fast, trying with all his meagre will to stay
focused. Will felt a dark wet cloud of guilt for a second before he
pushed it away. He'd learnt how to ignore his conscience.

"If you don't, you will stay there." He said, trying to make Liam
understand the consequences. He wasn't very good with forward
thinking. He was sticking to the story because he believed it, and
for some reason, felt that was more important than what others could
do to him because of it. What happened in prison was all because of
this one stubborn fraction of Liam's mind.
Liam probably couldn't make the connection that people only had the
chance to be cruel to him in prison, because he refused to let go of
the stupid belief.

Liam blinked. His face twitched. "Stay … In the ward…"

"Yes."

"Forever?"

"Yes, baby, they won't let you out if you scream about vampires
every four seconds."

Liam watched the ground. "People die in their jaws everyday."

Will closed his eyes. "Keep it to yourself. That's pretty simple,
right baby?"

"What if they ask me? The board. What I believe?"

"Then lie."

"No."

Will was gripped in a wild frustration that burned his senses.

"Why not!" He yelled. He banged his hand on the table; hearing a
crack underneath and making Liam jump off his chair and back away.

He calmed himself down and looked up to see Liam absent from the
room.

"Angel?"

No answer. Great. He quickly ran to the front door to make sure it
was still locked. It was. So he was in the apartment still.

"Baby?" He said, walking slowly and calmly in case Liam could see
him. "Baby cat? Come out, Angel."

He wandered through the living room and peered around the sofa.

"I wasn't yelling at you. I was yelling at the … situation, Pet."

"Good kitty." Liam's voice came floating out hollowed and empty from
the bedroom.

Will nodded. "Always a good kitty." He walked slowly in and bent
down next to the bed. Having a second thought, remembering Liam's
angry swipe the last time he had hidden under the bed, he moved a
few feet away, and put the side of his face on the carpet so he
could see underneath.

As soon as his eyes caught sight of Liam curled up under the bed;
the man started howling, and trying to wriggle out the other side.

"Baby, baby…" he said, jumping over the bed and catching him before
he could run off again.

"I'm sorry!" He squirmed, trying to get out of his arms.

"Not angry at you."

"I'm sorry I'm sorry." He was crying and flinching every time Will
moved.

"No, good Pet. I'm horrible to you. M'sorry baby." He cooed into his
ear.

He moved him slowly onto the bed and lay next to him, watching as
his eyes quickly turned from tearful to lust filled and mischievous.
Association with the bed he supposed, snorting. They'd fucked on it
about forty eight times since they got here yesterday.

Felt like.

"Are we playing now Daddy?"

"No, I want you to know that I didn't mean to yell at you. And even
if I forget, and do it again, it doesn't mean I'm going to hit you
or be cruel."

"Okay." His eyes wandered out the window and then flicked back. "Now
are we going to play?"

He snorted and then after a moment nodded. He ran his hand up Liam's
thigh to the hard bulge in his jeans.

He shook his head, laughing gently. "How do you get so horny so
quickly?"

Liam giggled. "Lucky? Some lions fuck over fifty times a day, you
know."

"I thought you were my kitty, though?" He said climbing on top of
him and pinning his arms above his head.

"Delusions of grandeur."

Will barked out a laugh.


**


"Yeah, from the stop over." He held his hand up to his face trying
not to laugh at his audacity. "Delayed. Maybe another couple of
hours."

"Yep … Yep … We'll call when we get there."

He hung up the phone and looked at his passed out lion on the bed.
He smiled and petted his hair. He probably shouldn't have gotten him
off so hard.

Liam was on his stomach and Will rubbed some medicated salve into
the man's arsehole as he talked. He was a little anxious about the
tears and spatting of blood that had appeared from having his hand
stretch Liam out so much yesterday and then subsequently ignoring
his own promise to let the body heal properly before he touched him
again.

He was proud that in their most recent session, he'd stayed strong
and not let his cock go anywhere near Liam's irritated anus. No
matter how hard Liam mewled.

Once he'd cleaned it all up, with nary a whimper from the sleeping
body, he pulled the sheet up and walked out.


**


"Fucking hell." He said to the stupid players on the stupid
tube. "You're all morons, you know that right?"

"I can live there, I can live there Will. As long as you believe me.
That's all I'd need to be happy." Liam suddenly said, clear as a
bell.

He turned in his seat and raised his eyebrow. Liam was standing in
the door to the bedroom in one of Will's now wrinkled collared-
shirts open over his milk-brown body and some white cotton boxers.
His _expression was serious.

Will ignored how hot he was looking with his mussy sex hair and half
clothed body and took note of the fact Liam was definitely not
talking about stars.

Liam smiled at him a little coyly. "Hi… again."

"Hey."

"My head's all clear." He said, hesitantly making his way to the
couch. "I had a good dream … maybe that's why."

He smiled. "I'm happy." He said truthfully.

Liam sat down with a little wince and shifted his weight.

He had a burning desire to ask but he didn't know if it was too
personal. Then he laughed at the joke of being too personal when
he'd had his hand inside the boy the day before.

"Liam?"

"Yes?"

"Where d'you go?"

"Me? When?"

"When … when you talk about the stars?"

"I can still hear them."

"Oh." Will took this in and smiled. Liam smiled back. "On your bad
days. When something's upset you?"

He blinked, as if no one had ever asked him that before. "Not far. I
still know what's happening. I know we went to England, which I
loved" he grinned, "And I know the man turned up, and that he was a
friend of yours. Although I only know that in retrospect." He smiled
lightly.

"Wesley."

"Wesley." Liam nodded. "Old boyfriend?"

Will looked at him, eyebrows raised as he smiled.

Liam jokingly smiled; glancing away embarrassed but trying not to
show it. "I'm the jealous type."

"Old lover."

Liam nodded. "Causing trouble."

"Trying to do what's best."

A tinge of a smile quirked his lips. "You kicked him out though…"

"It wasn't what's best for us."

Liam smiled, looking completely fine, focused eyes and clear face.

"You can still hear the stars?" Will asked, having to clarify.

"I can. The star songs. Can still see the colours. Still see you as
blue and gold ribbons. Just the difference is … I know it's all in
my head and I'm a complete whack job, and he thinks everyone can see
it, can hear it too." He smiled. "I have a clarity he doesn't, and
he has one I don't."

"He?" Will asked quietly.

Liam smiled, looking nervous. "Sometimes it feels like we're too
different to be sharing the same body."

"Do you think … when you're having a bad day" Will looked at him
from the corner of his eye. " … That you're a different person?"

"Sometimes. I know that I'm him though." He looked out the
window. "It's weird."

Will nodded although he probably shouldn't have.

"You don't have good days often." He commented.

"Too hard to be like this. So much easier on my `bad days'. This is
really a bad day for me. Cause I know what's happening."

Will sat still for a moment then nodded. Liam started humming a
little.

"Do you know you're doing that?"

"Sorry?" Liam turned to him, eyebrows raised.

"Humming? Did you know you were humming just then?"

"Oh, yes. It's in my head, and it … escapes. I can't stop it."

"Do you feel like a cat?" Will asked, wanting to find out as much as
possible while Liam could still talk coherently. Not that he didn't
love his guileless big eyed Liam that thought he was a kitty, but on
the good days it was so easy to find out why he did things. Get a
deeper understanding. Get a sense of past.

"I feel like I should be one. I feel … alien. I haven't been here
for so long that I don't feel right when I am here." He looked
upset. "You make it easier."

"Why?"

"Because I trust you. I feel safe when I can see you. And you're
around good days and bad. If something bad happened to me while I
was all … clear headed. I'd never be clear headed again. I just,
feel it. I have to protect to last bit of clear I have left. So I
don't have it very often. Like something precious you only play with
once in a while."

"So you can choose? When you're like this?"

"No. Just happens. But when something I can't deal with hops up, the
clear part hibernate. Sometimes when nothing bad happens I still
hibernate. In my head. Like a furry animal, a cat sleeping away the
hot part of the day."

Will smiled and rand his hand down onto Liam's thigh. Liam covered
the hand with his own, tickling his fingers.

"I've always done it. Even when I was a kid. When I didn't want to
make a decision, or kids were teasing me. I'd just draw or paint and
not talk. I just can't deal with more things nowadays. Sometimes
picking what goes on my toast just seems impossible." He looked sad.

"And when I'm all foggy, people know and just help me decide. I like
that. I know people care about me if they want to help."

"I love you." Will blurted, having to say it at that moment.

"Anyway?" Liam asked secretively.

Will nodded because it seemed like the way to assure him.

"Bit selfish isn't it. Take care of yourself but also of me? I need
help `cause I get distracted by the phantom voices crooning to me?"
He looked away, ashamed.

"Not selfish. … you need a little extra attention. That's not bad."

Will thought for a second. Liam seemed to understand now that no one
was really singing to him. He wondered if it applied to the vampire
belief as well.

"Do vampires exist?" he asked.

Liam looked at him. "Yes." He answered smoothly.

Damn.

"Do the stars sing to you?" he asked, trying to point out to Liam
that if all his other beliefs could be understood as wrong, then his
belief of vampires may be wrong as well.

He looked away. "I told you, I know the difference. Vampires are
real, Stars are not, even if they seem it." He said, seeing right
through what Will was trying to do.

"Couldn't it be that the night just got jumbled around in your head?"

"Why am I like this?" Liam asked instead.

"Sorry?"

"Why am I like this? I don't see a humming, boy type Will believing
whenever something rough happens to you."

"Regression." Will answered, wondering how he was going to get back
to the vampires without seeming too oppressive.

"I've regressed. I get that." He nodded almost impatiently. "But I'm
not always like that."

"Security blanket. Whatever happened … that night, tore away all
your coping abilities. Too much all at once. You find it easier to
function without inhibitions or indecision in anything, which … can
be seen as a child like state." He paused, wondering if he should
tell him the entire hypothesis. "But I also believe you've always
had a problem dealing with things. That's just you."

"What's it due to? Something I've done?"

"No. Might be something in your brain, maybe a chemical, hormonal
imbalance…"

"Something in my brain. Doesn't everyone hear songs in their head
every now and then?" He laughed with a small smile, trying to hide
his seriousness.

Will smiled back, softer. "Not the way you do."

Liam blinked.

"No voices? No songs? Ever?" He frowned a little. "Isn't that
lonely?"

"I guess it would be to you. You've always heard people chatting to
you av'nt you pet?"

He chuckled a little. "Not as often as I do now. I don't really mind
it. My voices are nice. And they're always there."

"Guess you don't mind spendin' time alone then."

He laughed. "Never alone." He smiled a little and bit his lip. "I
tried to ignore them."

"Like me and a little voice that tells me I shouldn't be with you. I
blocked it out. You just can't anymore." He said, understanding.

Liam raised an eyebrow sleekly. "Blocking out little voices? Maybe
we belong together."

Will smiled.

"So am I classified as insane?"

"That's not a very good question."

Liam nodded again. He was sharp. "Will it get better?"

"Can't put a time limit on these things."

"God, do they sit you shrinks down and just tell you to say these
things? In your professional opinion," He said, laughing and turning
to Will, "Will I ever become like normal people? And don't give me a
bull answer about no one being normal."

He pursed his lips. "Maybe with ongoing medication and therapy… over
time you could b –"

"Yes or no."

"Can't say."

"Will, you're fucking me. Tell me as my lover, not my shrink."

He paused and then continued, looking at the mute football on the
screen. "I've looked through your file, through Jana's notes and
mine, other doctors from before that time. You have a history of
hearing people, introversion when aggravated … didn't talk for six
and a half months once when you were six, paranoid delusions …"

Liam raised his eyebrows.

"Probably not." He said, trying to break it to him as gently as he
could.

Liam breathed out. "Whoa." He said as he took that in.

"Medication can tamp the symptoms down."

"Why aren't I on that now?"

"You are."

He laughed. "The stars are talking to me right now. Obviously not
enough."

"Any more would be dangerous."

He smiled, again, bravely and Will's heart hurt. Liam looked at him
steadily. "You can't fix me?"

"That's who you are Liam. Don't need any glue." He murmured with a
comforting smile.

Liam smiled back, coy and shy faced from the comment and what it
meant beneath the surface.

Will thought about how affectionately he'd been talking about his
mind a few minutes earlier and frowned a little at Liam's reaction
to his diagnosis.

"Are you sure you even want the stars gone?" He asked, severing the
last tie he had with his years and years of schooling.

"Well, not gone!" Liam back-pedalled, and then shy when he realised
he was back-pedalling. "But …"

"But what?"

"… I don't know." He said after a moment. Simply.

"That's who you are." He said again, biting back the bit about also
being who he fell in love with. "Nothing's going to change it."

"And you knew all this?"

"First month already made a diagnosis. Same as Jana's."

"And you love me anyway?" Liam asked, obviously fishing for a
compliment.

"Yes. What's not to love?"

"Even though I'm never going to be normal?"

"Who wants normal," He said, at ease now, climbing over to
him, "When I can have you Pet?"

Liam smiled and kissed him, parting his lips against Will's and
shyly slipping his tongue against Will's for a moment, teenage and
nervous and grateful.

"I'm glad." he said when they pulled apart with a hot breath. "Darla
…" He looked down.

"It's why you and Darla fought isn't it?" he asked, remembering the
notes.

"One night, she said I tricked her." He laughed nervously, the idea
obviously hurting him. "We never lived together, never even went out
that long. She only saw me a little and she was always so strong. I
proposed to her pretty early, and she said yes. And when we lived
together … I couldn't stand things like yelling or mortgage payments
or dinner decisions or kids crying. Just used to disappear and go
paint and wouldn't talk to her until everything was figured out,
which would sometimes cause more yelling until I just left the house
completely. When Connor was about one she said I should go see a
therapist. She said it was like having three children she had to
look after. I just hate yelling." He smiled weakly at Will. "Never
as bad as I am now."

Will kissed over his face, across his eyebrows and down the bridge
of his nose, until Liam laughed embarrassedly at the
affection. "What am I?" He asked after he'd playfully pushed him
away.

"Sorry?" Will asked, wondering if he was meant to be
answering `kitty' to that.

"What am I? Schizophrenic? Psychotic? Depressed?"

"Dependent personality. Like having someone … to rely on."

"Well that's for damn sure." He muttered.

Now he'd been with Liam so long, Will figured that disorder was
probably exacerbated by the fact he couldn't really look after
himself.

"You love me?"

"All my heart."

"Vampires are real." He said again, staring at Will, trying to read
his eyes.

Will rested his head on Liam's shoulder. He wanted Will to say he
believed him. But he didn't want to lie. It meant he didn't respect
him, meant everything they had was hollow and nothing and he was
just using him, like he'd always feared.

"Angel. I'll research it okay? I'll research vampires and I'll
find ... the best people and I'll try to figure out what happened."
He said, trying to come to a compromise.

Liam nodded.

"But you have to help me."

Liam looked out the window, looking scared as he nodded
quickly. "You want me to tell you about the night, don't you?"

"Please, Angel, sweets, tell me. I need to know. You tell me what
happened."

Liam looked back and a tear slipped from his unblinking eyes. "If I
tell it, they'll know, and the dark will come." He smiled again,
trying not to let any more tears slip. "And it will smother me
forever."

"No it wont. I promise you baby, you'll be fine."

"What if I tell you, and the last bit of me disappears and I can
never really see you again, even when you're right in front of me?"

Will grabbed his hand and held it tightly, trying to look
calm. "I'll be right here, I'll hold your hand, but please. Tell me."

"You love me. Right?" He asked, eyes frantic.

"I love you more than anything. Isn't that obvious? I'd rather risk
being put away than give you up."

He looked at their hands intertwined on his thigh. "Will you stay
with me no matter what happens?"

"I promise." Will kissed the tip of his ear.

Liam looked at him for a moment. And then, simple as that. He
started.

"Harlen came into the gallery. He was beautiful in a harsh way. He
bought some of my art, and we flirted a little. And then the next
week, he was back. He bought more."

Will slipped his arm around his shoulder and tightened his grip on
Liam's hand but he didn't even notice. He was talking in a monotone.

"We went out for dinner. Movies. I'd sneak away from my family and
see him. And it all moved so slow, and he was ... he was so sweet.
We went to one of his friend's parties and … we had sex in one of
the bedrooms. Then the next time, we had sex – it was in the
gallery, in my office. We did it there a lot. He was … addictive.
Very domineering, but in a way that … I liked. There was just
something about him. I even thought about leaving Darla – we'd been
fighting a lot then –, leaving Darla and getting joint custody of
Joey and Conner, and living with him. One day he took me back to
his, he had this big loft, right next to the ocean and I should've
known something was wrong when I saw it, but… but he was just what I
wanted, so I ignored it."

"What was it?"

"A painting. A huge painting." He swallowed. "It was one of the most
hideous things I've ever seen and the person who painted it was
seriously disturbed."

"What was it of?"

"Sea monster."

Will blanched at the connection but didn't say anything. He squeezed
the hand again.

"It was… evil. And he had it in his living room, you couldn't not
see it. He'd have to eat near it. And what was weirder was he had a
couch in front of it."

"A couch." Will repeated blankly, not understanding.

"Facing it. There was nothing on the wall but the picture." He
looked distant. In a place that was scaring him. "I just know he
used to sit there and look at it. I just know it." He whispered.

Will watched him and squeezed his shoulder, bringing the man closer
to him.

"After the first night in his apartment, in the bedroom, he started
getting possessive. Always seemed to know where I was, turn up in
weird places, like he was following me. And he'd act like, like he
owned me, and I had no rights. He'd turn up at the gallery and
demand I go to dinner with him, even when I had other plans. And I
would. Once he turned up on parent teacher night and he dragged me
into this empty classroom and told me to strip, that he was going to
fuck me in one of my kid's classrooms. I said no, but" He laughed a
little. "I was already naked by that time. I didn't want to fight
with him. He pushed me over this desk and … did it. And … I think it
was actually one of my kids desks, I didn't know at the time, but
Harlen would've known." He looked out the window and bit his
nail. "Harlen knows everything."

"He came to my house once and for some reason I let him do it in the
hallway, with the front door open. He really wanted to, and he said
such horrible things … And … I was scared, and I felt bad, but I
liked it anyway… that's how it became, I was always sick with worry
but I'd always go back, because … I don't know … I liked it, I guess
…" a tear slid out. "I mean how sick is that?"

"Its not sick. Harlen was probably always obsessive and controlling,
but he acted nice to build up your trust."

Liam nodded, still very scared. "And the sex… was rough. I'd bleed
for days after. And then he started hitting me … but he'd always
tell me I was gorgeous … so I'd let him…" His voice cracked and he
started sobbing.

"It's alright sweets, he can't get to you now."

Liam continued sobbing for a little while before he regained his
composure. He continued, with less focus and more airiness than
before.

"And then the night …" he drifted off and stared out the window at
the drifting clouds.

"The night." Will prodded. "Tell me about the night."

"It was late."

"Late?"

"The kids had just gone to bed. I let them stay up to watch
Simpsons. Knock. I went to the door and told Darla I'd get it so she
could settle the kids. A woman. And a man.
`Our car broke down.'
`Can we use your phone?'
and then me. `sure – come in.'
They came in. Their smiles were huge.
"Phones over here." I said walking down the hall a bit. The man
grabbed me wrapping his arms around my waist and the woman held her
hand over my mouth and ran her claws all over my face.
`Gorgeous. So gorgeous up close.'
`I see it.' The man's hard against my back.
The woman runs upstairs."

He'd started reciting in present tense and his eyes were vacant. He
held his hand and made noises so Liam didn't feel like he was
completely reliving it.

"Someone's screaming. It's me. Then Darla comes downstairs and her
eyes go wide and she starts screaming as well.
`Help! OH MY GOD! HELP US!'
I'm yelling at her to run but she just stands there, like she
doesn't know what to do. And then…" he swallowed, breathing heavily
and staring at the ground. "And then Harlen walks in. And he walks
to Darla with a smile on his face and grabs her arm. She screams and
starts to try to run. He hits her. Hard. She falls and doesn't move.
Screaming. Me. More screaming. Upstairs. Joey, Conner. And the woman
drags them down the stairs and Conner falls and she pulls him anyway
and his feet are bumping down the carpet. Harlen and the man and the
woman start laughing. Harlen comes up to me.
`Don't scream. Alright? No screaming.'
The man lifts his hand and I don't scream, too scared to scream. Too
much yelling. And Harlen kisses me.
`We've been watching you Liam. You're gorgeous Liam. My friends want
to try you out. You'll let them, wont you?'
Too scared. He hits me and everything spins and I can feel my tooth
is loose now. Blood fills my mouth.
Someone is begging, crying.
`You'll let them try this," he puts his hand in my pants and all I
can do is stare when I should be yelling or stopping them or
fighting them off but I'm too scared. The other man behind me puts
his hand down the back of my pants and pushes a finger inside me and
I close my eyes and this isn't happening and my children aren't
there. I finally say no. And Harlen …. Harlen …"

He looks like he's going to throw up.

"Baby."

"Harlen … Harlen … Harlen …" he takes a breath. "Harlen backs up and
goes to Connor and … touches him.
`If you're not willing, we'll take it from them' and Connor's crying
and Dad! Dad! Stop him!"

Will winced.

"So I agree. And they push me into the living room and the TV's
still on. The woman grabs a poker and smashes it and the boys are
crying. They drag Darla in and tie her up. My face is wet and Harlen
pushes me down and pulls my clothes off … and I beg him to not let
them see, but he says that's the point. `Like the painting baby,
burned on forever' He and the man both … after its over, `get out
get out' and they laugh and say they only just started and the woman
disappears out the door. `I'll go and get my toys' Harlen and the
man …. Harlen and the man …. Harlen and the man each grab, grab,
each grab, one of the boys and they're laughing… and then and, and,
and, and, andandandand…" His teeth started chattering.

"I can guess, sweets, skip that." Will said, stroking his back.

"And then they're crying, and Dad! Stop them and crying, screaming, …
the man, Darla's still sleeping and the man … she didn't even know …
and …" He started tearing up.

"Skip that as well. Then what happened?"

"After… Harlen laughs and says he wants me to … with Darla, and I
don't even hear the reason why, but he says if I'm good he'll
leave." Liam says hopefully. "So I try, because I want them gone so
badly, but I'm so scared and I can't get hard enough so he… helps,
and I want to be sick and I do and she's awake now, and she's
crying, and I'm trying to tell her they'll leave and everyone's
crying and it's so dark. And I'm crying, and after, Harlen tells me
how much he loves it, and how good I am, and I'm nodding cause I
want to be good. He's in my mouth, and I can hear Darla screaming
for me not to do it, and `keep your eyes on me, I want it burned
into your memory', And he's laughing and he's a monster just like
that thing on his wall, he looks like a human but I know better."

"They didn't leave, did they Pet?" he asked softly, and stroked his
hand down the back of Liam's hair, twining the light strands in his
fingers.

Liam shakes his head, laughing bitterly as tears slipped across his
cheeks. "They'll never leave."

"What happened?"

"The girl comes back. And her arms are filled with …" he just sat
shaking his head. "Knives. And sharp and cord and bottles. And her
face is so evil. She smiles and she's Satan."

He stares at the floor for a few moments, scratching his arm with
his fingernail. "Harlen laughs. `You didn't think it was over,
right? You're too pretty to leave.' And then… the woman and her
knives and she's evil and they make me watch and they make him … the
bleach holding his mouth open and he's…then after too long long too
long, Connors gone. And I'll never see him again. And Darla's
fainted, and Joey's covered in wet and they make him kiss Connor
goodbye. And then they make me and my face is covered in blood. And
then after the man says Connor's even more beautiful now and
Harlen's kissing me and the man picks up Connor and … after that
they … and then they … `have a drink' and laughing, and Joey's
vomiting blue and orange… and … news … and then the man and Harlen
are both inside and they taste like brimstone and ash and black
… `hey –try it from…' …sand and ash …and after … Darla won't open
her mouth and she's so scared but he runs the silver into her
stomach and she opens her mouth and he pours it in and …"

Liam was having trouble staying focused. And Will was fucking
grateful. He could feel his own eyes filling up with stinging water,
as he watched the tears slips silently down Liam's face, unnoticed.

"Smell burning and then we're all in clouds and you can't feel
anything with the stars. There's only happy. And they run their
knives along Joey for a while but he wouldn't have felt anything.
And then he just … goes." He looked peaceful. His cheeks were wet
but he was smiling a small smile. Will's crying and he was trying
not to let Liam know. "They can still get upset because evil doesn't
belong in the sky. They say they don't like how he's looking at
them, smugly, knowingly, so the woman gets her knife and cuts his
look out. They turn to Darla. Harlen's in my mouth and I can't
really see. All I can see if the stars. And they croon to let me
know it's all right. That no ones in pain and no one can hurt and it
will be over soon. All be over soon. Darla's blonde hair is in her
fingers and all over the floor. She's almost bald and her head is
bleeding. She stares. The woman stabs her but it's alright cause
there was no pain even though it looks like there was, not the stars
and the stars sing to me and I don't remember much else. Harlen's
smile, and their faces, I always remember their faces, and the man
on top of Darla and covered in blood, I'll remember that cause Darla
was gone but she was staring at me, and then something inside me,
but I'm not sure because its not the man or Harlen and I'm on the
floor and I think I'm crying and they're all laughing. And then
Harlen `it'll be much more fun this way, goodbye Liam, you were fun'
and he bites me, but all I'm looking at are the boys, because I'm a
little sad that they'll never smile again. Never laugh again either
or play in the sandpit I dug for them out the back. And then I cry
because I've bought Darla a ring for our anniversary, the ring she
giggled at in the shopping centre on the Sunday we went to get a
rice cooker and now she'll never see it. And then I sleep next to
Darla, even though I know she's not there anymore. And I dream about
the stars for the first time and they tell me about people who
aren't people, and pain that doesn't hurt. And then I wake and I'm
surprised. And blood and eyes are very bright in the morning. And
I'm still here, even though they all left me, and went into the
stars, I'm still here in all the ashes so I must be an Angel."

Liam stared off into space obliviously. Will was biting his fingers
to keep from bawling. He held Liam tighter than he'd ever held him,
his lips quivering as he started to hum.


**


After a few hours of humming and insane nothings, they went to the
airport and Liam was making the least sense he'd ever made. He
wasn't even speaking in sentences, and he stiffened every time
someone touched him. Will pretended they were just coming off the
plane and Barry and another man were there ready to meet them.

"Break … stars, mov … cat." Liam was rocking.

Barry raised an eyebrow.

"Got into deep issues." Will said quietly, sitting in the back of
the van with Liam, feeling very sad and in a darkness all of his
own, knowing he was the reason Liam was like this.

Liam was playing with his hair and didn't even realise Will was
beside him. Didn't realise anything. He banged his back against the
wall of the van, hand waving around like he was painting something
in the air.

Halfway back to the ward, Will was terrified he was going to have an
unexplainable crying jag, but managed to suppress it.

He helped Barry escort Liam back to his room to hopefully sleep it
off. He was grunting and howling like he was in pain. When they put
him on the bed, he thrashed around so much they had to restrain him,
tying his ankles to the special grooves and circles built into the
bed for them.

Will left before he saw them put him into the straitjacket. He
didn't think he'd be able to handle that, just yet. He cringed his
way back down the hall, hearing Liam's animal howls echoing behind
him.

He managed to keep his mind occupied for a few hours traipsing
around specialised bookstores in LA. He drove slowly back and dumped
the bags in his office. He sighed, knowing he couldn't put it off
any longer and hesitantly made his way back to Liam.

He stopped off at the nurse's room. "He better now?"

"We had to give him a sedative." He said before turning back to the
small television.

And it was probably all in Will's mind but that sounded very
accusing.

He walked to Liam's room, hearing the familiar voice echo out into
the corridor, disjointed and dull.

"Have a dri… too pretty…" And the squeaking and flapping as he tried
to get up.

Will tried not to have a breakdown in the middle of the hallway,
trying not to curl into a foetal position under his conscience's
scrutiny, and quickened his pace. He opened Liam's door and
swallowed the cry he felt bubbling up.

"Knives … knives"

He sat next to the jacketed strapped down man, and petted his hair
back as he tried to twist himself out of the dark in his head. His
ankles were raw and his hair was knotted and wet from sweat. He made
a few mewling sounds.
He stared up at the plain white ceiling in horror.

"Vampires."

"I hear you Pet. I love you. Be calm alright?"

"Vampires."

"Baby, it's Will."

He made a pained sobbing noise and went back to weakly thrashing.
Will went back to trying to smooth his hair back. He looked at Will
wide-eyed and in a pain way past physical.

He thought he saw a moment of clarity in his eyes, but it could have
been imagined. It flittered away too fast to tell.


*

He sat in his office for a while, staring at the lacquer on the
desk. He pulled out the Polaroid he kept sticky-taped underneath his
desktop. Liam at Christmas. He ran his finger down the happy face
and smiled. He picked up the brown paper bag he had lugged here and
pulled out the heavy tome.

Propping the Polaroid up against the frame of his friends, he
breathed out slowly to get himself ready. He shook his head as he
opened the book wondering what the hell he was doing, who was he
trying to prove himself to, as if this useless exercise would
alleviate any of guilt he was back to drowning in.

He started reading anyway.

"Vampires, or Nosferatu, have plagued mankind's fears for almost a
thousand years. The traditional vampire, of mainly Slavic origin,
dates back to …"

Back to Fanfic Index                              Next Chapter